Love. Peyton had looked up the meaning in the dictionary once. It had read:
Love
NOUN:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. An intense emotional attachment
Now she could only laugh bitterly in spite of herself. Love. Love meant none of those things. It only represented an empty feeling. A bleeding, lonely heart. Darkness. Why should anyone let their guards down and allow their hearts to feel love when it would only turn out badly in the end? There were no fairy tale endings or happily ever afters. And no matter how you looked at it, people always left. Her mother…her father…now Jake and Jenny.
Peyton refused to let a single tear fall as she duct taped the last box. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces on the inside, but she couldn't let that show on the outside. She couldn't break down. She had to be strong.
"Pey! I'm home!"
Peyton didn't answer. She couldn't. Her lips moved but no sound would come out.
"Peyton! Where are you guys?"
Jake tossed his jacket across one of the kitchen chairs as he went off in search of his two favorite girls. The house was dark and way quieter than usual. Finally he found his girlfriend, alone, sitting in a chair in a corner of the living room.
"Babe, what are you doing in here in the dark all by yourself?" he asked, turning on a nearby lamp.
Again, Peyton was silent.
"You okay? Peyton, what's going on? Where's Jenny?"
"At your mom's", she said quietly.
For the first time the young man took notice of what was around him. There were dozens of boxes scattered about the living room.
"Why didn't you pick her up on your way home?" Jake asked cautiously. "And what's all this? What's with the boxes? Pey…"
"You have to go", she blurted out. "You and Jenny have to leave."
The words sent shocks through his body. It killed her to say them…it destroyed him to hear them.
"Um…okay. I don't want to hear that but if that's how you feel, I respect it. This is your house. But do you want to talk about it? Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?"
"I labeled the boxes so they'll be easy to unpack", Peyton said, ignoring his questions.
"Peyton…"
"Keith already said we could use one of his work pick up trucks…"
"Peyton", he said, gently taking her hand. "Baby, please. Like I said, if you want me to go then I'll go but I think your sudden change of heart warrants a conversation. Just tell me what brought this all on."
"Jake…"
"What? Is it Nikki?" he asked softly.
"Jake…", she tried to pull away from him.
"Peyton, you can tell me", he whispered. "We've always told each other everything. This isn't fair. I come home and you have all my stuff packed and I don't even get an explanation?"
"Nikki wants custody of Jenny", Peyton blurted out.
Jake closed his eyes.
"Dammitt", he muttered. "I knew this was all too good to be true. I should have figured she's pull some crap like this. After all, it is Nikki we're talking about. Okay. Tomorrow morning, first thing, I'll talk to that lawyer guy on campus. Maybe he can stall or do something. In the meantime, I'll try to reason with Nikki if I can keep from killing her."
"It's not that easy, Jake. Don't you see? You and I have part time jobs…Nikki has an established career. We're just a couple of college students. Plus she took all those parenting classes and she and Jenny have a real bond now. And she is the birth mother and you know in court that'll make all the difference. We can't afford to fight her and even if we do, how fair will it be to have Jenny in the middle of all this?"
"Peyton, don't you see what I was saying all along? I know you were just trying to help but now look at it. Look at what Nikki's doing. Pey, I cannot lose my daughter!"
"I know", she nodded. "Here."
"What's this?" Jake asked, taking a packet from her hand.
"Strayer University. That's all the paperwork you'll need for a transfer. They will accept all your credits from Tree Hill University. You have an appointment with the Dean of Admissions at the end of the week…"
"Pey…"
"They offer extensive financial aid towards your tuition as well as campus based housing for single parents…"
"Peyton!"
"And there is a number in there for one of the college diners. Karen knows the owners. She talked to them and put in a good word for you. Give them a call and they'll probably be able to start you next week."
"Peyton, I…I can't do all this."
"Why not? Jake, you have to."
"Look, babe, I appreciate what you did but I'm not gonna change my whole life and lose you and uproot my kid and leave my friends and family just to accommodate Nikki. That's bullshit!"
"Then what are you going to do, Jake? Huh? Stay here with me? Have a nasty, drawn out custody fight with Nikki? Risk losing Jenny altogether?"
"Peyton…"
"Or wait, let me guess. You'll take Jenny and go on the run. Working dead end job after dead end job, always on the move and looking over your shoulder. Come on. That's no way to live. Jenny deserves more than that."
"Peyton, I love you", Jake pleaded, his voice cracking up with raw emotion.
"I love you, too. Both of you. And that's why I'm doing this. Less people get hurt this way."
"I get hurt", he said softly. "You get hurt."
"But it'll hurt you more if you stay and lose Jenny. And I can deal with hurt. I'm tough, Jake. I'm strong. I am a survivor. I've had to be my whole life. I'll hurt now so Jenny won't have to later. That's how much I care about you guys. This is my fault. I just wanted to make the situation better. I should have listened to you but I didn't and now it's worse. Jake, you have to do what you have to do for Jenny. It'll hurt me to see you guys go away but I'll manage. I can deal with it. What I can't deal with is you staying, losing Jenny and ending up resenting me for it all later. We both know that would happen."
"Peyton…"
"I love you both enough to let you go."
Jake hung his head. She was right. Since she was a tiny infant, Jake had dedicated his life to protecting his beloved daughter. It was as if the person he had to protect her from most, was the woman who had given her birth and life. Now Nikki was back in their lives taking the inches they had given her, desperately craving a mile. Her intentions were good but he still couldn't trust her completely. Not yet. And he couldn't give Jenny up. That wasn't an option. Now he had no other choice and he knew it. Peyton knew it as well. Part of him was so angry at her for being nice to Nikki in the first place. But then that loving and forgiving spirit was one of the reasons had fallen for the pretty blonde in the first place. How could he fault her for that now? And he loved her even more for her sacrifice. And she hadn't just turned her backs on them, she had gone that extra mile to ensure he would have housing and a job and school. Peyton had done it all because she loved them so.
"This isn't the end", he kept repeating. "We'll make it somehow, Pey. Letters and phone calls and e-mails. Raleigh isn't that far. We can still visit."
She smiled and nodded through the falling of one single tear. She would give it an honest shot and she knew he would as well. It would be a test of their love. They would put forth maximum effort and although she hoped their love would survive, she had a feeling they had come to their end of the road.
"I love you, Jake."
"I love you, too. Um, do you want me to bring Jenny by? You know, to say good bye?"
Peyton shook her head adamantly
"No, it's okay. I'd rather not."
Good byes were too painful. She wanted to remember little Jenny just the way she was.
"Okay. Well then I guess I better get back over to my folks'…"
"Okay."
"Alright. Uh…good bye, Jake."
He nodded and headed to the door before stopping and turning around.
"Peyton, can I…can stay here with you? Just one more night."
She responded by taking his hand and guiding him to the bedroom they had shared. They made the trek silently, and like so many nights before, disrobed each other and made love. But Peyton was quick to pay attention to every movement, every noise…something inside told her it would be the last time.
