How to Heal Your Burns
Chapter 2: To Those That Are Broken…
"…No… Don't tell the others… just get up here with a kit…thanks"
It sounds like…Robin, was he talking to someone? Wait, where am I? My bed, My walls, my room… so I am in my room but what is he doing in here. God... my head is killing me… I can't think… I can't sense anything. I feel like I am one fire, my skin is scorching.
What the hell is on my skin… oh…my god … I am covered in cuts… and I am naked, in my bed and Robin is in my room and I am naked. I am bleeding again. I have to run. Wait, no I can't I'm naked!
"Raven?" When did he get so close to me? He's at my side. He's kneeling at my bed. He's stroking my hands; no he's wiping the blood from my hands.
I know I didn't respond to his gentle call. I looked over though at him wiping my hand, at his face. His white eyes narrow and his brow furrows.
Is he worried? Is he worried for me? For my body?
"…raven… what did you do to yourself?" He said that so bitterly, as if he were accusing me of something, like he was the one bleeding.
"Robin… why am I naked, what happened?" His eyes went wide right away, then casting them back to my hand which is now fully cleaned. He continues to stroke it with the hand towel.
" I found you in the bathroom…like… um…this. Don't you remember anything?"
Of course I do. The marks, they flamed up again in my dreams, like how they do every night. And his feel, his touch, his flaming touch burnt me again. I wanted it to end, I wanted there to be no more skin for him to touch, for him to burn.
I meant… what happened that you are here now… that I don't remember getting to my bed… that I don't remember leaving the bathroom…
"…no…" I said that too quietly, too weakly because now Robin knows I am lying.
He doesn't answer back and just slowly moves his cleaning from my left hand to my left arm, pouring water on the cloth, then returning to my scorched skin and gently patting away the dried blood.
The coolness of the water sends shivers through my entire body. It is so soothing and all I want to do is close my eyes and feel his hands on me, cleaning me like this until I die but if I do close my eyes, those images will flood my control…
Wait, what am I thinking? He is cleaning me. This is wrong, he shouldn't be here. He is going to ask questions. He is going to know I am lying, he knows I am lying.
"Stop." I command in an earnest voice. He doesn't.
"Stop it." Does he really think I am going to let him sit there and pretend he didn't hear my voice?
"Let Go!" I'm trying to sound more forceful but my voice is lost and dryness captures my anger. I pull my arm away instead. God that hurt more than I thought.
"No!" A vase shattered as he responded to me. I am surprised, the anger, the hurt in his voice.
"Raven, you're not going to slink away from this one. Now hold still, I'm just trying to clean up the cuts until Cyborg gets here." What! He told everyone about this?
This… is …. Not….his out! This is not your concern!" I try to shift out of my bed dragging the sheets to cover what dignity I had left. I try to turn my legs out of the bed. I am trying to move, trying to ignore an intense pain and a weakness I've never known before. The burning tears cascade again and I am dizzy and I am scared. I am losing control.
"Don't be stupid! Lay down!" Robin is forceful and it hurts. He grabs my shoulders. Oh God it hurts. He pushes me to the mattress. Ah! My back is burning.
"Aah!" I couldn't hold it in any longer.
He suddenly turns gentle again, his eyes droop.
"Raven… please, just let me take care of you." I am shocked. And now I allow his hands to push my shoulders down, to move my hair away from my face, to move a blanket up around my neck.
A silence hangs in the air as he sits back to the chair he pulled from my desk. He shrugs his shoulders forward to an awkward slant. Head fallen, hands clasped together, his mind spins.
I look up at the ceiling, willing this moment to die, to burn up…to die.
"I know why you did it Raven, why you did this to your skin… he…tou…he touched you there…"
I can still see the image of him on top of that building. He held her by her shoulders, he pushed her off that building, and he was trying to kill her. But when she fell into my arms I already saw something die. Her tattered outfit, her exposed skin.
"I know why you did it Raven, why you did this to your skin… he…tou…he touched you there…"
I don't look up at her, but keep my eyes trained on the carpet. I don't need to see into her eyes to gauge her reaction. I can feel the room shake. I can hear what is left of her valuable shatter. I can feel pieces of them against my back.
Oh God. Her pain. I could feel it.
I look up and see she has tried again to sit up, this time making it into a full sitting position. Her back is so delicate, so feminine. But it is tortured now by those red scars, the deep purple bruising, those jagged tiny cuts. I guess she sensed I was looking because she quickly covered all of herself in the sheet.
"You...don't know anything." She's lying, that's why her back is to me.
"Then tell me Raven…"
"Get out Robin, I can heal myself."
I know she is lying again. I know she can't because she is not strong enough yet. If she could, she would have. She can't.
"What did he tell you, Rae, …what...did he make you do?" I overstepped my boundaries on that one.
"I told you everything at my birthday party… remember?" Her tone cut like a knife. Her over emphasis of certain words makes me shiver, like she was blaming me in those words.
"You're keeping something from me…"
Now her bookcase is floating…
"Raven, I know what its like… when he… when he gets into your mind."
She stood shakily, grabbing the wall. I sit on the edge of the chair, watching her curled form make its way to the corner. She's going to fall and I am over there in an instant. She pushes me away.
"Just because you can't care about anyone but Slade, anything but the destruction of Slade doesn't mean I share your sick, warped obsession!" Her eyes were closed. She allowed her body to fall forward into my embrace.
I felt like the wind has been knocked out of me. Knocked out but her words, her motionless body…
"What the hell is going on man!" I turn to see Cyborg at the opened door, a med kit in hand. He looks furious.
"Cy, she passed out again," I say as I lay her back on the bed, "… look at her cuts before she comes to again."
I see Cyborg looking around the room, into the bathroom has he passes over to her bed.
"What the hell happened!"
"Cy, just try and fix her up before she…"
"I don't know man, she'll be pretty angry when she wakes up…"
"She'll be angry at me, Cy. Let's just get this done quick. I want to keep this quiet…"
"Alright man"
He worked fast. I watched every move he made. I answered as many questions as I could. I watched his eyes and listened to his sighs when he saw the injuries.
I turned away when appropriate.
I turned back when I could, my eyes following his hands as he applied the ointment, aiding him when he finished wrapping her body…
"Okay… that should 'bout do it."
I can feel the question coming before it leaves his lips.
"Why, man?" I slump back in my chair, and touch her bed.
"…I…I don't know." I lied. I did. But if he knew… no, no one can know. "I'm gonna wait here till she wakes up. You can go.'
"Nah, I'll stay, its okay."
"No. Go."
"Rae's my friend too Robin..."
"Cyborg. Go." He's angry, but stands down, half understanding.
I didn't see him leave, but I heard the door slam.
And her eyes shot open, her mouth agape. She's taking in her surroundings. She's looking down at her now covered injuries. I had put her in a pair of sweats to cover… well… what was left of her dignity…
God, stop blushing Robin…
She sits up, holding her probably aching head. I feel a pang of guilt in my heart. I clasp my hands tighter together and arch forward.
"I am getting sick of waking up to you." Her tone showed that it was no joke.
"Raven… why are you being so stubborn? All I am trying to do…"
"Is annoy me. I could have healed on my own. I don't need your help."
"Really… because I see your lies Raven. What if an alert went out and it was Slade again. What if you did manange to fool us for another night and we let you go fight! Your body has not healed completely from whatever damage Slade did to you. Do you understand Raven?"
She pulled her legs up to her chest, and put her chin on her knees.
"I understand you're a bastard."
And the rage over takes me again as I throw the chair behind me to the wall.
"FINE! Be angry, go ahead Raven punch me. I know you blame me, I know that's why you can't stand to be in the same room as me and now this is why you basically ripped the skin off your bones… go ahead! Take a swing." I am kneeling on her bed, inches away from her face, hoping, praying that I will feel the connection of her fist to my face.
But all she does is turn towards me, her eyes sad again. Her lips inches from my own, her breathe ragged and pained.
"…I don't blame you… Robin… you just don't…. know"
"Then tell me."
"Please, don't make me." And there it was, her vulnerability, her fear, her friendship, her distrust, her pain all in one sentence. All in one hushed whispear. All in four little words. In her gaze, in her burning purple gaze.
I sit down on the side of her bed, my back to her, my head hung low.
"I'm …sorry. I didn't mean to get so angry. I'm just worried… about…about you Rae. You worry me."
And then I feel what I never thought I ever could. Her warm hand glided to my shoulder, staying on the taut muscle, gently gripping, gently soothing.
"Robin, let me heal. I'll be fine… everything…will be fine." I can feel her lying again, but I give in.
"Raven…"
"Robin, please I need just some time to myself. I promise no missions until I'm healed. Just let me rest." I turn my head to her ached face. I nod in agreement. I stand letting her hand fall to the mattress.
"And…"
"And what?" She asks in her monotone voice.
"What you're keeping from me…your secret?" I walk to the door, exhausted, confused, a little hurt.
She doesn't answer me. I don't push any further. I'm already defeated.
"… if you need to talk… I'm here Raven."
Again silence and I turn back around. She looks at my face and then merely curls back into her bed like she said she would.
I look at her clock. Its 3am.
I close her door.
I need sleep.
