SUMMARY: Sorry, hit a dry spell.

SCENE I: Will's Apartment.

GRACE: (Eating breakfast with Will) you know what I just realized?

WILL: What?

GRACE: We're never taken at the same time. It's either I'm taken and your single, or you're single and I'm taken.

WILL: You know you just said the same thing in reverse?

GRACE: (Gives him a look)

WILL: (Whining) Yeah ok…..

JACK: (Entering) Hey.

WILL & GRACE: Hi.

JACK: (Goes up to Will) Will, how you feeling cutie? Missing your daughter much, getting fatter thus…

IRENE: (Comes out of the bathroom) Jack, I'm still here, you know it takes time to pack and move on out of here?

JACK: (Talks to Grace on the side of his mouth) who's that girl and why is she talking to me?

KAREN: (Comes in) Will, how many times do I have to call you until you'll fetch my drugs huh? How many? Because I can call you right now on my new cell phone. (Takes something out)

GRACE: Ew, what is that?

IRENE: I think it's an infant's decapitated head….

WILL: Karen, how many times do I have to tell you, I threw out my bong years ago!

KAREN: I don't believe you. I smell happiness here and I want some of it.

JACK: Karen, stop yelling you're getting wrinkles.

KAREN: (Gasps and sticks her face in the mirror)

WILL: Anyways it just so happens that I found someone and you will not believe who it is.

GRACE: Why do you lie?

WILL: It's true.

JACK: That you're lying? What? We already know.

KAREN: You see it's impossible for Will to get a date because he works and comes home to PAX TV.

WILL: You guys I'm serious. Barry is back!

JACK: Must be serious if you're introducing him your daughter.

WILL: I am not introducing Irene as my daughter, she's…also…a friend.

JACK: (Raises his eyebrow)

WILL: Ok, bad move.

IRENE: Thanks a lot dad.

KAREN: Wait this isn't the Barry, who's my cousin that came out of the closet like just 3 years ago, is it?

WILL: Yeah he's been hitting a rough patch of single-ness and gave me a call.

JACK: Oh then it's not so hard to believe, you're his rebound guy.

WILL: Hey-

(Knock on door)

GRACE: That must be Nick coming back from the movie shoot! Irene, you haven't met him right?

IRENE: No because you see I spent the last 3 months off the side of the world trying to find the 8th dimension.

JACK: Huh…so you're going with nerdy jokes now?

IRENE: Yeah.

JACK: (Opens the door) Hi honey, I missed you do much (kisses him on the cheek)

NICK: Thanks for that, Jack. Who's this little lady?

IRENE: Hi (Holds out hand) I am Irene, Grace's friend. I've heard absolutely nothing about you other than the past 30 seconds we talked about you before we opened the door.

GRACE: (Goes up to him and kisses him) Irene is actually Will's daughter.

NICK: Oh I see the resemblance.

IRENE: Really?

NICK: Just that mole on the cheek.

IRENE: (Beat) yeah I better get that removed.

WILL: (Irritated look)

SCENE II: Irene's Apartment

IRENE: (Packing) Jack? I lost you! (Taping a box closed) Marco.

JACK: (Off screen) Polo.

IRENE: (Walking around) Marco.

JACK: (In the bedroom) Polo, who's drawers are these?

IRENE: Calm down, it's Will's. I wear it sometimes to sleep.

JACK: Ew, let's hope you washed it beforehand.

IRENE: You slept with him before.

JACK: How do you know?

IRENE: How can I not know? You guys practically did it in my face and you said I got to watch to understand gay sex. I am practically scarred for life, you keep forgetting Will's my dad.

JACK: Well it couldn't be that disturbing as it would be if you saw your hick foster parents doing it.

IRENE: Still. (Shudders) I'm surprised you're not even jealous of Master Barry.

JACK: How can I be jealous of a non-existing relationship?

IRENE: Will showed me a picture. He seems crazy about him. I can't blame him, Barry's cute.

JACK: That hunk of cheese was under my grater. If it weren't for me he'd look like Will 10 years ago.

IRENE: Scrawny and hairy?

JACK: Fat and hairy. Anyway, he had a choice between Will or I and he chose Will. First guy ever, I mean look at me (looks in Irene's mirror) I am 10 times cuter than that guy.

IRENE: (Nods in agreement) But Will's more mature.

JACK: Quick pivot, jaw drop, eyebrow frown. (Does those actions) confuse me?

IRENE: (Smiles) you know…..I don't have to explain it to you, you're smart enough to know what I mean.

JACK: I have you know that I have the ability to carry a serious relationship.

IRENE: You have yet failed to prove that point. You were with Will for like ONE DAY after all this obsession. You, Jack, are obsessed with lust, not love.

JACK: Well what about Stuart?

IRENE: What about Stuart? You cheated on him with a delivery boy and claimed he was hitting on you because he was delivering you a package.

JACK: He was!

IRENE: Not THAT kind of package! It was a dirty book you ordered from My point exactly! Was it clean? No. It was filthy! (Stops and starts fanning himself) oh boy, don't get me started. My point being, Will is just having trouble accepting the fact that he's single and bringing an ex back to life.

SCENE III: Café.

WILL: (Sitting with Barry) Well that was some lunch.

BARRY: Yeah I have been off cheese for 5 months, I can't believe all that I missed.

WILL: (Laughs a little)

BARRY: It was great seeing you again.

WILL: You too, look at you! You're even thinner than I made you and learned how to make a good goatee. I haven't even achieved that level yet.

BARRY: Well, I'll teach you sometime. (Smiles)

SCENE IV: Hallway.

JACK: (Coming out of his apartment with a trash bag in hand)

BARRY: (Coming out of Will's, putting on a jacket)

JACK: Barry, hey.

BARRY: Hey Jack, look at you!

JACK: You look great yourself.

BARRY: So what's new?

JACK: I…..have procrastinated on taking out the trash for more than a month.

BARRY: (Beat) good to know. (Beat) well, see ya.

JACK: Wait!

BARRY: Yes? (Gets the elevator)

JACK: I just…..wanted to know, how you've been doing….after being gay for a while.

BARRY: (Gets in) I'm fine. (Leaves)

JACK: (Hits himself in the head and takes out the trash and goes into Will's apartment) I just saw Barry.

WILL: (Eating cereal) and?

JACK: It's 9 AM in the morning.

WILL: He slept over.

JACK: Huge gasp and couple of steps back with accusing finger (does all those actions) Slept over.

WILL: Yes Jack, he slept over.

JACK: I thought we made a deal. When we were both single we would sleep with each other once a week.

WILL: Yeah that's the thing, I'm not single.

JACK: You hateful, hateful, saggy breasted monkey-man. I am out of here and not coming back until I have an Antonio around my arms and a Juan Miguel on his knees! (Leaves angrily)

WILL: Wow that's a nice image.

GRACE: (Pops out of the kitchen) Whoa, tell me about it.

SCENE V: Grace Adler Designs

IRENE: (At Grace's desk)

KAREN: (Enters) Hi Grace, sorry I am late. But you see, I was late because I was busy shopping for you! I got you a present. (Gives Irene the bag)

IRENE: What's the occasion?

KAREN: Wha- silly! It's my 8th year as your assistant! Now come on honey, open it up!

IRENE: (Waves her hands in front of Karen's face and speaks slowly) I'm I-re-ne….

KAREN: (Holds her nose) your name should be I-stink. Your breath sobered me up, hey Dorothy. (Reaches in her purse and throws her a box of tic-tacs)

IRENE: (Catches it, takes one, and throws it back) Thanks.

KAREN: So what are you doing here honey? Taking intership?

IRENE: I just thought, since I am leaving…..maybe we should try and make nice before go.

KAREN: (Beat) are you hitting on me? "Make nice?" I only "make twice" if you know what I mean.

IRENE: Just a thought. (Looks sad)

KAREN: (Beat, looks at Irene) hey, hey, hey, come on now. Don't use poodle's puppy face on me. You know that's my weak spot. That and horribly sad stories I find horribly hilarious and entertaining. (Laughs) I should call driver and ask him to stew up another one.

IRENE: No, I'm serious Karen. I would like to leave New York with no enemies.

KAREN: Honey, I'm not your only enemy.

IRENE: Really?

KAREN: Yeah, you know your dog walker, she hates you.

IRENE: I don't have a dog.

KAREN: Well…..the ice cream man hates you.

IRENE: I eat tofutti.

KAREN: again, stop coming on to me! If you want to do it come on. (Goes to her)

IRENE: (Backs away, stumbling) Aye, aye, aye!

GRACE: (Comes in) Karen, stop coming on to Irene.

KAREN: She started it.

IRENE: You look stressed.

GRACE: Oh no, just had a long breakfast with you know, Will. Keeps talking about Barry, and I have no idea what to do with him.

IRENE: What about Nick?

GRACE: What about Nick?

IRENE: Well, I don't know about you but this little post-it I sat on when I first got here said you were supposed to be with him for lunch 10 minutes ago…

GRACE: Great, long breakfast with Will, long lunch with Nick, if this keeps up I am going to have a long dinner with a cucumber. (Leaves)

IRENE: I don't get what she said.

KAREN: You'll get it…

IRENE: (Long pause and bugs out her eyes, gasps) Oh. Ew.

KAREN: (Nods her head) yep.

IRENE: That's sad.

KAREN: Tell me about it.

SCENE VI: Will's Apartment

JACK: (Comes in) Will? (Looks around) Will? (Goes into the bedroom) Will- AHH!

WILL: (Runs out) Jack!

JACK: Ah!

WILL: I thought I locked the door.

JACK: (Holds out a shaking hand, holding a key)

WILL: (Takes his key angrily) what is your problem? You just cant mind your own business, can you? You have been acting odd lately now I want to know what's up!

JACK: I'm jealous!

WILL: (Beat) Wow, I wasn't expecting that.

BARRY: (Dressed, sneaking out of the bedroom into the living room) I think now will be a good time for me to leave. (Tip toes out of the apartment)

WILL: (Calms down) what do you mean you're jealous?

JACK: Will, we just broke up, and now you take the one guy who chose you over me and rub it in my face!

WILL: You know that's not what I am doing, I love Barry.

JACK: Love….huh…..you've been on one real date with him and you're already sleeping with him.

WILL: I already know him, there are exceptions to the one-date-you-cant-sleep-with-unless-you-are-going-to-one-night-stand-him rule!

JACK: Well I don't think that's just fair.

WILL: Well you're any better you know how much you hurt me when you slept with a FEMALE just to get over me?

JACK: That did not count, you were still with Vince.

WILL: Yeah well you did it 3 weeks before we broke up. You had your little thing to get over me, why cant I have my thing with Barry to get over you?

JACK: Aha! So you admit that you're still in love with me!

WILL: No I did not! Jack, I love you as a friend, and it kills me that we can never be more than that. Barry is good for me. Think of it this way: It's like Karen, without money, but is selling this million dollar priced fur coat for temporary happiness.

JACK: I do get that analogy.

WILL: So you understand?

JACK: Why in front of me though?

WILL: Because you're my friend, it's not your fault that you see me everyday and still part of every second of my life. You'll get over it…and I will too. I'm not using Barry even though it sounds like I am.

JACK: You are.

WILL: (Smiles) (Beat) the casual sex thing is just not my style and I hope you can understand that. I am a "into a one man relationship guy" you are the "into one night stand non-relationship guy" which is so hard for me to accept and so hard for me to get over.

JACK: You're hard to get over too.

WILL: I'm sorry, sweetie.

JACK: No I am sorry.

(They hug)

GRACE: (Coming out of her bedroom) Aw…can I get on that too?

WILL & JACK: (Let Grace in on the hug)

NICK: (Coming out and leaving) Next time my place, ok? (Leaves)

SCENE VII: Will's Apartment.

(Dinner)

KAREN & IRENE: (Comes late)

KAREN: Hey girls, sorry we're late. Dorothy and I caught ourselves in a little bonding time.

IRENE: Just a little get-to-know-you-better-stop-hating-your-guts-thing.

KAREN: (Giggles) we fondled in a Banana Republic dressing stall.

IRENE: N-no we didn't…..

KAREN: (Looks up thinking) Oh that's right I think I did it to Kathy Lee Gifford. Anyway…..

IRENE: We shopped, we talked, and look what I got. (Shows Will her earrings)

WILL: (Mad) You got your ears pierced?

IRENE: (Takes it off and reveals it's a clip)

IRENE & KAREN: Psych!

KAREN: (Laughs) I knew that would get you!

GRACE: Why wont you let her have her ears pierced? I have mine pierced.

WILL: Yeah that's why I wont let her get hers pierced. Remember when I had to be the hand you held to squeeze through the pain? I had to have a hand cast for 3 months. When they cut it off it was so pale and hairy…..

JACK: Cut off your hand?

WILL: No the cast, stupid. I had to use artificial bronze to make it match the other and a year later Grace got her ears infected and had to let it seal up. SECOND TIME she did it she held my-

KAREN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, lets keep this story PG13 ok?

WILL: I was going to say stress sponge.

KAREN: Again, we have children among us. Shame on you, Truman….. Ok I got to ska-dooch. I have a rub down with Fabio and a gang "boom" with "chiwala walas" and "hoochie mamas" (Leaves)

GRACE: Did anyone get what she just said?

WILL & JACK: You don't want to know.

END