Notes : Inspired by an amazing one shot "I Won't let You" by Lysore. I loved the angst melancholic vibe of the fanfic so much that I couldn't stop my mind from making this. I started one fanfic like half a decade ago and never completed it so here's to hoping I actually pull my weight and finish it.


Chapter 1: The End of The Fun***in World

Chapter Text

"Hey Lily! Finally you're here. We've been looking all over the floor for you" said Mary with much more enthusiasm than it should be possible for such an early morning.

"Sorry, I woke up early and went for an early shower." Truth to be said, I haven't had too much time for myself, especially with all the "interventions" by my friends regarding Severus, Severus's own frustrating behavior and James's annoying yet charming flirting. That's why I thought I could get an early head start and relax awhile but that seems not to be the case.

"Okay so we were planning on going to Hogsmeade today to get some sweets from Honeydukes and pick up some clothes that Mary had given to the tailors" said Alice with an excited whisper.

"Yes, you are definitely going with us and definitely not gonna snog Frank in the corner of some alley" Mary said without a care in the world.

Hearing this, Alice's face became as red as Gryffindor's true color and she started denying it. Well the entire school knows that Alice and Frank have been going steady for the last few months. I wish I could've joined them but Severus asked me to accompany him to the Tomes and Scrolls. I really didn't wanna go with Sev. Especially with all our meetings ending up turning into a shouting match and my mood getting soured for the rest of the day. I honestly don't want to deal with him specifically now that he is showing his true colors by associating with all these blood purist maniacs but somewhere deep inside my mind was telling me I might be wrong, maybe I should talk with-

"So, are you coming with us" asked Mary, breaking my thoughts.

"No. I have to meet up with Sev today."

I didn't even get to properly finish my sentence and Mary looked at me with such a disgusted look as if I've committed a grave sin.

"Seriously Lily I don't get why you wanna even spend your time with that slytherin knowing what his friends did to me. He is as filthy as James and Sirius says he is. He is going to be your downfall. Why can't you see we are trying to help you?" Mary's voice rises with every passing word.

"Guys he is still my friend and we always do it-" I tried to say before Alice stops me and says "Lily, we get it that you have been friends for a long time but you both have moved onto very different paths and trying to salvage this friendship with Snape will drown you in waters where you can't swim back up. You told me that even Snape doesn't care too much about maintaining this friendship. So he definitely wouldn't care if you just say that you can't go."

"Alice, I can't do that. We don't talk too much with the situation as it is and if I just abandon our yearly plan out of nowhere for some butterbeers then he will definitely get mad and it wouldn't help our situation."
"There is no helping your situation! You'll be better off without him and giving James a chance. I know you want to but you're just hung up on some pseudo sense of obligation towards Snape! Look at Alice and Frank! That could be you with James!" Mary didn't try to hide her anger.

"Look Lily, just send Snape an owl and say you are ill so you can't join him today if you are that hesitant to say it face to face. I can see that you wanna join me and Mary more than spending a boring day with Snape."

"Yes but what if Sev sees me."As I say this I remember that Sev hates Sweets and stays 100 feet away from Honeydukes because of all the sugary smell. Still I didn't want to take the chance but then I looked at Alice and Mary's awaiting face. Eh what's one less meetup with Sev. It's not as if our friendship is working out.

"Fine. I'll let Sev know that I can't join him because of my headache" I relented. I mean I did have a headache for the past few weeks and Sev knew that so it would be much easier.

Snape POV:

Honestly me and Lily have had a rough few months. I've been looking forward to this meeting for the last few days. This entire year has been a hell for me since that son of a bitch Potter and his gang lured me into their pet death trap. It was like a cruel joke that I nearly died but ended with a threat to not ever say anything about it to anyone. Just like always the great professor Dumbledore condemned me with a threat and put an invisible spell on me that lets him know if I talk about it with anyone. I can't breathe properly in public, I get nauseated just thinking about this invisible choker on my throat. I can't see it but it still feels like it's choking the life out of me. That fucker James is being portrayed as a hero in Lily's eyes while she is being fooled by the facade. I need this meeting with her to go well otherwise our friendship might be over.

Suddenly I hear a knock on my window. I looked up and saw Lily's owl. I open my window and take the note.

"Sorry Sev I can't go out with you. I am having a terrible headache and I'll most probably be sleeping in. Again I apologize for this inconvenience."

Oh well there goes all my preparation. I need to smoke. I have picked up this terrible habit from Lucius but hey atleast it helped me cope with all the bullshit my life has been handing me for the last few months.

On my way to Astronomy tower, I am stopped by Narcissa calling my name.

"Seriously you should be more wary of your surroundings Snape! I called you five times before you even noticed."

"Sorry I have a lot on my mind."

"Yes I can definitely see. I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany me to Hogsmeade. I know you will be busy meeting your Gryffindor friend as every year but I was hoping you will be free afterwards. I have to meet up with Lucius. I am sure he will be delighted to meet you."

Narcissa is two years ahead of me and Lucius graduated last year. They have been good friends of mine over the last 3 years and I definitely enjoy their company. I just wish our conversations were more about our lives than our aspirations for joining the Death Eaters. Narcissa is clearly uncomfortable but she trusts Lucius. Honestly considering how the light side is turning out to be and how big of a biased bastard Dumbledore seems to be, I am more interested in Lucius's offer. I look at Narcissa and realize that I haven't yet given an answer.

"Well Lily seems to be feeling ill and won't be going to Hogsmeade. so I am free to spend time with you and Lucius."

"Splendid! So should we head there now?"

"Wait Now? I got here to I go for one cigarette?"

Narcissa's piercing glare made it clear that there would be no room for my smoking session. I bowed my head and gestured for her to take the lead which she gladly took. We ended up spending close to 3 hours visiting various clothes shops. She kept asking my opinion on such posh clothes that I didn't feel comfortable passing any sort of judgment on so I ended up giving her a blank look every time she asked me for my opinion. After an excruciating number of purchased clothes we finally headed out of the clothes section of Hogsmeade.

"When will Lucius be coming?"

"Oh he won't be coming dear." Narcissa said without even looking at me as if it was the most natural answer.

"Wait what do you mean Lucius will be coming?"

"Well I know that you might hesitate if I said that you need to accompany me alone so I name dropped Lucius to get your lazy bum out"

Honestly I find myself not really caring because I wasn't interested in another Death Eater sales pitch and Narcissa is a great company. Still I tried to muster the hardest glare I possibly could but Narcissa being the ice queen she is barely is affected by it.
"Well if you are done skulking around then let's go towards Honeydukes. I need to get some candy for Anna. Poor girl is hospitalized after that horrible quidditch accident."

Honestly I don't care about quidditch that much. All I know about Anna is that she is a 6th year Slytherin who is a Chaser and she had an accident. I can't bring myself to care anymore than that. Well, as long as I don't have to enter Honeydukes, I am okay with it.

We reach Honeydukes and Narcissa looks at me expectedly like I am supposed to enter with her. I tried to mock her for her naivety but one cold glare is all it took for me to realize I wasn't winning this battle. So I relentated and opened the door and followed her. Man I hate the smell of candies. I tried to stand in the corner while Narcissa made her purchase. As I look across the shop I see Alice and Frank practically groping each other in an isolated aisle. Of course these moronic gryffindor will only be doing what their hormones dictate. I took a look at the candy section and decided to buy some of Lily's favorite candies. Thinking she will be so glad that I bought them for her, especially since she is missing this break. I hope she is atleast resting properly.

I look the other side to see a girl with fiery red hair eating some candies and talking with a girl I recognize as Mary Macdonald from Gryffindor and the sodding Potter. Lily laughs at something Potter says and punches his arm lightly. Potter gives her one of those annoying fucking smiles that he gives to every other girl that he tries to charm. Wait, that can't be. No Lily is supposed to be in Hogwarts. Why is she here? And then it all suddenly clicked. She wasn't having any headache at least that's what her loud laughter seems to suggest. She didn't go out with me because she had to spend time with her dear Potter. Honestly I can't stand to look at her. Screw this! I shoved the candies on the shelf and I walked out of the shop to go back to Hogwarts. I didn't even realize that I was supposed to tell Narcissa something. My mind was in too much of a turmoil.

The afternoon meetup in the slytherin common room the day after was not pleasant. I had to go through Narcissa's wrath and then her cold shoulder despite my repeated attempt for apology.
Still half my mind was still occupied with thoughts about a certain Redhead Gryffindor. I was Lily today on the end of the north end corridor of the 5th floor. She waved at me and I decided to ignore her. I can't deal with her until I've had all my thoughts sorted. She tried to open a conversation with me in the dining hall later that week and I stood up and just left the hall.

I have managed to ignore Lily all week until my Potions class. Lily and I are assigned to sit together. Man this is going to be an absolute hell. Lily comes late by 5 minutes. She walks into the class and a minute later Potter and his lackeys enter the class. Oh wow I didn't think my mood could possibly be more sour but the love of merlin decided to show me how worse my mood could go. "I can't deal with an annoying toe-rag like James" well apparently she can. She looked at me and asked
"What?"

I realized that I was staring at her so I decided to roll my eyes and work on the given assignment.

"Do you have anything to say? Or do I still have to deal with your asshole-ry for an indefinite amount of time?"

I didn't bother answering and kept working on the potion.

"Well being an asshole for indefinite time it is"

I decided to ignore her jab and started my brewing. She didn't know what potion we were supposed to be working on and when she asked me, she was met with silence on my part. I know I was being a petty git but I couldn't help myself.

"Seriously if you have a problem with me then talk to me instead of being an asshole. So much fucking drama for missing one meetup when I was ill"

"You want to talk, then fine, meet me in the room of requirement after dinner."

Lily looked at me without saying anything with an expression I can't read. After a few moments she looked back at her notes and I decided to go back to my portion of the work. It was the worst Potion we completed as a team. Professor Slughorn looked very disappointed and a bit concerned to see his prized pupil submit such a lackluster project.

Dinner was overall uneventful. My usual grumpy mood ensured that I wasn't disturbed by anyone. Rosier tried to initiate a conversation but one look is all it took for him to take a hint and sit somewhere else. I looked at the Gryffindor table and see Lily more quiet than she has been for the last few months. No doubt her mind is cooking about what was about to happen tonight. What was about to happen tonight? I honestly don't know. I just know that I have to save our friendship somehow, someway. If I lose Lily, I simply think I can't live. Well looking at Lily I can atleast take comfort that she is also thinking about us or I am hoping she is.

I decided to leave the great hall early and head for the room of requirement. I don't even know if the room will open or not. If it doesn't then we'll need someplace else to talk. I was relieved to find the familiar door after I paced around three times while thinking about my need. This room has saved me quite a few times from Marauders. Thinking back I would say this room is one of my five friends in Hogwarts. Kinda pathetic that I am considering a room as a friend but then again I am not really a ray of sunshine who has that many friends.

I opened the door and was surprised to see myself in a small enclosed space with a mat and a few books lying around. It was our secret treehouse back in cokeworth. We spent so many hours together in this space. It is kind of nostalgic. I looked around the books lying there. These are all books I stole from my Mother's trunk she kept in the attic. She locked all her magical past in that one trunk. It doesn't matter since she died last January. I honestly hate her. Hate her for never standing up for herself, for myself. I used to be jealous of Lily and the parents she had. Now I feel kind of numb. No point in thinking about what I will never have.

I decided to light up a cigarette and a few minutes later I heard the door open. I look up and see the familiar fiery flowing red hair and those beautiful green eyes. It's so stupid that I still find myself drowning in those eyes even after all these years.

"Lily I-" I started but was interrupted by Lily.

"Honestly I can't do it anymore. I have tried to make this friendship work time and time again. Yet you have acted pathetically after being saved by James and now decided to throw childish fit after I couldn't attend our hogsmeade meet"

It took me a while to register her words. I had thought of hundreds and thousands of scenarios since today's Potion class and none could prepare me for what Lily said. My mind can't process her words but my heart definitely can. I feel anger slowly sipping through half my mind while the other half starting to become numb. I kept staring at her and it was as if time had stopped. Was it a minute, an hour, an eternity? I don't know but Lily gives one last look and starts towards the door.

"You can't do it anymore?"

"No, I can't"

A deep chuckle leaves my throat. Lily looks at me surprised.

"Is that what our friendship is to you, Severus? A joke?" she asks incredulously.

"No for me it was everything but perhaps it was nothing more than a joke to you or maybe I was nothing more than a tool to you."

"How dare you suggest that I wasn't a true best friend to you. I was everything you had until you decided to join those wretched death eaters. Honestly I should've-"

"SHUT UP!" I couldn't stand to hear her self righteous rant anymore. You know what screws this. If this is how she wants to play the cards then I'll play along too.

"For once get off your fucking high horse. You think you're the only one suffering? You barely had any hardship due to this friendship. I have to fight tooth and nail to keep it afloat. From my house and from your damn house as well. And oh god let's not even bring your boyfriend James"

"James isn't my boyfriend but atleast he is a better friend than you! When it mattered he saved you! Don't forget that you wouldn't even be here without him." shouted Lily furiously but her eyes widened and the color from her face started to drain when she looked at me. I took one step towards her. I don't know what my face is like right now or if it reflects the pure loathing and hatred I feel for everything right now. Maybe it is. Maybe that's why Lily looks at me with a bit of fear in her eyes.

"Is that what that fucker told you? That he saved me?" I surprised myself with how calmly I said these words despite my foul language. I guess I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. This will probably be the last time I'll speak with Lily so I just want to open up and close this wretched chapter of my miserable life.

"I was in the hospital wing for 2 weeks and you couldn't even bother to show up once. Is that how best friends are supposed to be? Is this the Gryffindor honor I'll get or am I not even worthy of such consideration because a lowly Slytherin like me cannot measure upto the gods at the gryffindor?"

"Sev I told you that I was sorry for not being able to visit you. I had a fever, you know that." Lily said with less fire compared to how she started

"Yes, the type of illness that makes you want to stay as far away from me as possible but doesn't have any issue when you flirt with Potter in Honeydukes."

It was honestly kind of funny to see how her expression fell and her eyes snaps to look me in the eye. She knows what I am talking about. Well atleast it's nice to know that she has the bare humility to feel shame.

"How did you know?"

"Narcissa asked me to accompany her after you canceled our plan and imagine my surprise when I saw you healthy as a horse and laughing with Potter."

"Look Sev I am sorry-" She started to apologize but honestly I couldn't care less at that point.

"Don't bother with the excuses. I am tired of them. What were you going to say that you were pressured by your housemates? The fact that being friends with me makes you look bad in their gracious eyes? Do you think you are the only one who is being dragged down?"

"What do you mean?" asks lily hesitantly

"I am basically singled out. The reason why I didn't have any friends for 4 years is because I was friends with you! I suffered at their hands physically and was humiliated on every front by your precious marauders." My mind was going blank with how light I was feeling but I felt like I had to keep going. "The only reason why I even got some friends is because of my ability and potential. But hey the moment I have someone from my house being friends with me, you had to come and nag at me to break the friendship! It's all my fault for being friends with people from Slytherin and it's okay for you to be friends with attempted fucking murderers!"

Lily's eyes start to show the helplessness that she is feeling. I know that she still doesn't understand. She tries to start saying something but she comes blank on every turn. You know what. Fuck Hogwarts! Fuck Dumbledore! I might as well get expelled. I don't need Lily, I don't need Dumbledore.

"Let's talk about my such graceful savior James Potter. Sirius Black lured me into a trap to get mauled by his werewolf buddy Lupin! James didn't save me because he is the great fucking person you try to paint him to be! He saved me because he had to save his friend's ass and than Dumbledore sided with them and condemning me to a promise to never talk about it unless I want to get expelled while Potter gets to fucking shout it out to the rest of the world to be painted as the hero so that he can get into your pants!"

I start coughing blood as I feel the choker burning in my throat But I didn't care. I feel Lily coming closer to put a hand on my shoulder. No No No No! I slapped her hand away. I can't have her get any emotional sympathy. Can't give her any high fucking moral ground. Not when she practically treated me like dirt for the last few months.

"I am going to get expelled but you know what fuck it. I am not gonna leave this sinking friendship with you believing that you have some sort of high ground and I was the absolute bad guy. I may not be the best of friends but I tried! I had nobody to show me how to be a good friend but I still tried. But what about you? You were the queen of every circle. Is that how you treat friendship? Treat it like a tool? I see you Lily! I see that the only reason why you were even meeting with me was because you felt some sort of obligation and when you needed some fucking homework!"

At this point Lily can't even say anything she is sobbing openly. She starts to say something but I can't listen to her voice. It's just too painful.

I stepped closer to her and stopped just a few inches short of her.

"Don't worry you'll be the damsel in distress as everyone will applaud you for being the strong one but we both know that you were nothing more than a coward trying to ride their high horse."

"Sev please listen, I am sorry. I need you. Forgive me. I'll try to be a better friend. Please don't go" she starts to plead and hold my hand. It's funny how I used to imagine how it would've been to hold her hand but now it just feels unremarkable. I don't even feel sad. I thought the end of our friendship was something that would destroy me but now I realize it was the friendship that was destroying me.

I took my hand away and opened the door to leave. I see Lily sitting and weeping. I feel bad and somewhere deep inside my mind I feel the need to comfort her but that thought vanishes as soon as it appears.

"Goodbye Lily."


Author Notes : This fanfic starts from before the infamous lake incident and will hopefully carry until they graduate. Also I will recommend one Snily Fanfic I love with each chapter I update. I asked Lysore if I could write a fic that is inspired by their work but I still haven't received any answer and she might not be active. I decided to still roll with it because if I don't do it now than I'll lose my motivation to write anything. Also no proofreader/ beta so sorry for all the grammatical errors. I don't own Harry Potter definitely and the only thing I own is half baked sanity that I am losing with every attempt to zero hit Malenia Blade of Miquella :)

I am not gonna defend Snape and say that he wasn't a bastard because let's be honest he was one. The thing is I sometimes find his portrayal of villainy among the Harry Potter fandom unjust specially considering Marauders, lily, Dumbledore all shared some blame for his misguided early life. I really wish some other fanfics also portrayed Lily as a layered human and put forth her flaws just as much as we see Snape's flaws being portrayed.

My First Recommended Fanfic is The Prince and The Professor by the_supreme_mugwump ( /works/589726/chapters/1060711)
This fic is incomplete and ao3 sadly doesn't have the final updated chapter. It's available on with the final updated chapter. Even though it's incomplete and only features mild Snily, it still is one of my favorite portrayal of Snape and their relationship.