G.O.O.P.: Chapter 1

Disclaimer: sigh if I must… we own nothing but the plot… which I'm not quite sure I wish to lay claim to yet so………

A/N: Me and a friend of mine (jsgal24jag) are co-authoring this story. And she's about to run me up the wall about it too. Actually the idea was not originally ours but it was transferred into our loving care and I fear we may have abused it…

It was just another routine reconnaissance mission for AG-1. They had gone to yet another nameless planet (Ford wanted to call this one Ferngully because of the whole rainforest thing but…) in search of another ZPM. So far they'd had no luck at all. Unless you wanted to count the fact that they had found some weird alien… stuff, which they had yet to name.

Enter the leisurely (or in Sheppard's case frustrated) walk back to the jumper.

"What do you mean you couldn't find it! You stuck me out in this damp jungle for," he looked at his watch, "Five hours and you still couldn't find it!" Major John Sheppard yelled as he stormed back.

"The map was simply too basic Major. It took you to the place to find the ZPM but there were no exact details. I had figured we could have located the device by now." Dr. Rodney McKay said as he struggled behind the rest of them as they headed back after another (in Sheppard's eyes failed) mission.

After the elder Elizabeth Weir had died, her younger and more attractive self had sent AG-1 to find the ZPM's that were on the list she had been given, and so far they had only managed to find one (but that was re-hidden by the inhabitant's of that planet). They were now on planet number 3.

"All we found was this Major." Lieutenant Aiden Ford said enthusiastically while holding up a containment vessel.

"What is it?"

"Well that we're not really sure about sir, but McKay thought we ought to bring some back for scientific purposes. It seems to be some kind of alien plant secretion and since a lot of plants have medicinal properties he thought Beckett might wanna see it." Ford said with his usual enthusiasm.

"A lot of plants are poisonous too." Sheppard replied in his usual sarcastic tone.

"My, my, aren't we just a little ray of sunshine today." McKay said as Sheppard turned and silenced him with one of his famous glares.

Sheppard turned back to Ford, "Ok, what are we calling it then," Ford started to open his mouth, "no wait you can't name it…" Ford huffed indignantly, "Teyla, what do you think we should call it?" Sheppard asked his mood improving slightly.

"I do not know Major Sheppard," which loosely translated as 'No Earthly clue.' "Perhaps you should ask Lieutenant Ford, he seems most willing to offer a suggestion." She added with a slightly evil grin.