Heh, I'm having fun writing this! No flames could burst my bubble! That is, if hardly anyone even reads this.
So, continuing with the story....
Chapter 2: The Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom
Mimi and Kyuki's laughter echoed throughout the forest as they traveled very, very slowly due to the fact that Gary is snail. They were still friggin laughing about the muffin thing that happened 3 hours ago.
Everyone was hearing random honking noises as they passed through the bubblegum pink trees and marshmallow fluff bushes (yum!). Suddenly, out of NO WHERE a giant, mutant squirrel with razor claws leaped out of a tree and landed on Harry's face.
"HOLY SHIT! GET THIS THING OF ME!" he screamed in agony as he yanked at the furry mass now attacking his head.
In an attempt to dislodge the squirrel from Harry's face, Ginny pulled out a giant chainsaw and started randomly whacking the squirrel.
The rest of the group shrugged and grabbed random objects out of their asses and followed Ginny's act in beating Harry. Sadly, they were hitting every thing but the squirrel.
"WAAAAAAAIT!!!" cried Hermione. The mob stopped beating Harry and looked at Hermione.
"I know just how to deal with this," she said with a mischievous smirk.
1 hour later
Harry, whose face is most likely disfigured for life but they want to kill the fuckin squirrel just for the hell of it, was long since unconscious.
"Mmm.....muffins!" Hermione sighed, inhaling the scent of fresh muffins. "These should do the trick!"
She crept up behind Harry, and stretched the metal tray out to the squirrel. Curious, the squirrel stuck it's neck out and sniffed the tray and—WHAM!
"YOU FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BITCH I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!" Hermione had suddenly whammed the tray over the squirrel's head and was holding a gun to its head.
"I SAY KILL IT! KILL IT NOW DAMMIT PULL THE DAMN TRIGGER!!!" Ginny screeched.
A series of many, many gunshots was heard. The squirrel was nothing but a bloody, grimy mess on the forest floor.
Immediately afterwards, a random flock of vultures swooped down and gobbled up the remains and left only the bones of the mutant squirrel. They flew away as quickly as they had come.
An eruption of cheers resounded from the pack of idiots.
"Good job guys! Only I would have just used the gun in the first place and /cough/ killed Harry too,"
The celebrating came to an abrupt halt as everyone turned to face who just spoke.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here? Weren't you at Harry's place? How the hell did you get here?" inquired Ron.
"Oh, yeah. That. I got bored of torturing the demon pig muggles, so I decided to come and join you. And um, duh. I'm the author. I can do whatever I want. LIKE THIS!" Loku replied as she pulled Orlando Bloom out of her pocket.
"Mmmm.....OOOOORLY!!!" Loku drooled over the famous actor that has billions of crazy fan girl stalkers. Speaking of them, here they come! SHIT!
"OMIGAWDZ IT'S ORLY! LETS FUCK CUZ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND I LOOOOOVE YOU!" swooned the crazy fan girl stalkers.
"Evil bitches! DIE!" shrieked Loku as she pulled out a flamethrower and incinerated the psycho fans. "Heheh, this is a lot more fun than torturing stink muggles! BWHAHAHA! And I'm also helping the environment!"
After everyone had a turn pissing on the ashes, Loku decided to put Orly away to avoid further exposure to mindless fan bitches.
"YAAAY! Silly String! I love Silly String!" proclaimed Loku as she pulled out several cans of Silly String and began handing them out to everyone.
"SIIIIIIIILLY STRRRRRRING WAAAAAAAR!!!!!" shouted everyone, as they all proceeded to spray eachother senseless with the multi-colored stringy stuff.
Harry's face was still a bleeding, distorted mess (did I mention that he woke up?). Loku noticed, and swifty returned him to his normal state.
"Eh, sorry man. Forgot about you," she said lamely. They stood staring at eachother akwardly for a few seconds.
"HEEHEE! SILLY STRING!" Loku sniggered, spraying Harry in the face without warning and galloping off to shower others with Silly String.
3 hours later, everyone was lying exhausted in a 3-foot layer of Silly String.
"Silly String is fun!" Loku suddenly pipped up.
"Yeah it is!" Kyuki gigglesnorted.
More awkward silence. Someone coughing.
"The next time you crave a jelly doughnut, a rhino will FLY out of your ass with a hedgehog on it's back balancing a baked potato on it's nose and doing the Italian hokey-pokey. Then it will shout through an invisible turtle, "I WANT THE CHEESE UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS!" Then it will flush itself down the toilet. THE END!" shouted Loku. Following this odd outburst, her head lolled to the side, and she began to snore as loud as a chainsaw.
Maybe I should end my fun here.
Nah.
After another half an hour of pacing along through these strange woods, Gary let out an alarmed meow. Up ahead, there were silhouettes of 3 seemingly terrifying creatures. Mimi and Kyuki freaked out and started chucking muffins at the figures ahead.
Despite muffins being thrown at them, the things crept forward into the light, and the group gasped in horror at the sight of what was ahead. They were...they were...GIANT TWINKIES?!
"I KNEW THE DAY WOULD COME WHEN TWINKIES TOOK OVER THE WORLD!" screamed Ron as he curled up into a ball on the ground and began sucking his thumb and shaking back and forth.
Ginny sighed and rolled her eyes, "Oh puhleeze they're just fnuckin TWINKIES for God's sake! I say we EAT THEM!" With a crazed look in her eyes, Ginny slowly advanced on the frightened twinkies.
Hermione hollered after Ginny, "Wait, Ginny! Don't they could be—"Too Late. Ginny had already pounced and took a HUGE bite out of a twinkie.
Immediately, white cream gushed out of the Twinkie onto everyone else. The remaining twinkies fled in terror, while Ginny's twinkie squirmed violently around on the ground at her feet.
"Nice one, Gin. They could have told us where to find the Golden Spork!" stated Hermione as she wiped the white goo from her eyes.
Everyone began backing away from Ginny once she started foaming at the mouth and screeching like a banshee as she continued to rip the twinkie to shreds.
It turns out that they later found out that this forest was called The Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom. They were delayed awhile while Ginny retched her guts out due to the tainted twinkie.
They all sat around a poorly made campfire (minus Ginny) eating Smores made from tree bark, mushrooms, and dooky. Strangely, these were fairly good.
Unfortunately, Freddy was dragged away into the bowels of the forest by savage twinkies, and died in a freak homicidal twinkie accident. No one tried to stop the twinkies. What a surprise. Everyone was forced to mourn for 3 seconds before they lit his dead, rotting corpse on fire and threw it over a cliff in celebration. YAY!
Dr. Hobo was rambling incoherently about eating babies and dead squirrels and such, while Ron and Hermione were going at it like wild dogs. Of course, Harry was forced to throw a giant blanket over them to avoid gouging out anyone's scarred eyes.
GIR sat gorging himself with the Dooky Smores, smacking loudly much to everyone's dismay. Mimi and Kyuki were huddled together crying hysterically because they used the last of the stolen muffins during the Twinkie attack, and Loku was pretty damn pissed that they had taken her precious muffins.
All in all, everything was peaceful and happy! Until....
"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" screamed Harry, pointing beyond their small circle gathered around the fire into the dense forest.
Oh, cliffy! I really like it, so you should too! OBEY ME, OR BE CRUSHED! BWHAHAHAHAhaha...ha. Yeah. OK.
