Taking what is mine

Glaring at the impossible

Quickly outrunning time

Closing my eyes

To believed lies

Not speaking, left to pantomime

The love I forgot to show

To you I will sublime

And show the love

I forgot at that time

Everything was blurry and confusing; I was floating in an invisible world. A painless world where the life before is forgotten. Voices floated passed me but my ears did not bother to hear. Worried calls, and desperate demands pounded against my ears, yet my ears ceased to open. I lay there, my mind working vigorously to help me remember, but it was all in vain. I didn't want to remember, I didn't know why I just didn't want too.

Yet I felt something pulling me, it felt like a portkey.

A shudder convulsed through my body at the thought of a portkey, I couldn't understand why but I didn't bother to figure it out. My eyes felt as if they were taped shut, even if I had the strength to open them I doubt I would open them. I was content to be in this heavenly darkness. It was pain free, worry free, emotionless, nothing. I was happy to be here and I never wanted to go, at all. I put up strong defenses so I would never have to go back.

I shut out all noise, voices, emotions, thoughts, pain, and memories. I knew if just one of these things came in the walls would crumble. I lay there happily until it happened. It was small and discreet, a tiny speck but it was enough to bring it all back. It was just a little bit of hope, and I caught hold of it and it grew. My first emotion and I felt after that, happiness. I started to remember Sirius, then I saw the veil and I was angry and miserable. Then I remembered all the past events. Then it happened all the remembered pain, all the exhaustion came full force.

Voices came, they were worried and incantations came on over me. The pain was horrible. Worst then all he had ever felt. No journey I went through felt this awful. What was even more painful was the emotional pain, brought from deep within my heart. It was the desire for love, the self-hate, the regret, the feeling of losing it all. It flooded through my heart till my heart seemed ready to burst. Then I pushed it back, it took all the strength I had and I pushed it back. The light shone through as my eyes slowly started to open.

It was bright; it was most likely the afternoon. I took in my surroundings and immediately knew I was in the hospitable wing, I felt for my glasses and placed them on. I felt something at the foot of my bed, it was Padfoot. I looked around, no one else was there. All the memories of the deatheater attack came. I groaned knowing full well what I was in for. Probably every order member and their brother wanted to burst through those doors to give me the lecture of my life. I felt really weak and a dull ache took over my whole body. I looked at my arms and saw numerous cuts I felt my face and there was more cuts. I was so weak all I could do was move my arms. Even that took to much energy.

I guess all my rustling at woke Sirius. Because I saw him move and he transformed with a 'pop'. There was worry all over his face; I stared at him and weakly smiled. I was quickly hugged and Sirius looked me into the eyes. Sirius looked exhausted; he looked like he hadn't slept in a while. A pang of guilt shot through me, I hated putting all this on top of him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

"Like I came back from the dead." I said smirking, Sirius grinned slightly but you could still see his concern fixed on his face. "How long have I been out" I asked curiously.

"About two days, you went through a lot lately. Why in the world you did another outburst still confuses me greatly, you could've gotten yourself killed!" he exclaimed, then he looked at me, "Well no use me ranting, you'll probably get you fair share, especially when Moony sees you." He said with a smirk. I groaned overdramatically.

"Don't worry. It's just Moony, at least it will help you get prepared for Molly, or Ron, or Hermione" he said smiling. I scowled and crossed my arms. I just stared at Sirius a bit before I couldn't help but break into a smile. I muster enough strength to lean forward and give him a hug, it was great to have him back, though I missed my parents, I loved Sirius and to have him finally back meant the world to me.

"I missed you, I love you Sirius!" I said a few tears escaping my barriers.

"I love you to kiddo!" he said hugging me. Then I heard a sniffle behind me. Both of us looked behind us quickly only to find a beaming Madame Pomfrey wiping her eyes. I turned red but Sirius jumped off the bed.

"Madame Pomfrey, are you here to check over Harry?" he said quickly.

"Yes, yes of course! Why you didn't tell me the minute he woke up I do not know" she said regaining her composure and returning to her old self. "Hmmm… everything is as good as we can get it. He'll need lots of rest, and NO strenuous activity, that means no flying, dangerous missions, deatheaters duels, and all those crazy stuff you seemed to fall into, for a couple of weeks. You should watch him carefully, just in case. Lots of food, this boy is far to skinny for his age, its obvious you haven't been eating properly." She said, I grimaced remembering how well my eating habits were with Sirius gone. I had barely eaten so much as toast each day. Sirius was shooting me worried looks while paying attention to Madame Pomfrey. "Yes, and plenty of sleep, you look like you could use some Mr. Black.!" she said as I snorted and Sirius glared at me.

"That should be it, it'll take a few week for him to regain all his normal energy, he used way too much magic!" she exclaimed. She looked me over one more time gave me an awful tasting potion that gave me a bit more energy. "That should give you a little more energy; I daresay you have quite a lot of visitors these past few days. Well I'm off, I believe there is a visitor outside" she said and she bustled out while I wondered who was my visitor.

Black looked at me and smiled mischievously. "Why don't we let your visitor in so he can come Talk with you." He said smoothly. I had this huge feeling he knew who the visitor was, my heart plummeted into my stomach at the way he said talk. I saw Sirius walk to the door, and I heard Sirius exclaim something and I heard some greetings. I knew who it was then and if my heart could plummet any further it did.

"Hi Remus!" I said smiling slightly as Remus entered my view. He looked worn and tired, which made me feel even guiltier of what I put him through. I didn't really want to look him into the eyes. His eyes looked worried as he looked me over then they hardened, my heartbeat quickened, then I saw Sirius sit down on the hard plastic chairs and conjure up popcorn. He was not making me feel any better.

"What. In. Merlin's. Name. Were. You. Thinking." Remus said as he gritted his teeth, I could tell he was using every bit of his large supply of self-control to not yell. I couldn't blame him; he probably was running low on his self-control. I looked at Sirius for help but he just mouthed "Not my problem." I had an overwhelming urge to roll my eyes but something told me that Remus wouldn't appreciate that.

"I asked you a question, Harry." he said in a low suppressed voice. I was snapped out of my thought and looked at him apologetically.

"Err well I- um. I just wanted to have Sirius back!" I said a little bit too loud than necessary and I immediately regretted when I saw Remus' face. His eyes flashed with anger that made me not doubt one bit that he was a werewolf. Not really wanting to experience that side of him at all. Sirius was just watching with rapt attention.

"BACK! YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I HEARD YOU WERE GONE! I WAS SO WORRIED, WHEN I HEARD YOU WENT THROUGH THE VEIL! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS! AND AFTER I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT!" I flinched as he yelled, he looked angry, more angry then I ever knew he could be, but then the teenage impulses took over my common sense. And I did what almost any teenager would do, yell back. Bad idea.

"I GOT HIM BACK DIDN'T I? HE'S RIGHT THERE IF YOU WOULD CARE TO TAKE A LOOK!" I said sarcastically. I could've sworn I saw something of a wolf in his eyes as his face darkened. I just saw Sirius gaping.

"YEAH WITH A SPOT OF EXTREME LUCK, YOU DIED AND CAME BACK. DIED YOU HEAR ME DIED! YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME!" he bellowed, looking very angry. Then it just boiled over, I said the last thing that anyone in their right mind would ever say. When I looked back I regretted it fully.

"LISTEN! I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU'RE NOT MY PARENT! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! I'D DIE AGAIN IF SIRIUS WASN'T HERE. TO GET AWAY FROM YOU AND THE STUPID ORDER!" I said and winced at my words. Remus paled and plopped on the bed. Part of me was relieved that Remus stopped but then I felt and a strong hand grab my arm and jerk me to face really angry eyes. Livid pale blue eyes, my heart clenched. I regretted wholly on what I said to Remus. Sirius looked like he was battling the urge to hex me into oblivion.

"Don't you ever talk to Remus that way! EVER! You hear me?" he said in a deadly calm voice while shaking me roughly. I looked him into the eyes; I had a mixture of resentment and defeat.

His eyes weren't blinking and it seemed he stared right through my soul. I looked away "I said do you hear ME!" he said while bringing my eyes to his face. I nodded in defeat. "Yes Sirius." I said and looked to Remus. "I'm sorry Remus; I don't know what came over me. I should have listened to you." I said quietly.

Truth be told all the anger I showed was more to hide my guilt and regret. Now I hated myself even more. Remus smile weakly and hugged me.

"I was so worried, I thought I lost you." He said sadly, we hugged for a bit. I calmed down, Remus calmed down of course. He smiled at me. Sirius on the other hand still looked very disgruntled. I made a mental note not to do something to Sirius like I did to Remus, because if that was Remus' anger, I don't know if I could handle Sirius'.

I looked down, great just what I need make more problems for everyone. I should just go back to the Dursleys as soon as possible and make everyone's life easier. I cause way to much trouble. I could feel all my strength disappearing, I looked wearily at Remus, it was amazing how forgiving Remus was, I didn't really feel like looking at Sirius. Remus smiled softly.

"You should get to bed Harry you look tired." He said while pushing down to the bed, I would have protested like I usually do but knowing I'm not on the best level with any of them I complied. I fell into a deep slumber, but not with any good dreams.

:Dream:

I was in the department of mysteries. I was running after someone, I recognized it as Sirius. I was trying desperately to stop him. We stopped in the old courtroom. I called out his name and he turned around. His eyes were cold and full of indifference. He stopped before the veil scowling at me.

"Stop!" I yelled pulling his sleeve; he pulled his sleeve out of my grasp with a look of disgust.

"Don't touch me you leach! Remus died because of what you said! You cause me way too many problems! Why did you pull me away from the veil! I'm leaving and I don't want to see you again" he spat while looking at me with hatred. I was appalled, I thought he loved me. I guess he didn't. I was so confused. I fell to my knees. Then I saw my parents' faces in the veil.

"Why did you come here and take my best friend! You caused us even more problems" James sneered.

"Why did you come, its not like we cared." My mum said angrily.

Out of nowhere my uncle Vernon came out of the veil and his face purple. He pointed at me.

"You're nothing but a freak and a burden!" he yelled, he raised his hand and slapped me across the face. I was shocked; he hadn't done that since before I was at Hogwarts. I felt young and afraid again. A dementor started approaching me as I cried, everyone looked at me with utter abhorrence it made me feel weaker. The dementor drew closer as I heard my mum's screams, it drew loser as I saw all my worst experiences, and it drew closer as I saw my worst fears. It let down its hood and red eyes gleamed under.

"No one cares Harry, no one!" The dementor said, or what I thought was a dementor. The dementor leaned to kiss me as everyone behind smirked evilly.

:End dream:

I woke up; my heart beating wildly, all the emotions of the dream came over me. It was dark, evening probably came. My heart seemed to be destroyed. I just sat there and cried. It was all too much. Leaving my parents and watching them cry, what I did to Sirius and made him fall through the veil, what I did to Remus and the things I said and how I worried him, how I worried everyone, how much of a burden I was to everyone. It was all too much. I felt arms wrap around me, I flinched still jumpy from the dream and Uncle Vernon.

It was silent as I just cried while the person with arms around just held me, and said quiet words. All the hurt from being young to now, I felt it all. All the pain, and the deaths, and the things I saw. I cried for what seemed like hours, I knew my barriers that I held up for so long came tumbling down. Then things I pushed back came out full force.

After a while I stopped crying and looked up to my unknown comforter. I should've known it was Sirius. He looked at me with fatherly concern and protectiveness in his eyes. That look in itself comforted me, just that look made my dream a dream. But it still hurt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he said with a lot of worry taking over his voice. I yawned and looked him into the eyes. I shook my head tiredly, extremely weary from the emotion outflow.

"Not yet." I said quietly.

"Get some sleep, you'll need the rest. I love you Harry" He said softly

My heart lightened "I love you too Sirius." I said softly falling into a dreamless sleep with protective arms around me.

A/N: okay a little corny there, but I needed to build a relationship, well I believe the next one might be the last chapter, and maybe and poem at the very end…we'll see. A big surprise next chapter. Tell me if you guys want a sequel. I know I don't get that many reviews but being a watched author by a few people is great! At least people are taking the time to read this!

I salute you ickle-princess! Thank you for your enthusiasm!