Disclaimer: Not mine.
One fine, fine, well not so fine summer morning, on a street near privet drive sat a crazy crazy not so crazy but yes he is indeed crazy blond rapper wearing this big baggy plain white shirt and baggy grey pants.
Unsure of where he was and how he got there, wait, it must have been Dre's mooncake he ate while mooning at some girl name Moon under the moonlight. He didn't even know how those two events linked but he knew somehow it was related. Must have been doped.
The mad rapper started walking in circles because he was lost and after fifteen minutes, he grew fustrated and started rapping angrily to himself as well as to the whole street.
Meanwhile, inside number 4 privet drive sat a boy named Kim, not, his name was Harry, in his bedroom watching the flying thang in his book flying around in his book. He had two black circles around his eye that matched his round glasses, not because of lack of sleep but because he had been punched by a baby whale.
Suddenly there was this loud noisy noise he couldn't make out coming from somewhere outside.
A deatheater?
He leaped towards to window like a curious boy who just heard some unexplainable noises that probably came from some unidentified singing object.
He looked down and saw that noisy thing, which was actually a man, a man looking pissed and dissing himself or something like that.
A deatheater! Must be a relative of Malfoy's!
Shocked, Harry fell off the window grill he has been clinging on and fell on his back. His brittle bones shattered like a toothpick being dropped an inch onto a piece of paper.
He got up quickly and rushed towards his wand, but something caught his eye. Something in his cupboard caught his eye.
His reflection!
"I look good" Harry smiled admiring his reflection.
Somewhere miles away, an angry Ronald Weasley stomped his way down the stairs into the kitchen.
Somebody had just stolen his line.
Back in privet drive, Harry stood in front of the mirror for five whole seconds. There was the noise again. Harry snapped back to reality.
"...look is b. rabbit, now you sign me at the battle..."
He grabbed his wand and zoomed down the stairs but in his excitement -he was about to curse someone- he tripped, fell, slipped and landed on a massive piece of lard.
"Urrrggg..." grunted that big thing as it punched Harry leaving him with a bloody nose. Harry recognised it as his cousin.
Outside number four, the rapper still lost, tried to recall his name. Where was he?
There was a loud thump; a slapping reminded him of those waves of fats from Bizarre's, followed by some angry noises.
The rapper couldn't care less. He missed his mama and no he couldn't cry in front of the unfamiliar houses.
"Hi! My name is, what? My name is, who?…"
Harry picked up his wand, but it was now broken in 8.25 pieces. All because 825 pounds of lard fell onto it.
"Wand, come on wand!" Harry whimpered at his wand in hope that that would help but it didn't.
Somewhere else Ronald Weasley threw his Cleansweep at Mrs Weasley. His line was stolen yet again! He picked up his fellytone to call the please-man.
Many many many miles away, to the north of England, or is it India, stood this huge shack, The Malfoy Manor.
Draco Malfoy, that snobbish ferret sat in his room listening to his new Encore album his dad bought him and operating his latest new gadget, the Spycam!
He loved spying on others, especially on his favourite rapper whose name he can't remember and his favourite boxer who recently won the junior heavyweight championship or something.
Maybe because they, like him were blonds, and he needed to know how to be one when he himself is one.
"Why ain't he here yet?" Draco asked himself, "the portkey should have been activated by now and he should be here."
"I is here, yes?" said someone from somewhere in Draco's room, or maybe outside his room because Draco couldn't see anyone.
"Who's there?" Draco started shivering madly.
Ray Benzino must have come to look for him. Draco screamed and fainted.
Oh yes, review please, I'm so sleepy. I'll try to update as soon as possible. If I ever do…
