This Thing Called Life

Chapter 10- Anniversary

One year later…

Adam entered the room to find Max lying on her bed, sobbing quietly. "Maxie?" he called softly. She didn't answer. "Maxie? What is it? What's wrong?"

Without lifting her head or changing position, she let out a broken whimper, "One year ago today." Adam knew immediately what she meant.

Hurrying to his sister's side, he gathered her in his arms and cradled her to his chest. Max pressed her face against him, drawing comfort from her brother's strong embrace as she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Maxie. I should have known…" he whispered as he stroked her hair. And pain overtook him too, as he relived the loss again.

When Max had first arrived he'd had no idea who she was. But she looked so familiar; he remembered her from the hospital. After a few beers and many hours of deep conversation, Adam's memories began to fall into place. Manticore. His siblings. And when she reminded him that he had been their CO, had looked out for them, searched for them all after the escape, he'd finally asked her.

'Where is everyone, Maxie?'

Her face had dropped to her hands, her eyes brimming with tears and her body shook with sobs, much like she was doing now.

'Oh god, Zack, they're dead. We're the only ones left.'

And the cold fingers of anguish gripped Adam's heart again, squeezing tight. And he let his own tears fall silently onto his sister's hair.

Katie stood in the doorway taking in the scene. When Adam caught her eye, he shook his head at her. I'll tell you later. He mouthed to her over Max's trembling form. Katie nodded and quietly retraced her steps, leaving the two alone.

He held her for a long time, as Max's incessant tears soaked the fabric of his shirt.

How many tears can you cry, Maxie? Will the pain never end?


Later that evening, Adam, Katie, Jeff, Kevin and Corrie were enjoying a companionable dinner in the dining room. Max was upstairs in her room, having declined the invitation to join her friends.

Katie turned to her boyfriend with concern. "What happened to her, Adam? I've never seen Max so broken before."

Adam sighed. It wasn't his secret to share, but he believed it best if everyone knew what had happened. It might help them understand Max's behavior.

"Well, I've told you how Max and I know each other." He recalled the day he and Max had been caught sparring. Their friends had burst in on them training in the barn. Max had blurred behind him, caught him in a lock hold and proceeded to knock him to the ground. Thinking Max was attacking Adam, Kevin approached to restrain her, and she'd easily flung the 220lb man against the wall like he was weightless. After a great many apologies and explanations, anger, tension and their initial fear, their friends had gotten used to the idea that Adam and Max were transgenics. And in time they'd come to redefine their friendship, accepting them both with open arms into their tightly knit circle.

The group nodded and urged him to continue.

"Well, before Max came looking for me, she was living in Seattle . There was a particularly nasty guy hunting her down, trying to kill her and the rest of the transgenics in the city." There was a collective gasp from the group. They knew that transgenics were disliked widely and even feared by the general public, but to hear that Max had been hunted like an animal? This shocked them.

"He kidnapped her friends. Hurt and killed some of them." The look of horror on their faces tortured Adam. But he carried on.

"Max went in after them. She got them to safety. But in the process, she came unhinged and went primal. Her instincts took hold when she started losing it. And she relied on her inner animal to right the wrongs that were committed against her and her friends. She blew up a building, with the enemy inside."

He looked down at his hands, fearing that if he looked into their eyes, he would see the disgust and horror he himself had felt when Max had first told him the story. Remembering Manticore and associating it with his new life were two very different things. He'd grown accustomed to farm life and his human friends and had started thinking and acting more like them than the soldier he had been. Max's admissions of murder were hard for him to accept at first, though on some level he understood.

"Should I stop now?" he asked quietly. Katie looked at him, eyes full of compassion.

"No. Please go on." The others voiced agreement.

"Not long after, Max found out that the same man was holding the rest of our unit. Seven adults and one of their children. So she went after him. She went to find our family." Adam's voice broke as a torrent of emotion swept over him. Katie climbed onto his lap and he nestled his face in her neck, inhaling her sweet, comforting scent and absorbing her warmth. This fortified him.

"Max went in with two teams. Our unit were in a van that had been rigged with explosives. And someone set off the charges before Max was able to get them out."

Kevin spoke quietly. "Oh my god, Adam. We had no idea."

"I've lost a lot of people over the years. And I'm lucky to have Katie here when remembering gets too hard." He smiled softly at Katie and hugged her close. "But Max hasn't had anyone but me. And she's never been good at expressing herself. It's one of the reasons she can be such a bitch sometimes."

He took a breath and continued. "Later that night, Max checked up on the injured. And finally, she went to see Logan."

Heads snapped in recognition. Max had mentioned his name before, a pained look coming into her eyes. Jeff asked after a moment, "What happened to him?"

Adam sighed. "When Max went to see him he was looking at remote surveillance footage of the attack she led on the compound. He saw everything. And he couldn't accept it. He was scared of her, hurt, angry...she lost control was about to attack him when Alec burst in and stopped her."

Kevin interrupted. "Um, who's Alec?"

"Another transgenic. Some guy that used to hang around all the time. I used to think she couldn't stand him, but recently…I think she has feelings for him. Which makes the next part of the story worse.

"When he stopped her, she lashed out at him in her pain, not realizing what she was doing. She hurt him pretty bad. When it finally hit her, what she'd done, she broke down. She left Seattle that night.

"There's more, but that's the gist of it. Tonight is the anniversary of the night she lost everyone." He concluded sadly.

His friends shook their heads in disbelief, mumbling words of regret and apology. Corrie spoke up suddenly. "We have to get her out of this funk. It's horrible and it was a terribly traumatic experience, but we need to reassure her that we're here for her. That we love and care about her." They all nodded in agreement.

Adam felt the acceptance and love rolling off his friends and thanked the Blue Lady for their friendship. He and Max had longed to be part of something like this for too long.

Katie rose and addressed the group. "I'm going to see if I can't convince her to come to The Watering Hole. I'll be back soon."

Katie climbed the stairs quickly and knocked on Max's door. "Max?" she called.

"Come on in, Katie." came the reply.

Katie stepped into the room and froze. It was lit with the soft glow of a dozen candles. Mellow music played in the background and Max was sitting on her bed, cross-legged, arms to her sides, palms up and humming to herself. She was the very picture of calm and serenity. A total contrast to the state she had been in earlier.

"We wanted to know if you'd like to come with us to the 'Hole tonight. It'd do you good to get out." She offered quickly.

Max looked up at her and smiled. "I think you're right. Let me grab my coat." Katie stared after her in surprise.

That went better than I'd hoped.

Moments later, the group left the house, laughing and chatting.


Max was sitting at a large table, surrounded by now familiar and friendly faces. Adam was there, his girlfriend Katie, Jeff, Pete and Kevin, three of the farmhands that worked with them and Corrie, their in-house vet. Everyone was talking and laughing. The love around her was thick and comforting. It was something she had longed for and craved as long as she could remember. But still there was a hollow space inside her. A huge part of her was missing and nothing could fill the void.

It had been a year since Max left Seattle . A year since the bloodbath had claimed her family. Since the day she had lost almost everyone she cared about. A year to the day since she had faced the sad truth: that life as she knew it was over. That the family and friends she had loved more than anything had either gone up in flames, been cut down before her eyes or terribly damaged. And the few who made it out relatively unscathed couldn't look at her without cringing.

Max recalled the night when she went in search of her friends. White had his evil way with them, breaking them down to get to her. He'd gone after her weakness: her love for them. And he knew it would break her, aware that it would draw her out into the open. She'd had to call on her inner strength, release the beast inside. And 452 had proven her worth. Max shuddered at the memory of her actions that night. Her savage alter ego had avenged her friends. She had relished her kills, her victims' terror, and revelled in their suffering.

Cindy had told her she loved her and would always stick by her. But Max knew she had to get away, that being near Cindy might put her in harm's way again. So Max left, saying she'd be in touch when she got wherever she was going. Max hadn't called Cindy once.

Max had gone to see Logan, and was confronted by a sickening sight. He was staring at his computer watching a replay of the transgenics' attack on the compound. He gaped open-mouthed as he saw his 'girlfriend' murder White's men, saw the very primal 452 and the obvious pleasure she derived from her kills.

Charlie was also there, watching, shaking and muttering under his breath "Oh my god, is that what Tinga used to do?" Those words had brought her to her senses. She was frightened and disgusted at what she'd done, what she'd allowed herself to do. Rage overtook her and she had almost killed Logan. If not for Alec...And she'd hurt Alec too. Feeling angry and ashamed, she had quickly gotten the information she needed. Max then fled Seattle, hoping to leave the pain of it all behind.

She hadn't quite succeeded, but being here with Zack, or Adam as he was now known, she felt safe and loved again. It made things bearable. She was rebuilding her life and though there was an emptiness in her heart where the ache was constant, she knew that with time it would fade.

Max picked up her beer and drank deeply as she drew strength from the laughter and chattering of her friends. She joined in the banter, the jokes, the singing and easy familiarity. And she smiled a genuine smile for the first time in months.


A lone figure stood in the darkness, watching. He'd seen the shadows darken her delicate features, the pain and sorrow flash in her eyes, the look of hope that settled on her after her inner struggle. And he'd seen the genuine smile light up her face, brightening her sad eyes.

Looks like you're doing all right, Maxie. Maybe I should just go. Don't wanna bring back any more painful memories. You've suffered enough.

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets he turned to leave the bar but stopped suddenly at the mention of his name.

"Max, tell us about him? About Alec?" Corrie asked suddenly. Pain flashed briefly in Max's eyes before she smiled.

"He was my best friend." She said simply.

He gasped in shock. But he concentrated on the rest of her words even as they confused him.

"He annoyed the hell outta me. Caused loads of trouble, was always in the way...but he was always there for me. I trusted him, relied on him...I never thought I'd feel like this. I miss the little ways he'd touch me, even if they weren't deliberate. He always knew how to comfort me, pick me up when I was low, you know? And that smile..." she sighed, her eyes drifting dreamily.

She doesn't really mean thatdoesshe?

At her next words and the breath he hadn't realized he was holding hissed from his lungs.

"Not having him around kills me inside. I need him so much." She concluded.

She really means it.She misses me. Needs me

A warmth flowed through him as the depth of her feelings curled around his heart. The emotions he had kept bottled inside for so long rose to the surface and he felt a tingling sensation in every inch of his body.

Katie touched Max lightly on the arm. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

The single word rocked his already shaky world.

YesOmigod.She loves me. Max loves me!

Adam leaned toward her and voiced the next question.

"Did you ever tell him?"

Her whispered reply was pained. "No."

"Why not, Max?" This time it was Pete who spoke.

Yeah, why not Maxie? All this time, wasted...

"I realized it too late. It was too late."

They all fell silent at this revelation. Their hearts went out to Max. She was hurting so much and the few words of comfort they could offer would never ease the ache inside.

Alec stepped out of the shadows and made his way outside. He smiled softly in the darkness as he reflected on the conversation he'd overheard.

It's not too late, Maxie. Not now that I know.


Max left the bar early, claiming to be tired. She knew the others could see through the mask but she pretended not to notice. She walked back to the house, a good few miles that gave her plenty of time to think.

I wonder what you're doing now, Alec? Do you think of me? Dream about me like I dream about you?

Emotionally drained, Max started up the stairs. Back in her room, she chose a CD and placed it in the stereo. Strains of 3 Doors Down's 'Here Without You' filled the room and she curled up on the bed.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

Max reached over and picked up the lone photograph she had of Alec. His bright hazel eyes were laughing, and the curve of his full lips brought a smile to her face. She rose and crossed the room.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

She placed the picture carefully on the shelf and strode over to nightstand beside her bed. Reaching into the cupboard, she pulled out a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

Filling one, she gently swirled the amber liquid within. Looking down at the glass, a sad smile gracing her lips, she softly set it down in front of the photograph. She quickly poured herself a drink and raised it in salute.

"Here's to you, Alec. The best friend I ever had. The only one who really knew me, who could see right through all the bullshit. A beautiful person, a great man. I miss you."

The soft voice carried gently. "I could probably make better use of that drink than the photograph, Maxie."

Max spun around in shock. The sight that greeted her caused her to lose her grip on the glass in her hand. It fell to the floor and shattered.

Tears welled in her eyes and she gasped.

"Alec?"

TBC

Chapter 11