Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.
Warning: Rated M later on.. just to be safe. Pairing: SS/HP Slash!
A/N: Criticisms and Reviews are always welcome! Err, sorry bout that before, I asked my friend to upload and edit something in the 1st chappie…and both chappies were in one document. So now chapter 2 is where it's supposed to be!
Chapter 2 – Around the Manor
"Routine"
"Wow, you look like shit." Ron said raising an eyebrow at Harry's undead look.
Harry had his usual ruffled hair, but the only thing was that he had a hollowed look in his eyes. It was kind of disturbing considering he was also pale and looked very gaunt at he moment.
Harry sat down at the kitchen table and spoke with his eyes unfocused directed toward the floor.
"I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes and dreamed, I was falling and falling into pitch black darkness. Whenever I tried to go back to sleep, the darkness, ..I don't know…it just seemed to enfold me or try to possess me." Harry said combing his hand through his hair fustratedly. "I'm just being dumb, it's nothing, I'm sorry, just forget it."
"Harry, ok..one, shut up! You're not being dumb. Obviously something's bothering you, and you're afraid of something. I mean..look, lately, Snape has been even more cold to you, and I think you're feeling lost and alone. You're life IS Severus, if you don't have Severus, I don't think you're life would be the same. For the love of god, PLEASE say SOMETHING to him. ANYTHING! I care so much about you, and so does Draco. "
Draco and Harry at first been reluctant to get along when Severus and Harry started out their relationship. However, when Severus started to withdraw from Harry, Draco was oddly there more often. HE found that he really quite liked Harry as a companion. After a while, Harry, Ron, and Draco started to become the new trio.
"He knows that his godfather's being an ass, and he hasn't been around to see you lately, because he knows that he'll probably do something he'll regret to Snape."
Ron clasped Harry's hands in his trying to get his friend to understand.
"Harry, I'm going to speak for Hermione too. We want you to be happy. Please, don't just use the phrase that you love him. It's wonderful that you love someone, but dammit Harry!" Ron said with his voice raised.
Harry sighed, "Why can't she be here? She would be able to knock some sense into me since she's the mother hen."
Hermione had died in 6th year. There were rumors about a traitor in Hogwarts. Draco had told some of his friends about his Deatheater meeting, and from there, the news spread. In the meeting, there was a new young man in their ranks from Hogwarts. By Voldemort's orders, he was to kill Harry, because Voldemort wanted the wizarding world to see that "The Boy Who Lived" was nothing more than a servant's problem.
Flashback
Harry became paranoid and tried to be aware of his surroundings. It wore him out to the point that he no longer was able to function during the day. Hermione helped him as best as she could. She helped him with all of his homework, and she and Ron covered Harry so that no one would ask questions. Things were ok for awhile, until the traitor started to leave Harry notes behind. Hermione thought that it sounded like the traitor was mocking Harry, as each note left behind a subtle clue as to who he was. One day, when Harry and Hermione were up late doing some extra investigation, Harry decided to get some air and he promised Hermione that he'd be careful. She agreed, but under the condition that she put a tracking charm on him.
While he was going out, Hermione finally figured out who it was, it was all too easy, yet so hard to believe. Before she went to find Harry, she bolted to Dumbledore's office, miraculously, he was outside of the gargoyle. Hermione told him of her findings and he told her that he would notify the teachers and tell them to stand guard in the hallways at all times waiting for him. Then he said he would personally, right after that, go through the hallways. She ran out to find Harry, but when she did, she was confused as to why he wasn't under his invisibility cloak. Then she found a cloaked figure pointing his wand at Harry. When the traitor was about to say the two words, Hermione bolted in front of Harry and took the curse for him. Right before she was hit by the curse, she said to Harry, "Didn't I tell you to be careful?". She said it with a mock scowl, but it quickly turned into a tender smile. When she fell to the floor unmoving, he saw that the tender smile meant that Hermione knew what she was doing, and had no regrets about being a Gryffindor as well as a best friend to the end.
Harry was too shocked to even move. He fell to his knees and cradled Hermione's body still unbelieving. He vaguely remembered hearing Dumbledore and other teacher's apprehend the newly appointed Death Eater. Harry looked up with deeply sorrowed eyes and was grieved to see that the traitor was Neville. Neville screamed and yelled for them to let him go. He was saying that his plan was perfect. He had no faith in Harry after he got Sirius killed. If the wizarding world was going down, he wanted at least to get revenge for his parents. His deal with the Dark Lord was to kill Harry so that he could be initiated into the inner circle. Once there, he could eliminate the Dark Lord himself. The teachers had the Ministry come in and apprehend Neville.
Ron and Harry grieved for the remainder of their 6th year. Eventually they pulled together and decided not to just let her die in vain. She would always be there for them, and she proved that by her sacrifice. That, in the end, was one of the motivations Harry had when he finally put the Dark Lord to rest.
End Flashback
Harry snapped out of his memories just in time to hear Ron finish his sentence.
"-home and please figure out what you want."
Harry knitted his eyebrows in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
Ron sighed exasperatedly again.
"Go home, take a good look around your manor and ask yourself, what do you want? Before you even think about saying 'Severus', please just ask the question and answer it truthfully. I'll be here." Ron said standing up and leaving Harry to his thoughts.
Harry Apparated back to the Manor. He took a look around. Now he knew why Ron wanted him to do this. Everything that once represented his happiness, turned into a cage. His home turned into his prison.
'What am I looking for?' Harry thought to himself. 'What is it that I want?'
Severus, was the fist answer, but then he remembered what Ron said, and after a minute, he rethought his answer.
'I want….to be loved, to be appreciated, and for once to be happy…and free.' Harry froze and realized, while Severus was who he loved, Severus didn't give him what he wanted. He never felt loved, appreciated, OR happy anymore. It all felt like such a burden on his shoulders.
'Then why do I stay?'
That wasn't even a question. Harry loved him, that was all there was to it.
Harry then, for the first time in about a year, walked through the entire manor, touching the walls, looking in the rooms, and refamiliarizing himself with his home. All the memories flooded back to him. He even laughed at a few of them. One of the funniest memories that he had was revisited in the bathroom.
Harry remembered when the faucet wouldn't stop dripping. He had insisted on getting a plumber instead of doing magic. He didn't want them to have to depend on magic for every little thing.When the plumber came; however, he started hitting on Harry, as well as raking his eyes all over him. The plumber didn't know what hit him. Severus became so angry and possessive, that he accidentally blew up the sink with his magic and a big piece of it hit the plumber rendering him unconscious.
'Love shouldn't hurt this much.. Hermione, where are you? Help me, I need your help again, like usual.' Harry sighed. Hermione would always be in his thoughts when it came to decisions. He felt so alone right then. Suddenly he felt a warmth in his heart, but it left as soon as it came. For that short moment, Harry didn't feel alone. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to recapture the feeling of that embrace on his heart. Harry's eyes suddenly snapped open when he realized, it had to have been Hermione.
He smiled softly. 'She was probably saying, Harry James Potter, you idiot, you're never alone.' Harry chuckled lightly to himself. He finally ended memory lane in the bedroom.
'I don't even feel like I belong in here, it's strange. It's like my body desperately wants me to leave, yet my heart screams for me to once again be a part of this room.'
Harry laid down on his side of the bed and just closed his eyes. He was so tired and wanted to be cut off from the world for a few blissful hours. Before he fell asleep, his nose caught an unfamiliar scent. Strangely enough, he heard his lover walk in the room, although that wasn't the scent that he had smelled. Severus just laid in bed, not even kissing him or even going near him. In fact, Severus was so far away, that if Harry had stretched out as much as possible, they still wouldn't be touching. This had been his routine everyday for the past few months. He would come home to an empty house, have a few words with Severus on a good day, and then go to sleep.
Harry took a deep breath through his nose. Right before he fell asleep, his mind foggily registered the scent. 'Sev kinda smells like the perfume all the 7th year girls used to wear.'
Til 3 o'clock
in the morn
Night after night
Knowin sumthing goin on
Wasn't
home befo me
You was, you was gone
Alicia Keys
