Yay! I finally wrote another parody! Took me long enough, eh? But anyways, this parody focuses on you might say one of the weirdest fan pairings around. Sesshoumaru…and Kagome. However odd it may seem, it is quite popular (and I admit, I love this pairing too). So let's take a look into just how odd this pairing may be. Enjoy!
Warning: This story is stupid. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha would I ever be writing something so stupid? Hm, actually I probably would. But that's besides the point, I don't own Inuyasha, never have, never will. So back off.
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Number 2: The Most Unlikely Love
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Kagome stared in horror at Inuyasha. She couldn't believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. Sorry Kagome, but I choose Kikyo over you.
"But Inuyasha, why?" she cried. "WHY! I thought you loved me like I loved you! Why would you break my heart like this?"
Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders. "You know, I haven't really thought it over that much. And I'm sure I'll come to regret it later, but you know, I'm just going to run with it. Yeah, I choose Kikyo. You can go do whatever you want. Just don't go to my worthless half-brother. Even though I tossed you out like the trash you are he still doesn't deserve you."
Tears streamed down Kagome's face as she slowly reached down and picked up her backpack. "Very well," she said sadly. "I'll just go back to my time since you don't need me anymore. Good bye Inuyasha, I hope you'll be happy with Kikyo." But inwardly she was fuming. 'Stupid Inuyasha. Stupid Kikyo. Stupid everyone. I hate them all!'
"Yeah, ok, thanks Kagome. Remember what I said," warned Inuyasha one last time before Kagome turned and walked away, her shoulders slumped in her depression.
When she neared the well a strong, very demonic, presence made her lift her head. What she saw made her yell in surprise and fall on her butt. Pressing a hand to her racing heart she stared up at the stoic demon lord. "Se-Sesshoumaru!" she stammered. "What on earth are you doing here?"
"I'm here to kill my worthless half breed brother. Stupid wench, isn't that what I'm always here to do when I find you?" he said impassively. Then he took in her tearstained appearance. And the very obvious lack of one royally pissed hanyou. "Where is that worthless hanyou? I wish to kill him now."
Kagome stood back up, anger clouding her previous grief-stricken eyes. "Inuyasha is an idiot. He chose the dead walking clay pot over me. Can you believe him? She's dead for crying outloud! What moron would pick a dead person over someone alive!"
Sesshoumaru's interest was piqued. "So I gather you are running away?"
Kagome looked from the well to the demon lord. She didn't really want to leave the Feudal Era. I mean come on, why on earth would she want to go back to all the modern conveniences of her era? "Sesshoumaru? Can I travel with you from now on?" Yes, after all, who wouldn't chose a coldhearted and bloodthirsty demon lord over the modern age? Besides, he was so hot, how could she pass up the opportunity of possibly dying at any second with him?
Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow in amusement. So the hanyou's wench wanted to travel with him? And why on earth was he actually considering letting her come? Wasn't he the self-proclaimed hater of all human life? Actually, wasn't he the self-proclaimed hater of all life? Then he had an epiphany. Tetsusaiga. The wench could help him get it. Never mind the fact that he couldn't use it even she did manage to get it, he would have the bragging rights of having both tensaiga and tetsusaiga. How could he pass up this opportunity? "Ok human wench, I grant you permission to travel with me. On one condition. You will get me tetsusaiga." Plus, her scent was very alluring, strawberries and cream. He always loved the scent of strawberries and cream. Wait a second, what exactly was cream? Eh, whatever, she smelled good, that was all that mattered.
Kagome thought for all of two seconds. "Ok! It's a deal!"
"Very well, go get it."
Kagome's face fell. "Wait, you meant now? I can't get it now! Get me out of here first. Then we can back later when it is not convenient for either of us, most likely because I'll be pregnant with your pups, and get it then!"
Sesshoumaru eyed the girl in confusion. Then he shook off her words as a temporary lapse into insanity. "Fine. Follow me." Waaaiiit…he wasn't actually letting her get away with refusing a direct order from his highness? He blamed it on her scent. It lowered his defenses and made him do things very unlike himself. But he still wished he knew what cream was. And why he professed to like it just because she smelled like it.
"Thanks Sesshoumaru!" said Kagome cheerfully. She frowned when he said nothing and just started walking away. 'Well, I guess that means I should follow him. Ooh…look at his butt! Boy am I one lucky girl! Never mind that he's a killer, he's hot, that's all that really matters!'
When it grew to be dark outside Kagome started complaining. "I'm tired! I'm hungry! Let's stop Sesshoumaru!"
Seeing no real reason to not stop Sesshoumaru stopped. And caused Kagome to run right into his back.
Kagome 'oomphed' softly when she walked into something solid. She started falling towards the ground and preparing herself for impact when someone caught her around her waist. Opening her eyes she saw golden ones staring intently at her. Her heart started fluttering at being in such close proximity to the hot demon lord.
Sesshoumaru moved his gaze from her eyes to her soft, plump, lips. Hm, tasting them seemed like a rather good idea at this point. And since Sesshoumaru was never one to not do what he wanted tasting her lips is exactly what he did.
Kagome's eyes grew wide with shock when Sesshoumaru proceeded to kiss her. Now this was weird. He was kissing her. She must have died and gone to heaven. It truly was amazing how fast her feelings for Inuyasha disappeared.
When he was satisfied Sesshoumaru replaced Kagome on her own two feet. That was actually rather pleasant. Just forget the fact that he still proclaimed to hate all humans. Remember, humans were weak, inferior, beings who all deserved to die. Except perhaps for the one who had the odd scent of strawberries and cream. He supposed she could survive. Especially since he still wanted tetsusaiga. Yes, tetsusaiga was the only thing he wanted with the human girl.
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The next day the unlikely pair reached Sesshoumaru's castle. It was big and impressive and had a lot of guards. Moving on…
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" screamed Rin, throwing herself against Sesshoumaru's legs. You would think one day the girl would manage to give herself a concussion doing that, but then again children are remarkably resilient creatures.
Sesshoumaru gave her a pat on the head, treating her very much like the pet she was. Rin detached herself from Sesshoumaru's legs and stared at Kagome. "Are you Rin's new mommy?" she asked in all her childish innocent. But wow, was that girl perceptive.
Kagome blushed. She was way too young to be Rin's mother! But then she looked slyly at the demon lord. But if Sesshoumaru was her father…hm, ok. She would absolutely love to be Rin's mother. "I don't know Rin," she answered. "It's all up to Sesshoumaru and if he still believes humans are the most vile creatures ever created."
"Hmph," replied Sesshoumaru. But now that Rin mentioned it…Kagome being his mate really didn't seem like all that bad of an idea. One that was really worth being thought over. "Kagome, come with me," he ordered.
Kagome's heart flipped. He had said her name! That did it, she definitely loved him now. How could she not? After all, he was hot and he said her name. What more could she want? Kagome followed Sesshoumaru further into his land. When they stopped Sesshoumaru looked deeply into her eyes.
He really couldn't understand it. He thought he despised humans. And he especially thought he despised Inuyasha's wench. But strange, in the span of one day she had managed to wriggle herself into his heart. What was even weirder was the fact that he never even knew he had a heart. Hm, perhaps she grew one inside of him. Yes, that must be it. He still blamed everything on her intoxicating scent. It made him feel all relaxed when he was around her. And dare he say it…happy?
"You wanted something Sesshoumaru?"
Determination set into his eyes. "Yes, will you become my mate?"
Kagome gasped and brought her hands up to her mouth. "Sesshoumaru! This is all so sudden! We just started traveling together yesterday!"
Shrugging his shoulders Sesshoumaru said, "I see no reason to prolong what we both want."
"Well, neither do I," replied Kagome, immediately throwing herself into his arms. She ravished his face with kisses.
"I just have one question," said Sesshoumaru.
"And what's that?"
"What on earth is cream?"
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There you guys go, wasn't that the most pointless story you have ever read? Sorry if any of you had a drop in intelligence while reading it, but that may have been a side effect of reading such an idiotic story. Well, please review and tell me how I've lost my mind! Later.
