Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, nor do I own the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan.
Author's Note: Well, this is my first attempt at writing a Final Fantasy VII fic. I've been a member of this site for a few years, but up until now, I never wrote anything other than Final Fantasy VIII fics. Anyway, I am a huge Cloti fan, so if I do post anything else in this section, it will probably be something involving Cloud and Tifa. Please tell me what you think!
Do What You Have to Do
Tifa Lockhart put down the rag and sighed. She had just finished a stressful day behind the counter of her newly constructed bar, Seventh Heaven. Tifa usually enjoyed her job, but today, for some odd reason, she had been on edge. The drunken stupors of various customers were usually regarded with mild amusement, but something a man had said today had caught her attention.
He had been young, about twenty, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. The man resembled someone she knew, a man from her past that she had tried so desperately to forget. It was not only the man's appearance that reminded her so much of Cloud Strife, but his words, as well. Over a few shots of vodka, he had poured out his life story. His name was Brett, and once upon a time, he had dreamt of being a member of the elite group, SOLDIER. Right around the time when he had finally reached the age to be eligible to join, his mother had fallen ill. Forced to choose between his dream and his mother, he chose the latter. He had taken care of his mother ever since, up until her death a few months before. Now, he had nothing; he was alone. His dream had died long ago, leaving him with nothing but loss.
Now, as she finished locking up the bar, Tifa couldn't help but think that her life was not so different from Brett's. Tifa, too, was alone. Sure, she had the bar, and the small orphanage that she ran above it, but that was it. She, too, had once had a dream. A dream that involved a crazy boy named Cloud. They had made a promise when they were young; he would come and save her whenever she needed help. She had been young and naive back then. Of course such a promise could never be kept. If it could, he would be here with her now.
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
"Hi, Auntie Tifa!"
Tifa looked up to see Marlene smiling happily. The young girl was one of the few children under her care. Marlene was always so full of energy and life, remaining optimistic in the most desperate of situations. Every day, the young girl grew to resemble yet another person from Tifa's past. Aeris Gainsborough, the pure and innocent flower girl, savior of the planet, and holder of Cloud Strife's heart.
"Hello, Marlene," Tifa said softly. "Where's Denzel?"
"He's sleeping in the other room. I've been taking care of him," the girl said, smiling proudly.
"You're a good girl, Marlene. I know that Denzel appreciates what you have been doing for him."
Marlene nodded and then withdrew a piece of paper from behind her back, where she had been concealing it. "Auntie Tifa, I drew you another picture."
Tifa took the picture from the girl and looked upon it intently. The drawing revealed the image of a spiky-haired blonde with striking blue eyes. Although Marlene was young, she had seemed to capture Cloud perfectly. Tifa felt a sudden wrenching pain in her gut. She missed him so much.
"Auntie Tifa?" Marlene asked, looking at the older woman in concern.
Tifa immediately snapped out of her reverie. "It's beautiful, Marlene. I'll have to find a frame for it in the morning."
"You miss him, don't you, Auntie Tifa?" Marlene asked quietly.
Marlene's question caught Tifa off guard, causing her to look up in surprise. "I think we should be getting you to bed, Marlene."
The girl sighed, but decided not to protest. Tifa looked so tired and worn out that Marlene didn't have the heart to cause her any trouble. She followed Tifa into the room next to Denzel's, and began to change into her pajamas. Marlene hopped into bed and allowed Tifa to arrange the blankets around her, nice and snug.
"Goodnight, Marlene," Tifa said, placing a gentle kiss on the girl's forehead.
"Goodnight, Auntie Tifa." Tifa turned off the lights and was just about to exit the room when she heard the young girl speak once again. "I miss him, too."
And fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
Tifa held the drawing gently in her hands. She had found a spare frame and was now placing the drawing inside. It took its place beside the countless other drawings that Marlene had illustrated. Some were of Cloud alone, some with Tifa, or with the children. With each picture, Tifa's heartache only grew. The children loved him, yet he was never around. On the few occasions that he graced them with his presence, he never stayed long. Just long enough to make sure that everyone was okay.
Now, Tifa picked up yet another picture. This one, however, was not a drawing. It was a real-life photograph of the four of them: Cloud, Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene. It was the only one of its kind, taken on Cloud's last visit. That had been months ago, and Tifa felt herself worrying about him once again. She hated this power that he had over her, yet loved it at the same time. Much in the way that she loved him.
Of course, Cloud was oblivious to such feelings. In that way, he was a typical male. There had been a time when Tifa had contemplated telling him how she felt. She had never quite gotten that far. It would have been hard to confess her feelings to Cloud under normal circumstances, but with Aeris in the picture, the situation became even more impossible. Despite the fact that the optimistic flower girl was now dead, she still served as competition for Tifa. Cloud had cared about Aeris, and even now, two years after her death, he still could not forget her. How could she ever compete with a dead woman?
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
She supposed that she should have given up the moment Aeris had entered the picture, but that had been impossible. Tifa cared about Cloud far too much to give up on him entirely. She did, however, allow herself to be pushed to the sidelines as Aeris worked her magic on Cloud right before her eyes. Try as she might, Tifa could not hate the flower girl. In fact, she, too, had begun to care for Aeris. Her personality was far too magnetic to harbor ill feelings toward.
Still, Tifa could not deny the fact that she was hurting. She had always tried to be the strong one, and to anyone on the outside looking in, she was. With every day that went by, Tifa tried so desperately to put her feelings behind her and forget all about the spiky-haired blonde. Surely he had forgotten her. She was never more than an obligation to him. Even in that stupid, naive promise. He had never cared about her, had he? Tifa hated wallowing in self-pity, but that optimistic smile could only remain for so long.
Now, she stood by the window, looking out at the stars. She wondered if, somewhere out there, Cloud was doing the same. Tifa shook her head, trying to ban such thoughts. Why was it that everything always came back to him? She couldn't even gaze at the stars anymore without being thrown to the past. Every day that went by without Cloud was killing her, but it was also hurting the children. They had gotten attached to "Uncle Cloud", leaving them confused and hurt each time he disappeared. Marlene, especially, was frustrated with Cloud. She could see right through Tifa's tough facade, and it worried her.
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
Tifa froze suddenly, as she detected a shadow out of the corner of her eye. Her heart began to speed up, not in fear, but in anticipation. Could it really be him, back once again? Slowly, the young woman turned around, holding her breath. Her eyes were met with the sight of an empty hallway. She sighed heavily, frustrated with herself. Of course it wasn't Cloud. He wasn't coming back. He had made that pretty clear the last time.
"Cloud?" Tifa looked up at the blonde in confusion. She hadn't been able to sleep, and had come down to make herself some tea. Imagine her surprise when she found Cloud fully dressed, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
Cloud sighed. He had hoped to escape quietly, without her knowing. Obviously, that was not to be the case. What was he supposed to tell her now? He had broken her heart so many times already. How could he possibly do it again?
"Cloud?" Tifa questioned again, concern evident in her tone. "Are you...leaving?"
The blonde stepped forward, out of the shadows, and nodded. "I have some...things that I need to take care of."
"But you've barely been here three days! Besides, it's late now. Won't you at least wait until the morning?"
Cloud shook his head. "I'm sorry, Tifa, but I can't impose on you any longer."
"Impose?" Tifa asked in disbelief. "Cloud, how long have we known each other? This place is as much yours as it is mine."
"I'm sorry," he repeated, averting his gaze. He couldn't bear looking at the hurt in her eyes.
"So that's it, then? You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?"
"It would have been easier that way, Tifa."
"Easier?" Tifa asked, laughing bitterly. "Of course it would. If I'm such a burden to you, Cloud, then don't even bother coming around here anymore. I know you have better things to do with your time."
"Tifa, you don't understand. I-"
"No, Cloud, I understand perfectly well." She dropped her gaze to the floor. "This is about Aeris. It's always been about Aeris." Cloud neither confirmed nor denied the statement. "I guess this is goodbye, then."
"Tifa," he tried once more, desperately wanting her to know the truth. It was too late, though. She was already gone.
Looking back now, she supposed that she was the one who had ultimately pushed him away. Her heart could not take the pain of being shattered once more. The only way to protect it was to send him away. Her logic had failed her, though. Cloud was hundreds of miles away, yet her heart was still breaking.
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
With yet another sigh, Tifa crept down the hall softly, so as not to wake the children. She peeked her head into Marlene's room first, and saw that the girl was fast asleep. A quick look into Denzel's room revealed much of the same thing. Satisfied that they were both fine, Tifa padded down the stairs, and into the bar. Much like the night when she had found Cloud leaving, Tifa knew that she would not be able to sleep. She began to fix herself a cup of tea. Despite owning a bar, Tifa had never been much of a drinker.
As the teapot began to heat, Tifa pulled a stool up to the bar and let her thoughts wander once more. Perhaps she had been too harsh with Cloud. She was supposed to be his best friend, after all. Best friends were supposed to be able to rely on each other, no matter what. It wasn't his fault that her feelings had compromised that. I have no one to blame but myself. It had been her own insecurities and shyness that had driven him away. She could never be like Aeris; so open and honest.
Tifa was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she was completely oblivious to the whistling of the teapot. "Hey, are you going to shut that thing off?"
A normal person would have been scared out of their mind, but Tifa simply froze. She would know that voice anywhere, but surely, she must be dreaming, Slowly, she lifted her eyes. A gasp escaped her lips as a pair of deep blue eyes stared back at her in the dark. She was in such shock that she just sat there, unable to move, the teapot whistling in the background.
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how
To let you go
I don't know how
To let you go
With a small smile playing about his lips, Cloud strode over to the stove and turned it off himself. Tifa watched in silence, noticing a certain vitality and confidence about him that had not previously been there. Everything else about him was exactly the same, as if he had never left at all. He had, though, without any explanation. The question was, what was he doing here now? Tifa wanted some answers.
"Cloud," she said softly, finally finding her voice. "What are you doing here?"
Cloud pulled a bar stool next to hers, unsure of where to begin. There was so much that he needed to tell her. This time, he would not let her throw him out until she had heard everything that he had to say. "I met her," he said suddenly. "I finally met her."
Tifa looked at him in confusion. "Met who?" A sudden thought struck her. "Aeris?"
Cloud nodded. "Yeah, Aeris. After I talked to her, everything suddenly became clear. She showed me what I needed to do."
"Oh," Tifa said quietly, trying to sound optimistic. "I'm happy for you, Cloud."
Cloud nodded absently, trying to gather his thoughts. "Do you want to know what we talked about?"
No, Tifa thought to herself. She didn't really want to hear about how they had confessed their undying love for each other. Still, she felt like Cloud needed to get this off his chest, so she nodded.
"We talked about you, Tifa."
Tifa looked up at him in shock. Of all the things she had expected him to say, that was not one of them. "W-What?"
"Do you know why I kept leaving?" Cloud asked quietly. "I was so caught up in my guilt... What kind of person was I to be around? I didn't want you to see me like that."
"What caused you to change, then?" Tifa asked, her voice barely a whisper. The room was so quiet, all she could hear was the pounding of her heart.
"You. I thought about what you said before I left the last time. You always thought it was about Aeris, but it was always about you, Tifa."
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I'm shaking by the violence
Of existing for only you
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that Aeris showed me that I can't live in my guilt. She told me to tell you how I really feel, so that's what I'm doing. I love you, Tifa."
At those words, Tifa's heart seemed to stop. She had wanted to hear them for so long, and now that she had, she didn't know what to do. The things that Cloud were telling her had been nothing but a dream for so long. That they were now a reality left Tifa in disbelief.
"I'm sorry," he said, turning her face toward his gently. "I should have told you that a long time ago. I guess I was always too much of a damn coward."
"What about Aeris?" Tifa found herself asking. She knew it was such a selfish thing to bring up, but she had to know.
Cloud shook his head. "She was never anything more than a friend."
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Tifa smiled suddenly, a bright, genuine smile. It was as if all of her tension had finally disappeared. Cloud loved her! She still could not believe it. "I love you, too, Cloud," she murmured, suddenly shy again.
Cloud stood up, crossing the distance between them and gently placing his arms around her. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, burying his head into her long, dark hair.
Tifa felt herself blushing, but relaxed in his arms. She could get used to this. Now, there was only one thing left to do. Cloud had confessed his feelings to her. He had taken the first step, the first risk. Now, it was her turn. She pulled away from him slowly, until she was looking him straight in the eyes. Then, slowly, so slowly, she pressed her lips against his. And, once again, she smiled.
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
