Lost – Reaching Out
By Mystic
April 1st 2005
She's always liked to climb things. When she was smaller, her mother joked that she was really part monkey. The memory didn't make her laugh now though. Her arm stretched as far as it could, but the root she was trying to reach was just out of her grasp. Kate had tripped. It was that simple. She'd done it a hundred times before, but this time she went over the vine she hadn't seen and hit the ground on her belly and went into a slide. The rain had slicked the ground and her body didn't stop like it normally would have.
It went down the hill, over a muddy ledge where she jammed her foot into a hole and grabbed hold of anything she could. She felt the muscles in her feet pull to their limits and grimaced when the vines ripped at her palms. Kate let out a small scream of pain and then took a long breath knowing she hadn't hit the bottom of the long drop. Hurray for small miracles, she managed to think before opening her eyes. She hadn't realized they'd been pressed shut.
Tears worked their way down her mud splattered cheeks as she felt something in her left ankle stretch painfully. Shifting her weight to her right foot, she shouted when it gave and she slid down on the vines. Her feet scrambled for anything and the right foot finally found what she felt like a solid rock jutting out of the side of the cliff. Kate looked down. She shouldn't have because the sight of the fifty foot drop nauseated her. She raised her head again, towards the grey sky.
"JACK!"
Her voice echoed in the jungle and she found herself sobbing uncontrollably. Her legs were shaking and if she moved she'd slip and fall. In the distance she heard birds flapping their wings and she took several long breaths, trying to calm herself.
Planting her left foot against the rock, Kate explored the cliff wall with her right until she found a hole and jammed her foot into it, lifting herself up to get a better grip on the vine. Only five feet Kate, she told herself looking up at the edge above her. She could do five feet. It was a hop, skip and a jump away. If she could hop, skip or jump. Tightening her grip on the vine, she moved her feet again and found herself another foot closer.
Her left ankle was throbbing now and she felt it swelling inside of her boot. The metal buckles pressed into her bare skin and she laid her forehead against the cool mud in front of her. Kate's life had been a series of bad accidents, each seemingly worse than the one before. All culminating in this. Something inside bubbled to the surface. Laughter.
She slipped and shouted. A stick scratched painfully at her stomach as she reached higher, trying to grab a vine to hold onto. Kate didn't want to die like this. She didn't want to die.
"Calm down and take my hand."
Her eyes flew up towards the edge where she saw Locke holding out his arm. He waved his hand and stretched it further, encouraging Kate to reach up for it. Her fingertips brushed his palm and he grabbed hold of her wrist. Locking eyes with him, he gave her a nod, an ok to advance, and she pulled on the vines with her right arm while climbing with her feet. Kate gripped at rocks on the edge of the cliff and grunted with the effort it took to get her upper body over. She felt Locke's hand grab her inner thigh to help swing her legs over the edge and she collapsed onto the ground heaving air.
Locke sat next to her, leaning on his palms. He smiled up at the grey sky and then down at her. "Hell of a day for a climb."
"I tripped," she responded, her head raising and then falling back down as the pain in her ankle hit her again. She grimaced when she tried to move it and then shouted when Locke grabbed it and started undoing her laces.
"I need to see if it's broken or just twisted." He explained, raising both hands in a questioning gesture.
"Twisted!" Kate spat at him, pulling her foot away.
Locke narrowed his eyes. "You know how far we are from the caves?" He waved an arm. "Oh, I'm sure you know, down to the last foot if you thought hard enough on it. Point is, Jack's not anywhere near and no amount of screaming is going to get him any closer."
He'd heard her. Kate felt her cheeks burn and was thankful for the heat that already colored them red. She looked down at her foot and moved it on her own, glancing back up at him without lifting her head. "Twisted," she affirmed. "Not badly. I'll make it back."
Locke gave a short nod and stood, holding out a hand for her to take. Her pride almost made her slap it away, but Kate wasn't stupid, so she took it and let him hoist her into a standing position, gritting her teeth against the pain of her ankle. Sure, not badly, be brave, she chided herself. It hurt like hell.
"There's no harm in admitting it, Kate." Locke told her offhand as he started into the jungle behind them.
She looked back at the cliff and took several steps towards the fall. If she'd gone down, she wouldn't have died instantly, she knew. Kate would have landed on her back, or her side. She would have broken several bones and had internal bleeding. It would have taken hours, maybe a day or two, before she finally died. There would have been intense pain and no one would have found her because she was off in some remote part of the jungle she wasn't supposed to be in. Locke might have found her, she knew, after she was dead. They'd have buried her body. Jack might have chosen to cremate it. To erase her completely from… the island, she made herself finish.
"Stop." Locke said suddenly.
Kate turned. "What?" She asked forcefully.
He waved an arm at the edge of the cliff. "Whatever you're doing - rationalizing - whatever it is. Stop."
That's when the rain started. Kate lowered her head in response, feeling droplets roll down her neck and into her already soaked black shirt. Locke grinned like a kid in a candy shop and went towards the jungle to take cover under some thick palm fronds. She limped quickly to stand next to him, but was still getting wet. Kate shivered slightly and felt his arm wrap around her shoulder and pull her closer protectively. Her instincts told her to elbow him and run, but that was because her instincts had been burned by many men in the past.
"You don't have to be afraid of me." He said in that off-hand way he had of saying things. She hated when he did that because it always felt like he was inside her head. Kate hated thinking of people getting into her head.
Jerking slightly, she looked up at him. "What makes you think that?"
Locke shrugged, that grin spreading on his thin lips. "I put my hand on your shoulder and you froze."
"I'd freeze if anyone put their hand on my shoulder." She smiled at him. "It's called a reflex."
Locke nodded slowly. "I'm guessing you have pretty good reflexes."
What was he getting at, she wondered. It wasn't the first time she'd viewed the man with a suspicious eye. Kate had made damned sure to stay away from him since the day he smiled at her with the orange peel stuck in his mouth. At that moment she'd been removing shoes off a dead fifteen year old boy so she could go on a hike. Didn't seem like the most appropriate time to make a joke, or what she perceived to be a joke. It actually reminded her of the boys in her middle school cafeteria.
"It's ok, keep your secrets. I'm sure you have your reasons."
It made her look at him again. What did he know? Or what did he think he knew? Kate turned away, realizing she'd yet to remove his arm, or make any attempt to step away from her. Shivering, she realized he reminded her of her father. Protecting while chastising at the same time. It was so simple for her father, he was this great army ranger. He was smart and powerful and respected. Kate was a little girl.
"We have to get moving," she told him angrily as the rain slowed to a drizzle. She hated being reminded of her father.
Locke nodded and let his arm drop. It wasn't lost on Kate that his hand bumped her rear end on its way down. She hated being reminded of her father's friends. Taking several steps away from Locke, she remembered which direction she came from and headed out again back towards the beach. At that moment she didn't care about finding Jack, just about getting back to her spot under the palm tree where the trench was already dug for a perfect campfire under the stars.
"What's the hurry?" Locke asked her after several moments. "We have about four miles and the way you're limping, we might as well set up camp soon."
"Camp?" Kate asked. "Overnight?" She laughed. "With you?"
Locke looked hurt and Kate found herself feeling sorry she'd said it. She lowered her head and let her eyes search for a fallen branch that could make a good staff. If she could find something to lean on, she could walk faster. "There's another option, but you won't like it."
She raised her eyes and watched the way he smiled. "I'm not letting you piggy back me for four miles." She started to laugh at just the thought and he joined in.
"Good 'cause as strong as I know I am, exhaustion would set in around the third mile and then neither of us would be any good against an attack." He grinned. "So we set up camp?"
Kate gave a long sigh and shrugged, pulling her backpack off and letting it drop onto the ground. She started to gather wood and he shook his head, waving his arms at her. "What?" She asked.
"You need to get off that foot." He pointed. "I'll start the fire, you find some way to elevate it."
"I'm supposed to just sit here?" She whined, hating that she whined.
"You've got fruit and water in your bag, right?" He waited until she nodded. "Divide it into rations for tonight and tomorrow morning."
"That'll take me less than a minute." She looked annoyed, but he smiled and she shrugged.
Settling down onto the ground near a rock, she propped her foot up and opened up her bag, pulling out the fruit that was there and dividing it into four. She had one bottle of water and set it aside, tossing two bright green bulbous fruits towards where Locke had settled his stuff. He assembled a fire and lit it efficiently. Far more efficiently than anyone she'd seen. It almost made her want to dump her lighter and start re-learning fire from scratch.
"Where'd you learn all this tracking stuff. Word is you worked for a box company," Kate told him matter-of-factly. Truth is, there was no 'word', only Boone. Boone never shut up once you got him going. He wanted to be someone's friend. For five minutes, Kate let him be hers.
Locke gave her that grin again, just before letting his eyes go skyward to watch the grey turning purple. "Some of it, from my father. Mostly my own study."
Nodding, Kate bit into her fruit and enjoyed the warmth of the fire. The rain had given up and there was a soft breeze that made her sigh. She watched the way he carefully peeled away the outer layer of skin on the fruit and then ate the meat inside. It made her wonder if there was something he knew about the fruit she didn't. Kate sure wasn't having any stomach issues Jack needed to know about.
"Where'd you learn how to track?"
Kate let her eyes drop. "My father." She watched the way he nodded, taking in the information. "Look, we're not going to go into some theological discussion here 'cause I don't have boar issues."
"You got trust issues," Locke told her. He shook his head. "I understand."
"What could you understand about it?" What she'd meant to say was nothing. Kate jammed the fruit into her mouth and sucked hard, wishing she could make herself shut up. The pain in her ankle had died down, but now it seemed to work back up again.
Locke chuckled softly to himself. "I don't care about your secrets, Kate."
They sat in silence a while. Kate laid back, her head comfortable on a backpack. The stars were bright on that night, even through the trees. She wished she knew something of constellations. Kate half-expected Locke to start giving her lessons. It was the kind of man he was.
"When I was little, I used to sit out on the yard and look at the stars. Had no clue what they were called and I never cared to learn the names," he smiled at her when she gave him a peculiar look. He'd done it again and he knew it and it unnerved her. "It was just so calming, to look up and think – it's so simple and yet so complex – all at the same time. It's easy to get so lost in the stars that you can forget the troubles in your own universe."
"John, I just want to go to sleep." Her eyes went back to the stars, to a bright one that seemed to twinkle. It reminded her of when she was younger. She used to make wishes. They never came true.
"Why'd you call out for Jack?" His voice was steady and full of a genuine curiosity that made her shrug and honestly think about it. "You're becoming dependant on him."
"Am not," it was a quick response.
"Reflexes."
She glanced at him.
"I can tell you've never had to rely on many other people in your life. Guessing the people you relied on most as a child hurt you. Probably started a pattern through your adolescent and early adult life that lead to…" he started.
Kate shouted, "Enough!" It was far louder than she intended and somewhere in the jungle a flock of birds flew from the trees. The sound made her heart leap with fear. "Spare me the psychobabble, John."
"Fine," he smiled. "You know, you like to think you're not like anyone else on this island. I think if you ever got over your baggage, you'd realize you have more in common than you think. Everyone gets scared, Kate. Everyone needs help. It's ok to ask."
Huffing, she rolled over and winced when her left foot fell off the rock and hit the dirt with a thud. She wasn't going to ask for his help, she didn't need his help. Her eyes closed tightly and she heard him chuckle again. It haunted her in her sleep. Morning didn't bring much comfort, she cried out when she tried to stand and he came rushing from the bushes. Kate could hear the clanking of items inside his vest, concentrated on them, as he placed a hand on her elbow, steadying her into a standing position.
"Sleep well?" He asked cheerfully.
"Just great," she managed through gritted teeth.
She ignored him for an hour, walking with a limp and recognizing that he slowed his pace to make sure she kept up. Grabbing a tree branch for leverage, she shouted at him to stop. Locke turned and came back for her. He stood in front of her, raising his eyebrows as if asking what she wanted.
"Promise you'll put me down before we get there," she told him, her mouth barely opening.
"What's that?" Locke asked, putting a hand to his ear.
Kate rolled her head back. "Locke, if you carry me, promise you won't let anyone see you."
Locke nodded his head and then laughed, turning around and bending to let her hug his neck and wrap her legs around his waist. "Promise," he told her.
They went a few yards and she let her chin rest on his shoulder. "I've had to take care of myself for a very long time," she admitted. "I'm used to it. I don't like…"
"Other people seeing your vulnerability?" Locke offered.
She nodded, then lifted her chin. She realized what she was doing; it was a tactic, trying to get him to see her softer side so he'd help her. Flirting? But she already had what she wanted, the ride back to the beach without pain. Kate lowered her eyebrows. "Why are you so interested in everyone. You helped Claire, you helped Boone, I know you've done something with Charlie… and now you're helping me. What gives?"
"Would you rather I have let you fall off that cliff?"
"No," she muttered.
"It just seems life's too short to be in it all for yourself. It'd be a shame if you missed out on a lot of great people because you were so focused on yourself."
"I'm not focused on myself that badly. I see other people."
"You see Jack." Locke glanced back at her, his eyes holding that twinkle. He found it amusing. Like some schoolgirl crush. "Oh, don't worry, he definitely sees you too. Protects whatever secret you have that you've let him in on."
Kate shook her head.
"I know you have secrets, Kate, everyone does."
She grinned. "That's not what I was going to say." He laughed. "I see other people. I'm not that focused on myself. I just like to take care of myself."
"And yet, when you need help, you call out…"
"Jack," she answered softly. Then she gave him a stern stare. "Ok, so you tell Sawyer to get over the baggage, what are you now, a dating service? Telling me to hook up with Jack?"
Locke only sighed.
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"Don't waste time pretending not to care as much as you do." He shrugged. "Don't waste time." He repeated as they walked.
Kate didn't think she was wasting time. She was just going for a walk. When she knew Jack needed help setting up his little cave lab. He'd told her he was going down to the beach to collect spare parts from the fuselage to make beds before it sank into the ocean. She'd told him she'd help.
Feeling her body slide down, she started to complain, but Locke pointed out, to where she could hear and smell the salt. "Promised, didn't I?"
She smiled at him.
"It's easy to run away from him, Kate. But trust me, you don't want to waste your time in the jungle. There's nothing out there for you but pain." His eyes stared hard and she found herself lowering her head, like she used to when her father would scold her.
Turning, she went towards where the jungle dissolved to the sand and saw Jack sitting by himself staring at the ocean. She wasn't sure what Locke was saying exactly, she didn't think anyone REALLY knew what Locke was saying exactly, but she knew she wanted to go be with Jack. So she gave John one last look, a thank you, and started across the sand.
Somehow not that I intended, but whatever. Finis
