Short Summary: The gang lost Irene meanwhile Grace develops a secret Will's becomes skeptical of when he finds out. Also Jack's got a secret he's not willing to tell Karen.
Author's Note: I don't know if it's the same company or not but in the late 1990s there was a beer company named Red Bull and it's no longer around but there's the energy drink Red Bull which is mentioned here…
SCENE I: Streets of New York.
WILL: (Meets up with Jack and Karen on a corner of the street at night) Did you find her?
JACK: (Eating ice cream) No but we found the best ice cream parlor there is.
KAREN: (Eating) This rum raisin is rum-riffic!
GRACE: (Runs up to them) I couldn't find her anywhere. I went to the café, I went to the candy store, bakery, another candy store and- (Sees Jack and Karen eating) I knew I should have bought some ice cream!
WILL: Look would you guys focus on the big issue? I lost my Irene!
GRACE: You know who's fault this is, right?
JACK AND KAREN: (Nods)
GRACE: If you never said she was your niece this wouldn't have happened.
WILL: What? I got that advice from Jack!
JACK: (Steps behind Karen and hides behind her)
GRACE: Jack! That's horrible advice to give someone!
JACK: Well I didn't tell Will to lecture on how Irene was a mistake!
GRACE: Will! That is horrible to say to your offspring.
WILL: Hey, hey, hey who's side are you on?
GRACE: There are no sides (talks through the side of her mouth) Jack's.
WILL: I heard that.
GRACE: Huh I didn't say anything.
SCENE II: Will's Apartment
WILL: We should call the police.
GRACE: She's probably just went somewhere and will turn up sooner or later.
JACK: In pieces!
WILL: You're not helping.
KAREN: Ok now everyone calm down, we will see Irene again…even if she is in pieces.
WILL: (Frustrated)
SCENE III: Leo's Apartment
LEO: (Opens his apartment door) Hey!
GRACE: (Comes in) Hi, how are you?
LEO: Good.
GRACE: (Looks around smiling) So…..
LEO: Yeah.
GRACE: How was your date last night with my client Tracy?
LEO: It went well.
GRACE: (Hears a thump)
LEO: Better than I thought! (Laughs) Ok now we can just turn around and leave.
GRACE: Is that Tracy?
LEO: Yeah I guess she just got out of bed!
GRACE: It's 3 PM.
IRENE: Leo I just slipped on the bathroom floor.
GRACE: That's not Tracy's voice.
IRENE: (Goes downstairs and runs back up)
GRACE: Hold it, young lady.
IRENE: (Turns around)
GRACE: This is where you've been? We've been looking for you for a day we were worried.
IRENE: You were worried because I ran away but if I had just left to return to California you wouldn't miss me at all.
GRACE: That's not true, you know that's not true. (Looks at Leo)
LEO: Don't look at me I just gave her a bed to sleep in I slept on the couch.
GRACE: Leo why didn't you call me.
LEO: You told me to stop contacting you and I was afraid that you would somehow manipulate the situation to where I kidnapped her. She ran here by herself.
IRENE: I rode on a subway here alone.
GRACE: You know how dangerous that is?
IRENE: Grace, I am 20, I can take care of myself.
GRACE: I'm taking you home to Will.
IRENE: No! Why should I go back to someone who is sickened when he looks upon me?
GRACE: Will wants you more than Leo.
LEO: I have no problem with her staying Grace.
GRACE: Would you shut up!
IRENE: I'm staying at Leo's place until I get a job and raise enough money to buy my own place in New York.
GRACE: What about UCLA?
IRENE: I got a transfer to NYU and I am taking it and moving here. My first intention was to stay close to Will but now I am just here because New York is my home. Leo has been very kind to take me under his wing.
GRACE: You knew Leo was untouchable you knew that this was the last place we would look for you.
IRENE: You still found me didn't you? (Goes up stairs)
LEO: I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell Will I wouldn't want to stir up any fights.
GRACE: Why shouldn't I tell Will?
LEO: Because we're friends! Because you love Irene and you know she has a real point. If you tell Will she's here she gets dragged home where she'd get move verbal abuse from Will. Calling a child a mistake is verbal abuse and Will should know that as a lawyer!
GRACE: He's a cooperate attorney not a social worker.
LEO: Whatever!
GRACE: This is some plod to get me to love you again right? Holding Irene as ransom for a date or something?
LEO: Stop being so full of yourself she's here by choice!!
GRACE: (Imitating Leo's tone of voice) neh, neh, meh, meh, neh, neh, EH! (Runs out)
SCENE IV: Jacques
JACK: I am worried Karen, I really am.
KAREN: About Irene?
JACK: (Beat) No I hadn't had a boyfriend in AGES
KAREN: (Scoffs) Honey we've already been through this you know when you've met the right guy when your gay natural men-mo detector points at the person.
JACK: (Rearranges his crotch and giggles) You're right but I don't know lately it's just been pointing at me. (Laughs) I guess I'm the best man for me.
KAREN: (Laughs) Oh honey don't ever say that to me again.
JACK: Sorry but you know…..
KAREN: What?
JACK: (Sighs) never mind…..
SCENE V: Will's Apartment
WILL: (Watching TV)
GRACE: (Comes in) I found Irene.
WILL: (Stands up abruptly) Well where is she?
GRACE: (About to tell him but then stops) I just forgot.
WILL: WHAT?
GRACE: (Laughs) I just forgot. Yeah.
WILL: How can you forget?
GRACE: I'm just stupid.
WILL: You're more than stupid, if you were any more stupid you'd be a stump.
GRACE: Then me is stump! (Throws her hands up)
WILL: (Stares at her) You're lying.
GRACE: No I'm not.
WILL: Yes you do you stick out your buck teeth when you lie.
GRACE: (Gasp and covers her mouth) that's mean (Starts running her tongue over her teeth)
WILL: (Sighs) Grace.
GRACE: Ok but don't be mad.
WILL: Why would I be mad?
GRACE: Because she's staying at Leo's place. (Turns her back to Will)
WILL: And how did you find that out?
GRACE: Because I was over at his place.
WILL: Why were you at his place?
GRACE: When did we start playing 20 questions?
WILL: What were you doing at Leo's place?
GRACE: You said you wouldn't get mad!
WILL: What were you doing at Leo's place?!?
GRACE: Ok I was at his place because I played match maker and I just wanted to see how his date went out.
WILL: You're not supposed to do that.
GRACE: Do what?
WILL: Play matchmaker for your ex-husband you should be planning how you're going to murder the second wife.
GRACE: I filed a divorce, that's Leo's job. For husband I mean.
WILL: This is so typical of Irene!
GRACE: Will, would you listen to yourself?
WILL: She knew that Leo's place was the last place I'd look.
GRACE: But you still found her didn't you?
WILL: That's not the point!
GRACE: Are you going to get her or not?
WILL: (Beat) I don't know what's wrong with me…
GRACE: There's nothing wrong with you.
WILL: She's right you know. She's gone for a year and then we're complete strangers.
GRACE: (Shrugs) it's something you have to figure out yourself, I don't know.
SCENE VI: Leo's Apartment
LEO: (Opens the door) Uh-oh.
WILL: (Gets in) Where is she?
LEO: Who?
WILL: Grace told me Irene was here.
IRENE: (Comes out of the bathroom and sees Will)
WILL: Iry.
IRENE: (Clears her throat) Hi. (Takes her purse off the coat rack) Bye.
WILL: Irene?
IRENE: I got a job Will, which where I'll be going now.
WILL: Can you just give me a chance.
IRENE: Ok. (Crosses her arms)
WILL: I didn't mean what I said the other night but you just wasn't getting where I was going with the conversation. Irene, you being a mistake is a fact. But you were the greatest mistake I've ever done. Now that I know your existence, I cant imagine life without loving you. I've always wanted a kid and even though I was 16 years late on receiving the news…you're a wish come true. So what if you didn't come out of Grace like I dreamed? So what if you are smarter than me on life and logicalness. So what if my swimmer went into a women drunk? (Kisses her forehead) I love you.
IRENE: The thing is…I don't like how you treat me like a child and that I am stupid. I am 20, Will.
WILL: I know I tend to do that because I didn't know you when you were a baby. I would like to treat someone like a baby. Look how much I enjoy taking care of Grace. Couldn't you find it in your heart to help me work things out between us?
IRENE: Will…..I'm not going home with you. (Leaves)
LEO: (Beat)Heh, so how are you?
WILL: (Gives him a look)
SCENE VII: Café
NANCY: (To Irene) Table 2 is yours.
IRENE: Ok. (Walks out of the counter and runs back in)
JACK & KAREN: (Sitting at table 2)
JACK: We've been sitting here longer than we usually do.
KAREN: (Snapping in the air) Hey ugly!
IRENE: (Hair covering face and points to herself)
KAREN: Yeah you get your ass over here!
IRENE: (Puts sunglasses on over hair to make it stay there) C-can I take your order?
KAREN: Yeah you can move your hair so we can see your acne covered face (bangs on the table) Come on!
IRENE: (Pushes her hair back and takes off her sunglasses.)
KAREN: Good lord, it IS ugly!
IRENE: (Sighs) Hi Karen can I take your order?
KAREN: And it is help!
IRENE: I am trying to earn money for a place to stay in.
KAREN: Well in that case I am guessing you're going to work here until you're 220.
JACK: Does Will know you're here?
IRENE: No but he caught me at Leo's.
JACK: You're staying at Leo's?
IRENE: Yeah.
KAREN: Midget, do you think that's really smart?
IRENE: It's the only way I can keep away from Will…..
KAREN: I don't get it…..
IRENE: Maybe that's because the air you breathe out makes dogs drunk.
KAREN: No seriously, Dorothy, put yourself in Will's shoes. Say you tried to save yourself from being gay…..
IRENE: Karen, I'm not gay.
KAREN: Don't lie, I see you staring at my chest all the time.
IRENE: Because my height ends at your chest.
KAREN: Nice excuse but it ain't going to work, don't interrupt. Say you tried to save yourself from being a straight person to a curvy person, knocked up with some guy and got pregnant. You think abortion is wrong and you have it, giving it away to a hick family where it can milk cows and sleep with the chickens…..and then 16 years later your kid comes, and you're gay. You're a proud gay man and this kid is the living proof that you tried to not become who you are and if you're a proud gay man the kid's a disgrace. But through Will's eyes…..I don't know what he sees but he loves you. Doesn't that count for anything?
IRENE: I know he loves me but I am tired of being a mistake, when will it ever be where I'm just…..a miracle.
KAREN: Don't you see? You're the lost diamond ring in dog turd.
IRENE: (Looks at her weird)
KAREN: You know, you came out of something ugly but you're precious?
IRENE: (Smiles) I've never thought of it that way…
KAREN: Yep (Takes out a drink from her purse and looks at the can) Dang I am drinking Red Bull thinking it was still a beer company no wonder my brain keeps clicking.
SCENE VIII: Hallway.
WILL: (Comes out to get his newspaper)
IRENE: (Does the same thing coming out from next door)
WILL: Irene!
IRENE: Morning Will
WILL: W-what?
IRENE: (Goes back into her apartment)
WILL: (Comes in after her, skeptical) What?
IRENE: Ever heard of knocking? This is invading someone's privacy!
WILL: Yeah ditto.
IRENE: Ew, don't use slang it sounds like you're going through mid-life crisis.
WILL: Irene did you forget to tell me something?
IRENE: I'm transferring to NYU and I'm staying here to be close to you.
WILL: I thought after our fight you'll go away.
IRENE: Hon, I would like to think we're mature and adult enough to get past it.
WILL: What?
IRENE: Ok I'm going to let you continue to be confused about this situation while I go into your apartment and make pancakes. (Leaves)
WILL: What?!?
END
