Thank you everyone for the nice reviews, sorry its taking so long for me to update, but I promise… as soon as I write 'em you get to read 'em.
On to the Story…
How to Heal Your Burn
Chapter 3: To Those That Are Silent…
31 hours… it's been 31 hours… 5 of which I've spent sleeping. The rest, well the rest I've been pounding the shit out of my punching bag in my quarters, the gym, the training room. I should be tired. My muscles do ache. Thank God for these green gloves or else the bruising and scabs on my knuckles would be far too evident. A deep purple bruising… like… Raven. I sigh inaudibly. She hasn't left her room in 31 hours. Well, I'm sure she has probably snuck out at some point for food. If she did, she did so cunningly, under my nose. I take back what I said before, I didn't just train… I watched her… constantly… her door…waiting…some times knocking…asking…watching…
"Robin?", I'm knocked out of my thoughts by an angered meta-man.
"Dude, were you listening to anything I was saying?"
"Yea…no... Sorry I was thinking about… um…finding Slade." Cyborg is narrowing his eyes. He leans in from his position of the couch, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Listen man, I'm worried about him too, and her. Maybe you should get some sleep." Sleep. Sleep is punishment.
"I'm fine. What were you saying?" Cyborg sighed heavily.
"I was saying, Robin, that Slade is no where to be found, and its been three weeks of constant searching. .."
"Then its gonna be four weeks, Cyborg." I can see the anger in his eyes. But what the hell does is expect, that were gonna give up!
"Robin! Let me finish. We got no leads, nothing. And now we have Raven who is a danger to herself, the team, I mean, man we are running out of options."
"So what are you thinking Cyborg, throw her out, let Slade get her, let her destroy herself!" I said that too loud but I don't care, and I don't remember clenching my fists so tightly, wanting to put huge holes in his metallic skull. Now he throws his hands up waving them wildly in front of her face.
"Man, chill, I'd never want that. She's like a sister."
I slump back further on to the couch and lift my head up to see through the living rooms windows the sun peeking over the horizon, just about to rise.
"Alright." I can solve this, I know I can. "She knows no missions. Not until she is healed."
"Robin, that's not what I mean. Her mind Robin, It's a mess. And with Slade saying he was after her… I mean there's something that doesn't make sense..."
He's right. Maybe I should… no. He can't know that her memories of Slade did this. No one can know.
"…and we can't keep this from the others."
"No!"
"Robin!"
"NO! Cyborg, I'll get to the bottom of all of this, on my own. But this is just between you and me for now. That's an order."
"Giving out the orders kind of early, aren't we Robin?"
My head shot up to see her standing casually in the kitchen, reaching for her tea bags. Shuffling from one side of the kitchen to the other so nonchalant in her motions. So she's going to play like nothing happened, like it was not just 31 hours ago that I found her a crumpled mass, that she finally broke down. She's going to just ignore me. We'll see about that.
Before I have the chance to even lift myself from my seat on the couch Cyborg is already at her side, asking how she feels, what her plans were. She looks annoyed. I'll wait, well at least until Cyborg is done with the pleasantries.
And the sun has fully risen.
The other Titans will be awake soon…
"Morning Greetings to all!" Hm. On Cue as always. I turn around to see Star and Beast Boy milling about, trying to find some breakfast no doubt.
Robin looks tense. Puh, he should be. I heard them talking from the Hallway. He raised his voice, and of course they failed to notice me walking into the room, probably too concerned with making sure that Cyborg heard his barking orders. He can really be such an egotist sometimes. He's no God, his way is not always the right way. Jerk, He's such a jerk!
"How you feel Rae?" What the hell is wrong with me, I just let Cyborg sneak up on me. I pull my cloak tighter around my body, lowering my head to allow the shadow of my hood to fully encompass my face.
"Fine." I say, while starring at the flames under the kettle. Why can't water boil faster?
"Bandages okay?" I really didn't hear all that Cyborg said, I was too enthralled by the flames of the kettle. Their happy dance, their intoxicating warmth, their swaying beauty seems…to…be calling…
"Rae?" My head jerks upward. "Earth to Raven?"
"What?" I say a little annoyed.
"Geez, between you and Robin, I feel like I am talking to the walls." I felt a swell of embarrassment.
"Oh… sorry Cyborg, yes they're fine." If by fine you mean I ripped them off.
"Morning Greetings to all!" Wonderful. I knew I would run into Cyborg and Robin but I was actually hoping to make it back before anyone else had woken up.
I guess Cyborg saw me grasping the handle of my tea cup too tightly. He gave me one last look and turned towards Starfire and Beastboy.
"Morning, Star. Who wants some waffles?"
Good, that should distract them long enough for me to let this tea boil.
"Yo Rae! Where have you been?"
"Yes friend Raven, you have missed training session, have you not been well?' I fold my arms around my waist under my cloak.
"No, meditating." I look up past the changeling and the tameranean that are now giving me slanted looks. Robin has moved from the couch and is now walking in heavy strides towards the kitchen.
"Meditating! For an entire day?" Beastboy crosses his arms and eases himself against the kitchen counter.
"Yo man, I forgot to tell you. I got the new Jersey Street racing game." Cyborg calls from the opposite end of the kitchen
"No way! That's like one of the hardest…" Beast Boy continued on with his rant on how hard the game was to find. How hard the game was to play. I didn't pay attention; I was too busy trying to catch my breath. I turned my back to them all focusing again on the silver kettle. Why wouldn't this damn tea boil!
"Raven, are you sure all is well?" Starfire asked as she stood a little too close for my comfort.
"Star, I'm fine, just trying to get some tea in peace." She seemed slightly hurt by the sharpness of my words. She turned away and went back to the living room where the small group of Titans congregated.
I can't keep this up for long. I mean, I've kept secrets from them before, I've held back the truth about my past, about what I really am. But this, this is something so different, something too big for this body to hide.
A loud whistle snapped me out of my thoughts. I reached over for the kettle and pour the water into the small mug. I set the kettle back down over the flat burner. I think I'll add some vanilla. No, then it will be too sweet. I wish we had some nutmeg in this kitchen. I mean would it really hurt to have a nice collection of spices. Then again, who cooks here? There's breakfast of course but dinner is mostly order in Chinese, or Italian or…
Robin grabs my right hand hard. My eyes rise to meet his. Sometimes I really wish looks would kill. What the hell is he trying to pull? He's holding a rag, and wiping blood…from the counter top? But… where did the blood… omg, my hand is bleeding.
She didn't notice me enter the kitchen. Well, if she did she made damn sure to ignore me.
It was my fault; Beast Boy and Starfire are not stupid. Of course they noticed her absence from training sessions, dinner. It is a good thing Cyborg caught my gaze and dragged away their attention. Now they are just milling about as normal. As we do every morning.
And I look over at her. Her form seems smaller; her shoulders slouched as if an invisible load has settled permanently upon them. She didn't let much flesh be exposed; she hardly ever held her hood over her head indoors but today she made sure all of her was covered. She's reaching for the kettle, making sure only her fingertips were exposed. Even reaching for a spoon she tries to conceal her hand.
Wait, what's that?
Red.. and pooling? Is she bleeding? I grab a hand towel and charge towards her. I snatch her hand. She's lost in thought again. She snaps out and gives me her death stare. Does she not even realize her hand is covered in blood? That the countertop, where she had let her hand rest is soaked?
I quickly clean the blood, and her hand. Her stare of cold death has turned to burning confusion, she's stunned.
"Rae…" I whisper.
She instantly pulls her hand away, along with the cloth and pulls it back into her cloak. Her black aura opened a hole in the floor and she slipped into it.
Did anyone else see that? No…No. Beast Boy is already playing the video game, with the rest of them hovering around.
:sigh: Here we go again. Robin vs. Raven round two. Let's see how long it takes for her to open the door this time.
Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos
:bang bang:
"Raven! Open up, I know you're in there!"
Hm. Two minutes, he's running a little slow today.
Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos
"Raven!"
Guh, he never gives up.
I slide off my bed and move to the door. Its futile though because he's already put in his override codes and the door slides open. I'm startled and jump back slightly, he just stands there stoically , fists clenched held tightly to either side of his hips. Black mask narrowed to tiny slits.
He moves past me, as if I were not the object of his rage.
"Yes, you may come in." I say in a deadpanned voice.
"Close the door Raven." I comply, bracing myself for the angry Robin. The stereotypical angry leader. I'll give him a piece of my mind, running around barking orders, demanding perfection…
"Raven, what happened to your hand? I thought you were healing?" Well that was new. His voice was coated in worry and comfort rather than the fury I had tensed my muscles for.
I don't answer at first.
"Raven," he said with a sigh. He moved over to his favorite chair. The one that became his home the night, he...um, found… me. "I thought we had a deal. I thought you were going to heal. You we're build up your strength and I would leave you alone. I wouldn't ask any more questions."
Ha. If he is implying that I am the one breaking our deal then he can just go throw his head into a trash compactor…
"Ha. And I suppose lingering outside my room like a stalker doesn't break our deal? Or how about you promising Cyborg you would get to the bottom of it? I'm gonna just hazard a guess but I don't think you two were talking about cars." Robin slumps forward, no doubt my verbal jabs taking its effect.
"For a leader Robin, you are quite the hypocrite…" shit. Stupid, I shouldn't have said that.
He looks up with fire in his eyes. He charges for me, too quickly for me to step aside. He grabs my right arm and tears the fabric of my leotard all the way up my elbow. He sees the redness, the swollen nature of my appendage. He pushes my cloak open and sees the same marks upon my legs.
"Why….aren't … you…healing?" He asks in seething anger. I try to move away from his gaze but there is something in his face that gives up the façade is voice is trying to paint. His features are relaxed, almost sad. And his aura is of… concern… its…deep concern…
I give an audible sigh. I'll tell him the truth, we'll a half truth.
"Robin, I'm just shook up and I can't find my concentration as easily as I had before…" He moves his hands from his hips to my shoulder, almost reassuring me of my burden. He's smart; I don't need to explain that without my concentration I lose my powers full strength. It's partly true. The dreams though, that's what is shaking my concentration. The dreams of fire. All encompassing, deeply burning fire. That's why I don't sleep, I don't eat. Well, Boy Wonder if only you knew the whole truth.
"Why don't you let Cyborg take a look at those, and you should eat something." I nod slightly. Good. Act defeated and maybe he'll leave you alone. "Oh and when you are ready to tell me …anything… I'm here."
WHAT! He still doesn't believe me, doesn't believe… well, why should he. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
"STOP IT!" I scream, a picture frame shatters, along with most of the glass in the room.
"DAMN IT ROBIN! I am sick of hearing you say that! I am sick of it! I don't need to talk. And damn you and Cyborg. My secret, my life is my own business! I don't need you and Cyborg, with your early morning meetings, telling me what to think, do! I can take care of myself!"
"Why are you so selfish Raven!"
SELFISH, DID HE JUST CALL ME SELFISH!
"Can't you see that you being hurt effects the team, and you keeping this secret of yours will effect the team. I'm the leader god damnit, and I have to look out for everyone. Everyone Raven!"
Oh my God, 'this secret of yours will effect the team'. Does he know, has he known all along!
"What do mean…will effect the team", I ask timidly.
"You know damn well what I mean Raven!" My eyes widen, "whatever you are hiding is making it impossible for you to heal, and with you out of commission we will be down one titan. And now I have to lie to them, telling them you are sick or… what did you say…meditating."
Thank God. He doesn't know.
But, why is he treating me like some kind of dirty lie.
"I don't need this. I'm going to go train, alone, by myself." I say walking past him, past the sliding door and into the hallway.
"No!" I don't bother to turn; I can hear his footsteps behind me.
"No, Raven! That's an order." An order! He thinks he can just order me around! I turn and bring my face inches from him.
"Listen Boy Blunder, You may command us on the field, but you don't own my life. Now, I am going to go train, and you can go back to having waffles." I narrow my eyes as I can feel the black aura encompass me.
"You are acting like a child Raven! You're still hurt, and you're only going to injure yourself further."
"I'm no child."
"Yes you are. Standing here, arguing like this …"
"Only because my leader is too egotistical to see that his team can wipe their own asses with out him commanding them to."
He looks away from my face, I can see he is getting too heated, he is trying to control his anger, biting his lip, clenching and unclenching his fists.
"…go train Raven…." I'm surprised at his sudden defeat. The mellowness of his voice. His now normal shaped white orbs.
"Just remember you're a Titan, Raven. You don't need to hide things from us."
"And what if I need to keep my thoughts private?"
"Fine! Keep them Raven! Keep all of them. …But when they do this," he grabs my arm and lifts it to eye level, "…and this", he brushes his fingertips lightly across my forehead. I can't help but hiss in a petite breath. He pushes one strand of fallen hair behind my ear. , Shivers are sent down my spine, to my knees, and back up to my already accelerated heart. He's letting his hand fall to my shoulder now, gripping the fabric of my cloak.
If he gets any closer I think my heart is going to collapse.
"When they do that, what am I suppose to do then, Raven?" he whispers. His eyes travel from the marks on my arm to the one on my forehead and then back to my eyes. "Tell me what to do."
He's now dangerously close to me. His words came in sudden whispers and I don't know how to respond. His breaths are light and profound; I can almost feel them on my cheeks. I look into his white orbs, a flurry in my mind.
Do I tell him? Do I tell him everything, how I will be the one that destroys them all, how I will be the reason that all the things he loves will crumble to nothing. Do I tell him I don't know how to stop it? Do I tell him…everything?
I can't. I can't hurt him, because he is here now. He is here clutching my wrist to his chest, his other hand upon my quaking shoulder. I can't tell him because if I do then I will never feel his friendship again. I will never feel him near me, clutching me, supporting me…
I turn quickly out of his grasp, flicking both his hands into the air.
I try to hover in a steady pace down the hallway but I feel my heart slowly melting, disappearing. And the pains of my marks are beginning to return.
I feel a tightening at my throat and I am jerked backwards. I turn seeing Robin holding a section of my cloak. Daggers loom in his eyes, no more gentleness, and no more kindness.
"You didn't answer my question."
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Because I can't!"
"WHY! Don't you trust me!"
I begin to open my mouth. I was about to speak. I was about to let the fears all drain from my body. I was about to say 'Because, Robin, because my father is an uber-demon lord that is using me to bring about the destruction of this life. I can't tell you anything because I don't know anything. I can't tell you about the visions that Slade showed me because if I did I would have to leave the team, or you would make me leave and then I would never see you or my friends ever again. I can't tell you because verbalizing what my mind knows is the scariest thought, the scariest idea that I have ever had. I can't because I love you too much to let you see your future.' I almost said all of that.
"… Why did you only tell Cyborg and not the others…?" I ask. I see a visible jerk in his body.
"Answer my question and I'll answer yours." I say. He still holds my cloak tightly in his clenched fist.
"…" He takes his gaze away from my eyes and they fall to the floor.
"Well?" I ask angrily.
"I didn't because…because I didn't…" He releases my cloak and uses the now free hand to rub the back of his neck.
I fold my arms in front of my chest and arch my eyebrow.
Silence falls upon the corridor. It feels like years, and I am tired. Tired of waiting for answers to my own questions, tired of running from the questions that I have to to ask.
"I wanted to protect them, you. I just didn't want them to worry… to have… to have the same ache that I have in my heart worrying about you… give them a chance…at normal. If I could have, I would never have had Cyborg come into this, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm no medic. And you wouldn't have wanted me to say anything to them anyway… for probably the same reasons I have. I am so tired of seeing people suffer silently, I couldn't bare it if I saw it in everyone's eyes… I can't even take it when I see it in your eyes…"
I can feel my nails dig into my arms. I can see his aura, his cheeks flush. He's embarrassed; I don't even think that he realized that he had said all that aloud. I blush at the thought. He looks at me. It's my move now, my turn to speak, run, hide, and fear, to be embarrassed like he is.
But…
I couldn't…
Do anything…
But…
Wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest…
He tenses instantly, but I soon feel his hands across my back, starting at my sides and then running closer to my spine, slowly bringing me to him. Slowly intensifying, slowly giving into my…hug…
No shivers this time, only comfort, only peace.
I feel his head tilt and chin rest on top of my head.
I let it last a few more seconds, content in the beating of his heart, the feel of chest rising and falling in a natural rhythm. I move my hands to the front of his chest, absorbing his costume. He moves his head as I lift mine to make eye contact. I let my hands finally fall on his shoulders, one on each side. I bend forward, on tip toe and lean into his neck, to his ear…
"…to protect us…right?" I murmur. Slowly, treacherously he nods, forcing his heated cheek to rub against my hair.
"…so then… you understand why I can't tell you". He tenses and I push him away softly.
God, I can't let him see my eyes. He would know the concentrated pain that is coursing through my veins, through my face. I'm losing control.
I pull up my hood, turning to make a dash for the end of the hallway. I don't hear his footsteps follow and I resign to let him linger in the corridor as stunned and befuddled as I am.
The Alarms sound, I can almost hear Robins voice… "Titans. Go!"
Fine.
I promise, the next few chapters will be much darker… and maybe a little bit more amore? Let me know what you think.
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