Peyton took a few days off to soul search. It was weird. She couldn't get her mind off the whole Anna deal. What had happened? Hadn't the signs been there? She thought back to every interaction they'd had since the Creedence Clearwater Revival concert. Looking back reading between the lines, the signs had always been there. Mutual attraction. Subtle flirting. One thing was for sure. Peyton did harbor some sort of feelings. She didn't know what they were. She didn't know how to deal with them. She just knew they were there.
Pulling up to Anna's apartment complex, she sat outside for what seemed like forever. Her nerves and thoughts were all over the place. She had no idea what she would say or how Anna would react but they couldn't avoid each other forever. They couldn't avoid the truth.
Finally she gathered the courage and climbed the stairs. Taking a deep breath, she knocked gently, her heart thumping wildly when she heard soft approaching footsteps.
"Hey."
"Hey", Anna said softly.
"I hope it's okay that I came over."
"Come in", Anna invited her.
Peyton stepped in nervously and took a seat on the couch. Anna sighed as she sat across from her.
"Look…I don't know what came over me. I was just…pretty upset and…you know, I wasn't really thinking straight. You know what I mean?"
"Anna, it's cool, okay? I mean, now a lot of stuff makes sense…"
"Can we just forget about it? We're friends, right? I made a mistake. I just want things to go back to the way they were."
"I…I don't know if they can", Peyton stammered. "I mean, do you, do you have feelings for me? Like romantic feelings for me?"
Anna couldn't look her in the eye.
"Look, I like you, alright?"
"Are you gay?"
Anna laughed out loud.
"Gay. What is gay? What is straight? I'm just a girl. Those rumors I told you about? Well, they were true, Peyton. I like boys but I like girls, too."
"So you're bi?"
"Something like that."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to even admit it to myself. Kissing you…that was wrong. I was way out of line. I apologize and believe me, I'm absolutely humiliated. It had to be the single most embarrassing moment of my life. You must think I'm some sort of freak."
"No, I don't", Peyton shrugged. "I think you're the same cool person you were before."
Anna smiled.
"Thanks for being understanding. Thanks for being a friend."
"Does that mean we still are?" she asked meekly.
"Peyton, I want that but I don't want things to be weird for you."
"I can handle it."
"It's just weird. You're the only one that knows my secret."
"You can trust me, Anna. It's okay."
"Thanks, Pey."
"No, I mean it. It's okay to be who you are. Not everything is black and white. You're a great girl no matter what."
Anna laughed bitterly.
"Tell that to my parents…or to Felix."
"They just don't understand. And that's a shame. Your sexuality doesn't define you, Anna. God, you're so much more than that. I just want you to know I won't judge you. More than anything, I still want to be friends, okay? I'm not just saying that. I really mean it."
"Okay", Anna finally agreed. "Friends."
"Good", Peyton smiled.
She reached out to hug her but Anna recoiled at the slightest hint of a first touch.
"You want something to drink? Water, soda…"
"Anna…"
"Milk?"
"Dude, it was just a harmless hug."
"I know", Anna forced an uncomfortable hug. "I'm just gonna get something to drink. You want anything?"
Peyton sighed. Maybe she had been naïve to think things could remain the same. She hated Anna being weirded out. Why should she have to compromise who she was? Then Peyton felt like the biggest hypocrite on earth? She was so busy trying to get Anna to explore and reveal true feelings that she had neglected to survey her own. It was too surreal, too scary, too different. Anna wasn't the only one compromising.
"Yeah", Peyton said finally. "Diet Coke if you have it."
