Disclaimer: This is unassociated with any of my other stories, and I do not own any of the members of this story. I simply write this story due to my interest in Raw, especially with the superstars crucially in my dialogue.
Pairings: Some references of Edge/Lita and to Kane/Lita, maybe a little RKO/Stacy K, and no longer any chances of a pairing I was trying to maybe work somewhere with JH.
Rating Info: This story is rated PG-13.
The Stones of Raw by Prime Time, Legend Champion
Chapter 6: A Most Celebrated Dynasty
Following 1/17/05 episode of Raw
Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Forget talking about the Revolution, and the night afterwards. Although it made a small impact on the tables, the real major event occurred in the middle of this night. That is, for all of you Edge & Christian teenyboppers and Awesomeness Dynasty lovers (the latter being like myself). Now, the event began with Chris Jericho's highlight reel. He gave his usual welcome to Raw is Jericho, then started talking about his qualifying for the Royal Rumble last night in his Canadian hometown of Winnipeg, a match coming later on against a most respected opponent - Chris Benoit - and the highlight reel. He was about to introduce the guest, but Muhammad Hassan and Daivari came out to rudely interrupt as they always do. Jericho got the first word in, though, letting them in on the "secret" that in a talk show such as the Reel, it's customary for the host to introduce the guests, who should not wander out whenever they feel like it. Hassan said it should be customary for the host to get to the point instead of rambling on about himself. Jericho says in a witty way that he was going to present them anyway, and then asks them why they're such angry sourpusses all the time. He proceeded to imitate the "It's customary for the host to get to the point and not talk about himself", and questioned why they're not happy to be out of America. They're warmly ensconced in the embrace of thousands of Jerichoholics in Toronto, Canada. Hassan then proceeds to ridiculously make another stupid statement. He feels he's connected to Canada because Canadians are like Arab Americans, in the sense that they're treated like second class citizens in the US, but they Canadians deserve it. After all, it's Canada's fault for the way he's being treated in his own country, where people look at him like he's a terrorist, but everyone knows the real terrorists came to the US through Canada because Canadian officials are too stupid and incompetent to do their jobs right. Those are his comments, and he is hated for that… well, in Canada. I'm not from there, but I understand them very well, especially when they chant "You Suck" at a man in an arena. He continues, saying that they have a self righteous attitude like they're classier than America, but they're all hypocrites, because they have the same prejudice as Americans, except they hide it better. He claims them afraid to show their feelings because they can't back it up if confronted. Jericho tells him to shut the hell up, and then says that as far as these two, the fans are not going to be afraid to tell them what they really think of them. Daivari takes the mic and says some Arabian crap, which is countered by a Jericho note. He says he understands what they're saying, and that he understands and has been trying really hard to figure out the language of Daivari. Here is Y2J's comical assessment; "Chris Jericho, your band Fozzy has a new record entitled 'All That Remains' that's coming out worldwide tomorrow", and Daivari wants an autographed copy of the CD. But he's not giving it to him, and Hassan's not liking this crap. He calls Jericho the worst of both worlds because he was born in America and raised in Canada, saying that Y2J has the loudmouth arrogant behavior of an American and the cowardice of a Canadian. Jericho retaliates with a slap, starting a fight with Hassan. He's got the Walls of Jericho, and Daivari breaks the party up and hops on Jericho's back, only to get thrown down. Hassan uses his facebuster, and then a camel clutch, as Daivari continues to speak Arab crap. Chris Benoit comes in to make the save for his friend and latter opponent. Hassan and Daivari walk to the back, confident of themselves.
Triple H and Ric Flair are next seen entering the arena and using bagpipe talk to tell somebody to put their bags in their locker room. Flair reports that Batista said it's all cool and there's no problem. Trips questions that, and Ric reveals that he and Batista shared messages back and forth, and the Leviathan only said he'd be a little late tonight, but the tone of his voice tells the Nature Boy it's all cool. The Game doesn't like the fact that theirs was no direct contact. Flair has to ensure him again by saying he knows what he's talking about. We go to break.
Next is a tag team match, 6-man, between La Resistance and Maven against Shelton Benjamin, The Hurricane, and Rosey. La Resistance - as is revealed - beat Regal in a handicap match to regain the Tag Team Titles as Eugene was injured for months, forcing Regal to go it alone. (at least he got a chance this time; back when he himself got that virus while champs with Storm, he got ripped off the team and Lance defended with Venis) Maven showed signs of not wanting to face Benjamin straight up, but wanting to punish him. In the end, La Resistance used the Au Revoir on Rosey as Shelton and Maven preoccupied the ref until the cover to pick up the 1, 2, 3.
Randy Orton is met in the back by Stacy Keibler, who tells him that she was so happy for him last week, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Big news: the Stone Cold Press Conference, between Steve Austin and Vince McMahon, Wednesday at noon at Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, California. As we can find out online, this is about some WWE Films something.
Randy, a most respected man of Raw, comes out and reminisces the greatest moment of his life, which was right there in Toronto. He became the youngest World's Champion ever at SummerSlam 2004 there. He was really reliving the indescribable moment, even admitting that he cried because he did something nobody - not even himself - thought he could actually succeed in accomplishing. And the next night, he bled for the same reason (the Treason by Evolution). He mentioned the Title accomplishment, saying that everything he worked for was taken from him by Triple H. He said he wanted his pride, blood, and World Heavyweight Championship back, and he was going to get it at the Royal Rumble. This is where his title shot against Triple H would come. Then comes the Game.
First comment: this is the same old song and dance since Unforgiven 2004, when Triple H received much ass-kissing from the office and Evolution to beat Randy for the belt. But he didn't mention that far. He says he used to think Orton was something before he turned his back on Evolution, something he suffered for. It was completely the other way around. Evolution turned its back on him and made him suffer. Anyway, he said Randy was going to suffer some more. He now brings up his 10-time World Champion resume, boasts about being the greatest wrestler alive today, and processes that long list of people he defeated… yet again. Orton cuts in, saying that this is the same speech he's been using for the last six years, and the Legend Champion and people are sick of it. As a member of Evolution, he had to hear it everywhere, every day. Trips then said he was sick to death of saying it, but every time he does, some punk kid comes in and thinks they'll shut him up, and they get beat, and he comes and walks out with the World Title and says it again. If Orton's sick of it, he says, imagine how he'll feel after the Royal Rumble, because he'll say it again, except he'll add Orton's name as a tag line to the long list of losers. Orton then challenges him to come to the ring, but the Game says that he's way beyond Orton because of the World Title on his shoulder. He says that it's Orton who should come to him, and that it's "see ya at the Royal Rumble." He retreats to the back, and Randy chases him. Only to get punched at the curtains, and basically jumped by Triple H all the way to the ring. When the Cerebral Assassin wastes time to get a steel chair, Orton picks up the advantage beyond succeeding assistance from Flair, who makes no difference. The two members run away when Orton gets the chair. His music goes on, and the Legend Champion is on fire.
Backstage, Trips and Flair are walking to their locker room, and Trips is ranting, saying that he's sick of this. Maria can't even ask him a question before getting ordered to shut up and bam. He's got something to say to Batista, but apparently, he doesn't say it. He opens the door and sees the Big Dave, who greets him coolly and excuses the incident from last week with the words "Accidents happen." Batista then reveals that Bischoff needs to talk to him about the Royal Rumble Match and the World Title. Of course, it's Trips' World Title, although he questions it. Batista then proceeds to kiss his ass to hype him up before leaving, saying that he is the Game. Flair follows up the act, knowing that Batista couldn't make it work. Next, it's Coach, with Shawn Michaels, who is incredulously booed throughout Canada. Like I said: I'm no Canadian, but I can understand them. It is absurd they still hold the grudge, but life has absurdities in it. Apparently, says Michaels, they haven't forgotten, and he's begged the Canadian fans for forgiveness for seven years, but it ain't happenin'. He then mentions that he is moving on to the Royal Rumble. Everybody knows by winning, you go on to become the Champ at WrestleMania. He knows it because he did it. He adds another incentive by stating that he plans to make sure Edge has no chance of winning the Rumble Match and becoming World's Champion. He actually says he's going to eliminate (mouths off "the f outta" to the Coach and cameras) him, and recognizes "the man", Eric Bischoff, in the area. Eric Bischoff couldn't help but overhear Michaels talking about wanting in the Royal Rumble, and he immediately got it because he's Shawn Michaels, and he won it twice, and in 1996, he went on to WrestleMania to take the WWE Heavyweight Championship away from Bret Hart. "But since you're dressed and obviously ready to compete tonight, and since it's always so fun and entertaining when you're NORTH of the border, I've decided to set up a match for you. Tonight, it's gonna be the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, one on one, against Toronto's own, Captain Charisma, Christian! But, you know, when you think about it, it's not really one on one, is it? Because Christian has Tyson Tomko and every make belief blooded Canadian in this arena in his corner." Oh, and the match is next.
We've always known that Captain Charisma - Christian - has had a major Peepulation. But, tonight, as his entrance music, "Just Close Your Eyes", blared on at his hometown arena, the fan base of the Show Stealer was much more open than it had been in the past, as Christian and Edge predicted. Christian came out with Tomko, of course, who decided for some reason or another not to wear a shirt. Christian was more open to the peeps than usual as well. They reviewed the Edge-Michaels Brawl, then out came the Heartbreak Kid to the now Canada-usual chorus of boos. When he was done with his prancing entrance, though in the middle of his music, Edge came out in street clad to take a look. We went to break, the music still going on.
The match has already begun by the time we get back from commercial break. In fact, they're both down. Early on after their recovery, Michaels recovers offense, and Edge comes closer, eventually making two straight distractions with which Tomko and Christian took advantage of the Heartbreak Kid. Now, Christian controlled the action for several minutes, and at every point in which he takes a good showable advantage, he wins a popularity contest. Edge and Tomko rooted their cohort on against the Heartbreak Kid. During a grounded headlock Christian had on Michaels, the camera locked on Edge calling Captain Charisma's name so as to say, "You better get this done for me, man!" Soon, though, Michaels began to take the advantage, and Edge and Tomko, as well as every "make belief blooded Canadian in this arena", absolutely hated it. Tomko and Edge, at one point, got tired of it, as the King of Tattoo distracted the referee so the Abbot of Awesomeness (ONE TIME ONLY, I'VE GOT A BETTER NICKNAME OR TWO THAN THE ONES I'VE DEVISED SO FAR) could Spear the Showstopper, who got out of it and eventually won with Sweet Chin Music. When he got back on his feet, Tomko tried to give him a Big Boot, but he sidestepped and went for Sweet Chin Music again. The Problem Solver managed to back himself in time to avoid impact, but he still staggered enough to fall and die anyway. Then, Edge finally gets the Spear on Michaels and starts punching the living hell out of him, much to the delight of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, the place where Edge and Christian were born and raised. This is where they first met as kids and grew up to become the best of friends and tag team partners from day one, talking about doing things like what they were doing today, and doing it today. The Ballstic One applied the Edgecator to Michaels, and then yelled in his face with the "How does it feel? You screwed me!" comments. The loyal Edgeheads of about 20 years were still loyal, obviously believing that Michaels did screw Edge. And I agree with them, personally. After all, he did screw Bret Hart. Canada still hates him for it.
The last we hear of Edge and Christian? Thanks to this, not likely. Edge doing most effective damage, those three killed the Heartbreak Kid, stopped the Showstopper. Anyway, Batista, not to be outdone, participated in a matchup against the Mohawk Knight, Viscera, a man who a friend of mine has been on record to call him the "Fat Bastard Who Shouldn't Even Have A Job Because He's Too Fing Fat". A short while after the start of the match, Viscera demonstrates his abusive size and strength advantage - as he did with Chris Benoit - but he unfortunately had a much shorter match against Batista. When the Capital Destroyer manages somehow to fire a spine buster on Viscera, the big man - whose only Smackdown match of 2004 can tell you he's been known to be sloppy - is dead. 1, 2, 3. Then, Chris Benoit was seen coming out for the Battle of the Chrises, against the opponent who he saved from Muhammad Hassan, Chris Jericho.
Flair is encouraging Trips in the back by saying he heard the Game, and he is the greatest champion of all time, and winning the Title ten times, he's the greatest wrestler alive today. And then, when Batista comes in, an obviously amazed Flair turns all his attention to the great Leviathan. Trips gave a much more reserved congratulations and asked Batista if he got to talk to Bischoff yet. The revelation: Batista was being offered a Royal Rumble qualifying match by Bischoff… if he wanted to take it. Now, Trips is trying not to upset Batista, obviously because he's scared, but he's making a point to Batista that the Big Dave shouldn't focus on himself and Evolution should be thinking about keeping the World Title. Batista understands that nobody likes a self-centered egomaniac, and will make his decision later.
Next: Benoit vs. Jericho. The match starts slow, as the two men feel each other out in the early minutes, but Benoit, with two German suplexes, started the quickening of the pace. The fans respected the action as they eventually went into a standstill right before commercial. By the time we get back, things are getting physical. One wrestling highlight would be a super W-arm suplex off the top rope by Jericho on Benoit. The Rabid Wolverine, since the break, had been bleeding from the nose. Benoit once went for a backdrop suplex, but the two men were so close to the ropes they ended up falling over to the outside. Y2J once laid flat on his stomach at the apron, only to receive a baseball slide knocking him straight down from the chamber. When Benoit first goes for the Wolverine Headbutt, Jericho avoids the contact. King comments that it's so even it's scary. At the final point, both men failed to get their submission finishers, and when Benoit goes for a sharpshooter, Jericho uses an inside cradle cover to hit it 1, 2, 3. Benoit overcomes frustration to shake hands with Y2J. An overview of the Snitsky situation appears.
When we come back from break, they overview the current Survivor Series card from Raw and Smackdown. A sudden warning appears about next week's main event; Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair. Then, Trish Stratus's music comes on, and out the raging blonde beauty of Raw, Toronto's own Women's Champion, appears. She is appreciated and pointing towards good fans for the first time since the humiliation of Jericho 10 months ago. Trish talks about how glad she is to be appreciated, and slams we in the United States by calling us idiots and USA-holes, and saying that we're disgusting with our claims that she is. She says that she hates to say it, but she told Lita so that if she faced her at New Year's Revolution, her comeback and Women's Title reign would be over. And, that did happen, as the Queen of Stratusfaction destroyed the knee of the Extreme Diva, which means Lita will be out for a long, long time. Trish now comments that there is a locker room full of men who would be more than happy to impregnate Lita and give her that baby she keeps yapping about. Just because her knee is messed up, says Trish, doesn't mean her uterus is closed for business, so she should lie back, put her legs up, and relax. But Kane was having none of it. He made his flaming entry and chased and caught Trish. Kane intimidated Trish, asking if she was scared because she should be. He took Trish's throat with his engulfing Shaq-like hand, then lets go, only to smirk darkly and actually do the Chokeslam to Hell. I say Trish deserved it, but it was still unrighteous. Kane is an evil man. That statement was later proven again by the Snitsky match. It was overtly physical, but I need not mention anything more than the conclusion. Kane chokeslammed Snitsky off the stage through a wooden table and jumped with him for the hell of it. Neither man made significant movement as Raw went off the air.
Gangrel was walking in the back, with his glass of crimson wine, headed for the parking lot, where we saw Edge and Christian sitting down without Tyson Tomko in the area. Apparently, the team formerly known somewhere as the Suicide Blondz was awaiting the Problem Solver. They had major smirks on their faces.
"Edge!" Gangrel called them. The smiling tag team returned to normal face and turned around to meet their former master, the Brood Master.
"Gangrel," Edge recognized him, standing up. "What's up, man?"
"Listen. I managed to talk to Kane after he came back for a while following the Trish Chokeslam to Hell," Gangrel informed them. "And, he knew that you were pissed at Trish when you heard her say those things about Lita. You wanna know how he knew?"
"Yeah. How?" Christian asked in the place of the Arch of Awesomeness, just for the hell.
"Well, Christian. Since you asked, I think I should be a little louder," Gangrel said, clearing his throat before getting on with the answer to the question. "He knew it because he was feeling it himself."
"Of course. She's his wife. I don't know why I feel that same way he does about her, but he's the one that should be," Edge explained.
"At least you recognize that enough to keep your relations with her backstage," Christian commented before going into a seriously immature sing-song mode. "I think somebody wants to give her that baaabyyy."
"Shut up!" Edge yelled.
"Anyway," Gangrel interrupted, "I think we should let me continue before things get out of hand. Listen; I had microscopic cameras rigged all over the place last week so Lita could see what would go down with you backstage after the show. She called me to tell me to get that done for her before anyone showed up at Ft. Lauderdale. Only footage related to you would be recorded and taped to her-"
"So, I embarrassed myself-"
"In front of Lita, without anybody knowing it, including yourself? Yes," Christian smirked. "She's probably thanking me right now for saving your ass from killing a million people for the camera to see. And, she's probably feeling pitiful for you, considering the way Revolution temporarily screwed up your life."
"It was instinct, I guess," Edge said. "Of course it was. I mean, how could I have, in the worst fit of my life, come to the one man who I had been proud to call best friend starting over twenty years ago from the city that the next week's Raw would come to billions from, Toronto, Ontario, Canada? It had to be instinct."
"From older days, hanging together as ordinary kids, we shared the dream of becoming great in this company. And we did it, hanging together as the greatest tag team in WWE history. For something to run that far and that long, man, I had to know what to say to you," Christian commented.
"I know, man. That's why you're my compadre," Edge told the Show Stealer.
"You're like my brother, man. I still can't believe we called each other that back in the old days!" Christian reminisced incredulously.
"Blood couldn't prove it, bro, but it wasn't a lie. We were united into a Brood, and we knew each other so well for such a long time that it couldn't be disproved by any WWE Superstar during any of our time!" Edge continued the remembrance of greatness. "By the way, Gangrel, you still have your blood on."
"Huh? Oh, yeah," Gangrel said, remembering the glass of bloodwine that was still in his hand. "Thanks." He then began drinking from it. Edge and Christian were still not used to that, especially since it had been long since they last saw it up close and personal.
"Damn, man. That is disgusting," Edge just had to talk. "Can't you do that somewhere else?"
Gangrel then proceeded to spit it out into the air, Edge and Christian scurrying so as not to ruin their perfect outfits. Unfortunately, both that and their one-night special limousine wound up getting plastered. Gangrel, though, simply demonstrated being hyped up.
"You idiot, you ruined our perfect outfits!" Christian then proceeded to yell at him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, man, calm down. I'm gonna scrape it off. You know that," Gangrel said, excusing himself. But he was right. Back whilst they were under his vampiric tutilage, he always cleaned up any mess he made in the Brood and Ministry of Darkness chambers with his blood-spewing act. And they saw it, too.
"What the hell happened to Tomko?" Christian asked Edge. The Arch of Awesomeness simply shrugged, then suggested they go look for him while Gangrel cleaned things up with a handkerchief from his pants.
"Tonight, man, it was the richest night of our history. Consider all the great things that we've done so far, and this tops it. This tops it all! First of all, we returned home and relatively succeeded in front of all our old friends and fans. Peeps and Edgeheads, new and old, respected us like nobody else ever will let on in the arenas," Edge said, visualizing the events of the night as they walked for Christian and Tomko's locker room.
"Yeah, you're right. And what did we succeed in? Beating the living hell out of that Heartburn Kid, Shawn Michaels. Can you believe the audacity of that man? He makes it clear that he's out to screw you. I mean, he takes your votes at Taboo Tuesday - and just like Shelton and Batista did me, I don't know how - he Super Kicks you out of the match at Revolution with the excuse of retaliation for an utter complete accident, and in the middle of that interview tonight, I heard it made clear by Michaels that he wants to make sure you have no chance of becoming the World's Champion. Listen to this; he said, quote, 'I will eliminate (mouths the profane detail that Michaels mouthed silently to Coach and camera the f outta) him'."
"What?" Edge asked, obviously not reading Christian's lips.
"He said, 'I will eliminate (mouthing the lines again) him'," Christian repeated.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Edge once again asked Christian, oblivious to where Captain Charisma's message was coming from.
"You haven't been reading my lips, have you?" Christian asked Edge.
"No. Why?"
"Read my lips! You don't know what I said. Pay attention to me, because Michaels mouthed something off with his lips, and I'm repeating what he said! He said, quote, 'I will eliminate (mouthing "the f outta" yet again) him'!"
"Ooohh, pricey. But you know what? That just proves how much of an evil man he is. I don't know how JR doesn't understand it. I would have been the World Heavyweight Champion had it not been for Shawn Michaels. Hell, he even screwed you out of the Intercontinental title!"
"That match we had against each other somewhere after Unforgiven, right? You've got a point. If he didn't Super Kick me in that match, if he had respected me enough to let me win there, I would've probably gone on to become the Intercontinental Champion by beating Chris Jericho at Taboo Tuesday," Christian said. "Hell, by butting into that title picture in the first place, he cost me the opportunity to make challenge for the Intercontinental title, no votes necessary. Just like Bret Hart, just like all of Canada, he screwed us. Glad I could help you set one piece of justice in this situation."
"Wait, there he is," Edge stopped himself and Christian, noticing the Heartbreak Kid talking to Victoria.
"Vic, I seriously can't believe that idiot Edge actually thinks I've been screwing him around all this time," Michaels said to her. What a disingenuous claim, in my view, as well as that of people far more northern than me.
"But wasn't that Spear an accident?" Victoria asked Shawn.
"What a pathetic question. I seriously believe that he Speared me deliberately because of a personal vendetta," he answered the Spider Shaker.
"You've got to be kidding me, Shawn. That Spear was an accident. An accident! You screwed me out of the World Heavyweight Title!" Edge yelled at the Showstopper.
"What's this? Forgiveness?" Michaels joked to Edge.
"Hell no!" Edge and Christian both replied, each getting a steel chair in the area.
"For us, for Bret Hart," Edge started.
"For every Canadian you've walked over," Christian continued.
"It's time to pay the piper!" they both finished.
"Wow, tough superhero act. Hey!" He complained, as Victoria pushed him and laughed. Unfortunately, the laughter would subside, as Michaels wound up complaining to the young girl right in the middle of the El Con-chair'to from Edge and Christian. He was flat on the ground, and Victoria ran away in shock and fear. Edge looked at her and shook his head as the two continued walking.
"Wow. She can't seem to pick the right friends around here, now can she?" Edge asked Christian.
"Nope. She doesn't know who are the good friends to keep around," Christian commented.
"But we do. Right, man?"
"Of course. Speaking of bad friends to keep around, I would be a bad friend to keep around if I didn't remove the name 'Abbot of Awesomeness' and change around 'Arch of Awesomeness' a little bit," Christian told Edge. 'Arch' was created prematurely, as somebody obviously wasn't thinking along the right words. And 'Abbot of Awesomeness'? That just doesn't sound right, man. I'd like to compare Awesomeness more to an art. Seven times, we composed pictures of standing tall, standing together, standing cool, as WWE World Tag Team Champions. And we composed art with our multiple-second poses of shiny greatness, our 'out for joy' persona, and our extremely awesome lingo that only Canadian people seem to continue understanding. (a/n: yeah, right, Christian; you wouldn't even be talking if I didn't recall, and I'm not from Canada) So, one of the new nicknames is 'Artist of Awesomeness'. The other one, because the world's teenybopper ladies can tell you that they scream for you everyday they see you no matter what, is 'Vanilla Scorch Cake'."
"Now, that one reeks of a lot more awesomeness than last week's monastery joke," Edge laughed, agreeing with what Christian was thinking. "But, listen to this one, man: an estimated 18,000 Peeps and Edgeheads watched as their favorite wrestling idols, the Vanilla Scorch Cake and Captain Charisma, enjoyed an allied moment as they beat the living crap out of a man who is still hated all over Canada for November, uh… okay, some Sunday in November of 1997. And they did it in the place where they grew and became the good friends that many people know they still are to this day."
"That's gonna be some headlines in the Toronto Sun. I guaran-damn-tee it! This is gonna be even bigger news than when Randy Orton won the World Title at SummerSlam!" Christian burst in anticipation of the fact.
"Hey, Christian. Speaking of which, there's our World Champ, Triple H," Edge noticed ahead of them. The Hurricane was arguing with Ric Flair and… well, Triple H.
"So we all know Lita's a slut. And you dare compare Trish to her, and then say that Lita has integrity? You are a shame, man. None of you ever listened to me when I was talkin' to ya! And look what's happened to you. Gregory Shane Helms, you are a joke with that superhero act of yours. The Hardyz, they broke up, and I don't even know if they exist anymore! Crash is dead, Shannon is-"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold on a second here, Citizen Flair," Hurricane interrupted the Nature Boy. "Now, first of all, The Hurricane is not a joke. Secondly, you don't go out on a limb and disrespect my friends, especially not Crash Holly, considering his grave is honored by many fans of the old Hardcore Championship portions of the Attitude era in this company. Thirdly, the Hardy Boyz are not deserters-"
"Now, it's your turn to hold on a second, kid," Trips immediately yelled in his face. "The Hardy Boyz are deserters to this company! Like a typical Diamond Dallas Page - who sucks, by the way - Jeff Hardy quit and went on to join Total Nonstop Action, a company that, if not for my good buddy Jeff Jarrett, I would raid it and get it thrown out into the waters. When Matt Hardy lost Lita, he's come up with the excuse of a knee injury that would take up four to six months of his career because his emotions were crushed. His poor little heart was breaking, so he decided to be a typical North Carolinian loser - unlike Ric Flair, the only man I know who came out of NC not to be a loser - and create an excuse worse than Edge-like Canadians so as not to be put in wrestling matches. Crash was never a big deal to me. It's actually good riddance that he was rolled into a casket, because he was a moron, literally and figuratively. He could never do anything in this business after that Hardcore Title died! Shannon Moore, he's better off in a developmental league like IWA, because Teddy Long knows he's only keeping Shannon around to prevent a fanatical mutiny from Crystal and all the other stupid girls who think he has talent and looks good. (a/n: it's typical Triple H here, people; we know there's more than girls that respect everything he's bashing here) And Lita, she proved herself to be a total slut when she said yes to Kane in the middle of that ring, and in the middle of her relationship with Matt Hardy. When he questions her, she gives yet another typical excuse that would come from either you cowardly type North Carolinians or Canadians who are scared to fight face to face like Edge; (Edge had to be restrained by Christian) (imitating Lita) 'Oh, Mattypoo, I'm so sorry, I did it to protect you, the baby might be yours.' (imitation over) Ha! Like anybody would ever believe that crap that came out of her mouth. See, Lita is a typical rebellious lucha libre Sanford ho. She belongs to anyone who can give her a baby to raise. Her heart is in men's penises and little baby tears. It is not in this ring anymore, it's not in this business. Why do you think she made a reckless move and 'broke her poor ACL'? To have more time to search for a father to a baby! And Trish Stratus knows it, just like she knows that I am one of three candidates for the greatest Heavyweight Champion of all time, those three being me, Jeff Jarrett, and John Bradshaw Layfield. And that's why she belongs to the Women's Title, and if she would allow backstage relations with us to extend to the public audience, I could say that she belongs to Evolution!"
"No, she doesn't. I think we can tell you what she belongs to," Tyson Tomko suddenly interrupted, having a black sleeveless Edge And Christian Show shirt on with his pants now. He was with Randy Orton, back in the whole of that suit he wore earlier tonight.
"What?" Flair and Trips turned around in demand of who was in the area.
"She belongs to whoever can pay her going rate. Which is what? Anybody got change for a nickel?" Orton finished Tomko's statement.
"You'd better watch yourself!" Ric Flair immediately threatened Orton and Tomko.
"You are one of those USA-holes she was mentioning, Triple H. She's Canadian."
"And blonde, and hot-"
"And trashy, and disrespectful, and vile, and disgusting, and dirty, and bottom-feeding," Tomko interrupted, finishing and altering Triple H's statements. He then noted Edge and Christian and pointed towards them.
"And a filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding, trashbag ho!" they said. It almost felt like Chris Jericho's essence was in the middle of this himself.
"Hey, kids. I think there's another blonde hottie in this arena, and she is taller, more dedicated to fans everywhere, including the United States and Canada, and much less trashy than Miss Trash Status!" he suddenly interrupted, proving that he actually was in it all along. "And, standing behind Randy Orton in one of the most beautiful red dresses I've ever seen, a woman who I have personally dubbed the Empress of Legs. Randy, you are being stalked by Stacy Keibler!"
"Hey, that's a good one, Jericho," Randy congratulated him, though he knew Stacy was behind him all along.
"Yeah, I've gotta admit. At least that one didn't suck," Edge said to the King of Bling Bling. "Tyson. Randy. Come on, let's go." The four walking back towards the limo, Tyson looked at the Evolution members as to say, "Go sit with your slut, since you like talking good about her so much. She needs it."
"Hey, Randy. Can I come?" Stacy asked Randy from behind, hoping to startle him and get a yes.
"It didn't work, Stace. Of course you can come with us," Randy accepted the offer.
"Hey, hey, wait a minute. This is up to us, remember?" Edge interrupted the discussion.
"What?" the others stopped
"But then again, I agree with him. Come on, people, what? You thought I was gonna pass up the opportunity to take Stacy along for this ride? We've got a riot to attend here, kids," Edge said. "Now, let's go."
"That's a little bit of Sparks Mineral comin' outta you, right there," Tyson commented.
"Yeah, you're right," Edge agreed.
"Hey, Craptain Charisma! Have a nice party!" Jericho called from behind.
"It's Captain Charisma!" Christian emphasized in disbelief.
"Forget about him, man. He's just being an egomaniac. We have an Awesomeness riot to attend to!" Randy said, calming down Captain Charisma a little bit. Up to Gangrel about a half-minute later…
"So, you're not ashamed of him? You saw that coming? Well. That's real good news, considering his heart's with yoh, crap. The party's coming. Talk to you later." He was on his cellphone, which he quickly closed as Edge and party appeared.
"So, what happened here? You cleaned it up yet? Who were you talking to?" Christian asked the Vampire Warrior.
"You didn't clean up your outfits?" Gangrel questioned his former underlings.
"We can explain it to the fans," Edge answered.
"Of course. So, what club are we heading in?" Gangrel asked the group.
"Not you, man. You'll scare the guests," Christian excused him from the festivities.
"Pfeh. By the way, Awesome man, Lita has no shame of you."
"Oh, my god! Is that-"
"Randy, Edge, Tyson, Gangrel, and Christian? With Stacy in the limo?"
"Oh, no, man. Here come the fan girls," Edge said, the group (except for Stacy) standing in front of a crowd of ten fan girls, so if they split up, the situation was still sore, as each man was going to have two girls chasing them if it was equal opportunity. But, at least it was better than sticking together and seeing ten girls run rampid to catch them while they struggled to run as a tag team.
"Oh, no. We're not gonna chase you guys unless you like it. I mean, we may be crazy Awesomeness fan girls, but we do know better. Edge, do you have a copy of your book?"
"Ah, somebody who wants a free copy. The book's not really selling well, so this is big. I have about five in my bag. Driver, pop the trunk," Edge requested from the man at the wheel of the limo, walking over to the back of the black limousine.
"Are you Kurt Angle now?" Randy questioned Edge's language on that one. All he got for that was a "shut up"; and it wasn't even from Edge.
This time, the driver did open the trunk of the car, and the travel bags showed up in his face. Edge took the black one with the white logo of his face on it and took out that life story with his face as a statue-like figure on the cover. In fact, he did that five times, taking his Sharpie from the bag and signing the front inside cover of each. He then tossed it to five of the girls, who got saved from going into a tug-of-war session which would've probably torn up the books. How did that happen? A camera man shows up, and Christian suggests the five Superstars take a picture next to the limo. The fan girls don't get to enter the picture, unless it's somewhere in the background. Will they relish that opportunity? Of course. Just for the populace's fun, here's how the picture works from left to right in the camera's eye:
1) Edge, arms crossed, smirking.
2) Christian, hands on hips, smiling like a captain.
3) Tyson, arms crossed, laid back on limo.
4) Gangrel, holding the glass, smirking.
5) Randy, one thumb up, smiling with eyes closed.
6) Stacy, sitting atop the limo with legs crossed.
Of course, Christian suggested the five Superstars, meaning Stacy inserted herself in the middle of it, and the cameraman couldn't resist following along. After the picture is done, Edge suddenly thinks about something that he hadn't seen and heard at once for years.
"The E&C entrance. I just remembered!"
And with that, he went to the production studio leading to the arena and talked to Kevin Dunn.
"You still have the entrance Christian and I used? And I'm not talking about the one that would sound like some teen show introduction," Edge said.
"Yeah. I think we have it," Kevin answered.
"Could you play it?" Edge asked the man, who took that to heart. Seeing as how these two guys are from Toronto, it wouldn't hurt to give their hometown memories. Edge came back down when assured that Mr. Dunn would find the music and play it out.
"What was up, man?" Tyson asked Edge.
"You'll hear it and love it," Edge answered.
"Hey, Edge! You're my new hero! Thanks for beating the hell out of Shawn Michaels!" suddenly yelled a guy who had seen the show and, like many others, loved every bit of it.
"What about me? I'm the one that wore out Michaels with that match!" Christian yelled to the kid.
"Yeah, you're right! Thanks, Christian!" the fan called back, leaving. Edge looked incredulously at Captain Charisma. "Oh, and guys; welcome back home!"
"Glad I could help you out, man," Christian suddenly said to his pal.
"Yeah. You're right. Thanks," Edge said.
"Even I can't stand Shawn Michaels unless necessary. Speaking of which, I saw him laid down three a minute ago. What happened?" Randy asked Edge and Christian, who just looked at each other and laughed.
"What?" Randy asked again in a more questioning tone.
"Listen, Randy. I know you haven't been here more than two years, most of which you spent kissing Triple H's ass, but maybe you haven't heard of the El Con-chair'to," Christian said, putting a hand on each of the Man of Destiny's shoulders.
"El Con… oh, yeah! You mean that move where both of you hit the guy with the chair at the same time, right?" Randy guessed correctly, that fact confirmed by the grin on each man's face. "Back before I got the call, I used to see that all the time. I remember when you did it to Mick Foley, I could still get a tape and laugh about it to this day."
"Maybe you can get it on 24/7," Edge said.
"The only problem is, I'm part of 24/7. Simply because I showed up," the Legend Champion clearly stated.
"You think you know me."
Yes, people. "Over the Edge", the more famous entrance music of Edge & Christian's days as a tag team, was heard all over the place, and that's when about ten families nearby who just knew what was going on all of a sudden appeared at the limo. It soon became a crowd, and many people - including a good number of those who saw the show - are making their cheers and comments about the Dynasty of Awesomeness tag team as they and their friends continue to stand by the limousine and proudly accept these compliments from the Edgeheads and the Peeps. It is now a major event, as the limousine is ensconced with cameras being all over it as soon as the company of five gets in. Apparently, Gangrel isn't scaring off as many people as Christian once thought. The limousine's drive through the town is much slower than it would have been, all because this was the night on which Edge and Christian coallided to destroy Shawn Michaels in a place where he is most hated, and then relived the dynasty in which they used to do things like this day in and day out. And it didn't hurt to take Tyson Tomko, Randy Orton, Gangrel, and Stacy Keibler along for the ensuing party ride. All of a sudden, Lita was, and this is unthinkable, completely outside of Edge's active train of thought, glued to the still-lifelike back of his mind, unable to take action inside that cranium chamber of awesomeness. For Adam "Edge" Copeland and Jason "Christian" Reso, it felt so good to be back home that not even the mention of girls who have recently impacted their lives can derail them from their trail of greatness.
