Spike awaken with an insufferable headache due to the three bottles of Jack Daniel's he has drunk the night before.
He fills a mug with a bag of pig blood and two pills of Advil.His spirit is not very high this morning and he really doesn't want to see anyone. But apparentely it's not his day because someone knock at the door.
« Come in Watcher ! You are the only one who knock ! the others always barge in ! »
« Good morning Spike. » Says Giles with a nod.
« Yeah ! You too. What do you want ? »
« I want to talk with you about Buffy, Spike. »
« Something has happen to her ? Is she hurt ? » Says Spike worried. « Not that it concerns me at all ! » He says hastily to catch up his too loud anxiety.
« No, nothing happened to her, Spike, and it's not necessary for you to pretend you don't mind if she is well or not. I know you care about her. »
« I don't know what you mean, Watcher, she is The Slayer and I really don't see why I would care about her at all ! It's a big girl, she can take care of her, I was just surprised to see you here and I thought she was in trouble like always, that's all ! »
« Spike, I may be an old english man to you, even if technically I'm younger than you, but I'm not blind nor stupid ! So let's talk seriously, I know you are in love with Buffy, don't deny it, I saw the way you look at her ! »
« I see ! So it's now that you tell me to go away ! That I'm not what she needs, not man enough for her, that she deserves a normal life with a man who is worth it, two children and a house with a white picket fence ! » Says Spike with a dejected air.
« I don' t know Spike, what do you think ? »
« I think you've come here to says to me that I'm not good enough for her, that if I really loved her I should go away like the poof, because nothing good will ever come if we are together, and that I must do the noble thing by letting her alone ! »
« And what makes you think you shouldn't do exactly that ? »
« Because I love her ! You, stupid git ! And she needs someone who will never let her down, who will be there for her, who will watch her back and protect her sister.
She will never be a normal girl, she is The Slayer ! Bloody Hell ! If she had a chance at a normal life now, she would be bored in no time ! Riley was a military and even him couldn't bear that she was stronger than him, no normal man can love her like she deserves !
Another point is that a normal man would want to have children with her, but it would endanger her if she was pregnant, all the nasties would want to have a piece of her ! And a simple man couldn't possibly protect her. »
« What if one day, Buffy wants to have a baby ? you can't give her that ! »
« If she wants a baby, I can't and I won't stop her.
I would protect her and the baby nonetheless, even if it's not mine. I love Dawn and she is not my daughter, I would love anybody she wants me to love if she would let me take care of her. »
Spike takes a breath and pass his hand in his hair and on the nape of his neck, nervously.
« But you have nothing to worry about watcher, because she doesn't want me, she wants nothing to do with a souless thing like me, I'm not like Angel ! I don't have a soul !
She says I can't love ! me ! More love's bitch than me I can't think it's possible, but the great poof can't love her without one, so I can't love her without one too !
You can go home in peace, she doesn't love me, I hope you are happy ! » He says, his gaze fixed on the carpet, his hands in his jeans's pockets.
Spike seems so tired and dejected, that Giles put his hand on his shoulder. Spike stiffen but doesn't move.
« I don't need your pity, you have had what you wanted, you can go now ! »
Giles keeps his hand on his shoulder.
« Spike, I didn't come here to say that to you, but I know now, that you have thought of the consequences yourself, and I'm sorry if Buffy can't love you.
I'm not sure that Buffy will never love you, you know. If I didn't think there was a possibility, I wouldn't be here. But there is one consequence you have not considered, it's the Council's reaction of a vampire with a slayer, and I think it's the main obstacle ! Travers is not a good guy, and he doesn't love Buffy very much, if one day she decides to be with you, you must keep it a secret for her sake, because the last time a slayer has fallen in love with a vampire, the council has killed them both. »
« You mean it has already happen ? Before Buffy and Angel ? So why didn't they kill them at the time ? »
« Because Buffy was very young, and they didn't thought it was more than a crush, it couldn't have been durable according to Travers. But now Buffy is older, she knows what she does and she has challenged the Council more than once. If they were aware of a relationship between you and her, especially with William The Bloody, who has killed two slayers in his time... »
« I understand what you mean, it would be a hunt till death, and Buffy has a family, it would be simple to pressure her, to sent her in a trap...
But I can't promise you I won't try to makes her love me, I can't just forget her. »
« I don't expect you to do that, I only want you to be careful in case your relationship should change, and even if I would have prefered someone else, I want you to know that you are not so bad for a vampire, Spike. »
Giles was at the door when he heards Spike answers in a whisper.
« Thank you, Giles. »
