SCENE I: Will's Apartment

GRACE: (Pokes her head in Will's bedroom with a bed desk in hand) Will…

WILL: (Wakes up and slowly sits up) Hey sweetie.

GRACE: (Enters and kisses him on the cheek while putting the desk before him) I made you breakfast.

WILL: In that case I'm afraid to eat it. (Picks up a bottle full of pills) What's this?

GRACE: Anti-depressant. I stole it from Karen.

WILL: Gracie, you know I don't take pills.

GRACE: Now, now, give it a shot. Just don't become hooked on them or anything.

WILL: Fine….one. (Puts a tablet in his mouth and looks at Grace)

GRACE: (Smiling)

WILL: (Drinks his orange juice)

GRACE: I lied, that was a tic-tac but now I know how desperate you are to being happy.

WILL: No, I actually knew it was a tic-tac considering the fact when I popped open the bottle, I smelt spearmint. Thanks for the breakfast though.

GRACE: Actually that's TV dinner, I threw away the plastic tray and put the stuff on a real one just so it'll look nice because nothing's too good for my gay man.

WILL: Soup?

GRACE: Campbell's soup at hand. Just microwave 30 seconds and you're on your way to go!

WILL: Thanks.

GRACE: You're welcome if you need anything just call, ok?

WILL: (Nods)

GRACE: (Closes the door)

SCENE II: Penthouse

KAREN: (walking downstairs) I'm coming!

(Maids run away)

ROSARIO: (Setting presents on the table)

KAREN: Good Morning Rosie. Are those for me?

ROSARIO: These aren't from me; a delivery man sent them over. All the cards have different letters on them and tell you to scramble them into a name.

KAREN: What are the letters?

ROSARIO: Uh one C, S, and O and two T's. (Holds up a notepad with the letters written big)

KAREN: (Reads it) I don't know anyone by the name of C.S Ott!

ROSARIO: (Flips the pad over with "SCOTT" on it) I took the liberty of unscrambling the letters for you.

KAREN: Hmm…ok. Rosario, I need you to do me a favor and light the fireplace.

ROSARIO: Why?

KAREN: (Mean) because these gifts are from hell and I want to return them to the big red. Come on. (Snaps)

ROSARIO: (Making her way)

KAREN: (Nice tone) oh and is my coffee ready?

ROSARIO: Yes mommy.

KAREN: Thank you dearest. (Mean again) Now go make that fire cave man!

ROSARIO: (Leaves)

KAREN: (Looks at the presents) well I guess opening one won't hurt. (Opens one and it's a box full of chocolates) You bastard! (Shrugs and opens the lid) Toffee? I hate toffee! (Bites one in half) Huh. He took out the inside and filled it with rum. (Uses the half like a small shot and drinks the filling, throwing away the chocolate half and eats another one) Vodka it even has an olive in the center… I like this box of assorted chocolates.

ROSARIO: (Comes back) Ok the fire is ready.

KAREN: Change of plans, I'm going to go through all of this stuff first, seems like there are a couple of things containing liquor and I don't want to blow up this place.

ROSARIO: Really?

KAREN: Nah, I can't fool you! I just want to get drunk. (Beat) I'll get back to you at noon ok? Meanwhile you can search for that roasted turkey you claim "ran away" and put it back in the fridge.

ROSARIO: I'll look for it at the market. (Lowers her head, heading out)

KAREN: Atta hermaphrodite. (Goes upstairs)

SCENE III: Irene's Apartment

GRACE: (Comes in) Irene? Will wants his facial kit back. (Sees a note)

IRENE: (Voice) dear Will, Grace, Karen, or Jack, if you are reading this, I am at school. I'll be back around 5 o'clock. Call my cell if it's important.

GRACE: (Takes her phone and starts dialing, listens) Hello Irene? Are you in the middle of class? (Beat) Ok good, listen, Will's in the mood for a facial so where's the little kit you took from him? Oh ok. (Hangs up and looks for it) (Sees it under her coffee table and takes it, her actions cause a little wind making another letter fall) (Picks it up and reads it)

MAN: (Voice) Irene, you haven't replied my last letter. Are you going to move back here or not? You know, if you're only in New York just to stay close to your father, that's not a good enough reason. You have to have more reasons than family. You're missing a big opportunity here! This is your second chance in a once in a life-time offer. Don't make me send out the last.

GRACE: (Panics and looks for another letter)

IRENE: (Voice) Dear…

GRACE: Is she going or not? Where is she going? What? Huh? Who is this guy? Doesn't he have a family or life of his own? And who am I talking to? Doesn't matter, I'm not going to over react. (Steals the letter and runs out) Will!

SCENE IV: Jack's Apartment

KAREN: Thanks for letting me come over, honey. I just had to get out of the penthouse. That Scotty Wool wont stop sending over gifts. He knows how alcohol is my weakness.

JACK: (Thinks) Isnt his name Scott Wolley?

KAREN: (Scoffs) what makes you think I care? He gives me be heebes geebes and what's worse he has 40 foot South Pole. (Looks up) What a waste, Lord.

JACK: I don't see how your arch nemesis became your Romeo.

KAREN: How dare you call him my Romeo? He's my Prince Humperdink.

JACK: (Laughs really hard) Humperdink.

KAREN: You're one to talk. How are you and Will?

JACK: I havent talked to him today. I decided not to smother in with care too much and let Grace take care of him for a couple of days before stepping in again.

KAREN: You know that's a smart idea. Honey, have you been drinking red bull?

JACK: Yes and taking advice from Irene.

KAREN: (Amazed) Wow.

SCENE IV: Will's Apartment

IRENE: (Comes in) Hi Grace

GRACE: (Looking in the fridge) Hey!

IRENE: How's Will doing? I brought him soup, bon-bons, and a chick flick to make him feel better. (Smiles)

GRACE: He's taking a long bath. I would have gone with him but then if someone walked in on us it would be awkward.

IRENE: Won't just being naked with him be awkward enough?

GRACE: No we've been naked together many times.

IRENE: (Confused)

GRACE: I got to talk to you about something.

IRENE: Yes?

GRACE: Who's this? (Shows her the letter)

IRENE: Where did you get this from?

GRACE: Your apartment….who is this guy and what is he talking about?

IRENE: Oh it's nothing.

GRACE: No really.

IRENE: It's my foster mom she wants me back. But I'm not going.

GRACE: Why not?

IRENE: Because she isn't really family so why should I care?

GRACE: This woman took you under her wing and raised you for like 16 years.

IRENE: Yeah I know but I got Will now, I don't need her.

GRACE: Ok. (Puts the letter down)

IRENE: I am thinking about it. (Beat) not going back to Joanne but to move back to Kansas. But I keep hopping places and I don't really know what's home anymore. California, New York, Kansas….. (Shakes her head) getting confusing. I just want to stay put in one place and I think this is the place.

GRACE: Then don't go.

IRENE: It's hard though, I miss the place I was raised.

GRACE: You can always visit there.

IRENE: Yeah. I hope that this can be kept between just you and me.

GRACE: (Mumbles, "And Will")

IRENE: What?

GRACE: Don't worry I already told him you're not going.

IRENE: How do you know I wasn't going to?

GRACE: You love him too much and plus, having his boyfriend just leaving him…

IRENE: Yeah… ok well I'm going to give him the soup right now. He can keep it warm by dipping the bowl in the water. That's what I do. (Smiles)

GRACE: God, you're so Will.

IRENE: Yeah ok (goes into the bathroom)

WILL: (In tub listening to classical music, sleeping)

IRENE: Will.

WILL: (Opens his eyes and sits up a little)

IRENE: How are you feeling?

WILL: A lot better… a little bored, but doing much better. Tonight I've scheduled to cut Vince's head out of all the pictures.

IRENE: Aw, that's nice to hear. I brought you soup! I know you're not sick or anything but that's what I tend to eat a lot when I get through break ups.

WILL: You've only had 3 boyfriends.

IRENE: 3 serious boyfriends.

WILL: I wouldn't call James serious.

IRENE: All I'm saying I ate 5 cans of clam chowder that day. (Gives him the bowl) You know what I like to do?

WILL: Keep the bowl in water to keep warm?

IRENE: (Gapes) Yeah!

WILL: Me too! Isn't that just smart?

IRENE: Yeah and also water in the tub cools down and you can heat it up with that bowl. (Gives him her amazed look)

WILL: Thanks I really appreciate it. Want to join me? We can talk!

IRENE: Oh…I don't know…you're…naked.

WILL: No I'm not I'm wearing swim trunks! (Stands up and shows her)

IRENE: That'll make me naked.

WILL: It doesn't matter you're my daughter and I'm gay! Grace and I do it all the time, not only that she let me do her bikini wax once. (Beat) She won't let me do it ever again though because some of the wax got caught on her private part…

IRENE: Ouch.

WILL: yeah and for pay back she waxed my (beat) chest hairs (looks like he's going to cry)

IRENE: (Covers her mouth) I'll go get my bathing suit. (Leaves)

SCENE V: Hallway

IRENE: (Leaving Will's Apartment)

JACK: (Comes out of his apartment) Irene!

IRENE: What?

JACK: What are you doing?

IRENE: I'm going to take a bath with my dad.

JACK: (Give her his grossed-out look) what?

IRENE: Oh it doesn't sound as bad as it (beat) does. You can join us!

JACK: I'll wear my Speedo!

SCENE VI: Will's Bathroom

(Everyone is in Will's tub)

WILL: (Looks up, thinking) this reminds me of the 70s.

JACK: (Laughs) because you're in your 70s.

GRACE: (To Karen) who invited you?

KAREN: No body I just saw everyone naked in the tub and I supposed we were all going to get it on afterwards.

GRACE: (Looks up) Ok, whose hand is on my thigh?

IRENE: Oh sorry I thought you were Will. You need to shave.

KAREN: Am I the only one naked in this tub? I just touched Grace's boob and it fell off. (Pulls her hand out of the water and shows a bikini top)

GRACE: (Looks down) Hey! (Takes the top back and puts it on)

JACK: I hope you'll be up and licking by tomorrow.

EVERYONE: (Looks confused)

WILL: I believe I will.

EVERYONE: (Takes out their wine glass)

GRACE: To Will for his fastest recovery from a serious breakup ever.

EVERYONE: (Clink glasses and takes a sip)

WILL: Irene, what are you drinking?

IRENE: Sprite, last time Jack gave me a sip of alcohol (beat) I now have my own clip in "Girls Gone Wild" (Lowers her head)

END