……………………….

"feel your deepest dreams inside
take a breath and clear your mind
the music lets you take control
in your body and your soul
united and hardcore 'till we die
spread your arms and you will fly
then save the moment deep inside."

hard issues coming up. never do drugs, mates.

……………………..

The door slammed shut, and while dark eyes adjusted to the darkness he wondered regretfully if he'd woken the sleeping figure in his bed.

Stumbling, drunk and confused, he wandered over to the side of the hotel bed. He watched her for a few seconds, her long blond hair spilling over the sheets in a messy state of sleep. Her eyes were closed and a small, almost permanent smile lay on her lips. So familiar, and that sort of recognition made him sigh in relief.

Closing his eyes and collapsing beside the bed, he rested his head on the side of the sheets. Confusion and cloudy recent memories whirled around in his head at what the hell had just happened. Shaking them away, he sighed.

"...the hell?" Did that just happen? Did anything really happen?

Keele stood up and rubbed his eyes with his palms. As he opened them, familiar glances hit the desk by the window. A container with product left-over, a spoon, a lighter and a needle lay there as if waiting.

He shot a look toward the bed, and then back at the desk. Meredy, high. Meredy, desk. Meredy, trip. Shrugging, he figured both and ambled over to the desk. Pouring some of the dark powder on the spoon, he lit the lighter and watched in alcohol-induced fascination as the powder melted on the metal, giving a metallic glow in the dark. Keele hadn't used Optios - as the Celestians called it - very much, as earlier that day he'd injected himself with a similar - but more energetic drug.

But Keele had researched the effects of each, his old side coming out from nowhere and sucking the information up like bees to honey. He saved Optios for trying to sleep, since it gave him a relaxed, drowsy - but pleasant - feeling.

Even though there was about a 50 chance the seller had thrown in some "goey" - a term he'd picked up on to mean a drug causing increased brain activity, increased desire to have sex and complete dehydration.

Looking away, Keele plunged the needle into his most commonly used vein and pushed the syringe all the way. As he laid the needle down, he felt the rush of pleasant euphoria rush over him and he grinned in the darkness. He sat there for a while, relaxing in the feeling before he was shaken by a cry in the room.

"There is no need, Keele..."

It was her soft innocent voice again. He shrugged, even though she couldn't see him and pretended not to hear her. He turned the other way, out the window when he heard her shuffle and climb out of the bed.

He jumped as she touched his skinny cold arm and frustration clouded his eyes. "So relaxing here." He mumbled and stood up.

She walked toward him and tugged on his arm. "Come on, Keele! We cannot stay in Jini much longer." As she embraced him and wrapped her arms around his skinny waist, an intense memory flew into his head.

Him. Her. Standing in Inferia. She had jumped on him, hugging him after he'd fallen down. The uncomfortable, embarrassing feeling shot into his present mind, and he pushed her off of him.

"What are you doing? Get off of me!"

He jumped back, hitting the window. He clutched onto the windowsill and crouched, in panic. What am I doing here, I should be researching the change in the Grobule Distortion, that dark matter, I'm wasting my time sleeping, and what is this person doing…

He jumped up and pushed her aside. Panicking, he couldn't remember where he was. The grand fall...? Grabbing the sides of his head, he raced to the closet where he'd thrown all his books and work.

"I have to...my work on light craymelology...I can't remember..." Grabbing boxes, he pulled books out and began rummaging through them desperately.

"Keele what are you doing? You must be calm,"

Meredy rushed to his side and grabbed his arm. In anger, he pushed her away and growled as she fell back on the floor hard. Letting a cry out, he heard her coming toward him again and he turned around, furious.

"Go away! I have to ..." I have to what? I have to ... I can't remember anything I studied at Minche! What's wrong with me? Panic and fear flew through him and all he could feel was her shaking him. His eyes flew around the room and he couldn't focus on anything except her shaking. He could feel himself breathing so hard, so hard that he felt as though he was suffocating. How can I suffocate from breathing!

She was saying something, but it was distorted and made no sense. He couldn't get a firm grasp on her hands that were tightly clenched to his shoulders. Finally, he pushed her off of him in a strong thrust that sent her flying into the wall.

She pulled herself up, "Keele?" She was staring at him in fear.

Fear? He frowned and took a step toward her. She moved away, and this frustrated him even more. This is my...she shouldn't be scared of me. So many things were flying around in his mind. He couldn't keep control. Couldn't think…think…think….flashing memories and color were whirling in front of him. THIS.ISN'T.RIGHT.

She began walking backward and hit the chair attached to the desk. The impact knocked his needle and he watched it roll down the table and fall to the floor.

It smashed in a thousand little pieces and he heard himself shout in anger. "No! You stupid fuck, now I have to go get a new one!" He snarled and grabbed her arms. Anger surged through him, and he tried to concentrate on something. Anything. Somehow, they were pinned against the wall, Meredy struggling to get away, crying in fear.

"This is not Keele!" She shouted at him, and he growled in confusion again. "You do not need another one."

He threw her to the side, and immediately regretted it when he heard her cry in pain when she hit the side of the bed hard. He tried to turn to her, but his energy had depleted so fast and he was falling.

Collapsing on the floor, he felt himself fading in and out of consciousness. He tried to keep his eyes open, and even when he did they would fade to black, then outline silhouettes, then color...he could feel something wet on his chest and mumbled something in confusion.

A loud noise floated around him and he couldn't determine exactly what it was. It was so hard to concentrate, but after a short time a blast of energy hit him and he was able to open his eyes and hear properly. The loud noise he recognized as crying. He opened his eyes to see Meredy bent over him, sobbing loudly and saying his name.

"Huh..?"

He mumbled, and sort of smiled as she gasped and turned toward him. As they exchanged looks, Keele could still hear the unsaid message in her teary eyes.

Please stop.

They used to do this all the time, back when they were trying to stop the Grand Fall. At first Keele had figured and hypothesized it was something to do with her Elara, but in the end he'd thrown that theory aside and just assumed they knew each other too well. He closed his eyes to get away from her pain filled eyes, bleeding tears all over the floor and tried to figure this all out in his head.

"Meredy misses the old Keele."

In truth, so did he. But as the sun rose and fell, and everyday he saw less and less of the beautiful Celestian sunrise and sunset and more of the wild nights and needle plungers, he knew Meredy would never see the 'old Keele' again. How many times he had tried, for her sake, to throw away the old habits, to go through a day without talking to the drug dealers on the sides of the streets.

But vicious circles never end. The dealers began to know him on a regular basis, the gamblers began questioning him when he didn't show, and the pain in his head began to eat away at him every time he missed a hit.

He wondered, sometimes, how much she knew. She would sometimes stare at him with a sad, hopeless look, as if his emotions were playing out though her face. But he would shrug it off, drink another bottle and try to forget it.

Pulling himself to sit upright, he clinched a hold of her hands. "Someday, things will be back to normal."

But Keele could only theorize a one way ticket out. And to take that ticket would mean to lose Meredy forever.

……………………………

April 4th, 2005

The next one will be Meredy's thoughts, as you may have noticed it was Reid, then Farah, and Keele, so … yeah. I have an idea :D