Thanks for the review-D Really appreciate it. This is kind of a long chapter. Haha. Enjoy.

Sirius cursed inside his own mind. Why did that memory haunt his mind more than anything in this world? God, it still hurt so damn much. It wasn't fair. His father had been such a good person, such a good man.

Lia had always said that Sirius was going to have a great life. She had told him that he was a good person, such a wonderful person at heart, and that guarranteed him a bright future. It had made him smile, yet he knew it was not true. His father was shot. He had done nothing wrong and he was shot.

Sirius felt a lump form in his throat. He threw the doors of the library open with a slam. He earned a scowl from several students trying to study in the far corner. He didn't care. Sirius walked quickly over to the first bookcase he saw and grabbed the first book he could get his hands on.

Sirius pulled a chair out away from the table and sat down. He looked up, as though to make sure none of his friends were in there. He smiled to himself. He doubted James even knew there was a school library. No, the tables were empty besides the one with the several studious boys and girls (probably prefects or head boys and girls); there was only one circular one occupied. Lily Evans sat there quietly to herself. She was reading.

Sirius sighed. He knew Lily wouldn't talk to him; not like it mattered. Lia was good friends with Lily. Sirius looked at his book. He pretended to read all the time. It was a way to make people leave him alone when he needed it. Being Sirius, he had to pretend. That was a given.

He thought of Lia, beautiful, amazing...His Lia.

"Ya know, you don't fool anybody with that reading thing of yours," She had told him with the biggest grin on her face. Sirius remembered sweeping her into his arms and holding her close on the couch. His cheek had touched hers. They hadn't said anything more. Sirius had had a lot on his mind that day. He hadn't told her. He gulped. He couldn't.

Lia had been the only one who had ever been able to make him happy and he had pushed her away. He had been so afraid of hurting her, so afraid of damaging her with his destructive past, that he had ruined it. He had walked away from her like she was nothing. He had done the oposite of what he wanted to do. He had hurt her.

Sirius gulped and didn't blink. His eyes were starting to water. It wasn't fair. Nothing seemed right. He had screwed up again. That's all I ever do, he thought to himself, with Lia, with my family, with myself!

"Don't bother," said the oh-so-familiar voice of James Potter.

Sirius formed a smile with his lips and put the book down. He rubbed his face with his hands roughly, letting out some air. "Hey, man," he answered.

CD2B48CJames put a hand on his friend's shoulder and gave it a shake. "Like I was saying," he continued, "I already know when you pretend to read. Don't bother my friend."

Sirius gave a weak laugh and slowly closed the book. He stared at the cover, not wanting to look at James. He ran his finger over the title, not reading it, just thinking about everything.

Lia had just tried to help him. He had thrown it all away, but she had tried too hard to get inside him. She wanted to know him and everything about him, but he couldn't. He couldn't ever tell her, and it had been wrong of her to try to find out. He pushed all these things into his mind.

"iWhat/i is wrong?" James asked in a worried voice.

Sirius looked up into his face. He sighed as James raised his eye brows suggesting that he wanted an answernow. "Same old," he answered lifelessly.

James gave a big laugh, "Oh right Sirius, same old. You never tell me what's wrong in the first place. Which is fine, you are entitled to your privacy, but man...We care about you and that's why we ask. We want to help you."

Sirius gulped and opened his mouth to speak, but said nothing. He looked up at James. He felt overwhelmed. Too much had happened today, and he did not want to start a fight with James. He wouldn't lose his best friend. No.

He wanted Lia back. It's all he thought about. Lia, Lia, Lia, Lia—the one he went to when stress got to him. Everyone kept trying to help him. His stomach flipped and a lump formed in his throat.

He chocked it down. "I-I-I don't need any help, James. I'm fine," he told James looking him in the eye and he added with a laugh, "I'm just really tired."

James studied him. It was obvious that he didn't believe Sirius, but he said nothing against it. He carried the same hurt look that Lia had. Sirius looked up and almost jumped up with joy to see that Lily Evans was coming towards them to stop this conversation. He thought he would break at any second.

James turned around to see what he looking at. He gave Lily a sleek grin. "Hello my beautiful, how can I help you?" he asked her in his nonchallant voice standing up and pulling a chair out for her.

Lily put the book she was reading to her chest, her lips pursed in annoance. "There's a Head meeting in Dumbledore's office tomorrow at six. Be there this time because it's actually important," she told him seriously.

"Which 'head'?" Sirius asked with a grin. He put his hair away from his face.

Lily gave him a dirty look. "You two better grow up sooner or later. No one's going to marry a couple of d!cks like you who think you are hillarious. Girls get tired of it, you know. At first it's charming, but then after they see that's all there is out there, they get really sickened. You will both end up childless and alone,"

"Well, fingers crossed yeah," Sirius told her. James snorted a laugh and let it out. He elbowled Sirius' shoulder.

Lily plainly smiled at them. "No one can be alone," she told them quietly and with that she walked off with Sirius and James staring at her retreating back.

James sat down again and laughed loudly. "My God Padfoot! Couldn't at least let me get some brownie points with her!"

"Like you ever will. I don't get why you bother with her," Sirius told James honestly.

James looked down at the oak table for a moment and then looked back up at Sirius with a soft smile. "I bother with her for the same reason you bothered with Lia. I also bother her for the same reason I bother with you," he said earning a confused look from Sirius. He continued, "I could've already given up on you. Thousands of times I've asked to go over to your place. You said no. I stopped asking. I want to know what's going on with you, but you never tell me. Anyone would've been frustrated as heby now. I'll always be your friend Sirius, and I'll be there whenever you need me; but I won't force you to tell me."

Sirius looked at his best friend for a second, stunned. He smiled gently and held out his hand, "Thanks man."

They high fived and James smiled back at him. "No problem. Now, let's go play some quidditch. I need a lot of self esteem after getting turned down exactly eighteen times in one day," he said with a sigh as he stood up.

Sirius gave his hooty laugh. "We should go do some growing up because that seems to be what girls want."

They looked at eachother and burst out laughing as they walked out of the library.