My heart stopped
The world ceased turning
My breath caught
My eyes were burning
You fell
Fell away
But I promise
I'll come back someday
My heart exploded, I was so angry at myself for being so stupid. I was so angry at Sirius for leaving. I was angry at Remus for stopping me,Voldemort for tricking me, and Finally, The world for giving me that name! the very name that put this burden on my shoulder! The name that comes from this stupid scar! The-Boy-who lived. At that moment all I could think of was Sirius had to be alive! I directed my anger to that pathetic excuse for a human Bellatrix Lestrange. I couldn't kill her ,what I would do, just to kill her, but I couldn't and that slime ball Voldemort got the honor. After the talk with Dumbledore I had only one emotion, determination, most would think it was anger but no I'm set on one thing "I'm going to get Sirius back". My anger was still there but I had to push it aside I had to get Sirius, he was all I had and he can't die!
So there I was sitting in my dorm my stuff was packed trying to think of every possibility of how to get to the department of ministries, you see because that was the first thing on my list to get Sirius back. I sensed someone behind me when I turned it was Ron. He stared at me for a little bit before sitting down. It was like he was walking on eggs shell around me.
"I thought you were going to eat" I muttered looking around. It was so difficult to look people in the eye with their stupid sympathy.
"well I was but…" He mumbled something incoherently and I gave him a puzzled look.
"Its nothing….are you alright?" he said trying to change the subject that he ironically started.
"Yeah, I'm fine," trying to hide my irritation as I hastily stuffed the last remaining things in my trunk. Really! You think they would take a hint and already know the answer to that stupid repetitive question. Ron shifted uncomfortably looking around. I know he was trying to help and "be there" for me but it was really get annoying.
"well um…if you're fine I'll um… wait for you downstairs" he said getting up slowly as if waiting for me to say something. I was relieved to see him walk out even if it was too slow for my liking. Its not that I was mad its just I needed some time for myself. After ten minutes I guessed that I should go down. Sure enough Ron was still there, I forced a smile and headed down to the great hall.
I didn't eat much, I just listened to Ron and Hermione argue over various things and Hermione stressing over her OWLs as she anxiously waited for them. I didn't really care if they were bickering as long they left me out that's what really mattered. I must admit I was still a little anxious about my owls. Over time they shot my worried glances, and I kept on seeing the teachers staring at me with solemn faces and I really was getting annoyed so I got up and mumbled something about forgetting to pack and item and went up to my dorm. I sat on my windowsill and looked up to the sky I saw the one constellation that made tears threaten to come out of my eyes. How that one constellation just showed up I don't know, but it was the dog star.
"I know I made a mistake, it's my fault your gone. I would do anything to change that. I'm going to change it, I don't care what people say I'm going to see you again! I'm going to be with you. I'll never give up. Never." I said my voice gradually lowering till "never" was just a faint whisper. I let a few tears fall, and held back the rest.
By the time I was back on the Hogwarts express I was very weary. Staying up all night trying to end the nightmares of various things. My friends were forcing conversation with me and guess I kind of dampened the mood with my one syllable answers, its not like I could help it. When I got to the station I saw Lupin, Moody, and Tonks. It was hard not to smile at the way they looked and muggles taking the long way around just to avoid them. I wasn't really expecting them, as a matter of fact they made me kind of nervous. Even though Moody was wearing a hat I could feel that "eye" looking me over I felt myself shift uncomfortably under his eye. Tonks was her usual happy self though I could sense a small bit of sadness in her tone. Lupin looked a little pale he hugged me and looked me in the eyes as if he was searching for something, I glanced he way and he sighed.
"how are you holding up" he said, his voice was a little rough.
I looked away and muttered "fine, I'll live" but I knew that I must be with Sirius even if it meant dying. He hugged me again and Tonks tried to lighten the mood by joking a bit while Moody just kept on staring. I know this might sound a little paranoid but I kept on wondering if he could read my mind, it sure did seem that way. By the time I came face to face with Vernon. The order gave a little warning or a big warning, either way it made Vernon cower with fear. It was actually pretty funny and I smiled. The Dursleys stared at me while Lupin, Moody, and Tonks gave their last farewells.
"Don't do anything dangerous we have our eye on you" Lupin said before hugging me.
"Don't give the Dursleys too much of a hard time" Tonks laughed while winking at me.
"Keep your eyes open, be on the lookout for anything strange…remember a letter every three days" Moody said before squeezing my shoulder. I left with a very disgruntled Vernon and cowering aunt and cousin.
My mood lightened, at least the Dursleys will leave me alone to work on my plan to get Sirius back. Because I'm not giving up, I'm no going to sit around and lose all I have. No matter what anyone says they're not going to stop me. Sirius is alive, he's got to be. So I went to my room and planned how I was going to get Sirius back. I was going to get him or die trying.
A/N: Hi ths is my first fic I've made. i hope you enjoy! plz review...constructive criticism would be great! this chapter is just ot introduce the angst and the feeling not really into the plot yet so hold on. :)
