Chapter 3: Inside "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes"

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley and the advance guard all tumbled into the back of the twins' new joke shop. Once again, Harry noticed that he had landed on his feet, and was one of the few that had.
Fred and George came bounding into the back room, and proceeded to help up Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Hermione, Mad-Eye Moody and Professor Lupin. Harry smiled at Ginny, noticing that she, too, had remained standing when they came crashing in. Fred and George came rushing over to Harry and swiftly bestowed upon him extraneous gifts of chocolate frogs that (having been put under engorgement charms) were three times their normal size.

"Harry! Once again we finally get to see our financial backer!" gushed Fred.

"Harry, mate," continued George, "you know that if you ever need ANYTHING, you just send us an owl! Business is booming, and we owe it all to you! "

"Is it really true that you had that Umbridge bat chased off by a herd of Centaurs!" interrupted Fred, unable to contain himself.

Harry laughed, "Yeah- but it was Hermione's idea, really."

Fred gasped, "No way! Goody girl prefect Hermione got the witch thrown out? Wow!"

"No kidding!" chimed George, "Honestly Hermione, we didn't know you had it in you!"

Hermione laughed, "Come on- show us the shop!"

"Okay!" the twins cried out together, rushing them into the store.

Harry knew that the twins were gifted when it came to their practical jokes, but he had no idea just how many schemes they had running through their mischievous red heads. Their two-floor shop was filled with everything from trick sweets, fake wands, portable swamps, and the fireworks from the year before to things like self-exploding toilet seats and flammable ink.

"Wow!" exclaimed Harry, "You two have really been busy!"

"Sure have," agreed Fred, "And we think the only reason Mum approves is because we got Umbridge thrown out with some of our stuff. Eh, but look- seems like she wants to get going."

"Yeah, we can't have ickle Harry and Ronnikins failing their classes because there were no books left at the stores!" joked George.

"Aww! Come on, mum!" pleaded Harry. "I haven't ever seen the shop before, and Fred and George have been bugging me about giving them input all summer!"

Mrs. Weasley seemed a little shocked at Harry calling here "mum", but nonetheless flattered. She had always felt that Harry was just another one of her children, only minus the red hair. She blushed, and said "All right. You've got twenty minutes, dears, so use it wisely!"

Harry jumped up, and gave her a hug, "Thanks, mum." He smiled, and pecked her cheek before rushing off with the twins to examine the "Privileged Customers" section of the store.

Ron gaped at Hermione, "Did he just call my mum 'mum'?"

The brunette laughed, "Why Ronald, I do believe he did. I kind of figured it would happen eventually, but did you not notice the wink he gave us when he did it?"

"What wink?"

"Well," Hermione giggled, "if you ask my opinion, he was just being devilish because he knew your mum wouldn't want us spending the whole afternoon here. He figured that if he flattered her into it then she would let us at least stay for a little while."

"Oh." said Ron, dejectedly. "Wait a minute! Since when did Harry get so smart?"

Hermione reflected on that question before she opened her mouth to reply, and then she stopped, closed it again, and just shrugged.

"Eh, who cares?" Ron declared, "Let's go check out those "Highly Dangerous" shelves!"

As Ron dragged Hermione across the floor, the adults busied themselves looking at the other items.

"Skiving Snack Boxes?" cried Lupin, shaking his head. "James would have paid triple what they're asking to get his hands on those back in our schooldays!"

Mrs. Weasley couldn't help but smile.
"You know," she whispered confidentially to Remus, "I wouldn't have minded having a box or two of those myself when I was a girl. But don't you DARE tell the boys!"

Remus chuckled, "Your words are as good as forgotten, Molly. I wouldn't dream of telling them. They might stop inventing if they thought you might actually approve of their products!"

Harry and Ginny moseyed around the closed off section for "Privileged Customers Only" with the twins. They didn't know where to turn first, being surrounded by so many interesting objects.

"Privileged Customers Only?" inquired Ginny, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Fred smiled, "Well, young one-"

"Who has so many things yet to learn about the real world-" interjected George.

"We made this section for our most faithful patrons. Only those who spend a certain amount of total galleons will be allowed to look at and purchase items in this portion of the shop."

"Something that we picked up in some of the really nice Muggle stores in London. If the owners think you've got a lot of gold, or if you're always buying stuff there, then they lead you back to this little private room where they keep all their best stuff."

"Exactly. So we put one in our store to induce customers to spend more gold, just to be able to get a peek as to what we keep back here!" finished Fred.

Harry smiled with approval at the twins' ingenious sales technique.

"That's great, you guys! But what makes US qualified to rank under your "Privileged Customers" category?"

"Ah. Well, Harry," said George, "I should think it would be obvious. You were our starting financial backer, and so that means that you've definitely met the "amount of gold spent" restriction."

"And," added Fred, "you are dating someone that we might just start considering to be our sister. We're not sure if she's earned that right, although she got some major points for being such a good Seeker after we all got banned."

"Ugh!" Harry moaned, "Don't remind me, ok? I STILL don't know what's going to happen with that!"

Ginny stomped her foot, "So what did I get let in for then, if not because I'm your sister? It better not be just because I'm dating Harry or something!"

Fred and George quickly exchanged nervous glances.

"Red hair," supplied Harry immediately, with a debonair smile.

George's face lit up, as he caught on. He put his arm around Ginny's shoulder and led her over to the "Trick Cosmetics" part of the section.

"Of course Gin. You're exempt from meeting other qualifiers because you've got red hair. We've got to keep it alive, you know? Survival of the fittest, right?"

Ginny snorted, "Whatever, George. But anyway, maybe next time I see you I just MIGHT forget to bat-bogey hex you."

Harry laughed, and decided to veer the conversation back into safe waters.

"Flammable ink, huh? What is that good for?"

George smirked. "Well, my friend, I'm glad you asked. 'Weasley's Finest Flammable Ink'-"

"Good to use when your homework stinks!" chimed Fred, beaming.

"You see," explained George, "If you're not sure that your essay will be up to scratch-"

"Or if you just want to guarantee a good mark-" added Fred.

"You use "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Finest Flammable Ink"." said George, with a flourish.
"You can set it to what specific marks are acceptable to your taste, and if the Professor marks anything lower than that, your parchment will-"

"Spontaneously Combust!" cried the twins, in one voice.

"Ooh!" mused Ginny, "You would get perfect grades all the time! The professor would think it was his fault the essay exploded, and let you re-do it!"

"Ginny," warned Fred, "if you keep this up, we might just let you work here during the holidays."

George snickered, "Yeah. And we might start actually claiming you as a sister!"

"Oh, I wouldn't go that far," Ginny pouted, getting suddenly serious, "not after what happened earlier today."

"What happened!" cried the twins, in unison.

"Ginny was made prefect," snorted Harry, unsuccessfuly attempting to supress a snicker.

"WHAT!" they shrieked.

"I know, I know!" she moaned, her face getting redder by the moment.
"You're not going to disown me now, are you?" she asked, smirking, "Because you know it does take intelligence to make all the stuff you guys do."

"The young one carries a spot, you know, George." pointed Fred.

The other twin stroked his chin, in an all too Dumbledore-ish manner.
"I suppose you're right, Fred. Besides, her mind works in the right way, and that's what matters. Well, we'll still let you come work in the shop, if you want, Gin."

"Yeah," said Fred, "and if you can prove yourself then we'll maybe consider not to disown you."

"Oh, my overly generous, handsome twin brothers!" simpered Ginny, in an unnaturally sugary voice, "How I have looked up to you for ages! To work even as your house elf in the shop would be a dream come true! I have never wanted anything more in my-"

"ALL RIGHT!" they cried.

"We get it!" conceded George. "We won't disown you. Man, Potter, you're going to have a lot more on your hands than you bargained for this year. Good luck with that one."

"Yeah," piped up Fred, shaking his head, "that's for sure. But if you ever get her upset, you should know that she's just like mum. You've got to cut her yelling off right away, or she'll go on all night!"

"HEY!" protested Ginny, swatting her brother on the arm. "I'm not THAT bad!"

"We'll just see about that, young lady," smirked Harry. "Besides, I'm 'Perfect Potter', with 'eyes as green as a fresh pickled toad, remember'? You couldn't possibly stay upset at me for too long."

Ginny's face turned crimson, "Oh shut UP, Harry!"

Harry laughed, and then turned back to the twins.
"So, how much for your biggest pot of "Weasley's Finest Flammable Ink"? I know I'll need it this year with Snape since I have to take potions still if I want to be an Auror."

The entrepreneurs shook their heads simultaneously.
"No way, Harry," Fred insisted. "You're not giving us a single red cent for it. Your galleons are no good here. Speaking of which, neither are your sickles or knuts."

"Oh come on, guys!" cried Harry, outraged, attempting to shove some gold into the twins' closed fists. "You have to take it! I won't buy it if you're not going to let me pay for it!"

George just shook his head more sternly. "No can do, Har. Take it or leave it, but either way, you're keeping your money."

Harry sighed; knowing that if Ginny was as much like the boys as Ron had always told him there was no way he was going to get them to change their minds.
"Fine. I'll take it. But you have to let me pay for two small pots- one each for Ron and Ginny, and you can't let Hermione see what I'm getting them."

Once again, Ginny's face flushed in embarrassment, "Harry, you don't need to buy me presents."

"I know I don't need to, Gin," said Harry, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face, "I want to. There's a difference. Besides, it's OWL year for you, and if you have to keep re-doing the really difficult essays because they weren't "up to scratch" in the first place, it will just help you learn the material better in the long run anyway...
"Come to think of it," added Harry, as an afterthought, "since I put it that way, add another pot for Hermione. If I explain it to her like that, there's no possible WAY she could object to the gift."

Fred and George beamed.
"Sure thing, Harry!" said Fred, "But we're giving you them 'buy two, get one free!'"

"But-" Harry began to protest, but George stopped him short.

"No, Harry. That's the deal. Besides- if you read the sign, Mr. Boy Wonder, you would see that the small pots really are on sale for 'buy two, get one free'."

Harry laughed. "All right. Ring them up, but don't let your mum see. I doubt she would approve."

While Fred ran the till and George packaged the items, Harry and Ginny went over to the rest of the group and prepared to leave.

"Man," whispered Fred, "that Harry Potter sure is a quick thinker. I had no idea what to say to Ginny and then he busted out the "red hair clause". I don't know what I would have done if Gin would have flew off the handle."

"You're not kidding," agreed George. "And what about the way he came up with the reasoning to give Hermione the 'Flammable Ink' and make sure that she didn't go off on him for essentially cheating? I never thought of that, even just for advertising purposes!"

"I know!" groaned Fred, "I can't believe we unintentionally made a study aid!"

"Yeah… But since when did Harry get so smart?"

Fred's only response was a shrug.

As the group left the shop, Harry had a hard time trying to tell the twins that he wouldn't accept free gifts from them.

"Come on, Har!" insisted George, "If anything, it's US that owe YOU! You've got a thousand galleons credit here, and anything else that you might need us to pick up from the Alley and ship to you at Hogwarts would be a privilege!"

In the end, Harry left "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes" with a whole set of the twins' best fireworks, 4 fake wands, and he, Hermione, Ron and Ginny (despite Mrs. Weasley's protests) had an exploding toilet seat apiece.