It was the first memory he had; or at least the first good one anyway. Severus Snape had shoved him in the hall, and his books had toppled right out of his arms. He scowled, trying to hide the fear he felt as everyone started laughing. Being only ten years old brought him to his old insercurities and after being put in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin like it was planned, he felt even more alone. His parents would not be very pleased. Still, as people around him pointed, one person, one girl, bent down to help him.
Her naturally pinkish lips had given him a smile. "Here you go," she had told him in the sweetest voice as she handed him his Transfiguration book. He took it, staring at her feeling mesmorized. He remember everything about her that day. She had her long, jet black hair tied back, and her hazel eyes were the most beautiful. At that moment he could see flecks of darker blue in them, and they were so deep...Just so deep. He knew he had made a mental note to himself to ask his father if there was a way to see angels at Hogwarts, and not just ghosts. He was sure this girl was one, she had to be. He could still see the picture of everything about her in his mind; pettite figure and her incredibly clear, and soft looking face. He could sense that she had lived a million lives, though she was as young as he. She was so young at that time...
He watched the memory play in his mind again, watching her stand up and walk away to her class. He hadn't even known her name at all. At that time things had been so simple. His mind was so pure, and his soul was not yet poisoned.
He knew that there was a little bit of darkness infested in every human mind, but that it was their choice whether to let it expand or to leave it as it was. His mother had planted seeds of hate inside him. He could never explain all the loathe he now felt towards her. Having to come home in the summer became unbearable. It was never easy. Stress overflowed inside him every single day of his life, but he was forced to hide it. He was still, after all these years, pretending.
So, when times got hard he would remember the memory and how peaceful it had been at that time when everything was right and when nothing had happened yet. He remembered the times when he could still laugh and smile, and his soul would do the same. He knew he was being eaten up inside, but he didn't care anymore. He felt like an empty shell all the time, just walking along, laughing and telling jokes, when inside him there was nothing. He was just blank; forced to feel pain inside. He was tired.
He wished his father was still there to help him. Sitting here now, he could clearly see the face of his old man as he walked inside the house from work that summer. It had been right after his own first year at Hogwarts. He had never really known what it was his father did, but he had always felt a sense of pride. He ran into the arms of his dear daddy that day, so much love in his heart that had been for so long gone.
"'Ello there Sirie! How's my youngest doing today?" he had asked in that jolly voice he always carried around. He could feel the roughness of his father's shaven face as he quickly kissed his cheek. He had been so happy. And then his mother had appeared in the doorway, looking angry again. Had she drunk once more? Had his sister done something again? Or was it father again who had come home late for dinner? Her dark eyes were narrowed and her long, bushy eye brows were furrowed. Her oily hair fell down to her hips. It looked as though she hadn't showered in days. And of course, the blood red scar on her cheek and the black marks under her eyes. God, it was so sad how she had come from looking like the most beautiful thirty year old mother, to the wash out who looked like fifty.
His father had turned to her. "What is it?" he asked looking impatient. Things hadn't been going well. Mother was always crazy, drunk, yelling, complaining. They had been fighting.
Sirius realized later that he couldn't have possibly been nervous at the time because at the time he had no idea what was about to happen. He had watched everything happen, too. He had watched his father scream, he had watched his mother laugh. He had been right in the room that day. He hated his mom forever for it. He would never forgive her. How could she?
Sirius Black was scarred forever when his mother shot her husband, Sirius' only savior; his hero.
