Summary: Real feelings continue to unravel.
SCENE I: Will's Apartment.
WILL: (Sitting down reading the paper)
GRACE: (Comes in looking suspicious) (Starts walking awkwardly, her face frozen in that suspicious look and sits down, looking at him)
WILL: (Confused)
GRACE: (Takes his coffee and drinks it) (Drops her suspicious face) Ow, hot. I mean- (Looks suspicious again)
WILL: Good morning Grace, did the blind guy who lives in 9I's walking dog think you were a fire hydrant and pee on you…again?
GRACE: (Glares) you would like that wouldn't you?
WILL: (Puts his paper down and gives her a look)
GRACE: Don't give me that either.
WILL: Must be that time of the month; go to the bathroom Karen is loaning some space in my medicine cabinet maybe you'll find Midol or Tylenol or something that ends in "ol" in there. (Returns to his paper)
GRACE: (Sits back in her chair) it's been three weeks; you can't get over a break up that fast unless...
WILL: (Imitating Grace's suspicious voice and look) unless…
GRACE: Something's up.
WILL: Wow you are getting smarter and smarter everyday. Your IQ just jumped up .0003 points!
GRACE: The fact that you're making jokes and sarcastic comments makes it even more suspicious that something's up.
WILL: Grace, why don't you get a date and get laid?
GRACE: AHA! (Beat) Why don't you?
WILL: What is going on here?
GRACE: You tell me.
WILL: (Beat) What? You come here and question my mood and get all Nancy Drew-like. Look up my ass maybe you'll find a clue there. (Bends over in his chair and stick his butt in Grace's face)
GRACE: Are you implying that my water pick is up your butt?
WILL: No. (Beat) But if I were you I would wash it next time you use it. (Looks shifty)
GRACE: Come on spill it.
WILL: Why does something have to be "up" for me to be happy this early after a break up?
GRACE: Uh news flash, you're Will Truman, and it took you ages to get over Michael much less get in a serious relationship. You've only got two so far, Michael and Vince and if I were you I would spend the next 14 years sulking.
WILL: Well I've changed because when I woke up I thought, in 14 years time… I'll be 55 and will be too old and ugly to get committed then.
GRACE: I saw your bedroom last night. (Whistles)
WILL: What does that supposed to mean?
GRACE: Nothing just, Karen was with me and she got an orgasm right there just like that! (Snaps)
WILL: (Looks at her weird) what are you trying to go with this?
GRACE: I saw you in bed with Jack. (Nods) I missed most of the hot action but you guys were still recovering from sheer pleasure.
WILL: (Winces) Yeah dingus, did you happen to also see Irene and James in the bed?
GRACE: Oh yeah. (Nods)
WILL: And may I remind you that Irene's my daughter?
GRACE: Uh-huh I hear ya. (Continues to nod)
WILL: You're sick.
GRACE: Hey, all I'm saying is that I've borrowed some of your romance novels before and a few of them had incest material.
WILL: I am about to throw up. Get out of here!
GRACE: I will after you admit it.
WILL: Admit what? I had group intercourse with my daughter and her boyfriend?
GRACE: (Nods) Uh-huh.
WILL: Did you take a bong hit before you came here?
GRACE: You would like that too, wouldn't you? Sorry I'm not into those things. (Puts her hands up)
WILL: Thank god.
GRACE: All right I'll let you get away with it today but sooner or later you're going to crack and tell me every detail, not because I am your best friend but because I no longer have a sex life. (Leaves)
SCENE II: Grace Adler Designs.
KAREN: (On the phone) oh come on… tell me how everything happened! (Beat) What do you mean nothing happened? You're not that good of an actor. (Slams the phone on her desk a couple of times and listens again) If you say that one more time you can just forget about shopping this afternoon. (In an imitating-like voice) I know you need tees for spring. (Sighs and crosses her eyes)
GRACE: (Comes in)
KAREN: Ok that's it we're going to Target! (Beat) Hey, hey, complain one more time and I'll take you to Ross. (Throws her hands in the air) And the queer hung up on me. (Slams the phone down to hang up)
GRACE: Was that Jack?
KAREN: Yeah.
GRACE: I couldn't get anything out of Will either.
KAREN: You know; I don't get what's wrong. Sex only comes like every two hours for Jack and he always fills me in.
GRACE: Yeah same with Will only replace two hours with two years. I think they are keeping something from us.
KAREN: Gee you think? (Walks up to the mirror and fixes her shirt and hair)
GRACE: Maybe we just want too many things to happen, what if they are telling the truth and never slept with each other?
KAREN: You think that two gay desperate men can share the same bed and not do it?
GRACE: It's possible.
KAREN: We're talking about Jack and Will here. One never gives himself a break and the other just got out of the relationship and is more vulnerable than ever. Not to mention Jack's old little crush on Will can still reside.
GRACE: (Scoffs) you know, you're right. Shame on me for thinking two gay men caught in bed with each other didn't get it on.
IRENE: (Comes in) Hey guys I brought lunch. Will couldn't make it because he was in a board meeting but he told me your favorites. Grace, I got you a turkey and cheddar sub (takes a sandwich out) and Karen I got you a Bloody Mary super-sized (takes out a cup and sets it on Karen's desk)
KAREN: Thank you, honey. Here's a little something for all your trouble. (Takes out a baggy from her bust)
IRENE: (Looks at it) I don't do hash but I appreciate the offer. (Throws it in the trash and takes out a salad for herself and sits on another chair) (Starts eating)
GRACE: So I saw you having a little sleep over at Will's last night.
IRENE: Will told me to tell you nothing happened.
GRACE: So something did happen?
IRENE: No, nothing really happen.
KAREN: What happened?
IRENE: Well we had a sleep over.
KAREN: What kind of sleep over?
IRENE: (Looks side to side) r-regular kind? We just talked until we fell asleep. It was nice. But James and I broke up after.
KAREN: Why? Too gay for you?
IRENE: Yeah but you know we've agreed to stay friends. (Nods) (Thinks) I got my first kiss from a gay man and lost my virginity with one.
KAREN: (Laughs a little) you're Grace.
GRACE: Hey!
KAREN IRENE: (Looks at her)
GRACE: Yeah ok… (Goes to the swatch room)
SCENE III: Will's Apartment
JACK: (Comes in) Hey you busy?
WILL: (Ironing) no just doing a little ironing.
JACK: You want to go catch a movie or something?
WILL: Nah I am giving my eyes a rest, I've been watching TV all day.
JACK: Oh ok, well how about go clubbing? I heard there was a nice new one that lesbians aren't allowed in.
WILL: Yeah they ruin all the fun. (Folds up the pants he was ironing) I guess I'll join you.
JACK: Really? How about dinner afterwards?
WILL: Sure, why not?
JACK: Ok!
WILL: Let me just get dressed.
JACK: Me too, meet me at my place.
WILL: Yeah. (Goes to his bedroom)
JACK: (Leaves and goes to his apartment) (Sees Irene on the couch) Ah!
IRENE: Nice to see you too.
JACK: Hi Irene, I wasn't expecting you.
IRENE: What are you up to?
JACK: (Closes the door) I think it's really happening! Will and I, I am so excited!
IRENE: Really? What are you guys doing?
JACK: We're going to go out clubbing and eat a late meal isn't that fantastic?
IRENE: You guys always do that.
JACK: Yeah I know but I just want to ease into telling him I have feelings for him, not like last time when I just spat it out and I am almost 100 sure that this time my feelings will be returned!
IRENE: That's great! (Hugs him) Ok I'm going to get out of your way and find something to do in my apartment like, sleep or something. Good luck! (Squeals) I'm so happy for you. (Kisses him on the cheek and leaves)
JACK: Bye! (Jumps up and down and runs to go get dressed)
SCENE IV: Will's Apartment.
GRACE: (Sitting eating a doughnut in her pajamas)
WILL: (Comes out smiling) Good morning.
GRACE: (Smiles) someone's in a good mood.
WILL: yeah I had a good time last night with Jack. You know when he tries; he can be a really good friend.
GRACE: Hm…..if I didn't know any better I'd think you have a little crush.
WILL: Yeah but you do know better and plus, you're just jealous because I haven't been spending much time with you.
GRACE: (Mumbles) Ok fine you want to watch Comedy Central tonight? There's a Mad TV marathon going on.
WILL: Everyday is Mad TV day on Comedy Central.
GRACE: So yes?
WILL: Cant, I'm going to a play with Jack.
GRACE: When?
WILL: Afternoon.
GRACE: Dinner?
WILL: Tea with Jack.
GRACE: (Sighs) don't say I didn't try.
SCENE II: Grace Adler Designs
SCOTT: (Enters weirdly) Ah Grace Adler, nice seeing you again.
GRACE: Scott Wolley. (Bends over a little as a handshake or hello)
SCOTT: And don't tell me Karen morphed back into her high school form (looks at Irene up and down)
GRACE: No that's Irene; she's filling in for Karen. Today's her one day a month where she bond with Rosario and an occasional hobo.
IRENE: They like making them dance for pennies and pelt them with quarters and an occasional half dollar.
SCOTT: Well tell Karen that Scott Wolley had stopped by and plan A is in action. (Exits)
IRENE: (Beat) He's weird.
GRACE: Yeah I wonder what he's going to do to Karen now. He tried to ruin her life twice and now he's trying to make her his significant other.
IRENE: (Makes a face) ew…
GRACE: I know, right? (Beat) I need to get a boyfriend. Someone like that I would still be content with. (Points out the door)
IRENE: Hey I got an idea, why don't we have a little girls' night out? Pick up some guys, have one night stands.
GRACE: You know that doesn't sound so bad. I like you legal.
IRENE: Me too!
SCENE III: Tea
WILL: The play was great.
JACK: Yeah I didn't know there was going to be dancing in it. When that guy walked at the end of the stage and put his left leg up around his head, standing on his right… (Shakes his head smiling) I was just happy we were front row center with a balls eye view.
WILL: My favorite part was when a guy messed up and fell down. Another balls eye view!
JACK: (Smiles and pours Will tea)
WILL: I'm feeling better and better everyday. I might even start (looks behind Jack and sees Vince) dating…
JACK: I was hoping you were. (Looks at Will and sees he's looking at something behind him) What are you looking at? (Turns around) Oh…
VINCE: (With another guy)
JACK: (Sits in Will's view) don't look at him. (Pats Will's hand and put a tartlet on his plate) Eat.
WILL: (Sees right through Jack and stares at Vince some more)
JACK: Will…
WILL: (Voice breaking) I got to go.
JACK: (Follows him into the bathroom)
WILL: (Almost crying) why does this always happen to me?
JACK: hey come on, buddy. (Pats his back)
WILL: No seriously? Every time I get into a relationship that goes somewhere and we do things together and everything feels right. Something happens and we break up. It happened with Michael and now Vince. I really…loved him. (Crying now) And also the other person always finds someone faster than me. It's only been three weeks, Jack. I just decided to get over myself and move on and he's already…. (Cries) God…
JACK: Sh…it's ok (hugs him)
WILL: You have no idea how hard it is to…love someone so much you'd do anything to get over him because it hurts to keep the feelings you have. It hurts so much.
JACK: (Pats his back and hugs him a little tighter) I know, I know…
WILL: (Looks up) I'm not ready. (Let's go and turns his back to Jack looking in the mirror) I'm not ready to move on, not just yet. (Holds Jack's hand) Thanks for the day out again Jack; you're a real good friend. (Getting ready to leave)
JACK: No problem, I am here for you.
(They hug again and Will kisses Jack on the cheek and leaves)
SCENE IV: Club
GRACE: (At a table sitting with Irene)
IRENE: That guy at table 8 is checking you out.
GRACE: Yeah I know, but notice how he's picking his nose? That's a turn-off.
SCOTT: Hi ladies.
IRENE: Look its Scott Wolley!
SCOTT: How did you know my name?
IRENE: Uh…I met you this afternoon.
SCOTT: Sorry that doesn't ring a bell; I've never seen you in my life.
IRENE: (Gives him a look)
SCOTT: Plan A is in action! (Leaves)
KAREN: Hi kids.
IRENE: Where's Rosario?
KAREN: Oh we ended the day early because a hobo swallowed and choked on a silver dollar.
GRACE: How did you know we were going to be here?
KAREN: You guys called me, didn't you? I told you to stop taking hormone pills because you sounded like a man.
GRACE: I didn't call you.
IRENE: Me neither.
SCOTT: (On stage, singing) Karen Walker.
KAREN: (Gasps and sends him a dirty look)
SCOTT: (Singing) The cold shrew who stolen my heart, Walker.
KAREN: Huh?
SCOTT: (Gets off stage) Hi.
KAREN: Oh dear lord get away from me, I don't want people seeing us together. One, you can't sing. Two, you're ugly and three, you're tall and tried to ruin my life twice failing miserably. Miserably I tell you!
SCOTT: Oh but I've changed my motive. I now am devoting my entire life into making you my girlfriend and eventually my lover onto my wife.
KAREN: (Scoffs) in your dreams, stretch! You'll never get with me so why don't go cry about me rejecting you and return to your rich and successful life while I return to my rich drunk one. (Pushes him)
SCOTT: Rejecting a man who has big feet, interesting.
KAREN: What? Why would I care about your feet?
SCOTT: You know what they say, big feet big (whispers in her ear)
KAREN: Ew, that's disgusting. Yet intriguing…
GRACE: Karen.
KAREN: Hold onto your cheap panties, Grace. (To Scott) Shame on you, Shawn! Size doesn't matter (Gives him a seductive look)
SCOTT: It's Scott… (Raises his eyebrows)
IRENE: (Slams her palm on the table) Stop that's icky.
SCOTT: Who are you?
KAREN: She is what they call, an illusion. Just pretend she isn't there and you'll be fine.
SCOTT: Is this official?
KAREN: No! You're too weird for my taste. Like straight orange juice.
SCOTT: Oh but I am attractive.
KAREN: (Scoffs and winces) Says who? Come on Grace, any more time standing next to this guy I'm going to puke. (Leaves with Grace)
IRENE: (Follows short after)
SCOTT: You there.
IRENE: What?
SCOTT: I don't know who you are but come over here.
IRENE: (Rolls her eyes and goes over to him) yes?
SCOTT: I want to you know who you are and everything you know about Miss Karen Walker.
IRENE: I seriously don't know any more than you do.
SCOTT: Come with me.
SCENE V: Will's Apartment.
WILL: (Sleeping)
GRACE: (Peeking in his bedroom) (Whispering) Will… (Enters) Will, are you asleep? (Crawls into his bed and cuddles with him)
WILL: (Wakes up) Jack? (Turns around) Oh.
GRACE: (Whispering still) why are you sleeping so early?
WILL: I cried myself to sleep. (Turns, facing her)
GRACE: (Frowns and cuddles with him more) I hate seeing you like this.
WILL: I hate being like this.
GRACE: What happened? You were…so happy.
WILL: I saw Vince with his new boyfriend when I was out with Jack and you were right, Grace. I should spend the next 14 years sulking.
GRACE: You know I didn't mean that. I want you to be happy.
WILL: Everyone wants me to be…
GRACE: (Nods)
WILL: So why cant I be?
GRACE: You just have to get over it. I mean…I know it'll be hard but maybe we can go through it together. Every time I see Leo I go ten steps back from being happy. But you got to try. It's a small world and you'll find Vince everywhere doing everyday things but you have to remember there are two people in a relationship, and the chances are, he's going through the same thing you are. Chances are he saw you at the tea place and feeling awkward. But you know what? He has more pressure on himself because he's in another relationship while you can deal with it the right way. Being single isn't so bad and you're not going to progress until you realize that.
WILL: I do realize that…just-
GRACE: Just be patient. Sit and wait for Mr. Right to come to you. The more you look the more time it's going to take because you're trying too hard to find him. He might be just under your nose. (Softly flicks his nose)
WILL: (Smiles and the smile fades away) I wish it was as easy as it sounds.
GRACE: It could if you believe it can be that easy. (Hugs him) Goodnight. (Gets out of bed)
(Shows Will…)
SCENE VI: Jack's Apartment
JACK: (In his bed too, hair wet)
KAREN: (Comes in) Hi honey.
JACK: (Sits up a little excited) Hi Kare!
KAREN: Did you stick your head in the toilet?
JACK: No I was too lazy to dry my hair.
KAREN: (Gasps)
JACK: I know. (Pats his bed) What brings you here?
KAREN: (Sits at the edge of the bed) because I love and care about you, sweetie. What's going on? You haven't been yourself. Every time I make a joke about recreational drugs you no longer laugh.
JACK: I'm sorry just a lot of things been going through my mind.
KAREN: Why? You're not the one going through the break up.
JACK: But my best friend is. It's like, ok say that I got a bad hair cut, what will you be like?
KAREN: Oh honey I'll be devastated and try to get gardener to get his hedge clippers and fix it.
JACK: Exactly! That's the same with Will.
KAREN: Ok poodle I understand. (Stroke his arm) You're a really good friend and anyone will be lucky just to know your name.
JACK: Thanks. (Smiles)
KAREN: Don't try to take everything out on yourself though, ok? I mean yeah I get that you're worried but don't be too hard on yourself that you don't have to power to cheer Will up. Will just cant be cheered up at this moment. Give it time.
JACK: Thanks for being so understanding.
KAREN: Yeah I know I joke a lot about hating Will and such but he's my lawyer and seeing how he affects my best friend I cant help but care too. You want to go last minute shopping? Buy yourself a little happy.
JACK: No I think I am just going to (sighs) sleep on this and hope for the best tomorrow morning.
KAREN: Ok no problem. (Leans on Jack's bedroom doorway) Feel better, Jackie. (Smiles and leaves)
SCENE VII: Irene's Apartment
SCOTT: You don't look like him.
IRENE: My nose, my hair. I also have a mole on my cheek like him.
SCOTT: Oh now I see it. Well I appreciate everything you have told me and I am going to woo her like a dog woos his (beat) something. I'll see you soon. Here comes plan B!
END
