AN: the plot bunny attacked me again on Friday in the middle of physics class, and he wouldn't let me go until I had written this. I'm sorry! (for those-who-have-been-reading-so-lost: I wrote around nine pages of chapter 3 this weekend as well, so you CAN'T say I was wasting my time with this when I was supposed to be doing that! Ha!) oh, and fyi – this isn't based on the song, but I was listening to it while writing this, and the lyrics kinda jumped out at me, so I thought I'd put them in. enjoy!
Thank you SO much to my beta, Aoi Me! You're fab!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, only the plot and words, etc etc blah blah...
And don't forget to REVIEW!
"You still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return."
Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon
Anger of Angels
Hermione Granger was livid as she ran out of Hogwarts on a cloudy day. She didn't notice the thunderheads rolling in as she ran to the middle of the grounds, between the edge of the wall of stone that was the castle, and the wall of trees that was the Forbidden Forest.
Suddenly, she stopped short and raised her face and arms to scream at the sky, "Are you happy now, Ronald Weasley? You've managed to make me furious again, for the last time!" Hermione's breath caught on those words, and she inhaled deeply before her eyes narrowed again and she continued to yell. "How could you do this to me! You promised, you selfish bastard!"
The clouds were gaining speed, and the sky was rapidly losing light, the wind whipping her robe around her legs, hair obscuring her vision. She paused, regaining her voice, which, when she spoke again, sounded hoarse. "Asshole! After all that I've done for you, you repay me with this! Come on, come out here! I refused to hit you once when you deserved it, but I won't even hesitate now! Come on, Ronald! Give me all you've got!"
At that, the sky opened its gates, and a deluge of water came pouring down to soak Hermione through and through. She shrieked in frustration. "And now it's raining! Bloody fantastic! Ugh, I HATE YOU RONALD WEASLEY!"
The rain simply poured down in response. No bellowing thunder, no sharp lightening, only the rhythm of the water on the ground. This was Hermione's undoing. A shuddered gasp escaped her lips, and she clapped a hand to her mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm her.
"No, no, no, no, no..." she muttered desperately, her voice shaking. Of their own accord, her feet stumbled backwards, until she met the cold resistance of the castle walls. Leaning all her weight on the unfeeling stone, she slid down until she was sitting on the ground, oblivious to the pouring rain around and underneath her, her robes already too wet for it to make much of a difference.
The tears she had so urgently tried to suppress broke her boundaries and flooded her soul. Hermione put her head in both her hands, her knees pulled up to her chin, and began to rock back and forth, sobbing. "No, I don't hate you Ron Weasley, blast, no matter how much I try, I love you... You can't… oh, Merlin, I love you..." A choked sob escaped her lips as her tears became more desperate, more frantic. Before she knew it, she was gasping for air that wasn't coming, her heart beating ceaselessly in her throat.
As she cried, letting herself become swallowed in the storm, soft footsteps could be heard through the rain's fall, coming towards her trembling form. Hermione forced her tears to slow, but kept her head in her hands on her knees, not needing to look up to know who would be standing beside her. "Hermione? Please come inside, you're going to catch your death from cold, sitting out here in the rain."
Oh promises, promises, Mr. Potter, she thought wryly, holding back a suffocated laugh. Offering no response, she kept her face hidden and didn't look up. She knew she couldn't bear to see those tortured green eyes gazing at her full of pity she didn't want.
Expecting him to leave when she didn't reply, Hermione was surprised when Harry spoke, his voice thick and quiet in the numbing rain. "Do you – do you wish I had died, instead of Ron?"
Hermione didn't move, didn't make a sound, pretending she hadn't heard him. Part of her was furious that he even dare say it out loud, that he dare make it seem true, but the rest of her held the answer Harry was looking for but would never hear.
Before long, she heard footsteps squelching away from her in the mud. As they faded, she slowly lifted her head up, red-rimmed, hollow brown eyes ascertaining that Harry was gone before she spoke, a deathly quiet calmness to her voice, filled with a chilling reality.
"Yes," she whispered to the bitter rain. "Yes, Harry Potter, I wish you had died instead of Ron. You're my best friend, my only friend in the whole world, now, and I wish you had died instead of the love of my life, my soul mate." An acidic laugh resounded in the air permeated with the icy, pitiless rain. She took a shuddered breath, and continued to justify those feelings her heart felt, and her mind was ashamed of, to the whispering no one of silence. "You're the hero; you were supposed to pay the hero's price – not Ron. He followed you, he didn't have to go. He went because you are –" her voice shook ever so slightly, "– were his best friend, and he felt it was his duty to go with you."
Hermione's empty voice began to rise in volume, not caring now who heard her because nothing mattered anymore. "He shouldn't have died! It should have been you diving in front of that curse, it should have been you who did what you were supposed to! How could you let him, Harry! How could you let Ron die! I love him! I LOVE HIM!"
The tears flowing freely once more, the rain still splashing around her, Hermione returned her head to her hands. Ron's face danced in front of her eyes, his laughing blue eyes and his fire-red hair, smiling that lopsided smile he saved only for her. Her body began to shake, thinking that now she'd never be able to see his face again, except in haunting memories.
Her memories... the rain became pronounced on her skin, the wet drops still coming down uninterupted, brought one memory to her mind. The memory of the day he had told her he loved her. The very same day he promised that he would never leave her. The same day she had compared him to the falling rain – unpredictable and relentless. The same day he smiled his special smile at her, pointed at the rain drops falling from the sky, and told her that, if anything should happen to either of them, she should always look to the rain to remember him, because if he left her, he would become the rain – if only to be with her again.
Hermione suddenly realized her hands were pressed so fiercely against her eyes, as if trying to block out the sight of such memories from playing on her eyelids, that they were beginning to burn, despite the numbing cold. She slowly lifted her hands away from her eyes, and opened them. Only blurry images greeted her, a green wall and silver sheets passed in front of her eyes like the echo of something she should recognize. Leaning her head back against the wall, her eyes dry and empty, she closed them to the world again, allowing all hope of any happiness seep out and away from her body.
The rain had slowed by then, a soft drumbeat as opposed to a thunder now fell onto Hermione's skin. In her grief-stricken haze, she could have sworn that she heard an echo of "Hermione…" between the raindrops. Ron's face that day nine months ago returned to her eyelids, and they snapped open – suddenly she knew. Taking deep breaths, her tears began to fall again, as she let the rain encircle and comfort her, holding her as her soulmate once had, just over there under that tree.
A deep breath escaped her shaking lips before Hermione forced her quaking voice to puncture the rain's mournful fall. "Ron... you have no idea how much I miss you. How could you leave me here? If you had to go, you could have at least taken me with you. I wish I could have at least been there with you... I could have done something about it. Now I can't even avenge you because the bastard is already dead." A mirthless laugh escaped her lips. "I wish I hadn't been on the other side of the battlefield. But then, a part of me is glad I didn't see you – you fall." Her voice cracked, and she licked her lips, tasting the salt of her tears infused with rain. "I don't know if I can go on without you Ron. Sure, I'll keep on living every day, in the most basic sense of the word... but I won't be alive. I died once I found out you were gone. And that you won't return." She paused, and noticed the rain begin to cease. Before it could rain its last drop, Hermione whispered, "I love you, Ronald Weasley. Never forget that."
The rain stopped. Only the silent rustling of the trees' leaves was heard, and the soft patter of water descending from the castle roof.
Hermione bent her head again, soaked through to her soul, and didn't plan on moving any time soon. She was waiting for her unpredictable rain to come back, knowing that, even though it wasn't falling now, it was always there, if just beyond her reach.
