A&L v 2.0 Ch 10
Happy Holidays, everybody! I can't believe it was the first Sunday of Advent already! The year is going by so fast… Father lectured everybody for a very long time, basically about not getting drunk at office parties. Other than during Respect For Life Month, this is the only time he every does this.
…And I did not fall asleep, either. Humph.
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After Doujima had ranted and accidentally broken a Tiffany vase by throwing a book called "500 Ways To Relieve Stress In A Healthy Manner", and Robin had slept for about five minutes, Doujima had forced Robin to help rebuild the card tower. Robin was good at such things, because she has much more patience than any human possibly could.
Doujima had taken several pictures of The Biggest Card Tower Ever Built (in Doujima's house at least) and was printing them out. "Before you go to bed, I want to show you my cool security system!"
"Oh boy. Doujima, I'm tired."
"Oh, already? It's only one in the morning!"
"I know."
"You're no fun! Well… you can pick out which bedroom you want!"
"Orange, red, and cream?"
"Hey, I didn't do it! Sakaki did! Everybody helped me with my apartment when I moved into it. I should never have let him buy the paint."
"OK… What about the next one?"
"White, courtesy of Miho."
Robin peered in the room. "And what's the last one?"
"Sea green. Michael picked it out. Even though he was half asleep at the time, and he just sort of pointed to a color sample…"
"I love this room! What'd Amon do?"
"Painted the ceilings. He's tall. Hattori did the tape and the edges. It's too bad you weren't here! It would have been fun! The bathroom is down the hall and to the left. The lavender one, courtesy of Kate."
"Oh… um…" Robin really didn't want to think about the woman she'd replaced, but she didn't have to, being as Doujima was continuing:
"I have toothbrush and toothpaste in there, and if you need an extra blanket, it's in the closet."
"Goodnight, Doujima," Robin said quickly before Doujima could talk more.
"Oh! Goodnight, Robin!" Doujima closed the door behind her, and poor Robin practically collapsed.
"Wake up, Doujima!" a cheery voice cried, and threw open the darkening shades.
"…unh. G'way." Doujima said.
"It's 8:30! I let you sleep in!"
"Sleep two more hours. G'way"
"I made you espresso!"
"Don't wanninny. Wanna sleep."
"Eggs Benedict! Bacon! Pancakes! Potato cakes! Sausage! Leftover pizza, too!"
"Ugh. Whadda I haveta do to getcha g'way?"
"Get up, of course! You're no fun! I've been up since five!"
Doujima's covers were roughly pulled back and Doujima and her cozy flannel pajamas were exposed to the Cruel Light of the Frigid Dawn.
"Up! Up! Everything was such a mess, I cleaned!"
Doujima, squinting most unattractively, lifted up a corner of her purple eye mask and stared unappreciatively at Robin. "Wondering why it smells like citrus fruit."
"That's the floor soap! The espresso won't wait! It must be drunk at the precise height of flavor!"
"Ugh."
"Come on, Doujima! I really don't want to get yelled at by the Chief and Amon today!"
Doujima lifted up the eye mask again. "D'I get to pick out your outfit?"
"Well, I'm already dressed."
"Then there's no point in me getting up, is there?"
Amon was pacing and shooting dark glares at everything. "Robin's late. She's never late. Doujima's late. She's always late. Why did I have her spend the night at Doujima's?"
Michael turned up his headphones. Sakaki groaned and wished his Gameboy hadn't run out of batteries. Miho sighed. "You've already said that a hundred times, Amon," she said, sneezed, and blew her nose.
Amon turned on a dime and shot Karasuma a Glare Calculated To Cause Severe Nosebleeds.
"You're not exactly helping. I feel so sick, I should have stayed home today." She popped a cough drop and blew her nose again. "Never, never try to scry a broken-hearted teenager."
The bell on the elevator dinged, and a great commotion could be heard. The Chief popped out of his office, ready to do his Daily Scolding of People Who Arrive Late. Hattori was behind him, juggling quite a few large binders, a stack of papers, an ink cartridge, a newly-emptied wastebasket, a dustrag, a bottle of polish, a set of cups, and a teapot.
"No, no, no!" said the voice from the elevator as it slowly opened.
"Come on! You look fine!"
"I do not!"
"Don't make this any harder than it has to be! I already had to practically carry you the whole way."
"Well, there's a good reason for that! Give me back my coat!"
"It's what, ninety degrees out? I left it in the car. You don't need it."
"Ohhhhh, yes I do!"
It appeared to be Robin and Doujima, although nobody could really tell, being as they seemed to be having a fight over the 'open/close door' buttons on the control panel.
'Zwoop!' said the door as it opened.
"Oh, come on!"
'Zweep!' said the door as it closed.
"No!"
'Zwoop!'
"Do I have to make you?"
'Zweep!'
"Give me back my coat!"
'Zwoop!'
This time the other people in the STN-J could see Doujima's back as she attempted to pull out of the elevator something very well braced by all of its arms and legs. "COME… OUT… NOW!"
"NO… I… WO—whoa!"
Doujima shrieked as they catapulted out of the elevator backwards and fell in a heap.
'Zweep!' said the door.
"Ow."
"That hurt."
Miho and Sakaki ran over and began trying to untangle various female arms and legs. "Who's your friend, Yurika?" Miho asked, suppressing a sneeze as she helped Doujima up. "She looks familiar. But you know you shouldn't bring people to… wait! Is that…? Robin?"
"Doujima, can I have my coat back now?" Robin whispered. Other than that there was complete, utter, and absolute openmouthed silence in the room as everybody stared at poor Robin, slowly turning a bright beet red down to her toes. She was wearing a pair of sandblasted denim short-short-shorts (poor thing), which she was constantly pulling down with one hand while the other stayed firmly at her collarbone. A white T-shirt with the words 'Godsmack Tour '02' had been forced over head (it was on backwards.) She had apparently been attacked with large amounts of makeup while being held in a headlock.
Doujima was holding out her thumb and squinting, trying to gauge how far everybody's mouths had dropped.
"Robin, just how much is the inseam of those shorts?" Miho asked.
"One-and-a-half inches! Aren't they cute? And such a steal, only 43,656 yen!" Doujima said. "Look, even Amon's mouth dropped half an inch! Success!"
"Doujima, did Robin actually agree to this?" Miho said between sneezes. "Sakaki! Close your mouth!"
Even Robin's earlobes and toes were bright red now. She sniffed loudly and ran for the bathroom, blinking hard.
"Oh no!" Miho said as she ate yet another cough drop. "I'm in no condition to deal with this. Yurika!"
"I was just trying to help!"
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"Come on, Robin. It's okay. They'll all have forgotten by tomorrow." Miho tried to sound soothing, but her voice was scratchy from her aching throat.
Robin didn't answer. She was sitting in the far corner of the wheelchair bathroom stall with her knees pulled up to her chest.
"Robin, are you going to sit there all day feeling sorry for yourself?"
"I need some clothes before I can come out, Karasuma."
There was a squeak as the bathroom door opened, followed by another Miho sneeze. It never fails, doors in public bathrooms always squeak.
"Here," Amon said, pretending not to be severely embarrassed by opening the women's room door.
"It's your coat, Robin. And there's a letter." Karasuma coughed, handing it over the top of the door to Robin.
Robin thankfully buttoned up her coat and opened the Large Important-looking White Envelope.
(If you think it's going to be a confession of Amon's undying love for Robin, SORRY!)
Ahem. Yes. I was saying, the Large Important-looking White Envelope. Robin opened it up. Inside were two Medium-weight Official-looking Pieces of Paper, and on it was written a lot of stuff. Yup. And for transferring purposes, the parts that Yurika crossed out are written with underlines.
Letter One:
AN OFFICIAL DOUJIMA CONFESSION
This is a so-called confession written by me, Doujima Yurika, while being held at gunpoint by Amon of my own free will. I admit and confess that I willfully bribed Robin into letting me pick her out the cutest outfit, even though nobody seems to appreciate it. Said bribe was: I would get up and not let the espresso get ruined and keep Robin from getting chewed out by Amon and the chief if Robin would let me pick out an outfit for her to wear. I mean, can you blame me? That dress… Which was really a very stupid idea, now that I have an orbo gun pressed to my head now that I have more time to think about it.
Letter Two:
AN OFFICIAL APOLOGY
This is a forced an apology to Robin from Doujima for embarrassing Robin to death by making her wear the cute outfit even though I was just trying to help and my intentions were mostly of the absolute best. I'm sorry, yeah, and I want to still be your friend, and now could you please feel better and come out of the bathroom so Amon can stop giving me death glares, treating me like a two-year-old, and making me say all this cheesy stuff? Like now?
"What does it say, Robin?"
"It says I'm supposed to come out."
"Achoo! Are you going to? I need to go home… I feel so sick…"
"I guess, now that I have my coat." Robin stood up and struggled with the Evil Locks that are always on bathroom doors. Stepping out of the room, she walked past the Sneezing Miho and got a paper towel. "I just want to go home and change." She scrubbed off a good portion of the makeup and glanced at herself in the mirror. "But I can't! That's right! Touko, Amon, the washer."
"What?"
"Nothing! I—well, actually, Touko sort of got in a big fight with me. I really can't stay with Doujima any more. It would be better if she didn't talk so much, and keep putting makeup on me. What should I do?"
"Sniff," said Miho. "I don't know. Go and change first, and you can think about it later. I'm going home."
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Ais A/n: I was actually going to not use this chapter, but it was requested, so here you go! The reason this chapter actually came into existence was as a parody of fics who have Robin randomly wearing other clothes that just don't fit. I think she only wore about three different outfits in the entire series… I still feel bad about it though, poor Robin!
Also, once again, apologies for the lack of updatingness, email answeringness, and review responses. My excuses this time: a male human; a holiday called Thanksgiving, which requires one to be around relatives, drink too much, and watch the Superbowl while eating about five thousand calories; a condition called The Approaching Holidays; and an especially dangerous and severe condition called Relatives and Extended Family.
The test is on Wednesday, don't forget to study.
May you not have relatives like mine,
Ais Herself
