I remembered you
My vision blurred
I had a wound
That won't be cured
I need you
I need you to be here
To heal my heart
And take my fear
I ran my hands through my hair, another thing to add to my plan, now I have to get past the stupid order. I lay on my bed wondering what time of the day they're coming, I really wasn't in the social mood as of right now, especially if the people are going to snoop around my stuff and force me to sleep. Merlin how am I going to fake sleep, the last thing I want to do is sleep, anybody wouldn't want to sleep if they had my nightmares. I groaned and started unpacking, all I had taken out was books so far even though I didn't do my homework. I noticed something on the bottom, this thing was under a bunch of horribly folded robes that would make organized Hermione cringe, it seemed to be a badly wrapped package. I took it out and unwrapped it, it was a mirror. I knew immediately who it was from, it was from, Sirius, I remembered him giving it to me. He was always so protective over me, what I would do just to have Sirius hex Snape now, I wish I hadn't stopped him then. After I read the note my eyes widened, it's got to work, but what if it doesn't. I sat there contemplating for a mere second. What will it hurt, I guess I'll give it a try.
I looked into the mirror I examined it for a bit and said, "Sirius Black" nothing, I concentrated really hard and said a little bit louder "Sirius Black!" no answer. I grew aggravated and yelled, "SIRIUS" still no answer. I had the biggest urge to take the mirror and throw it across the room, but instead I just put it on my desk. Not facing me, of course, the way I looked I definitely didn't want a mirror facing me.
That moment I started thinking of Sirius. Flashes of emotions raced through my head, aggravation, anger, sadness, depression, self-hate, loneliness. It didn't seem fair, I was the one who deserved to go not Sirius. He didn't deserve any of this. It is my fault he died and my fault my parents died and definitely my fault Cedric died! I shouldn't have lived, I wish I was never born. Everything people take for granted is taken from me, I wondered why it was always me. A few tears left me as I grew frustrated, I have to get him back it's the only way I can forgive myself.
Once again I started working on my plan, I was a little jumpy looking around my room for an invisible order members to pop out of no where. Strangely they hadn't shown up all day which made me even more nervous, it didn't seem like Lupin to make empty threats. I felt like someone was watching me over my shoulder, it made me unconsciously rub my shoulder from time to time. No matter how much I tried to get the plan done, I couldn't get very far because I would jump up every time I hear the slightest noise in the house.
My official plan so far only got to how I was getting out of the house. Which was incredibly easy, all I had to do was mail the Dursleys a letter for some dumb award. They'd fall right into that trap. I mean seriously they are so stupid. All I would need to figure out was how to not let them catch me putting an envelope in their mailbox, oh yeah and change my penmanship. Now I had to figure out how to get past the order or at least buy me some time to get to the Department of Mysteries. I could knock one out and hide him or her in the closet and wait for the next order member to come till I have the whole order unconscious and in my closet. But I have this feeling I wouldn't want to come back to this world after that.
I sat there laughing over my many stupid ideas and mental images till I was startled from a knock on my door. I groaned and hastily stuffed my papers in my potions book. That's the last place they'd look for it, well at least I hoped so. I opened the door and there was Moody, great the mind-reader. Well, just to tell you, I made my mind up that he had to be a mind reader because he was too freaky not to be a mind-reader. I also think Dumbledore has to be one to. He's to smart for his own good.
"Hello Harry." he said gruffly he looked a little suspicious but alert none the less.
I blocked the door way, he could see right through my books, I knew it. "Hey, I wasn't expecting you to come so late." I said trying to block his view from my potions book, as discreetly as I could, I didn't want to give him any ideas.
"Of course I came at night, you should be sleeping its almost midnight." he said with his eyes swirling around which made me even more uneasy. I wondered how the Dursleys were appreciating their new guests. I stifled a laugh at the mental image of their horrified faces. I guess that's the only pro to this stupid order business to check on me.
"Yeah I was just about to go to bed." I said nervously while faking a yawn and stretching my arms. He didn't look convinced, I think I made him more suspicious.
"Well here Remus thought, just to make sure, he would give you this sleeping draught." he said shoving a potion in my hands. I inwardly groaned the least they could've done was give me dreamless sleep potionbut noo they had to give me a torture potion and force me too walk right into my nightmares.
"Ummm…right well I guess you'll be going now." I said, what? I know it's a little blunt but he's got to leave so I can throw this away and get back to my plan.
"Drink it first then I'll leave" he said I looked at him and he stared at me. It went on for a few seconds before I blinked. Darn! " What? It's only for a few days so we can make sure you're sleeping, now go on drink" he said in his usual scratchy voice with his eyes swirling madly about he looked like he was getting impatient. Some day I'm going to rip out that eye and put it down a garbage disposal! Not liking how impatient he looked and the thought that he would shove it down my throat, I drank it and immediately felt drowsy and then he smiled or kind of smiled I don't think I've seen him really smile before and then he apparated away. I wanted to stay up and I tried to fight the potion away but it was to no avail so I flopped on my bed and fell into sleep.
:dream:
"Sirius walked out the veil once again. My heart sunk as I saw him. I wanted to scream and run before he could say those dreaded words. I wanted to rip myself out or run for cover into the veil. He looked horrible,his eye sunken in with dark circles around them. He was deathly pale and sickly looking. I just watched waiting with over increasing nervousness.
Suddenly just when his mouth opened and the dreamed blurred till I was in the room that looked like the Gryffindor common room but more cozy. I was waiting for something bad to happen but nothing did. Then I saw the last thing I would ever think of seeing. A healthy, smiling Sirius.
"Harry! You're here I've been waiting for you! Horrid dream you got there took me forever to get you here" he said smiling and hugging me, till a concerned look came over his face. I was in shock waiting for him to turn into a giant spider, no wait, that would be Ron's horror. Rewind, I was in shock waiting for Sirius to keel over and die. I was snapped out of my shock by a hand waving in front of my eyes, Sirius's hand that is. There was only one question I could think of.
"H- how? W-where?" I stuttered, okay maybe that's two, but the confusion makes them into one.
"Oh well this is the real me in you're dream. I thought I should visit you because we have some things to talk about. It took me forever to convince the CoA to let me come down here" he said in a calm voice. I winced at the word "talk" but I was more confused then worried so I asked yet another question.
"The CoA? What the heck is that?" I said incredulously.
"Oh it's the Council of the Afterlife. I know, it's real corny name but they're dead what can I say, they don't get out much." he said smiling. Then a serious look came over his face, I really didn't want him to go that way and get his let's-talk face on.
"I've been watching you, only a little bits of time because that's all I'm allowed to do. But I've been watching you enough to know what you're up to." he said staring straight through myeyes as if he was reading my thoughts. Great another mind-reader.
"You don't understand I-" I was interrupted by him laughing but it didn't seem like the laughing I wanted.
"I Don't understand, yeah right! I saw those little plans you've been making and I saw Moony talking to you to. Man Moony is too trusting for his own good. I can't believe he thought he could tell you not to do something and you actually listen! Harry you can't and I say again you can not walk through the veil to "save" me." he said in a stern tone.
"But I have to its" interrupted once again.
"not you're fault, I went to save you and Bellatrix pushed me through the veil with a curse, it wasn't you who pushed me through the veil. You got to understand this Harry." he said in a pleading tone.
"Well I can't understand and I refuse to understand, I want you to be with me, you're all I have!" I yelled.
"I am with you, in you're heart! I'm always with you" he said.
"My heart? what's with this bloody heart thing anyway! Everyone keeps on telling me that but it's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I'm not four and believe in imaginary friends and think the world is mad or marshmallows and rainbows. I want you to be here with me, not in my bloody heart or my bloody dreams!" I yelled while kicking a chair. Sirius grabbed me and looked me into my eyes.
"Trust me, I'm always with you. Just tell me you won't try and "save" me" he said in an almost scary voice.
I looked away and didn't answer.
"Say it! Because if you do end up going through with your plans I will raise you back from the dead and kill you again and again till you're begging to go back to the world you belong." he yelled.
I nodded slowly quite surprised by Sirius temper. I mean I've seen it but never really experienced it. Even though I nodded its not like I am going to go and not do it. Pfft, whatever. Let him believe what he wants.
He hugged me and said " I love you Harry always remember that" I hugged back and smiled. The dream slowly faded away.
:end dream:;
I woke up and looked around. Yep back into my crappy room. "It was all just a dream. Sirius doesn't just appear in my dreams and tell me not to go through with my plans. Ha! He'd want me to save him." I said under my breath but no matter how much I said it I couldn't believe it, it was just too real. But even if it was real its not like I'm going to listen to him, I can do whatever I want. So I'll just stick with it not being real.
I went back to my plans, even though I had that sleeping draught I still didn't get a lot of sleep but now I know how to get past the order because now I know what time they'll show up. I grinned that thought comforted me a little bit. I started planning my dates for the next full moon. This will work for sure, finally I was back on track. I'm going to get Sirius back! I know it!
A/N: I really want to get into the action. I really want to. I think I'll try and add Voldemort into the next chapter. This one is kind of slow but I needed for him to get his plan done. There will be further explanations on the plan in the next chapter, I think I might go through with his plans in the next chapter. You never know. Please review!
Thanks ickle-princess for reviewing. MY first review! Yay! throws confetti around
