I'm so overwhelmed by all the replies this story has received! People seem genuinely curious as to where this is going to go, no? ;-)
I actually do have the story complete in my head... it's just the matter of getting all those chunks of dialogue/situations and connecting them all in writing (I have about 10 pages so far of scene snippets and ideas... you fanfic writers know what I mean). I think the next post won't be for a bit, because I suspect it's going to be somewhat longer (Plus the start of school for me... pleh).
So please bear with me my lovelies as well as continuing to RR... I'm reading and taking note of all of your comments, and your feedback keeps me going! :)
Title: Not Myself
Author: BAS1630 (a.k.a Rachel)
Pairing: None as yet. Main character is going to be Spike.
Rating: Hmmmm.... I always suck at guessing this... My guess would be
anything from PG-13 to R. I doubt very much that it'll be NC-17, since
there's no graphic sex going to be depicted (sowwy).
Category: Humor, Hopefully Action later on... maybe even Romance....?? ;-)
Word Count: 2,240
Completed: No, WIP.
Feedback: Yes, please!!!! However, please RR but be somewhat gentle. As I read somewhere once, flames will be used to toast my stash of smores. :)
Warnings: Um, spoilers for early Season 5 Angel, I guess.
that's my excuse! :)
Notes: I'm going to do my best to refer to a Spike as a female from here on out in the narraration, since that's what she is. :)
After awhile the group had reformed in Angel's office. Spike was still reluctant to emerge from her hideaway, so the others had opted to give her space.
Since Spike had also adamantly refused to shop for suitable clothing, Fred had volunteered to perform the chore on her behalf. "My guess is that he's either a Size 1 or 2..... and a B or maybe even a C-cup."
Angel had stared at her as she waved her last comment away. "That was probably more information than you needed to know." She had said apologetically before leaving.
As the others conversed in Fred's absence, it was a few minutes before the doors to Angel's apartments opened. Spike shuffled in with steel-toe boots that resembled clown shoes on the current (presumably fairly small) feet, a hand placed seemingly casual on her hip that Angel suspected was for the purpose of helping to hold up her pants rather than for swagger.
The woman surveyed the men, evidently daring any of them to say something.
But before anyone did, the door to the outer halls opened and Harmony entered.
She stepped lightly across the room to Angel and handed him a thick packet of bounded papers.
"Here's Tyler's report, boss. Evidently Ydolem blood stains come out of Armani better than I would think."
"Thank you Harmony."
Nodding she began to sashay away, but in passing Spike she did a double-take and took a step back.
"Do I know you?"
"No." Spike growled.
Harmony evidently took no note of the malice in Spike's tone (or even seemed to notice the fact that the strange female was wearing her ex-lover's clothing), and gave a half-hearted shrug.
"Huh. Weird."
She walked back across the room and paused next to Lorne near the door. Glancing back at Spike, she leaned in and whispered confidentially, "I didn't think I could say this about a chick.... But yum." And with that she stepped out and closed the door behind her.
Angel shook his head. He knew Harmony was about as sharp as cotton, but he had to admit that he was somewhat surprised that her vampire senses didn't recognize Spike purely by smell. Angel knew Spike's scent (as he had told Buffy not long ago), and the female currently standing in front of him smelled close enough to the old Spike to get Angel's attention. Yet it was different somehow... like Spike's scent was being somehow camouflaged with new ones. However, any idiot with vampire senses would have noticed the similarities.
Or at least, so I thought. Angel mused as he watched Harmony through his windows to the hallway beyond.
The sound of Wesley's voice brought Angel out of his musings. "Angel, while it's occurring to me I think I'd like to try and decipher that Dutch."
"Sure, Wes." Angel reached behind him on his desk to put down Tyler's report and picked up Visser's envelope from where he had dropped it previously. Reaching inside it Angel felt around and frowned, and then opened it up more fully to look inside.
The others stepped in closer around him and peered into the envelope as well, which revealed Visser's hand-written letter...
... and what was now a pile of black ashes.
Spike peered into the envelope with them and nodded at the sight.
"Yep. Seems about right." She verified.
Angel parked in front of the Hyperion Hotel and felt himself studying the dimly lit building as everyone else began to file out of the convertible. He wasn't sure if he'd ever want to see this place again, but Lorne was right in suggesting it. It was still abandoned and they could move about more freely, and their actions would go unmonitored for sure.
So after calling Fred on her cell to let her know where they would meet up (and that a translation of the spell did not seem to be in the works), their old headquarters was where they arrived.
He only hoped that they didn't stay too long... for Angel, the Hotel held too many memories of Cordelia.
Angel didn't think much of the two men walking on the sidewalk as he turned briefly to collect his duster, but when he faced the hotel once more he realized that Spike was attacking the stranger closest to her.
With the man facing the opposite direction of her, she had grabbed his left arm and twisted it behind his back single-handedly with such momentum that caused the man to somersault ass-over-teakettle onto his back and flat on the pavement, the wind obviously knocked out of him.
Angel found himself gazing at the scene before him in stunned silence. He had known that Spike still had vampire strength, but seeing such a petite blonde dispatch a man easily five times her size- without so much as breaking a sweat- reminded him uncomfortably of...
...someone.
Spike had rounded on the splayed individual and seemed intent on inflicting more damage. "Don't. Touch. Me. EVER." She grounded out before Gunn grabbed ahold of her by the arms and proceeded to propel her towards the hotel.
Angel looked at Wesley, whose eyes seemed to twinkle with barely-controlled merriment. "They touched him." He confirmed.
Lorne very obviously smirked and took care in stepping over the individual still gasping for air. When passing the victim's companion- who was still staring at Spike's retreating form with wide-eyed shock- he gave him a quick pat.
"Sorry gents. That time of the month, you know?"
The flash of a Polaroid camera brightened the room without warning, and Spike glared daggers at Gunn.
Holding up his hands somewhat in mock defense, Gunn handed the undeveloped print over to her. "Strictly for your benefit, man."
Spike gawked at the image with an open mouth as it appeared. "Well, aren't I a sweet piece if ever there was." She commented appreciatively.
"And oh so modest as well." Wesley dripped.
"I'm not kidding. If I saw myself walking down the street and I still had my male bits, I'd do me right nice."
Gunn snatched the photo away. "Okay, you've looked. Now it's getting creepy."
Suddenly Fred's voice cut through the air. "Spike, I'm here!" she called as Lorne guided her into the Hyperion room they were all currently clustered in. Both her arms were heavily adorned with shopping bags from very established retail stores not known for their cheapness.
Angel blinked at her. "Not on a budget, are we?"
Fred smiled. "Well, the first place I tried giving my card to saw I worked for Wolfram and Hart and gave me everything free of charge, and that gave me an idea. So after that I walked into stores and just mentioned your name and where I worked. Everytime they practically shoved the stuff at me! Everything was free."
She threw the bags on the bed. "I got some pretty cute stuff, too."
Spike buried her face in her hands and mumbled something that sounded like, "Let me die. Please let me die."
"Oh, it's not that bad." Fred grinned as she ruffled Spike's hair distractedly. The look Spike gave her made Angel suspect that had anyone but Fred attempt such a playful thing in her current mood- Spike would've played marbles with their eyeballs.
But Fred continued to not heed Spike's glare as she searched for something in one of the larger bags. "I figured you wouldn't want to stand out, so for the most part I stuck with casual basic black..... (she slapped Lorne's curious hand away from one of the smaller bags. "Don't look in that one." She interrupted herself.).... I couldn't help myself with a few things though. Isn't this too cute?"
She withdrew a long formal red dress, which appeared to be slitted to mid thigh. Upon closer inspection Angel saw that it would have been backless if not for a sparkly mesh that crisscrossed on the back in the shape of a butterfly.
"Hot." Gunn said indifferently, the corner of his mouth twitching.
Spike emitted a choking noise and threw herself back on the room's bed, evidently trying to disprove the vampire myth of breathing by attempting to smother herself with a pillow.
Unaffected by her reaction, Fred gently placed the dress down and grabbed Spike's left sock-clad heel to examine it. "Good... you're about a size 6 like me, just as I suspected. Luckily I thought ahead and didn't hit the footwear outlets- I just stopped real quick at my place to get a few pairs." She indicated one of the bags.
"Joy." Came Spike's muffled response.
"What Spike meant to say, was 'thank you, Fred.'"
She tucked her hair back as she grinned up at Wesley. "Not a problem. Actually, it was kinda fun. I like dressing up my girlfriends."
Spike blindly reached out and added a second pillow to the first.
Angel however was still staring at the red dress. "Uh... Fred? Why exactly would making calls and tracking leads require formal wear?"
"Oh. Well, I wasn't quite sure what the place is like or what the dress code is... but I figured that while your guys were there they'd more than likely have a ball, or at least a fancy dinner of some sort."
Angel looked at her as if she had just said that babies were actually quite tasty once salted and with a proper sauce.
Upon seeing Angel's expression Fred's eyes widened, and her gaze shifted to the one Pylean and two human males. "Didn't you guys talk to them?"
Wesley sighed and shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I had hoped that it would have been self-evident." He murmured as the other two gave signs of agreement.
Angel felt an inexplicable sense of foreboding at their rapid change in demeanor. Even Spike had slowly lowered the pillows of death and had peered suspiciously over them at the humans.
Fred turned back to the two vamps and nervously fidgeted.
"Angel, it's obvious that this happened because the of the Fox-Maiden." Addressing Spike as well she added, "We don't know why... but evidently this branch of the firm thought that the key to defeating it was by changing the shape of the one who was wearing the ring in the first place. Maybe it has something to do with the Fox-Maiden being a shapeshifter too... I don't know."
Seemingly at a loss she looked to Wesley for aide, and he stepped forward and handed Angel the letter from Visser once more, which he had folded and placed in his back pocket. "And they may have been quite right in their tactics. It seems that this current situation, however distasteful to Spike, has opened up a window of opportunity for your infiltrating Red Heart undetected- so as not to raise suspicion or alarm."
Still confused as to what Fred and Wes were saying, Angel unfolded the letter and reread the wording for a clue to what his friends were thinking.
Then it hit him. The two words.
Couples Retreat.
He felt his head snap up against his will. "You've got to be kidding me."
Suddenly he realized Spike had risen from the bed to read over his shoulder and was now gawking at the others with eyes as huge as saucers. "You're all unhinged... gone off the deep end, you have." She said in a voice filled with awe and wonder.
"Spike, think about it," Gunn began to interject. He picked up and waved a file that had previously been propped against a chair.
"I had someone hack into Clarita's morgue records before we left the office. This thing has killed eight people already. If we just show up in flank formation, what do you think is going to happen? A whole crew of armed-to-the-teeth units... red flag. All the CEO's innermost circle disappearing for a few days to a place for pairing up, and only one of them female? Red flag again... units roll in... same problem. "
"Gunn's right, Cupcake." Lorne piped up for the first time in the discussion. "And as for here, Angel vanishing for a few days isn't a lot to get the potentially-evil-Lawyer-kiddos attention... he has a habit of doing that, as we all know... especially if we stay to hold down the fort." Seemingly as an afterthought he added, "And as much as they undoubtedly love you hun, I sincerely doubt your absence would bring the place crashing to its knees."
Angel shook his head emphatically and raised his hands. "Whoa. Say I'd even be willing to go through with this... (he ignored Spike's sputterings of disbelief and continued)... you're talking about two vampires. I think it would be highly suspicious for a man and a woman to go together to one of these couple things and never emerge during the light of day and okay I'm just going to stop right there." He ended in a rush in an attempt to avoid some smirks.
"Seriously though, give me one good reason why I would even hypothetically do this."
"Because Angelcakes, you're not a sick and sadistic megalomaniacal bastard that enjoys hearing about the slow and agonizing deaths of innocents. At least not this week."
Angel inwardly flinched at Lorne's words, yet knew they were true.
"And why should I do it?" Spike oozed.
"Because to make this plan work we need one man and one woman." Gunn smirked. "Guess which part you're gonna play."
"Oi Charlie, what do you call that?!" Spike pointed at Fred in an accusing manner.
Fred flailed her arms in seeming exasperation. "I'm not the one under a spell here. And you should want to be headed to this place more then anyone, Spike. The way it looks, the only way to get you back the way you were is probably going to be to help kill this thing. So far it doesn't look like there's any other options open for you- if you enjoy having a penis, that is." She finished in a borderline snappish tone.
At Fred's words Wesley had turned away from them all as if to cough, but it did nothing to hide the unmistakable shaking of his shoulders.
Spike's eyes frantically searched the room, and Angel suspected it was for something wooden and pointy to impale herself on. But after a moment she ran her hands through her hair and resignedly uttered a stream of restrained but impressive cursing.
She didn't look at him, but Angel knew she had come to grips with the undeniable truth the others spoke of as he had.
It seemed they were headed for Santa Clarita.
