GAAAAAAAAH! NO!
Damn editor freaking DELETED all my lovely, lovely replies to all your lovely, lovely reviews!
Stupid SOB...
Okay, so I'm just gonna answer the question put to me by Raptorchick, about Xeno blood eating through the back proch. Really, that proch is old, sucky, and really being eaten thought would be an improvement XD Plus, if you remember a certain scene in the original Alien, Xeno blood loses its acidic potency after a while. Otherwise it wouldn't have stopped eating through the floors of the ship.
Sorry to the rest of you that reviewed but aren't getting a reply. I hope this long chapter mollfies your firey anger at me (sniff)...
"What's a cupcake?" Chopper asked me while we were in the process of helping mom clean off the table. I had been right about mom making steak, and the remnant of the food was currently being scraped off a plate and into the open garbage by none other than myself. Chopper was working table duty, taking silverware off the table and bringing them to the sink, where mom was currently working at washing, politely ignoring our conversation that she couldn't understand anyway. The irony of the situation was not lost on me, for where mom would usually be the one talking incessantly; it was actually Chopper and I who were now playing that role.
"A tasty, bread-like, sugary dessert on my planet," I answered easily, wondering silently where I had managed to come up with an almost technical sounding definition off the top of my head, "Often covered in a jelly-like, even more sugary substance called frosting."
"You sound like a scientist, Jess," Chopper commented with an amused snort.
"I know I do," I said. Then, as an afterthought, I added, "Shut up."
Great, now he's laughing at me, I thought dryly as I glared at the trilling Yautja. He still had his mask on, as we were both pretty sure that mom would be more comfortable that way –yeah, even though he had had to take it off while eating-, so I couldn't see his face, but I knew that he could see the expression on mine, and it was only adding to his amusement.
"You're damn lucky I'm too nice to throw something unpleasant at you," I muttered, glancing at some choice materials in the garbage with glittering eyes.
"Since when?"
I was just about to retort and perhaps throw something after all when mom turned around and fixed us both with 'the look'. Amazingly, it seemed to be a universal expression, as both Chopper and I immediately stopped and turned guiltily –me more guiltily than the Yautja, as I was hiding a pork bone behind my back that I had been about to chuck at the other.
"Stop arguing," she said sternly, even though the smile on her lips as she saw the barely concealed bone behind my back sorta ruined the moment. Anyway, how in hell had she done that? She couldn't even understand us! Eh, must be a mom thing, "Once I get this finished we have cupcakes to make, and I don't need to be cleaning up the mess of a food fight in here!"
"Fine…" I said, putting a lot of mock disappointment in my voice, "Ruin all my fun."
Mom smiled, and I saw just a touch of sadness in that expression before she turned back to the sink, scrubbing at a particularly dirty pan. With a sigh I tossed the bone back in the garbage, flipping everything else that needed to be trashed into the bag and trotting up to the sink to get some paper towels. Chopper turned, the last of the dishes held in his claws, and set them on the counter. With a snort I realized that I was pretty much trapped between my mom and the Yautja, and I remembered also that this kitchen was far too small for three people working.
"Comin' though," I said quickly, slipping my way through the small gap that was left to me with an ease that could only be learned in the crowded halls of school, and I immediately began cleaning off the tabletop. Who in the world would've thought cleaning up the kitchen could become so fun? I mean; I was actually enjoying myself, for once!
I finished quickly, and seeing that nothing else needed to be done until mom finished the dishes, I began to sit down. But with a sigh I pushed the chair back in before I could be tempted, going over to help rinse the silverware that was the last thing my mom always did, since she hated cleaning them. Chopper stood over us, watching curiously as we finished.
"Okay, cupcake time!" I said cheerily as I threw the last fork into the drainer, skipping expertly over to the cupboard and swinging it open, taking out the mix that I knew my mom couldn't reach without a chair to stand on and tossing them to her. She caught them fairly easily, and reached up to get out the mixing bowls and measuring cups while I dashed around to grab the other materials. Chopper moved towards the middle of the curved counter after being almost run into for the third time, the only place where he wouldn't be in the way of the rapidly moving humans. I stifled a snicker as I finished gathering the materials and swung the fridge door open, grabbing the egg cartons and setting them on the stovetop.
"Does he know about cupcakes?" mom asked me quietly. I snorted and shook my head.
"Only what I've told 'em," I replied, smiling evilly, "I look forward to teaching the fine art of baking!"
"Jessie…" Damn, she looked doubtful. Time to quash any resistance!
"C'mon, mom!" I whined, "You said yourself that boxed cupcakes are almost impossible to mess up! How bad could it be?"
She sighed.
"Fine," she said heavily, stopping my cheer with a firm yet humored glare, "But if you make a mess, you are cleaning it up yourself!"
"Deal," I said cheerily, thinking silently to myself. If we mess it up, the entertainment will be more than worth it!
"Chopper," I called, seeing the Yautja perk up as he was called in. I gestured for him to stand close, so that he could watch what I was doing. Cue crappy announcer's voice, "Okay, Chopper, welcome to the wonderful world of baking. Today, we will be attempting the most easily messed up of all baking endeavors, the dreaded yet tasty cupcake! Watch carefully, because if you want to, you'll be attempting this yourself for the second batch!"
There was a long, silent pause.
"Are you trying to be funny?"
"Sarcasm becomes me," I replied dryly, measuring out the oil that I had gotten from the cupboard in a small, one-third-cup measuring cup. I made sure to remain in Chopper's line of sight –as if it was hard not to- as I pitched it into the mixing bowl, measuring out water in the same way with the half-cup measuring cup. Despite my abysmal talents, Chopper actually seemed to be watching and perhaps even learning. Good.
Now, it was time for the eggs.
"Eggs are my favorite part," I said, bringing out the three oblong, white objects and carefully cracking them against the counter, "Fragile, and they taste horrible raw, but with the right temperature and a bit of skill…"
Yeah, skill. Exactly what I don't have!
The yolks of the three eggs plopped into the ingredients, and I opened the first box of mix, taking out the bag inside and cutting it across the top with some scissors that my mom had put on the counter. Actually, now that I thought of my mom, I looked up to where she had been sitting and preparing the cupcake trays only to find that the work was done and she wasn't in the room.
After my initial moment of alarm, I glanced in the living room and saw her sitting there, reading a book and snickering quietly to herself. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion; mom hated to give me complete control over any form of baking (considering that I almost always failed horribly), but she seemed pretty content to leave me to teach, now. Hmm… must be because she had finally accepted that I could do this myself…
Or there was some other mysterious reason…
Dammit.
Chopper stared into the bowl, and I could almost see that eyebrow rising as he looked at me with a curious and amused clatter, "Jes'ca, it doesn't seem like this is the tasty, bread-like substance you described…"
"That's because it isn't finished, you smartass," I chided, smacking him lightly on the arm with the back of my hand as I rummaged in the cupboards for what I needed. It was pretty easy to find, and I brought the appliance out with a flourish, smiling widely as I pulled the cord to me and plugged it in. Chopper made an inquisitive sound as I clipped in the pieces to it.
"That looks strange," he commented. I smirked.
"Meet the mixer!" I said grandly, pressing the button on the top. The appliance whirred to life, the spinning projections becoming a blur. I clicked it off after a few seconds, however, smiling up at the slightly surprised Yautja before setting the projections into the mix and clicking the button back on. Instantly the haphazard mix became a swirl of gooey liquid, slowly turning into batter as I carefully blended the stuff, "It whirls, it twirls, and it makes baking into a fun opportunity to splatter your friends!"
"You are enjoying this entirely too much, Jess."
"Yes, yes I am," I replied.
Man, this was fun! In fact, though I did like baking, I had never really found it as enjoyable before. Now, though, when I had a friend to try it with me –a friend that probably didn't know about my horrible baking skills- I found that it was almost as fun as playing a new video game, which was pretty damn fun. For once, I wasn't thinking about being stuck in reality, as I had been even before I had gone on my first adventure.
Three minutes passed, and I clicked the mixer off, taking out the projections and using a spatula that had been on the counter next to the scissors to scrape off the extra batter that was clinging to them. The batter was starting to smell good, and it was only previous experience that kept me from licking my fingers off afterwards. It may have smelled good, but I knew that it would taste horrible! With a snort I picked up the mixing bowl and whirled over to the table, setting the two mixing parts on a paper towel by the sink on my way. Chopper followed me, watching curiously as I poured the batter into a single cupcake holder, about halfway up the little paper form.
"See, that's how much needs to go in each holder," I said as I did so, using the spatula to scrape off the dripping lip of the bowl. I looked up at the Yautja, "Do you wanna try it?"
"Sure," Chopper answered. I handed him the bowl, and watched as he poured the batter carefully into one of the holders. He poured it so carefully, in fact, that I had to pretend to sneeze to keep from flat out laughing at him.
Hey, careful is better than batter all over the table, I told myself as I prepared the cups of oil and water for the next batch.
After I was done with that, I sat down at the table and moved the trays of cupcake holders as Chopper poured the batter, always keeping a new one ready for when he finished with the current one and taking the filled one to put on the stovetop. We managed to get three trays out of the mix that I'd made, and as I was reading the baking instructions on the box my mom's voice floated in from the living room.
"I already turned the oven on, Jess. Just stick the trays in!"
"Thanks, mom!" I called back, taking a few thick potholders out of a drawer and shuddering as I opened the oven door, gesturing for Chopper to stay back as I slipped the trays in hesitantly, hating the feeling of the heat wafting from the device. Gods, I had been twitchy around stoves and other hot things ever since I had been about five and had burned myself on a lantern that was about to fall on the ground. I had come away with three blistered fingers from that accident, and it had taken weeks to heal completely.
Might be the reason you're so bad at baking, I told myself, When you're afraid of the oven, it can be a little difficult to get anything cooked.
"Is that dangerous?" Chopper asked after I had closed the door. Obviously, he had noticed my trepidation. I shrugged listlessly before I answered.
"Not really, I just have a thing about ovens."
"Ah," he said as I turned to set the timer. I looked back, finding with slight surprise that the Yautja was standing by the mixing bowl, looking at the box curiously. He lifted his head from the writing and glanced at me, "Is it time to make the next batch?"
"Yeah," I said, moving over to look at the materials, making sure they were all there, "Go ahead, if you want to. I think you grasped what I was doing, and the oil and water are already measured, so have fun."
He snorted, and began working, putting in the oil and water easily. When it came to the eggs, though, he had a little more trouble, as he seemed to not get that eggs were fragile and must not be slammed into the edge of the counter. But after the second one was destroyed –and after I had stopped smacking my head into the wall and muttering- he got the message, and managed to crack it without breaking it. I practically cheered when he split it over the bowl, successfully adding one egg to the mix.
Now for the other two, I thought with humor.
Actually, the other two eggs were easy, and though we had to pick out some small pieces of eggshell that had been accidentally crushed into the mix, they turned out all right. We added the cupcake mix, and after that was done I smirked and handed him the reassembled mixer, grimacing inwardly as I showed him how to turn it on. He did so, making a clicking sound that I couldn't decipher, and before I could stop him he plunged the whirling projections right into the mixing bowl.
POOF!
Instantly, a big explosion of the powdery mix that was on top of the other ingredients flew into the air, covering both Chopper and me in a fine, sugary smelling dust. I snorted as I looked up at the considerable paler and shocked Yautja, putting my hand over my mouth to try and stop myself, but in the next instant I could no longer hold my laughter in. I grabbed the counter desperately to stop myself from falling onto the floor, my body wracked by choking breaths as I tried to gulp air between bouts of mirth. I didn't even care that I probably looked like an idiot, covered in cupcake mix as well.
It was a while before I could regain control of myself, and I straightened, gasping and still giggling in sporadic bursts. Chopper was trilling loudly, laughing as he finished mixing the batter. I was surprised that he had been able to keep a hold of the mixer's handle, considering that we had both been almost doubled up in the hilarity of it all. In fact, I could hear mom laughing from the next room, as well. When I looked, I saw that she had put her book down, and she was laughing so hard that tears were streaming out of her eyes.
Hell, it had been a long, long time since any of us had laughed that hard.
"Gods, that was funny as hell!" I exclaimed, staggering over to the table and sliding a tray towards Chopper, who began pouring the cupcakes as he chuckled. Actually, I was pretty glad that he had been able to find the humor in the situation, because the last thing I needed was to be laughing at a pissed off Yautja.
"This little incident stays in this dimension, right?"
"It'll be all over the ship by the end of the first day we get back."
"I guessed as much."
Suddenly, there was a loud ring, and I groaned as I recognized the sound as the timer for the oven going off. I slipped on the potholders quickly and moved to open the door to the oven, grimacing as I did so, and saw that the pastries were done. Almost well done, in fact. I pulled them out quickly, setting them on the top of the stove and shutting the door to the oven with a loud bang. After that was done, I turned to the table, seeing Chopper finish off pouring the last cupcake of the second batch, and moved the filled trays over as I dumped the finished cupcakes out onto the table to prevent them from burning.
Now I had to put the second batch in. It was easy now, considering I still had the potholders on my hands, and I slipped the trays in without a second thought, closing the door and setting the timer anew. Chopper was staring at the steaming cupcakes curiously, head tilted as he reached out to take one.
"They might be hot, so be careful," I told him, taking the frosting out of the fridge and smirking as I heard him hiss in surprise. I peeked my head over the door, "I told ya, man. Listen next time."
He glowered, and I chuckled slightly as I set the frosting down on the table, a victorious gleam in my eye.
"Now for one of the most loved parts of making cupcakes!" I announced brightly, bringing out a pair of butter knifes and tossing one to Chopper, who caught it easily, "Frosting!"
(squeals) Frosting! I LOVE frosting!
