Ookies, plans...

You guys might hate me for this chapter, but it was the only thing I could really come up with to get over Ryou's anxiety and stress. (shrugs) Plus, I need some angst in here. Angst always leads to fluffiness later. In the next chappie, though, there will be lime between Marik and Ryou, and of course (finally) Malik and Bakura.

...I think I gave all of the seductive lines to Bakura. Bah!! It's hard to write Marik's lines...I make hiim way too nice. Bakura's so much easier!! (sticks out tongue)

Please read and review! Revies, please!!


Chapter Seven: What's Been Lost

Rain fell in more peaceful patters against the window, causing the occupant in the nearby bed to stirr. Weakly, Ryou turned away from the window, his head thick, his vision blurry. Softly groaning, he managed to stir around in his sheets before sufficiently pulling himself up in the darkness.

Something purple fell from his chest.

He blinked at the soft, thick cloak that had been resting upon his body. Somewhere among the mass of deep lavender, there was a glint of gold. He gently lifted the golden object, which turned out to be some sort of decorative chain.

It was Marik's cloak.

Hazy, heart thumping, Ryou tried his best to recall what had happened the last time he was awake. He was sure he had fainted...possibly on the blimp...after he had seen Bakura...

Eyes widening, he gasped silently.

Bakura!

Temples throbbing, he leaned his forehead against the palm of his hand, and softly began to cry. His darker half knew about Marik, and was undoubtedly going to kill him. Deep inside, Ryou's heart was wracked with nervous sobs, feeling cold and weary with dread. Shoulders shaking, he leaned forward, bringing both hands to his face, and began to sob quietly. He had just made things worse. Now Marik was going to die because of him, going to suffer because he just wanted some fresh air. Everything he did always turned out wrong. Bakura was right. He was nothing more than a vessel, a dog, a slave. Nothing more than a toy.

"I swear to Ra you're the most sensitive person I know," said a voice coolly.

Abrupty stopping, Ryou blinked, and fearfully turned around at the sound. Marik's shadow stood just next to his bed, apparently observing him in his slumber. Swallowing, Ryou hastily backed away, watching Marik wearily with apprehension.

"And may I ask why you're crying?" asked Marik, his voice emotionless as he strode forward a step, the feeble rays of light within the chamber finally illuminating his exotic features. "Did you really want to die that badly?"

Ryou blinked, confused at whatever Marik was talking about. However, he couldn't stop the tears from leaking his eyes and trailing down his cheeks. Die? Well...his life wasn't that great, that's for sure, and if Bakura was that evil...yes, perhaps he was better off dead. At least then Bakura wouldn't hurt anyone...

...wouldn't hurt Marik...

Despite Ryou's grogginess, a flicker of logic still chided him lightly in his mind. Why didn't he want Bakura to hurt Marik? Was Bakura truly right? Did he love Marik? But that wasn't possible, he only knew this Darkness for a week, how could he fall in love?

And what was there to love about Marik? He heedlessly ended people's lives, tried to seduce him, was and heartless as the night itself and fiery and vengeful as the depths of hell. What was there to love about Marik?

Ryou hadn't been aware that the Darkness had been surveying him closely, and was now forwardly leaning against the bed, so that his eyes were at the same level as Ryou's. Ryou honestly couldn't stop his tears from flowing freely down his cheeks. He didn't even know why he was crying; all he knew was that he had caused people pain and didn't deserve to live.

"You didn't answer my question," said Marik lowly. "Exactly why are you crying, Ryou?"

Ryou gulped and opened his mouth to answer, but his throat instantly constricted. What would he have said, anyways?

Leaning in further, Marik's amethyst eyes bored deeply into his, causing his spine to shiver, his heart to beat. "Ryou...what exactly is the matter with you? Have I saved you once too many times for your own good?"

"S-saved me?" stuttered Ryou stupidly. "From what?"

"From what," echoed Marik, his eyes wide with exasperated disbelief. "You don't even know how close you were from dying? I told you not to go outside! What were you doing out in the storm? What were you doing, trying to get yourself killed?! What were---Ryou, I'm speaking to you!!"

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryou had turned away. "Why do you care, Marik?" he asked bitterly, trying to wipe his tears. He couldn't handle another Darkness to tell him he was worthless. "I'm nothing to you. I'm nothing to anybody."

He heard Marik growl, and was suddenly thrown back onto the bed, staring up at Marik's furious eyes.

"Why are you so inquisitive?" asked Marik lowly, his voice cold and steely. Ryou's heart wrenched into two at the sound, the emotion that was hidden within. Marik hated him too. Everyone did. He had no meaning to live. Marik couldn't even answer his question.

But at least Yugi cared...at least Yugi tried to come see him, tried to find a way to bring him back. How Ryou wished he could talk to his brotherly friend. Yugi was the only one who could understand his dilemna here.

"Ryou!" said Marik suddenly, rattling Ryou's shoulders. "Answer me!"

Suddenly, Ryou's heart had exploded, the pent-up frustration and anger and sorrow finally reaching its limit and spilling out in torrents of bitter words and angry sobs. He struggled against Marik's hold, fresh new tears spilling down his cheeks.

"What do you care?!" he yelled. "No one cares, Marik! No one cares! I'm nothing to anybody! I'm nothing to you!! Why did you bring me back from the Shadows? Why? I'm nothing but a toy to you!!"

Sobbing furiously, Ryou summoned as much strength as he could, throwing Marik off and running towards the chamber door. He was going to tell Yugi. Going to tell his good friend that he was alive.

If he could shake off Marik's grip, first.

The Egyptian had managed to grasp hold of his wrist, jerking him back. Folornly, Ryou squeezed his eyes as he felt himself being thrusted violently against the wall, and being pinned there. His wrists were held firmly in Marik's grip so that he could not escape.

"Why don't you just kill me now, Marik?" asked Ryou pitifully. "Why don't you? I've been nothing but a pain to you ever since you brought me back. Why haven't you banished me yet, killed me yet? Why haven't you wiped my existence entirely, if I'm nothing but a toy to you?!"

"Shut up, Ryou," he heard Marik growl angrily.

"No!" yelled Ryou, wriggling as much as he could in the space provided. "No! I'm going to go tell Yugi that I'm alive! I'm going back to my old life! I don't care who wants me here, I don't care if I have to die, I'm telling Yugi that I'm alive and okay!!"

"You will NOT!" yelled Marik aggressively. "I brought you back from the Shadows. I saved your life on the blimp. You will OBEY ME!"

"NO!!" Ryou thrashed about, trying to free himself. Marik merely pressed himself harder against Ryou's frail body, so tightly Ryou thought he might suffocate before he could even try to get to Yami Yugi"Leave me ALONE!!" Ryou yelled, thrashing from side to side as much as he could. Every attempt was in vain, and he knew it, Marik was too strong, but he needed an outlet, a release. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Shut up!" growled Marik suddenly, clasping a hand tightly on Ryou's mouth, nearly suffocating him. Ryou closed his eyes shut, turning his face away angrily, and awaited for Marik to release him. When Marik finally released his grip, Ryou's volume had subsided, but not his rage.

"Why won't you let me out?" asked Ryou, almost tearfully. "Why bring me back from the Shadows if all you're going to do is just keep me here, like a prisoner, or one of your Ghouls?"

"Ryou...!!"

"Just leave me alone, Marik!" cried Ryou angrily, furious tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. "Leave me alone!!"

Suddenly Marik raised the back of his hand high and swiftly brought it across Ryou's face. A defeaning SMACK resounded in the chamberous room as Ryou fell silent, his breaths in strangled gasps.

"Oh....my...." Ryou whispered, trying to raise his hands to feel his cheeks, but Yami Marik still had them pinned down by his sides by the wall. Squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears of pain and rage that were threatening to spill, Ryou whispered, "Why...?"

"You wouldn't listen to me," said Marik simply, though his narrowed eyes were burning with rage. Ryou looked up at him tearfully.

"Why?" he asked again, tears welling up in his eyes, making them all the more bigger.

"You idiot," said Marik deadly, his grip on Ryou's wrists increasing. "Has it ever occured to you, that I had a REASON, for you to stay inside? A REASON? No...no, it never did...you always needed a reason, always needed an incentive, didn't you? Has it ever OCCURED to your pathetic little innocent mind that I may have been PROTECTING YOU?!"

There was a silence as these words sank into Ryou's heart.

"Protecting me," repeated Ryou, bewildered. "From what?" Marik's cold words had stung him even deeper than his backhand, and for some odd reason Ryou's heart was aching at Marik's furious glare.

"From what?" echoed Marik. "From WHAT? WHAT? Has it ever occured to you what could happen if Bakura knew you were back from the Shadow Realm? Has it?! Has it ever occured to you what he might do if he found out about us?! About how I FEEL ABOUT YOU? HAVE YOU, RYOU BAKURA?!!"

Ryou was too stunned for words.

"HAVE YOU?!" demanded Marik, his fury seemingly far beyond normal comprehension as he rattled poor Ryou's wrists like crazy. His amethyst eyes were now not smooth and cold, but bright and furious, flashing anger within their icy depths. His grip on Ryou's wrist was painfully tight, and for some odd reason, Ryou could ignore it. It wasn't the pain in his wrists that tore at his heart...it was Marik's eyes. Flashing cold heartless fury and fiery spitting hell, it attacked upon Ryou's soul and tore it shreds, leaving only cold, shaking dread in its wake.

"H-how....you f-feel about me?" stammered Ryou, dazed. "What?"

Suddenly, it seemed as though Marik had just realized what he said. He released his grip on Ryou's wrists abruptly, almost throwing the smaller boy away from him. He took a step back, sizing the fallen Light by the wall, seemingly on the verge of utter outrageous fury. Ryou was shaking like mad. Marik...what did Marik feel about him? What did Ryou feel back about Marik?

Timidly, Ryou looked up, was almost shrank back again under Marik's furious glare. Oh why did Marik hate him? Was Ryou really just a toy to him? What did he mean...?
Why was Ryou's heart aching so?

Suddenly Ryou felt very vulnerable deep inside. Marik's amythest stare tore at his heart and bruised it with every flickering flash of anger. All Ryou wanted to do now was to apologize, say he was sorry, hope that Marik would forgive him. But why? Why did Ryou want to do that? Why did Ryou have this irresistable urge to throw his arms around the Darkness and beg for him to not be so mad?

Admit it, hikari, you've fallen in love withhim.

Could it be that Bakura was right? Did Ryou really love Marik? Was that why his body wanted to hug, to kiss, to comfort Marik at the point when he was most distraught. A sickening feeling swpet at Ryou's insides; it was he who made Marik so distraught. He made Marik angry. Everything was always his fault.

His heart was shaking, as well as the rest of his body. Bakura was right. He did love Marik.

He did.

Looking back, Ryou had realized how much the Darkness meant to him; he was just too terrified to see it. Marik had taken care of his wounds, brought him from the Shadows, visited him every day...and omit the awkward contacts, Ryou had actually liked the yami that was in front of him.

He had to tell Marik.

His heart was swelling, thobbing, tearing at his ribcage, screaming, "TELL HIM!" Shaking, Ryou looked up, and stared into those cold, amethyst eyes.

"Marik...?" he whispered.

The Darkness merely narrowed his gaze. "What?"

"I...I love you."

Eyes widening, the Egyptian actually took a step back. What? Ryou ...loved him? No! This couldn't be. Stepping back once more, he regarded Ryou with his cold eyes, now wide with disbelief, as though he had been struck in the face.

"What?"

"Marik, please..." Ryou swallowed, trying his best to stand. "Please don't go....I love you."

If anything, this seemed to make Marik even angrier. He took one step forward and Ryou instantly backed into the wall, cowering, and when no blow came, Ryou dropped his arms....and saw Marik heading for the door.

"Marik!" he cried. "No, Marik! Please don't go!"

The Darkness did not pay him any heed.

"Wait!" Ryou cried desperately. "Please Marik, don't go!!"

By that time, the door had already opened. Marik looked back once, only once, before the door was shut.

There was a silence.

Weakly, Ryou sank to his knees. His heart felt bruised and tattered, and his insides cold and shaking. Marik didn't love him. Bakura was right. He was just a toy to Marik.

But Marik wasn't a toy to Ryou.

Shaking, no longer able to control himself, Ryou flung himself onto the ground, new tears streaking down his cheeks. He had made things worse. He had followed his heart and told Marik he loved him, only to get the Darkness to leave him entirely. Now he felt so alone, so terribly alone, with only Bakura's echoing thoughts to haunt him, scorn him.

"No...Marik, please..." Ryou whispered to the floor. "Please come back. I love you. Please don't go away."

The door did not pay him any mercy.


For three days, Ryou sat on his bed, worrying if Marik would come back or not. Marik had not seen him in those three days, and Ryou was beginning to feel extremely sick. He was constantly shaking, and frequently cold. Now that Marik had not visited him at all, Ryou was beginning to realize exactly how much he loved Marik, how much he missed Marik. What was there to love about Marik? Everything. Ryou could recall the Darkness's every gesture, every look. Ryou longed for the sarcastic retorts, the sardonic remarks, the blunt opinions. He missed Marik's low, throaty voice, his warm, strong hands...

...everything about Marik, he missed. Everything about Marik, he loved. And everything about Marik...was gone.

Ryou's headache began to throb even more heavily, pounding mercilessly against his temples. For those three days, Ryou did not eat, sleep, or drink. He couldn't. Worry and fret bombarded his mind, his heart, his soul, and for those three days, he spent waiting for Marik on his bed, hoping that the Darkness would come back.

Even if the Darkness came back angry, Ryou would be happy. He would be glad to see Marik's face one more time, and if Marik did want to banish him, kill him, abandon him, leave him, Ryou would at least tell Marik first to watch out for Bakura. All that mattered was Marik being safe. Ryou couldn't bear it if Marik died in his hands.

And the dreams.

Perhaps if Marik came back soon, the dreams would stop. Terrifying dreams that haunted Ryou's nights whenever he even tried to sleep. Horrifying images hallucinated in front of his eyes. Ryou felt as though he was going insane, but he knew he wasn't. They were dreams. Dreams that kept him up at night, made him cold in icy sweat, shivering in the still air. Dreams about Marik...being killed by Bakura.

At some point, Ryou had a sneaking suspicion that his own yami was responsible for this, that his own darker half was tormenting him with these images from the Shadows to punish him. If that were true, there really wasn't much he could do about it. He couldn't stop the dreams of Bakura destroying Marik, unless he saw Marik in real life.

And when Marik hadn't come back in the third day, Ryou's worry had reached its limit. Now he was simply hysterical deep inside, though he tried his best not to show it. Being hysterical wouldn't help him, but he couldn't help his body from shaking like mad, his feet from pacing back and forth, and his tears from fleeing down his cheeks.

Bakura's words haunted Ryou frequently, and especially then, as Ryou began to pace back and forth, his shoulders shaking with worry and his nails bitten from fret.

"...perhaps I should punish him then? What better way to torment you than to destroy the only one you love most?"

"You love him, hikari. It's what I know."

"Be thankful for the time that you have with Malik's other half. Rest assured, when I return properly to your body, I'll destroy Marik in the worst possible way...right in front of your eyes."

Even without Bakura connected to him, the thief still managed to create horrific shadow images in front of Ryou's eyes, depriving him of sleep, rest, food, water and energy. But Ryou was too nervous and terrified of Marik's safety to dwell on Bakura. He needed to get to Marik...tell Marik...

Another mirage floated in front of Ryou's eyes as he began to realize he was slipping in and out of conciousness. A hazy image of Marik stood in front, looking almost too real to be true, and as Ryou stepped towards him---

---blood burst in front of his eyes, in large, silent spatters, and Marik was on the floor, on his back.

"No..." whispered Ryou, his heart wrenching, tearing itself to bits and drowning itself in his misery. "NO...Marik!!"

Weak and tired, Ryou fell to the floor, his shoulders shaking madly, his skin cold and clammy.

The image disappeared, leaving Ryou quite exhausted, but no sooner had it evaporated, than another had appeared. Bakura's voice echoed in his mind, haunting him, teasing him, tormenting him...

"...I'll destroy Marik in the worst possible way...right in front of your eyes."

Ryou blinked, trying to get his blurry vision clearer. Marik....Marik was standing there, staring down at him...his eyes were cold and hard, and he was looking down at Ryou with utter disgust. Ryou's bruised heart wrenched again up to his throat, and more sobs choked out from his cracked lips.

These dreams were going to haunt Ryou for the rest of his life.

"M-Marik..." He knew perfectly well that it was an illusion...but...all the same...

The hazy figure of the Egyptian Darkness leered at him with absolute revulsion, anger, hatred, before turning around swiftly, leaving Ryou on the ground, his arms too weak to hold him up. As the image of the Darkness slowly melted against the metal door...another figure appeared, one with long, identical white hair, and cold, feral crimson-brown eyes.

That was the last straw for Ryou.

He couldn't take it anymore. For three days straight he had horrible images, scary thoughts, and if Marik didn't come back soon...Ryou was afraid Bakura would destroy him...

The mirage of his own darker half winked at him, an evil smirk playing upon his lips, and his slipped through the door.

"No!!" Ryou yelled, sudden energy surging through his fragile body. He threw himself at the door, pounding upon it. It didn't slide open, it didn't move. "No! Marik, please come back! Bakura!! Bakura will kill you! Marik, please, come back!!"

Sobbing, Ryou futilely slammed his fist against the door, hoping with all his heart that Marik would hear his pleads. He pounded angrily at it, knowing that what he had just seen was a mirage...but it could happen. Ryou knew it could. Bakura would always find a way from the Shadows, and if he killed Marik...

"No!" he cried. "Please, Marik, come back..."

His heart was once again, wracked and shivering with fear. Marik hadn't come in three days to see him...did Bakura already kill him? With the door locked, there was no way for Ryou to know, to see, to prevent his own darker half for killing Marik. "Please! Open up! I need to see Marik!" Sobbing, he pounded on the door again, but no one came.

"Please!" he begged again, slamming the door with his palms until they felt raw. "Please, open up! Marik, please come back, please tell me you're okay, please don't go! Don't leave me here! Don't leave me alone!"

The door did not open, and Ryou was left with his tears, his exhausted arms, his bloody palms. "Marik! back! Please come back Marik...I miss you so much...." His voice cracked with wracking sobs.

Weakened, Ryou slid onto the floor onto his knees, his forehead pressed against the door, as though there was a hope he could simply fall through the metal barrier. He hadn't eaten, slept or drank in three days, and his aderalaine was running short. His hands were shivering and shuddering on their own accord as he depserately felt the metal barrier that blocked him from the outside world...and Marik.

A wash of guilt stabbed Ryou in the insides, leaving nothing but cold dread in his wake. This was his fault. All his fault. Even if Marik didn't come back....even if Marik didn't love him....that was okay...but....if Marik died knowing that Ryou was the cause, Ryou never forgive himself. He had to warn Marik...! He had to tell him to watch out, to take care!

"This is all my fault," he whispered as he feebly pounded his fists against the door again, making more of a dull knocking noise than anything more aggresive. "It's all my fault...Marik, please forgive me...maybe I shouldn't have told you that I loved you. Maybe you would've came back. I'm so sorry, Marik. Please come back. Please don't leave me alone."

Weakly, Ryou closed his eyes, and unconciousness swept through him, claiming his mind


o.o Was I a little too harsh on Ryou? I mean...well, I thought that he'd be really nervous, but I think I made him a little dillusional. I know you guys haven't been liking my recent chapters because of the lack of lime and all the angst, but still...! (puppy dog eyes) Please? There will be some lemon yaoi soon. In the chapter after this.

READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! 14 REVIEWS SO FAR! YAY!!