Chapter Six: Voldie Said What?

"Darling dearest honey bunches will you marry me?"

"Fuck off Draco! It was just a date! And it was two weeks ago! One might have thought you'd be over it by now. But obviously not." Party Pooper!

"Blaise, it's just fun to pick on you." Really, every time I say something like that he gets all red and flustered. Hot and bothered maybe? Oh how funny it would be were it true…. Anyone else notice that I need a life?

"Yah, well I don't like it anymore." He said rather testily.

"Something happen between you two?" Fat chance, every time I look at Granger she's ogling at Blaise and he's ogling right back. Trouble in the love boat? I think not.

"Yah something happened Draco! You happened! You bloody fucking happened!" That wasn't what I was expecting at all. I figured Granger wouldn't go all the way with him.

"Easy mate, what's wrong with my mere existence?" Mere my ass, but hey it sounded good.

"She said no to me." Well he just won the obvious award of the year didn't he?

"Care to… elaborate a bit?" More like a lot, but we can go slow…ish

"She's too faithful." …well, we sure are getting somewhere aren't we? Make a great bloody seer, never a straight fucking answer. A riddle to answer another riddle until you're so bogged down by riddles you just want to pull your hair out. …sorry, bad past experiences, I don't care to go into further detail, Anywho… back to Blaise!

"To whom is she 'too faithful'?"

"You!" Uhh…

"Me?"

"You! Want me to spell it out? Y-O-U! You, you, you!" Now I've got to lean against a wall for support cause I'm so confused… If I wasn't on my feet I would wonder what was up and what was down.

"How did she say no to you and remain faithful to me?" After saying it aloud bells, whistles, and flushing noises all went off in my head, "Oh Blaise, I'm sorry!" Wow, I really am. My own best friend asked a girl out and was turned down because of me.

"Draco, that's not the worst part thought," I looked at him and he continued on, "After I asked her, her exact words were, 'Aren't you gay?' How bloody humiliating is that?" Certainly didn't notice that one coming.

"What about all those staring contests across the hall?" Surely that means something.

"I asked about those, she said she wasn't ogling at me, she was looking at the bricks in the wall behind me. She thought she saw a pattern or something like that…" Wow, that's harsh.

"Does she still think you're gay?" He looked up at me and shook his head, "Oi… so what did you tell her?"

"Nothing really, I told her I had some business to take care of and left after about ten minutes of awkward conversation." Poor bloke…

A girl not wanting to date him because of me… one would think I'd be used to this feeling by now… all warm and fuzz. Gives my self-confidence a rather large boost, not that it really needed any. Don't get me wrong or anything, I do feel really bad, but it still feels damn good to know she wants me more than him. (A/n: Girls, tell me you don't know how that feels)

Dearest Hermione Granger

I hope all is well with you and young Malfoy. The reason as

to why I am writing is that my followers and myself would like

for your relationship to go public. We don't want to be the

only ones to know about your precious relationship. The

whole world ought to know! I've taken the liberty to make

reservations at a restaurant for you and young Malfoy to

announce your relationship. I've enclosed all details in

another envelope which you should have received by now.

Yours truly

Lord Voldemort

I looked up from the letter Granger stuffed in my hand seconds before and was for the second time this week, thoroughly confused.

"What the hell does this mean? Hmm?" Lords Granger, I wish I knew

"I don't know Granger, I guess we have to do what good ole Voldie says too, go on a date." Ew, ew, ew! Damn that man!

"What if I don't want too?" Then you get to tell Voldie.

"You've got to Granger, do you know what that crazy bastard would do to us?" Your evil means of castration wouldn't even compare…

"I don't care if the whole world is to know, that means I've really have to act like your girlfriend. I can't just go about my life and ignore you, I'm gonna have to actually pay attention to you now." I'm offended! I'm so not that boring!

"Sorry sweetie, but you're just gonna have too." I said pulling her into me. Her look of disgust amusing me.

"Malfoy, what did I say about calling me sweetie?" -Gulp-

"Darling." She smiled at me.

"Much better."

"So, what are we going to do about that date?" I said pulling away from her and looking at all the people staring at us.

"I'm not sure that we need it, if people here at Hogwarts seem to have just figured it out, the rest of the world will know within three days." She said grabbing my arm and leading me out of the hall with the letter and second envelope in her other hand.

"Open the envelope, I want to know when Voldie planned this date." Knowing him it will be tomorrow night. Man never gives good notice.

"Sir, you're not going to believe this…" I looked at her curiously and grabbed the piece of parchment from her.

"One O'clock! What the hell! That's in…" I looked at my watch, "An hour!" She nodded her head and said she'd go tell Dumbledore we had to leave and then meet me at my dorm in forty-five minutes. My ass. I say we're at least twenty minutes late… on top of the fashionably late, late… (did that make sense to anyone?)

As I was walking towards my dorm I heard someone behind me, but figuring it was just another student I walked on.

"Mister Malfoy, would you please slow down?" Aww! It's Snape…

"Yes professor?" I said as respectfully as I could.

"Did you get His letter?" This should be fun… I smirked on the inside wishing I could have done the same on the outside.

"Whose letter sir?" He only looks slightly annoyed right now. Give me time to warm up.

"His letter Mister Malfoy." Hehe… Too much fun here…

"If you're talking about my father's letter, yah, I got it on Thursday sir. He had a few colorful words to say about my relations with Granger." Ooh! Too bloody fun! Not to mention easy . I can already tell he's loosing his cool.

"Mister Malfoy, you know what letter I'm talking about."

"Do I sir?" I said feigning innocence.

"Why else would you have been holding Miss Granger in the Great Hall?" Fun is now officially over.

"To make people talk?"

"Very funny Mister Malfoy, do the two of you realize what time it is?" Sure do.

"Why do you think I was headed toward my dorm sir? To stare at myself in my mirror and hear it say how damn good I look?"

"Actually Mister Malfoy…" I cut him off before he could say more.

"Don't even think about it, I shall see you tomorrow in class." I said turning back around and walking towards my room. What a jerk off! How could he think I would actually stare at myself in the mirror? Bah… Fucking asshole!

"Mudblood hurry it up!" I said banging on her door.

"Young man, making all that racket isn't going to make her go any faster." A portrait on the wall told me quite rudely, I shrugged her off and continued banging on the door.

"Just come in Malfoy! The portrait across the hall won't like all the noise you're making. If she hasn't yelled at you already I might die of shock." I turned around to look at the portrait who was smiling sweetly at me and scowled. I turned back to the knob that was currently in my grasp but it wouldn't budge.

"Granger! The door won't open!" I yelled.

"Honestly boy, don't you know anything? You have to jab the star above it for it to open. The knob is a dude to throw off people from getting in here. I had no idea it would fool you too," I jabbed the star and walked into her room, slamming the door behind me, "Oi! Be careful, you could knock pictures off the wall!" I looked at the mentioned wall and saw pictures upon pictures of her with her family, Golden boys, and muggle teenagers at several places across London.

"Who are those people in the pictures?" I asked pointing to the pictures as she ran by me looking for a pair of shoes that were sitting by her door.

"A few of my friends from home in London." She said while looking underneath her bed for her shoes.

"Well that's obvious my little mudblood. What I meant was what are their names? What are they like?" I asked handing her her shoes.

"Thanks, the blonde girl is Kayla. She moved to London from a small town in Scotland. She's a bit eccentric, but nice all the same. Chris, the tall one; he's really into sports. Loves playing football. Why anyone would want to run around kicking a ball and not being allowed to use their hands is beyond me. Unbelievably stupid," I'd have to agree with her there, "it's about as dumb as chasing balls on brooms," she turned to look at me and smiled but before I could object she was pushing me out the door and explaining her other friends to me.

We were walking into the room Dumbledore told Granger we were to floo out of when I realized what she was wearing.

"Granger! Why are you wearing that?"

"What do you mean? Don't you like it?" She asked looking down at her clothes smiling.

"Like it? It's hideous!" She looked hurt for a second then yelled at me.

"Well if it's not good enough either fix it or I'm not going!"

"Fine then," I transfigured the white jeans she was wearing into a red plaid skirt with silver fastenings, her pink fuzzy pig socks had to go, so I changed them into thigh high black stockings, her shoes (which were the only nice thing on her) into a pair of hooker boots that went just above her knees, her red hoody into a white button down blouse, and much to her embarrassment the color of her bra.

"Sweetums, why must I have a black bra?" She'd been calling me that bloody name since we'd arrived at the restaurant. But all is good, I've got my own horrifically nasty name for her.

"Babydoll the outfit makes you look innocent, but the bra lets everyone know that I've rubbed off on you." Ahh how I love the look she gives me when I call her that. I ought to be careful, I get any worse one might think I've turned into the sadistic bastard Snape is.

"Draco dear, you know how I feel about that name." Oh Do I…

"Yes m'dear I do, but you know, have to keep up appearances for the media." I told her waving my hand towards the people who were trying to fade into the background, but failing miserably at it.

"Yes, yes Draco. When are we to announce our oh so wonderful news to them? I'm starving and I don't exactly like people staring and taking pictures while I'm eating." Women… not even wanting their picture taken. She would never do good in my family… The paparazzi have a permanent stake out at my bathroom window at home.

A/n: Yes… very uneventful… I planned on this being Draco paying her back, but I didn't want to do anything like that anymore. I dislike immensely having to write the fluffy stuff. This fic was supposed to be a dark fic, but it didn't turn out like that… it's more humorous… although this chapter only had one good piece in my opinion… I'm not up to par… Just the other day my teacher gave us a journal question: If you were to travel to an oasis on horseback and had no technology like cell phones, mp3 players, laptops, nothing, what would you do to entertain yourself? (We were just starting Canterbury Tales) I of course responded being the very serious person I am: If I were to entertain myself while traveling on horseback to an oasis, I would sing Christmas carols out of tune, kick my own butt at Solitaire, quote "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" miserably bad, yet quote "The Nightmare Before Christmas" quite expertly. I would also rant on insanely whether people were listening to me or not, about how garden gnomes are under appreciated in today's society and that underwear gnomes are being blamed for the loss of too many pairs of underwear… they do not steal underwear! They are just a figment of someone's imagination who lost their underwear and won't admit to being a filthy piece of scum 'cause they lost their underwear!

Needless to say folks, I got 100 percent. I had the only unserious and true to myself answer. My best friend, the freak, said she would race the horse! This coming from the girl… that walks down the hall with me… and trying to get a guy to notice us by me tickling/pushing her into a guy we stalked at the mall… hehe… we made a spectacle of ourselves! Middle of the mall… we were tripping all over each other and being unbelievably loud… Anywho, sorry for the lateness of the delay, I've got good reasons! The main one thinking I had already uploaded it… I had this completely finished on Sunday like usual! But… I forgot to upload it… Sorry everyone! Personal thank yous next chapter, I'm too lazy to do them right now… and I've got an unbelievable amount of homework… Chaucer ought to be killed again for writing the Canterbury Tales…

Also, is there anything I can do to make this story better? What do you girls/guys think? Also, tell me what gender ya'll are! I'm sure all of my usual reviewers are girls! Also (I use that word a lot) someone tell me how I write like a boy? Two people have brought that to my attention!

A bit of Music trivia also for you folks, the lead singer in Stone Sour (Corey Taylor) was once part of what band?