Of God and Man

Disclaimers: See Chapter 1

A/N: As I begin this chapter, the death of Pope John Paul II has just been announced. My heart is heavy with grief from the loss to my church, my family and myself. I grieve most for the people of the world, who has lost a great and loving man. May the Lord protect and keep him until we meet again on the day of reckoning.

Archiving: Be my guest just tell me where it is.

Feedback: I love to hear from the people who read my stories. Even a short line telling me it was good or bad or suggestions to help me improve would be welcome.

Chapter 13: The Letter

She had been anticipating a letter from Rome for some time. She had written the Holy See several months ago, asking for their help and intercession with Mother Superior. She had just met Steve and was sure there was something between them but her vows were holding them back. The letter couldn't have come at a better time. Steve had just asked her to marry him.

She hadn't told him that she wasn't free to marry yet. She was hoping that it wouldn't be necessary to tell him. If this letter was what she thought is was, all she needed to do was sign it and send it back. She would be released from her vows as of the date of her signature.

The sounds of students running in the halls intruded into her thoughts. Oh yeah. Biology class. Better wait until she had privacy to open the letter. She didn't need any more gossip about her private life from the students. They had a tendency to wildly embellish the truth because they found her dull and unexciting. They tried to spice up her life by making up stories which she would have to chase down and correct. They were never malicious or hurtful. Most of the time, they were wildly funny. The fact that she wasn't mad at them didn't make it any less annoying to have to chase them down.

She was busy the remainder of the day. Classes took up a small part of it. The X-Men responded to an alarm late in the afternoon. She was left with Kurt, Kitty and Steve. The FOH rally was huge. It started out peaceful and went quickly downhill from there. It was a set up. Six hundred people were in the square when they arrived but an additional one thousand were hidden in the buildings and alleys all over the town. When Jean reported that Jubilee had been shot, the remaining X-Men and Captain America went into action. Carolyn went with them.

Scott was furious when he saw her get off the Blackbird II. She did the only thing she could do. She sucked out his anger and smothered him with calm. When she had gotten him calm enough for him to listen, she explained her plan to him.

"Cap?" Logan yelled during a lull in the action. "What the hell are ya doing here? Yer supposed ta be watchin' Carol." He ducked as Cap's shield came whizzing over his head to collide with the head of a bogey behind him.

"Brought her with me," Cap yelled as he caught his shield and turned to bury his fist in the face of a fat, denim covered hulk.

"Are you fuckin' crazy?" he demanded. "She ain't safe here." He sliced the club welded by a smallish man into four neat pieces. The man dropped everything and ran for his life.

"Safer here than in an empty mansion," Cap yelled back. He sent his shield at a group of men sneaking up on Cyclops, who was trying to make his way to them.

"Fall back," Cyclops ordered as he took out a wall hiding a large group of FOH solders. "Carolyn's going to try to do something."

"Let's go Cap," Logan yelled over the din. "There may be too many fer her ta handle."

The fought their way back to where the Blackbirds were parked.

"We're waiting for Rogue," Jean told them.

"She's commin'," Logan said as a green and yellow dot grew into their missing teammate.

"What's up?" she asked as she landed.

"Okay, Carolyn," Scott said, "we're all here. What's your idea?"

"I can't project calm to a group this large. They're too angry and murderous. I don't have the power to change such high emotion to calm with a group this big."

"So what are you going to do?" Cap asked.

"I need to exchange high emotion for high emotion. I'm going to give them the desire to go home and make love to their wives," she said with an embarrassed smile. "It's going to be a general wave, so if you don't want to get caught up in it, I need you to leave. Rogue will stay and take me back to the mansion."

"I don't like it," Logan growled.

"Neither do I," said Cap. "You won't have enough protection."

"If I were Rogue, I'd belt you for that one," Carolyn frowned at him.

"I just might do that, Sugah," Rogue scowled at Cap.

"She's invulnerable and can fly," Carolyn told him. "She's not affected by my powers so we won't have to worry about her being overcome by lust. You and Logan can't say the same. You both will be affected by the wave. Rogue isn't about to deal with it and I'm still a virgin. I'm not up to taking both of you on."

"Is it going to be that strong?" Jean gasped.

"Their emotions are very high. I have to counter it with emotions just as strong. Lust is the direct counter to rage. Logan can tell you that."

Logan had the grace to look embarrassed. Many women had paid for his rages. He couldn't help himself. He was horny after the berserker rages. He never had to resort to rape. The man in him was in control enough to prevent that, but it was close a few times. The first time it happened after he had started to see Ororo, it nearly tore them apart. The beast frightened her. After that, with a combination of meditation and masturbation, he was able to calm himself enough that he didn't frighten her. It bothered him that she couldn't deal with this part of him.

Cap, on the other hand, had never even come close to rape. He had trouble understanding why some men rape. If a woman didn't want you, no amount of force will make her change her mind. He loved Carolyn. So much that he intended to wait until they were married to initiate her.

After thinking about it, both men agreed to leave and allow Rogue to protect her.

She waited until the Blackbirds were heading for the horizon before getting started.

"Take me about one hundred feet over the square," She told the beautiful southern belle.

"Ah hope ya know what yer doin'," Rogue said as she picked Carolyn up by the armpits and took off.

When they were above the crowd in approximately the center, she began to project. The crowd began to slow and falter. The outer groups were the first to leave. The emotion was cooler there. After thirty minutes, the square was empty and the rally was over.

"Let's go home," she said, exhausted.

"Anything ya say, Sugah," Rogue said as she flew back to the mansion.

Landings, when you're flying via Rogue express, can be fairly rough. She flies so fast that it's difficult to slow down. She also forgets that her passenger isn't necessarily as invulnerable as she is. As a result, Carolyn found herself lying on her back on the front lawn, too tired to get up.

"Ya okay Sugah?" she asked as she hovered over Carolyn's prone form.

"I'm fine Rogue," she replied. "I'm just going to take a nap here. Let the others know, will ya?"

"Silly," Rogue smiled. "Here comes Steve. He'll take ya in."

"Thanks for the ride," Carolyn told her. "Remind me never to do that again."

"Carolyn!" Steve yelled. He was running full speed from the house to where she was lying. He evidently didn't know what Carolyn did. The sprinklers had just shut off and the ground was wet. When he tried to slow down and stop, his feet flew out from under him and he landed hard on his back, almost right next to her.

She propped herself up on her elbows and looked down on his shocked face.

"Your other codename is 'Grace' isn't it?" she asked him deadpanned.

He smiled up at her. "I left my balance in my other pants."

"That explains it," she laughed and threw herself into his arms.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he nuzzled her neck.

"I'm fine," she told him, shivering as his lips found a sensitive spot. "I was a little air sick and the landing wasn't any great shakes but all in all, it went well."

"No headache this time?"

"Nope. I didn't have to hold on to them this time. Lust or anger, once started, take on a life of their own. All I had to do is get things going." She stopped and yawned. "I'm very tired though."

"Well, let's get you inside so you can clean up and get to bed." He rose and lifted her in his arms.

"I can walk," she protested.

"I like the way you feel in my arms," he growled playfully. "Stay put."

"Carolyn," Charles said as he met them at the door, "you should not have gone on this mission."

She looked at him with opened mouth astonishment. "You're kidding me, right? Put me down Steve." He set her gently on her feet.

"No, I am most certainly not kidding."

"I just ended a near riot without bloodshed and you say I was wrong to go?" she yelled, her anger growing.

"You are less than twenty-four hours from lock down," he told her angrily. "You could have been taken. Don't make me restrict you to the mansion."

"I'll leave before I let you do that," she screamed. "I am not you prisoner. I am an X-Man."

"If I may interrupt," Steve said loudly. "You are both omega level mutants. An argument between you two might do some serious damage to the minds on the eastern seaboard."

She stepped back, appalled at what she was doing. She took several calming breaths before she spoke again.

"I'm sorry Charles," she said with dignity. "I went on the mission because the alternative was remaining here alone. I helped because I could. I don't regret my decision. If I had to do it over, I would do everything exactly the same way. No one was killed."

"We don't know that yet," Charles said calmly. "We don't know what happened after you left."

"I didn't leave the emotions behind. I took them with me. When we left, the effect left with us."

"Can you guarantee there were no deaths?"

"There is no way I can guarantee life Charles. Only God has that power."

Charles let out his breath with a frustrated whoosh.

"She's right Professor," Steve said. "Things happen during the best of times. She did what she had to do to end the situation peacefully. You can't blame her for doing the job she was born to do." He ended the confrontation by taking her by the arm and pulling her into the house.

She stopped in the threshold and faced Charles. "This was why you recruited me, Charles. Do you regret it now?" She turned and walked into the house, her head held high and not giving him the chance to answer.

He escorted her to her room and waited while she showered and changed into sweats. She returned to the room with a towel wrapped around her hair but feeling much better. She sat on the bed and removed the towel.

"Hand me my comb please," she told Cap.

He picked up the comb from the nightstand and positioned himself behind her.

"I talked to Logan," he told her as he pulled the comb slowly through her hair. "Jubilee will be okay. She has a bullet wound to her left thigh but it's being treated."

"How's Logan handling it?"

"He's pacing like a lion. I've called Storm and let her know. I figured he was too distracted to remember to call her."

"Is she coming?"

"She can't. They're in China and the mission is too important for her to leave right now."

"Does Jubilee know?"

"I haven't seen her yet but I told Logan. He didn't look happy. I don't want to talk about them. I want to talk about us," he said as he kissed her neck. "Lock down starting tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I hate this. I can't even go outside for three days."

"It will come in handy when we decide to start our family," he smiled. "You'll already know your cycle."

She turned around in his arms and faced him, her eyes bright.

"Let's start now," she said.

"What?" he demanded.

"Make love to me," she begged. "Give me a baby."

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, slowly and sweetly.

"I love you," He whispered. "So much that I'm saying no."

"But..."

"Your values say sex before marriage is wrong. I won't let you compromise your values because you don't like three days out of every month. It won't be forever Carolyn. Once you've powered up, the watch will be over. You'll be too powerful for anyone to mess with."

"I suppose," she sighed as she turned and settled herself into his lap. "I'm dreading the day."

"Why?" he asked

"Omega mutants tend to loose their mental stability," she told him. "I'm not the most stable person here. I'm afraid my power up may be the last straw for me. I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen."

"I'll be here for you," he promised. "No matter what happens, I'll never stop loving you."

She shifted so she was lying across his lap and looked into his eyes. "I love you too Steve."

She reached up and pulled him toward her, they're lips meeting. He pulled back and looked at her. Her eyes broadcast her love clearly. His lips descended slowly. When they touched hers, he felt as if he'd come home. The kiss deepened, tongues dueled, tasting. His hands stroked, lovingly, her arms, neck and back. She was trembling with desire. She wanted him, badly.

"Oh God," she gasped as she broke the kiss. "I want you."

"I want you," he told her, his voice rough. "But no. I'm leaving now." He extracted himself from her arms and stood.

"But Steve," she protested, trying to get out of the bed and pull him back. He pushed her away.

"Don't touch me Carolyn," he warned.

"But I want to."

"Call Fr. Ryan in the morning but stay away from me now."

"That will take three weeks," she protested.

"Then it takes three weeks. I love you Carolyn but I want to do this right. Call Fr. Ryan."

"Oh alright," she said disgusted.

"It's late. Get some sleep." He kissed the top of her head and left.

"Men," she swore.

Sleep was a long time coming.

It was morning before she remembered the letter. She tucked it into her back pocket and went downstairs to breakfast where she found out that Steve had been called out during the night and wasn't back yet. She ate a light breakfast of cereal and fruit then grabbed a cup of coffee and took it to the den. She had just gotten comfortable on the couch and was opening her letter when Kitty came in a flicked the TV on.

"You want to go to the mall with me?" she asked as she tuned in a cartoon.

"Lock down starting today," she told her. "Maybe next weekend."

"How about a workout in the Danger Room?"

"I'm still kind of tired from yesterday." He stomach lurched. She felt slightly nauseous. "I'm goin to lie down for a while."

"You must really be tired," Kitty said.

"I am," she said as she got up and went to her room.

The further she walked, the more her stomach rolled. By the time she got to her room, it was all she could do to get to her bathroom before she threw up. The strange thing was, she felt better as soon as her stomach was empty. 'Milk must have been bad,' she thought.

She pulled the letter from her pocket and opened it. It wasn't what she thought it was. It was worse. 'Oh God, please no. Don't do this to me.' She had to get out. She sent a general feeling of disinterest in her where abouts and fled the mansion, the letter crumpled in her hand.

"Has anyone seen Carolyn?" Rogue asked the group gathered in the den.

"I'm sure she's around here somewhere," Bobby said, engrossed in a Saturday morning cartoon.

"Jean, where's Carolyn?"

"Not sure."

"Logan, so you know where Carolyn is?"

"Don't care," He told her. "I'm headin' fer the city ta see 'Ro."

"You seen Carolyn, Swamp Rat?"

"Remy'd rather see you chere."

"Cerebra, where is Carolyn?"

"Carolyn Gibson is not on the grounds," Cerebra answered.

"Isn't she ovulatin' today?"

"Affirmative."

"Who's with her?"

"She is unaccompanied."

"She's out there alone?"

"Affirmative."

"Why would she leave without someone with her?"

"I have no further information."

"Ferget it. Thanks Cerebra." She ran from the War Room to get help to find her missing friend.

She had just made it to her upper levels when Cerebra set off alarms and a wave of despair washed over her.

"Omega mutant detected. Power signature matches Carolyn Gibson. Location: Salem Center New York."

Wave after wave of crushing despair crashed over her, driving her to her knees. Tears began to flow. Soul wrenching pain filled her. Grief, the end of all that has been accomplished over the years, the death of the spirit, and total rejection filled her mind.

"Oh, my God," Rogue gasped. "Carolyn! "Ah can feel it!"

The alarms continued to blare unanswered, the X-Men, overcome with her spiritual pain, were unableto help.