Changes
Part 6
Disclaimer: Just for kicks, pallies.
Notes: Sorry about the delay in updating. Y'know, enforced family gatherings searching for those elusive colored eggs and chocolate bunnies.
Sam felt like a kid that had run away from home. She was sitting in a tree house reading comic books. Sam had never been a big fan of running away. Actually, she would be lying to herself if she really believed that. She had run away this morning. Just like she had been running away from her feelings for Jack O'Neill for about the past five years. She didn't deal well with feelings and emotions. They weren't easily scientifically analyzed. They confused her. Especially when they involved Jack. She didn't like to be confused. She couldn't even say why she was upset by his retirement news. So she had fled. And now she was hiding. Physically and mentally. Physically she was hiding in the coolest tree house she'd ever seen. Mentally she was hiding the world of the comics she'd found stashed in an old footlocker in the tree house along. Another one held an archive of pulp adventures and detective novels, but she was really more interested in the comics, they brought her back to her childhood. Some of the comics dated back to the fifties and sixties and she figured they must have been Jack's. Others were newer from the late eighties and early nineties. She assumed those were Charlie's.
Sam had lost track of time but she knew she must have been here several hours. After she had left abruptly this morning, she thought a nice walk in the woods would be just the thing to sort out her conflicting emotions. She had walked some distance away from the cabin when she'd come across the tree house. It was in a massive ancient tree and looked like something out of Swiss Family Robinson with several levels to it. It was the tree house she would have sold her soul for when she was a kid, there was even a happy little tire swing hanging from one of the branches. She couldn't resist a couple of swings on it before to the tree house itself beckoned her irresistibly. It had taken her quite a while to find her way in. Apparently it was ingeniously designed to keep the unwanted out. Adults most likely.
Once she managed to find a ingeniously hidden rope ladder and made her way inside she was shocked to see it had been kept in good repair and seemed to be weather proofed. It had proved to be a treasure trove of boyhood fantasies, along with the footlockers of adventure stories was a small antique brass telescope. She opened the shutter on the window it stood near and was able to see an excellent view of the cabin and lake.
The thing that intrigued her most was the carvings on the trunk of the tree. There was "Jack 1962" and "Bud 1962". She guessed that Bud had been what Mac's family called him as a kid and as Jack still did. She supposed it wouldn't make sense for his family to call him by his last name. Then there was "Charlie 1992". She could just imagine the fun that Jack and Mac and, later, Charlie had playing here and concocting wild adventures. She would have liked to have seen Jack as a carefree boy and as a loving and devoted father playing with Charlie, before life got hard, before the black ops, the death of his son and all the other things that had made his smiles so rare and his laughter even rarer. She would have liked to have seen him. It made her sad to think about so she ran away from those feelings and sat by the open window to read some of the comics.
She knew she had been there a long time when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked out the window and sure enough there was Jack walking though the woods, looking for her no doubt. She considered calling out to him, but she still hadn't worked her feelings out so she still didn't want to 'talk'. She saw him glance up at the tree house and give the tire swing a little push before moving on. She went back to 'The Incredible Hulk'. She was immersed in Rick Jones's wedding when the roof fell in.
"Crap," the crumpled form of Jack O'Neill muttered.
"Sir! Jack!" she rushed over too him. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah," he gave her a sheepish look and held up a piece of frazzled rotten rope. "Guess I shoulda checked the rope before I used the secret elevator." He pushed himself into a sitting position and held out her jacket to her. "I brought your jacket. It's getting chilly out."
She accepted it with a grateful smile and slipped it on. It was getting chilly out. He got up and walked over to the stack of comics by the window and picked one up a yellowed issue of 'Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD'. "Wow! The Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. She was hot," he reminisced and began flipping through. He paused on a page and showed her a picture of Nick Fury lounging in the ultimate hopelessly cliché bachelor pad complete with zebra rug. "My first apartment looked like that, back when I was a hot young lieutenant."
Sam smiled, imagining the cocky "hot young lieutenant" he must have been. "I would've liked to have seen that. Did you have a flying Porsche too?"
"No, I had a '57 T-Bird."
"Red?"
"You bet. Man, was she sweet."
"What happened to it?"
"I sold her when I did my first extended tour in England. The bastard that bought her ended up trashing her trying to impress some girl."
"That's a shame," she said as she sat down by the window again and stared out it.
"Yeah." Jack sat next to her with a groan and nudged her shoulder with his. "You okay?"
"Sure."
"Carter…" he began in the warning tone that he used when she was lying to herself.
"I'm fine. Really. I just needed to think."
"So watcha been thinkin' about?"
Sam still didn't want to have this talk so she gestured to the tree house around them in hopes his attention would be diverted. "This place is amazing. Tell me about it."
He gave her a knowing look that said he was aware of her tactic but he gave in anyway. "I used to spend my summers up here with my grandfather and my Uncle Charlie and his wife. Bud would stay sometimes too. My grandfather and his grandmother were siblings. Anyway we spent one summer helping Uncle Charlie build this tree house for us. We modified it some over the years. Put in all the trap doors and secret entrances."
"I bet you had fun."
"We did. I tried to keep it in pretty good shape in case I ever had a kid. Charlie loved it too," he smiled sadly. "I guess I still keep it up just for the memories. I like to come up here to think sometimes."
"It is nice for that," Sam agreed.
He nudged her shoulder again and asked overly casually, "Soooo, watcha been thinkin' about?"
"Do we have to talk about that?"
"Well, no, I suppose we don't," he conceded. "We could keep ignoring things like we've done for- oh, how many years now?"
Sam huffed, "Fine." She turned to face him. "Why are you retiring?" she asked bluntly.
"I'm old," he quipped shrugging.
"Jack," She glared at him. "You're the one that wanted to talk."
"Okay. Okay. Old habits, y'know." He took a deep breath, "I'm retiring because I hate being 'The General'. I hate all the paper work. I hate sending people into danger when I have to sit behind a desk. I hate not being out there with you, Daniel and Teal'c. I hate playing gracious host to alien dignitaries. I hate sitting through briefings about rocks, not artifacts, rocks. I hate that I end up sleeping more on base than I do at home and let me tell you the general's quarters aren't any better than my colonel's quarters. I hate how conversation stops when I enter a room, because I'm 'The General' and he's no fun. I hate that by being something I hate keeps me from being with who I want. I was going to retire after thawing out but George said give being 'The General' a year and I did. So this is it. I'm done being 'The General'. Does that answer your question?"
"I had no idea you were so unhappy. I thought you did a wonderful job."
"Yes, well, it was all smoke and mirrors really. And 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain'. Trust me."
"I was going to resign," Sam told him quietly.
"Why? You love the Air Force."
"Because Dr. Carter always got to be with Jack O'Neill."
"I would never ask you to give up your career," he said sounding very much like the delusion she had several years ago.
"I know. I wouldn't ask you to give up yours either."
"You don't have to. It's done. Shoulda happened a year ago," Jack sighed. "Is that why you crawled into bed with me last night?"
"Well, I was cold," she gave him a little grin. "And then I figured if I was going to resign anyway what did it matter."
"So are we okay?"
She lost her smile and whispered, "I hope so."
"That didn't sound very confident."
"What if it doesn't work out?"
"How can it not?" he asked in disbelief. "By all accounts we were very happy in two out of two alternate realities encountered."
"Do we really even know each other, Jack? I mean on a personal level. What if it's been built up so much that there's no way it can be good as we imagine? What if my icy feet at night drives you nuts? What if the way you fold towels drives me nuts? What if it irritates you how my bookshelf is alphabetized? What if-"
"My bookshelf is alphabetized too," Jack said cutting in. "Sam, stop it. We've know each other nearly a decade and we've spent more time together than most people that have been married that long. We've both seen each other at their best and worst. If we haven't been scared off by now by idiosyncrasies, I don't think it's gonna happen now. I don't want to play 'what if'. Sam, I'm sure we'll have our problems but what counts is that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you'll have me."
She looked like she wanted to believe that's all it would take to make them happy, but she had to get all her worries out. "But what about kids, Jack?"
"What about 'em?"
Sam turned away from him and looked out the window, "It's highly unlikely I'll able to have them."
"So," he shrugged. "We'll get a dog. And a cat."
She looked back at him and shook her head. "Jack, I know how much you love kids. I know you would love to be a father again. Keeping this tree house up is proof of that."
"Look, Sam, I won't lie I would love to have another kid, a whole passel of 'em in fact. But if I just wanted a kid I coulda had one with any number of random willing women. In fact, I'd probably be a farmer on Edora right now. But it's you I want and if we have kids, fine. If not, that's fine too. I just want you."
"But-"
"No, stop it, Sam," Jack said as he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his exasperation under control. He knew this was a big issue and they needed to hash it out now. "I told you last night that I wasn't going to let you go and I meant it. If this kid thing is bugging you. We'll get Thor to look into it. If the Asgard can clone me they ought to be able to splice our DNA together or something. Hell, there probably millions of orphans on other planets that need a good home. Whatever you want, we'll do it. Okay?"
She nodded her head, "Okay, Jack." She breathed deeply trying to get her agitated thoughts together. "Oh god, Jack, I'm sorry. I know I sound like a complete psycho," she laughed a little, but the laugh turned into tears. "This is ridiculous. I'm coming completely apart at the seams lately. So much is changing and I miss Dad and-"
"Hey, it's okay. I know. I miss him too," Jack tried to pull her to him, but she was resisting him and wiping away her tears, still trying to put on her brave face. "Let me take care of you, baby," he said softly still gently but forcefully pulling her to him. "You don't have to be strong all the time, baby. Let me take care of you." Finally she gave up and she buried her face in the soft fleece of his pullover and began to sob in earnest. He held her, rocking back and forth, and gently stroking her hack and hair until she finally quieted.
Finally, her tears disappeared and her breathing eased. She lifted her head and kissed his cheek, "I don't deserve you, Jack."
"Now that's crazy talk, baby."
She tried to look irritated, but her smile ruined the effect, "You might not want to wear out that 'baby' thing, flyboy."
"Why? I got a quota?"
"Yep."
"Well as long as we're laying out ground rules. I got one."
"What?" she asked suddenly tensing in his arms.
He pulled down his raised fleece collar to show her his neck, "No hickeys on exposed skin. While you have been hiding out having fun reading comics I have been mercilessly teased by three very big pains in the mik'ta."
Sam flushed bright red, "I'm so sorry, Jack."
"I'm teasing. I'll just have to invest in some turtlenecks."
"It's not like I came through completely unscathed either," she pointed out.
"Yeah, but I put those in strategic places."
"Well, I'm glad to see that Academy education wasn't wasted," she sighed contentedly and leaned back against him. "So civilian consultant to the SGC, huh? How does the Phoenix Foundation fit in?"
"Things are looking pretty peaceful out there now. I figure the SGC won't need me too much and you know how easily I get bored. I'm not going to just sit on my ass and fish for the rest of my life."
"Hmm."
"What?"
"Mac tends to get in a lot of trouble, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, but I'm me," he grinned confidently.
"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of especially without me, Daniel, and Teal'c watching your six."
"Aren't you confident in my abilities?"
"Yeah, I'm confident in your abilities to piss people off."
Jack was about to respond when he heard Daniel yelling like a madman. "HEY! Jack! You and Sam up there?"
The both stuck their heads out the window to see Daniel looking slightly frantic.
"What's up?" Jack questioned.
"Your stupid health nut cousin hid the steaks for tonight! He says we have to eat tofu! Mac is evil! And Teal'c's trying to screw with me head."
Jack laughed, "Daniel, are you drunk again?"
"N-nooo," he stuttered. "I only had two beers."
"Daniel's drunk," Sam said to Jack.
"I heard that!" Daniel yelled. "Sam, quit giving Jack hickeys and come down. I hate tofu!"
"That's it, Spacemonkey. You're cut off for the rest of the night." He turned to Sam who was giggling at Daniel's drunkenness, "C'mon, let's go make the world safe for bloody red meat."
TBC
