Title: Need

Author: Socgrl

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Don't own anything except for my computer, a butt load of DVDs and thousands of dollars worth of student loans. If TPTB would like to pay off those loans….be my guest.

A/N: Ok, this is my response to the whole hospital scene, because it pissed me off. I know why Harm is pushing Mac away, but still. Anyway, some of you may disagree with my view, so be it. But hey, I'm a Harm and Mac fan through and through and I love both DJE and CB, they're awesome. And without BOTH of them, the show would not be where it is today. Ok enough of that.

Secondly, after living in Blacksburg for 3 years now I can honestly tell you it's a four (plus) hour drive from Northern Virginia to Blacksburg and also there is no Saint Vincent Hospital. But I digress…on with the show. Please Enjoy!


0230 ZULU

SAINT VINCENT HOSPITAL

BLACKSBURG, VIRGINIA

"Let me know when you need me," said Mac, defeated.

She could see the look of sheer frustration and anguish written across his face; it broke her heart. Quietly she got up from the chair and began to make her way down the hall of the ICU. As she rounded the nurses station she did an about face and walked right back to the chair where Harm sat head in hands.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

He looked up confused, surprised that she came back after the brush off he had just given her.

"Mac, please," he pleaded, exhaustion written all over his face.

"No Harm," said Mac, determined to make him understand that she was not going anywhere.

"First of all," she said preparing for an argument, "I have just driven four and a half hours, in the rain, to be here with you and to see how Mattie is for my own sanity, since you refuse to return my phone calls. Second of all you shouldn't be alone."

She glared at him hard, waiting for a rebuttal.

"Look Mac," he started off gently, "It's been a long week. Like I said, I didn't call you back because I didn't want to pose what if questions and hear false optimism. Her prognosis doesn't look good," he said all the while staring at his folded hands. "I'm sorry for the drive, I should have called and told you how things were going, that way you wouldn't have wasted money on gas."

Mac stood there shocked, "I can't believe you just said that to me! I take back what I said last Christmas. No, that was by far the dumbest thing you have ever said to me." She sighed loudly and began to pace, "You know, after knowing me for what…nine years now, you really don't know me at all."

She turned her back on him and stared through the window at Mattie's still form.

"She is a beautiful, strong, intelligent, young, girl. And she wouldn't have gotten as far as she has with out your help. I may have been doubtful of your intentions at first, but I know you love that little girl and you would do anything to help her. So don't you dare give up on her now. And don't you dare push me away, because I'm here for her just as much as I'm here for you," she said with tears welling up in her eyes.

"Mac," Harm started cautiously, "I really appreciate what you are doing here, but I would really like to deal with this on my own." To emphasize his position Harm rose, standing his ground.

"Too bad Harm," said Mac turning to face him, "I'm not leaving."

"Mac, Just Go!" Harm shouted, alerting some of the staff. Mac waved them off, assuring them there wasn't a problem.

"Why?" she questioned. "Why do you really want me to go? Are you getting me back for pushing you away? Do you want me to suffer for not being here with you from the beginning? Why Harm?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T LET YOU BACK IN!" he shouted and backed himself into one of the chairs and sat down again, this time not masking the tears that were streaming down his face.

His word hit Mac like a ton of bricks. Slowly she neared and dropped to her knees in front of him. She grabbed his right hand and held it between her own as his right hand cradled his face and wiped away the flowing tears.

She ran her hand through his hair and kissed his palm. "Harm?" Mac questioned.

"You'll leave. If I let you back in, you'll leave. Just like everyone else. You'll leave me. I can't let that happen. I love you too much to see you get hurt because of me. For your own good, just go," he pleaded.

"Harm, you won't loose me. I'm sorry for pushing you away. That was stupid of me. The fact that you have stood by me for as long as you have is amazing. You should have moved on with your life. But you are still here, just like me. I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that," she said trying to reassure him.

"Harm I've loved you for so long," she said, raising his eyes to meet hers. "You are my strength and my weakness. You are the reason I get up in the morning. To see you smile, to hear your laugh, to feel your touch, no matter how fleeting. You are my savior, just as you are the savior to that little girl."

A small smile seemed to grace his lips when it turned downward once again, "what if she isn't strong enough, what if she doesn't make it?" he cried.

"She has to," Mac stated with a confidence she didn't quite feel. "I promised to take her shopping again. You can't come between a girl and a free shopping spree."

They both laughed quietly and Mac stood pulling Harm up with her. She wrapped her arm around his waist and cradled his head against her neck.

"Sarah," he said and she held her breath. "I can't loose her. Don't let Him take her from me," he pleaded once again and let the tears roll down his face and soak her sweatshirt.

They just swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the machines. No longer speaking, but letting silent tears flow.

"Thank you," he mumbled into her neck. "Thank you for loving her. Thank you for loving me."

"Always, Flyboy!"


A/N: One shot…but definitely let me know what you think:D I know it's been a while, but I just couldn't sleep, I had this thought running through my head.