Don't overlook my determination
I shut my ears to these ill bred lies
I got hope and I'm not letting go
I'll wait for you to realize
But you can't stop me
So don't try
"No! No! that won't do." I muttered angrily to myself. I gave an exasperated sigh as I crumpled up yet another piece of paper. It's midnight on my first night of vacation I already started on my plan but I wouldn't dare mention it out loud. I had this eerie feeling someone was watching me. So I kept with writing it on a piece of paper. I haven't got sleep in a few days but it doesn't bother me. I think I'm running on my adrenaline, but I can't say I'm not tired. I laid down to just to rest my eyes, it amazes me how that always turns out to be a lie. So I enter into another dream or nightmare at that.
dream
Sirius walked out of the veil, he looked tired and worn out. He glanced around until his gaze fell on me. His face hardened and his eyes seem to send out pure fury.
"How could you! I was you're godfather." he croaked, his voice was hard and scratchy.
"Please, I'm sorry I didn't know! I'm going to help you I'm going to come!" I said trying to hold the tears back.
"You hurt more people than you think!" Sirius yelled. Suddenly I saw people crying in agony and people dying. I saw Lupin crying while trying to comfort Tonks yelling at me saying it was my fault. I saw Cedric dying yelling it was my fault. Flashes and flashes of memories came till I saw the worst….My parents.
end dream
I woke up in a sweat and my eyes darted around the room. I closed my eyes briefly before letting out a groan. I glanced at the clock it was 4:30 am. I went back to writing but the dream kept on coming back in flashes. I paced, sat down, stood up, wrote, read, but nothing could stop it. The grief and the hurt I felt from the dream felt so real. The sun was high in the sky, it's amazing how time flies. I sat down once again the dream came full force and I just cried for at least ten minutes. It was the longest I had ever cried after Sirius's death, I grew angry with myself. Here I was crying when I have to get Sirius, so I went back to writing.
A few days passed and I hadn't got very far. I had crumpled paper lying around and books from poor attempts to do homework. I only went out of my room for a couple of bathroom breaks and maybe a small snack. I hadn't eaten that much or slept the Dursleys didn't care. I was content with them just leaving me alone. I heard a knock downstairs and some muffled voices. Probably one of the people from one of the many stupid clubs my aunt joined. I heard a bit of raised voices. I thought with glee that maybe she was getting kicked out of one of them. I let my imagination run with me until I was pulled out of my reverie from a knock on my door. Why did the Dursleys choose now to bother me, but then I heard a familiar voice, it was Lupin.
"Harry? Are you in there?" he said, his tone seemed concerned.
Then it hit me, Crap! I forgot to owl them how could I have been so stupid!
"Harry?" he said again seeming more worried now.
"Uh…yeah coming" I ran to the door quickly and opened it. I saw a very concerned Lupin on the other side
"Wow Harry you don't look too good." he said. Oh great just what I need someone worrying about me, but I guess that happens when you haven't slept for a over a week and not owled someone in 5 days.
"Uh yeah um…I got caught up with homework and um stuff and haven't slept in a while" I said. Gee great excuse Harry, he sure is going to believe that one.
He looked me over briefly and raised his eyebrow and said, "Harry you're not a good liar, tell me the truth. How are you feeling?" he came into my room and sat on my crumpled paper- covered bed. I sighed, why me! If I just owled them none of this would've happened. "I'm fine really it's just a little hard to get some sleep" I said. Okay not the whole truth but hey it works. He didn't look satisfied and he looked like he was about to say something. I interrupted him saying "Um hey do you want anything, here I'll get some tea for us." well stalling isn't the best thing to do but I need a little time to thing up a good lie. I ran out the room to get some tea, a thought briefly crossed my mind how great it would be to put sleeping potion in his cup. I went up my arms laden with a try of tea. I looked at the tea while walking into the room.
"I got some sugar if you wanted more in you're" I was caught in mid-sentence to see a not-so-happy werewolf and he was holding a lot of wrinkly pieces of paper. I mentally slapped myself, really I could get an award for my idiocy. I hastily put down the tea and offered him one with an innocent grin. Maybe this will work.
"So…tea?" I said acting if nothing was wrong.
"Harry, what are these!" he said slowly, putting a big emphasis on "these" while shaking the pieces of paper. C'mon Harry think fast, don't tell him.
"Oh wow you found the story I was trying to write" I said trying to take the nervousness out of my voice. I inwardly cringed at the lame excuse for a lie.
"Hmm…interesting story you got here. Lets see, what do they say. "How to Distract the Dursleys" "Plans to get to the Department of Mysteries", "Lies to tell the Order to get Away without a Scratch" "Plans to save Sirius" and hey look it's a picture it looks like a hand-drawn map for the Department of Mysteries titled "DOM map to the best of my knowledge". so what's the title to this story…hmmm?" he said in a deadly calm voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Err…I haven't thought of one yet." I said nervously. His eyes narrowed and I backed away trying to get closer to the door. Man I really need to get a book on how to lie because I seriously need some help.
He grabbed my shoulder and steered me to my bed and pushed me down.
"Harry we need to talk because obviously you are suicidal or you are insane. Pick one because I'm having a hard time." he half yelled. I just stared at him fighting away my conscience. He gave an exasperated sigh.
" Harry, Sirius is gone. I know its hard but you can't be rushing to the department of mysteries and jumping in the veil expecting to come back, really Harry. You're not sleeping, barely eating while making a plan that won't work!" he yelled pacing and kicking pieces of crumpled paper around.
"It will to work! Sirius is alive and I'm going to get him. I don't care what you say. No one knows what they're saying!" I yelled getting up looking Remus in the eye. Drats if only I was taller I would be more intimidating.
"Harry I know it hurts to see him go and you're trying to bring him back. But it's time to let go and move on." he said calmly. Wow he cools down quick.
"it's my fault he's gone. I- I just want to fix my mistake." I said quietly.
"It's not you fault, Voldemort tricked you and you loved Sirius enough to try and go save him, and Sirius loved you enough to try and save you. The only ones to blame is Voldemort and Bellatrix." he said softly.
"I know, I'm sorry." I gave him the best look I could muster. Maybe I can get out of this, hey I can think that when I'm sorry. I am sorry but at least I can try to get out of this tight spot.
"I know I forgive you," I sighed with relief "but-" darn! " I'm going to have to make sure this little escapade you're been planning doesn't happen" he said.
I sighed extremely loud causing the trying-to-look-serious Lupin's mouth to twitch.
He then said "there's going to be an order member to check on you every day for the next few weeks so
"but that's not fair I need my privacy!" I interrupted loudly.
" hey were only going to pop in for a few minutes just to see that you're here and taking care of yourself. I mean when's the last time you slept" he said.
I mumbled some number with an intent that he wouldn't hear me.
"8 days?" he said alarmed. Curse those werewolf senses! " yep that's it, an order member is checking on you. You got to understand we got out best interests at heart." he said he smiled and left the room.
"We got our best interests at heart" I mocked and oddly high-pitched voice.
"I heard that!" Lupin said. Stupid werewolf hearing!
A/N: Sorry about not having a author's note on the last one. the stories just getting started. i'm trying to get some foundation until i put some action in it...don't worry sirius in a sense is coming soon...i hope you like my first fic! Constructive criticism appreciated! plz review!
