Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. The characters from Doctor Who are the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). I do not own them and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.
However, the plotline, as well as all original characters in this story, do belong to me and may not be used elsewhere without my permission.
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Chapter 19. A bridge over the abyss
"…but hey! He'd better come back, 'cause he's my ride home!"
Houjun paled at Joss' words, a stricken expression crossing his face. "Home?" he asked softly.
Joss flushed but met his eye squarely. He saw it all, everything that had happened to her in the last twenty-four hours--everything that he had done to her. In her honest gaze stood the feelings that had been suppressed beneath the desperate urgency of their mission.
Pain. Sorrow. Desolation and loss, all wrapped around a burning, selfless love, a love that he had thoughtlessly spurned.
He lowered his gaze, shamed to the depths of his being by the reality exposed by Maboroshi's illusion. Hidden deep within his heart was the truth that now separated them like a raging river: that he would trade all of the days he had spent with Joss for five more minutes with Kouran.
Houjun's throat constricted with grief. Had Kouran felt this depth of self-hatred when she rejected him? Had she despised herself for hurting him, the way he now despised himself? It made no difference; it didn't stop either of them from hurting the ones who loved them. The cycle of pain continued, as it always would.
"Hey." The voice was soft with comfort, the hand warm on his arm. If he were a better man, he would deny himself her consolation instead of covering her hand with his own, holding onto her as if he would never let go.
Lying to her. Lying to himself.
"Listen, Houjun, I--"
A shower of stone fragments landed on their joined hands, cutting Joss off in mid-sentence. Houjun looked up as more fragments fell from the ceiling. He felt it: a definite tremor, a powerful vibration that shook the chamber as if a massive beast sought to break through the stone floor. Every hair on his arms stood up, and he tightened his grasp on Joss' arm, pulling her after him. "We have to get out. Now!"
They bolted towards the stairs, stumbling as a stronger tremor shook the floor, causing the focusing crystal to chime atonally while the metal consoles groaned under the strain.
"Houjun, wait!" Joss pointed at the staircase. A wide crack appeared along its length, sending several of its slate tiles crashing to the chamber floor below. Houjun pulled Joss back and focused his ki, praying that the building above was intact--then transmigrated to the chamber outside the dwarf star door.
"Shit!" Joss stumbled back against Houjun, dodging a huge stone pillar that smashed into the ground less than a meter away. The magician threw his arm around Joss, hurling barrier spells as they struggled through the dust-choked chamber.
A figure materialized before them, dark against the gritty, grey fog. "Houjun, Joss, over here!"
To Houjun's shock, the Doctor stood across the room, waving urgently as he pushed open a panel in a tall rectangular box. Joss didn't hesitate, digging her nails into Houjun's hand and sprinting towards the time lord.
"Quick, into the TARDIS!"
Joss leaped through the opening into the blue wooden structure--just as Houjun saw a giant stone block catapulting down toward the comparatively fragile box.
"Yuremere!" he shouted, slowing the block but failing to stop its ominous descent. "Doctor, get her out of there!"
"No, you get in, Houjun! Now!" Houjun felt himself unceremoniously shoved into the box. He experienced a moment of dimensional displacement, a stronger version of the feeling invoked by his normal transmigration spell. A shiver ran up his spine--and he caught his breath as he crossed the final threshold.
To his relief, Joss stood beside him, panting and dust-covered but otherwise unharmed. Her eyes were wide with wonder--and he knew that his expression was as awestruck as hers.
They stood at the top of a short staircase that bordered a giant vaulted room, the clear domed ceiling showing the same impressive starscape that he had last seen in Magus' chamber. Beneath the dome stood a hexagonal console covered in flashing lights and strange levers, its center dominated by a glowing blue column that pulsed in time to his heartbeat. However, the rest of the room contrasted sharply with the unfamiliar otherworldliness of the central structure.
The room was gently lit by golden lamps, showcasing a set of three brocaded armchairs arrayed around a low mahogany table set with an ornate silver teapot and small silver bowls. Rows of shelves held thousands of the strange square scrolls that the Doctor referred to as books, while a sundial and dozens of gold and ivory devices ticked quietly along one wall. On the far side of the room stood a pair of bronze double doors inscribed with a swirling infinity symbol.
He descended the stairs in a trance, dimly registering the soft plush of the rich oriental carpet. This chamber that spoke of human comfort and warmth, intermixed with alien instrumentation and celestial wisdom--this entire chamber was the perfect embodiment of the man to whom it belonged.
"Doctor," breathed Houjun in awe.
"In a moment, Houjun," replied the time lord, brushing past him and running up to the central console. He rapidly flicked several switches, muttering to himself.
Joss had regained her breath, and her usual unquenchable spirit showed in her delighted grin. She gave him a cheerful thumbs up. "Let's hear it for Plan B!"
"Plan B?" Houjun frowned in confusion.
"Yeah, also known as Run Like Hell!" She moved toward the central console. "Hey, Doctor, nice digs!"
"Thank you. I'll give you a short tour as soon as I've finished here, provided…" The Doctor trailed off, frowning as he read something from a flickering blue screen.
She jumped up beside him, followed shortly by Houjun. "We seem to be doing a lot of this lately," she whispered to her bemused companion, then raised her voice. "Yeah, what the hell's happening out there, Doctor? Major quake or what?"
"No, it's Magus' TARDIS. She's having a sort of temper tantrum, if you will." He smiled at his companions, but his eyes were creased with concern. "She's a bit unstable, I'm afraid. You see, there is a symbiotic link between a time lord and his TARDIS. Magus' personal tragedy affected not only his emotional stability but that of his TARDIS as well. His mental agony fed into her symbiotic circuits; you might say that she was grieving with him. But as his obsession grew, so did hers--and without him realizing it, she began exacerbating his madness, feeding his nightmares and driving his frenzy. As long as they remained together, neither could heal completely."
The Doctor flicked a switch, and suddenly the starscape above them switched to a long-range view of the dark hills surrounding the castle school. They watched in fascinated horror as the towers collapsed in on themselves, and the rooftops crashed to the ground, raising billowing clouds of dust that obscured the moonlight.
"As you can see, Magus' TARDIS is not pleased with the disappearance of her symbiotic partner. I didn't dare try to materialize within her control room; that's a tricky business at any time and near impossible with such an unstable target. So I'm very relieved that you two made it safely out of there. All I need now is to make sure that she limits her anger to this one small area within a single dimension."
"So you wanna make sure that she's just trashing a room instead of getting ready to take out innocent bystanders with an AK-47."
"Aptly put as usual, Joss. Yes, I truly hope that I don't have to engage in a transdimensional duel between TARDISes. Ah, here we go."
The last of the walls collapsed, sending up one last tremendous cloud of dust. The dust billowed and roiled upwards, as if driven by a powerful wind…then stopped, suspended for a moment in the darkness before drifting down to the rubble below.
The Doctor bent over his console, closing his eyes and tilting his head as if listening to a distant voice. Joss and Houjun held their breaths in unconscious suspense. Finally the time lord opened his eyes, turning away from his companions and blinking rapidly.
"She'll be all right now." His voice was curiously husky. "This is the perfect place to heal. Quiet, peaceful, no one to disturb her rest."
Joss cleared her throat. "Speaking of healing, where did you take Magus?"
"I returned him to our home planet. Tricky business that, getting past the guards and barriers, but I've had a bit of experience in that area. I took him to my old mentor, who will help him find peace. As long as the High Council never discovers that Magus is on Gallifrey, he should be able to recover. At least, I hope so." The Doctor glanced over at Houjun, who still stood transfixed, staring up at the landscape above him.
Ruin. The entire school was reduced to a broken ruin. Conflicting thoughts and emotions swirled through Houjun's mind. This had been his home. His prison. The place he belonged. The place he desperately wanted to escape from. His purpose for living.
A purpose that turned out to be a lie.
A strong hand gripped his arm, turning him away from the destruction and towards the brass double doors. "Come with me, Houjun. There's a place you need to see."
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Houjun followed the Doctor through the nondescript white corridors, unremarkable except for white roundels set in symmetric patterns in every wall and door. The time lord paused before two or three different doors but opened none of them, shaking his head slightly and continuing onward as if he were unsure of the location of the particular room he sought. Suddenly, he halted so abruptly that Houjun nearly collided with him. "Here it is," he said, triumphant. He pushed open the door and disappeared into the room.
Houjun followed hesitantly--and stopped, overwhelmed with awe for the second time that hour.
He stood in an open field, the land rising gently under a thick carpet of grass and wildflowers. The sun warmed the blossom-scented air, while a fresh breeze stirred the leaves on the widely spaced trees. Houjun lifted his face to the light, overcome with the memory of a long ago spring day: the day he had first met the Doctor.
Looking around, he finally spied the familiar figure reclining on a gentle slope. The Doctor blended in with the wildflowers, nearly every inch of his velvet coat covered with brightly colored petals. Houjun walked up the hill to join the Doctor--and flinched when the petals swirled up and flew away, winging their way into the sky.
"Butterflies," murmured the velvet voice. "You're a stranger to them, Houjun, but in time, curiosity will overcome their shyness." The Doctor smiled up at him. "Have a seat."
Houjun sat down beside the time lord after carefully brushing the grass for unwary butterflies. "I don't understand this. Have we traveled to another place? I thought we were still inside, but…"
"We are inside; well, at least as we perceive it. The TARDIS crosses many dimensions of time and space. This room, this dimension--let's just say that sometimes it's better to accept a reality than analyze it."
Houjun lay back on the slope and closed his eye. This place, suffused with warmth and unearthly peace, should have soothed and comforted him, but instead, it was doing something strange. It was pulling the memories of his entire life to the forefront of his mind, drawing the pain out of him like a fine silver wire that cut him until he bled. He clamped his teeth together, determined not to give in this time.
He was tired of the tears. He was tired of the grief and the pain. He was tired of the moments of weakness that forced him to lean on the Doctor and Joss, drawing on their strength--and giving nothing in return.
Enough already.
"I'm going to leave you alone for awhile."
Houjun's eye flew open, and he struggled to his feet. The Doctor stood before him, smiling wryly.
"I'm going back to the control room to bandage Joss' cuts. You need some time to think."
The magician clenched his fists in frustration. "I don't want to stay here, Doctor. I don't want to think! I don't want this--this--I'm tired of feeling!" he shouted. Butterflies on the far slopes burst out of the flowers, fleeing into the safety of the azure sky.
"Yet you can't stop, can you? Nor should you try. Look over there." The Doctor took Houjun's arm and turned him to face the far hills, pointing at the butterflies spinning and drifting in the gentle breeze. "Watch the butterflies. They don't fight the wind, no matter how strong it gusts. Nor do they succumb to it, crushed beneath its power. They yield to the force, using it to rise higher, riding the wind to the limits of the sky." He released Houjun's arm and stepped back, his gentle tones drifting on the light breeze. "Watch the butterflies, Houjun--and learn."
Houjun stared into the sky for a moment longer. "But, Doctor, I…" he said, turning to face his friend--and found himself completely alone.
Alone. As he had been just weeks ago. As he would be soon again.
The emotions rose up in a tremendous wave, crashing over him and driving him to his knees. He sank beneath the crushing force, drowning in the bitter tide. Faces swam out of the darkness, hands reaching up to drag him into the deep. Hikou, Kouran: lost forever. Kurayami, mocking and lethal. Maboroshi, cruel in his desperate need. Magus, misguided, bitter, driven by the forces of hatred and pain.
Different hands grasped his, pulling him up toward the surface. The Doctor lifting him out of the darkness. Joss reaching out with her heart. Both of them towing him to safety--before backing away and disappearing, like everyone else he had ever loved.
The pain rolled over him, through him, battering and tossing him until he lost all sense of himself. Did he scream in rage? Did he howl in agony? Did he fall upon the ground, begging it to rise up and swallow him instead of leaving him stranded, gasping on its grassy expanse? He didn't know. When did the pain turn to emptiness--and the emptiness to acceptance? He had lost all sense of time along with his sense of self. He stared up into the vaulted sky, his mind filled with a weariness that was almost peace.
So be it. So it was his lot in life to walk alone. He could accept that--if only he could find some meaning in his solitary existence.
Movement caught his eye; something falling towards him, a miniature spot of color bright against the azure backdrop. It appeared helpless in its spinning descent…until it caught the wind in its delicate wings, swirling upward and banking sharply before landing gently upon his chest.
Houjun stared at the butterfly, holding his breath. He had never seen such a beautiful creature before, its wings shimmering with iridescent violet hues, its feathered antenna waving in time to some hidden pulse. It regarded him calmly through complex, multifaceted eyes, seemingly unafraid of his scarred and tortured ki.
Another flash of brilliant color, another flutter of delicate wings--and a second butterfly joined its fellow, this one decorated with a sapphire-and-black mosaic pattern.
More and more wings fluttered into his peripheral view, spinning, falling from the sky, until he felt as if he were being showered with jeweled blossoms. The butterflies landed lightly upon him, their delicate jointed legs probing curiously at his clothes, his wildly mussed hair. They fanned their brilliant wings slowly, sending their light, dusty scent to tickle his nose.
He laughed softly in wonder, sending a few of his shyest tenants to lift off briefly in surprise before landing on him once again, settling confidently on this new yet benevolent intruder.
"I knew they would like you."
He turned his head slowly, careful of his delicate passengers, and met the time lord's blue-green gaze. Joss stood just behind the Doctor, grinning down at him. Houjun didn't blame her; he knew that he must appear nearly buried in butterflies.
His friends brushed the grass and sat down beside him, reclining on the hillside. Many of Houjun's butterflies deserted him for the Doctor, clinging to the green velvet and tangling their legs in his hair. They were wary of Joss, however, keeping a safe distance until one bold orange-and-black monarch claimed a place on her shoulder. Houjun looked back up at the sky, savoring the peace of this moment, wishing that he could stop time and hold them here beside him forever. He sighed softly, knowing that it was a vain hope; nothing lasted forever, least of all peace.
"Yet that's what makes times like this so precious, isn't it? It's their transience that renders these moments their sweetness."
Houjun bit his lip, keeping his gaze skyward while pondering the Doctor's words. "Maybe so--but I can't help wondering what it's all for."
"What it's for?"
"All of it: everything we went through on this entire journey." Houjun turned on his side, facing the Doctor. "Yes, we stopped Magus--or did we? You yourself have admitted that we don't know whether we've succeeded. I've been thinking about it: Magus could never have sent that signal to the Swarm without our help, however unwilling. So if our quest was to stop him, what does it mean when we precipitated the disaster we sought to prevent?"
Houjun sat up in agitation, sending a cloud of butterflies whirling into the air. "As for Suzaku and his connection with you--yes, I know that you can't tell me the details, but I'm able to work out most of it for myself. If the whole point of this mission was to rescue me from Magus' influence, then what is my overall purpose? I feel as if you and Joss have done all the work, while I've been the captive in the castle, waiting for rescue and drawing on your strength. I still can't see any meaning in my existence, other than a pawn over whom Magus and Suzaku have battled--and I need to be more than that, Doctor!"
"You are more than that, more than you can possibly imagine." The Doctor reached out and grasped Houjun's hands tightly. "Aside from denigrating your critical role in defeating Magus--and you can't lie to me, no matter how much you might lie to yourself--you are correct about one thing: the mission to stop Magus was at best an equivocal success. However, that was not the most important part. The crucial part of our journey was where you succeeded beyond my wildest hopes."
Houjun frowned, noting that Joss' expression mirrored his confusion. "I don't understand."
"Do you remember a long-ago conversation we had about fighting evil and the dangers of the abyss? We had not yet met Joss at that time. You'd asked me how we could battle evil without losing our own souls in the attempt."
The magician closed his eye, seized by the memory of a dark night, of firelight sending shadows dancing across the Doctor's features, rendering them mystical and strange. In his mind, he could hear a resonant voice echoing through the gloom.
"We can fight Evil another way."
"How?"
"We can build a bridge over the abyss. We can create a path that leads others and ourselves out of the reach of the pit. It takes tremendous effort--but in the end, it may well be the most effective way to defeat the darkness."
"A bridge over the abyss," Houjun repeated. He looked up at the Doctor. "You'd promised to explain it to me."
"In our journey, we have met many people--and among those people have been several children. Do you remember the children, Houjun?"
Youthful faces surfaced in his thoughts. Saihitei, the boy emperor. Ryuuen, the young crossdresser. Kishuku and his baby sister. Brief encounters, lives touching his for only a moment. "I remember them, but I doubt they remember me. I spent only a small amount of time with any of them."
"Yet in that time, you gave each of them a priceless gift. You led each of them a few steps further from the abyss. In the years to come, they may not remember your face, but they will always remember your words. In their darkest hour, it will be your words that will keep them going. You have given them hope, Houjun: a pearl beyond price."
Houjun looked down and sighed. "I'm glad, Doctor. I'm glad that I helped them, but this hardly makes me worthy of being a celestial warrior."
"You couldn't be more wrong. There is nothing you have done in your life that has made you more worthy of that title. You see, Houjun, those young people you helped are going to become very important in the future of Konan. They are your Suzaku brothers--and your future companions."
Houjun stared at the Doctor, his eye widened in shock. Joss, however, expressed her surprise in a much louder fashion.
"Shit, I should have guessed that! The magic mirror, our wild cross-country chases--talk about not seeing the forest for the trees! So everyone we met is a Suzaku warrior? Saihitei, Sachiko--heck, what about Hakurou?"
"Not everyone, Joss. There are only six other warriors of Suzaku, and I encountered Suzaku no Seishi Chiriko on my own, in my journey to the west."
Joss grinned, reaching out to give Houjun a friendly shove. "And hey, not that I want to remember him, but you helped other people, too. Remember that you saved Shun'u's life, and that mouthy little shit is no celestial warrior."
"Kou Shun'u, Suzaku no Seishi Tasuki."
Now it was Joss' turn to gape at the Doctor. "No way! No fucking way! What in the hell is Suzaku gonna do with a foul-mouthed, attitudinal little midget?"
Houjun finally laughed, shaken out of his trance by her explosive response. "Joss, you're being unfair. Not to mention that Shun'u won't always be that small. Didn't you see the size of his hands and feet? By the time he grows into them, he'll be--"
Joss interrupted, muttering grouchily. "A foul-mouthed midget with giant feet."
Houjun bit back his laughter and turned to the Doctor. "And the others?"
"Seishuku Saihitei, Celestial Warrior Hotohori. Chou Ryuuen, Celestial Warrior Nuriko. Sou Kishuku, Celestial Warrior Tamahome." The Doctor paused a moment, smiling. "Myou Juan, Celestial Warrior Mitsukake."
Houjun felt his heart lift. This explained the sense of connection, the immediate rapport with Myou Juan--with all of them! Perhaps it wasn't his fate to walk alone. Someday they would all meet again. He would be one of a group of men united by a common cause--and perhaps they would be more than that. Perhaps they would all be friends.
Joss' mood seemed to lighten with his own. She gave Houjun a reassuring pat. "Hey, maybe it won't be so bad with Shun'u being part of that whole gang. I mean, it won't be as if you'll be stuck traveling alone with him or anything."
Houjun laughed at Joss' continual pretense at disliking Shun'u. Her ki gave away the truth: out of everyone they had encountered on their journey, Shun'u was her favorite.
"There are some caveats, however, that you must obey." The Doctor's expression turned darkly serious. "The success of your mission in summoning Suzaku rests upon these conditions, Houjun. First of all, it is the duty of the Priestess of Suzaku to find and assemble her celestial warriors. Since you already know the identities of the others, you may not accompany the Priestess on her journey. If you encounter her before the others are found, you must find some way to excuse yourself from her mission. Second, and most importantly--"
The Doctor paused, fixing his gaze upon Houjun, his eyes shading into mystical green. "It is the decree of your god, in accordance with the laws of all four gods, that you may not use the powers that Magus has taught you to harness. If you use those powers during your mission to summon Suzaku, you will forfeit your life and eternal soul. The Four Gods together will destroy you for what they consider to be blasphemy. Do you understand, Houjun?"
Beneath the Doctor's grim gaze, the magician read another expression: fear, overwhelming fear for the welfare of his friend. Houjun would've liked to have reassured the Doctor, to promise him that he would never violate Suzaku's decree under any circumstances--but the memories of his desperate battle against Kurayami and Maboroshi stood sharp and clear in his mind.
He had changed. This entire journey had changed him. He was no child to give blithe promises about a future filled with dangers yet unknown.
He met the time lord's concerned gaze directly. "I will do my best, Doctor; that's all I can tell you. I can no more promise to adhere to the laws of Suzaku under any and all circumstances than you…" one corner of Houjun's mouth quirked up in ironic amusement, "…than you can promise to adhere to all of the laws of your High Council."
The Doctor sighed and ran one hand through his unruly curls. "I was afraid you might say something like that. It seems that I'm not the best person to lecture you on blind obedience to authority." He shook his head, trying to repress a smile, but his eyes danced. "We can only hope that circumstances don't require us to disobey--or if they do, that Authority will try to understand. If not--"
"There's always Plan B!" Joss broke in irrepressibly.
The three friends laughed, savoring these moments of togetherness. These last, bittersweet moments of togetherness.
Houjun looked off into the distance, watching the butterflies swirl as chaotically as his emotions. "I think I finally understand. The best way to fight evil is not in grand battles and massive wars; the best way is in reaching out a hand, spending a moment of time in helping another person overcome their own private pain."
"I knew you would explain it to me in the end." The Doctor's voice was soft with satisfaction, overflowing with pride. "Yes, Houjun, that is exactly what you have done on this journey. You have made a path around the abyss for each of your seishi brothers. You have become their bridge over the abyss--and you will continue to be that bridge for the rest of your life."
Houjun felt it then: the sense of purpose he had sought for so long. It was such a little thing, to offer a listening ear, a supportive hand. It was such a massive thing, to stand between a wounded spirit and the pit of despair. Conviction flowed through him, lifting him, strengthening him. Yes, he would inevitably suffer from moments of self-doubt in the future, but he would always have this purpose to force him onwards.
Looking over at the two people who had changed his life so dramatically, he saw the love in their eyes, felt the strength of their bonds: bonds that no time or distance could ever sever. Celestial Warrior Chichiri smiled at them, not fighting the rising tears, because they weren't tears of weakness but of joy.
He reached out and grasped their hands. "As you have been my bridge over the abyss. As you both have been--and always will be."
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Glossary of Japanese Terms:
Yuremere! - Slow down!
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Author's note: (10-4-04) Well, a short chapter by Roku standards, but I ended it here because it fulfilled my "dramatic arc" criteria. I could almost end the entire fic here--it has that same sense of finality that the "Decision" chapter had in "White Stones"--but there are a few last events and scenes I need to cover before I leave this story.
Before I go any further, I'd like to acknowledge my tireless beta readers once more. To Ryuen and Purple Mouse: my eternal gratitude for your astute criticisms and supportive enthusiasm. Oh, one more thing, Mouse-chan: A river called "De Nile," eh? You know, you're making my review page more interesting than the fic!
So back to "Bridge": Whither do we go from here? You might be a little taken aback by my reply, so hold on.
This is once again a warning from me that this is an M-rated story, written for adults by an adult. The next chapter will take us deeply into M territory, which has happened in previous chapters of "Bridge." But it won't be violence and horror this time; instead, it will be adult sexual situations.
Yes, this is my Serious Erotica warning for those of you who may be disturbed by this subject material. This warning was last posted before the "Enchantment" chapter of "White Stones," so that's one indication as to what I'm talking about. Although I will not write NC-17 level graphic material, the events depicted in the upcoming chapter may still disturb younger and more sensitive readers. So please heed the age restriction and sensitivity cautions encompassed by the M-rating of this entire story.
I don't mean to sound so grim; in fact, I'm very much looking forward to writing the next chapter. I also feel that the material is much less traumatic than my violent stuff. However, I just want to make sure that I cover all warnings, since, as you well know, I'm not exactly the admin's favorite author on this site. :P
Okay, now that I've scared some of you away from the next chapter (and whetted the interest of others! :P), I'll leave you now so that I can get to work on that chapter RIGHT AWAY!
Ja ne!
Roku
