Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (cries)
Title: Hot blooded - chapter 2: Early troubles
Author: Purrfectly679 - e-mail purrfectly679 'at' hotmail. com for comments and suggestions. Feedback highly appreciated.
Rating: R, bad language, sarcasm, Naru x ? , SasuNaru, KakaNaru, InoNaru, SakuNaru
Notes: Wahh u guys r the coolest... (so many reviews!!) Have I ever told you guys that? Cos u r, no da!

Dedication?? Uhm... Kitten Cat of course! Thanks for all the amazing fanart!! I lub u sooo much!! (glomp)

Previously: "You're BOTH wrong!" Sasuke growled angrily, a dark dangerous glint shining from within his eyes. "Because HE," the dark-haired boy thrust a finger pointing at the blonde. "Likes ME more!"

(Hehe I guess everyone liked that line as much as me!!)

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Sasuke tried not to cringe as 3 bewildered expressions continued to ogle him in complete and utter disbelief. It had seemed like a good idea at the time – honest! After all, it was the only reliable way to get Naruto out of all the goddamn mess without risking confidentiality! Girls tended to back off when their 'target' was already involved with someone else, right? And what better person to get 'involved with' than an ex-rival/team-mate turned best-friend?!

And it was the only foolproof strategy to get the girls off both their backs - like hitting 2 birds with one stone!

It was the perfect plan!!

But now – considering the 3 baffled faces before him, Sasuke began to doubt his intelligence…

And his seemingly lack of sanity.

"Eh… Sasuke?"

As always, Naruto was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. It was actually one of his rare more-than-admirable skills…

"Yes, Naruto-chan?" the dark-haired boy suppressed the intense urge to gag as the repulsive words slowly departed his smiling mouth. Naruto-chan?! OK, now he was taking it waay too far! Just what the hell was wrong with him?! Was his entire brain fucking dysfunctional or something?! There was a fine line between duty and pride, and he had just leaped across it!

And why did he have the sinking feeling that he was rapidly digging his own grave?!

"Eh… Did you just call me Naruto-chan?" the blonde twitched his nose in a mixture of distaste and confusion.

Sasuke inwardly groaned. Didn't the moron know how to play along?! The baka was sure making this mission a difficult one…

"Yes, Naruto-chan!" Surprisingly, the raven-haired boy managed to grit out the foul words with little difficulty, while simultaneously hiding under a sickly sweet smile. Aah – the wonders of multitasking… "Now come here and give me a hug – I've missed you soo much while you were away!"

Naruto continued to stare at him blankly, while Sasuke resisted the intense urge to scream at the insolent baka for his idiocy.

Just how the hell was his plan supposed to work, if his bloody partner refused to play?

"Wait a minute…"

Sasuke glanced up at the sudden interruption, his dark eyes perceiving a rather sceptical Ino. Oh god – maybe she figured out his 'foolproof' plan? He totally forgot that she wasn't a complete idiot! After all, being on the same team as Shikamaru must be beneficial to ones intelligence, right?

Bah, who was he kidding? His plan sucked, and he knew it. Add an uncooperative baka to the mix, and it was a foolproof plan for failure…

He idly wondered whether he should join Shikamaru for his next assignment… It was obvious that he was lacking some in the 'common sense' department…Maybe being with the genius ninja would somehow help him rejuvenate some crucial brain cells…

That is… If he ever survived this one…

"Something seems fishy…"

'Oh really?' he thought sarcastically.

"What makes you think that?" Sakura enquired, her pink eyebrows raised in puzzlement. Her initial aversion to the blonde-haired girl seemed a thing of the distant past. Sasuke suppressed the urge to sigh out loud in exasperation – why the hell did they called her the smartest girl in the village?!

"Well… Naruto-kun seems as shocked as we are!" Ino declared triumphantly.

Sasuke's rolled his eyes as his mind whirled around frantically for an excuse. "That's because… er… he's… hungry!!"

"I am?" the blonde boy interrupted, an adorable frown plastered over his baffled expression.

"Yes! Come Naruto-chan – let's eat before our food gets cold!" the dark-haired boy groaned inwardly at his pathetic explanation, while his outward appearance grinned idiotically. What a stupid way to get out of a stupid situation. He sighed dejectedly – maybe the only way to survive the mission was to fight stupidity with a force of even greater stupidity…

What a terribly vicious cycle…

"Wait a minute!"

Sasuke suppressed another groan at the sound of Ino's voice. What now? For god's sake – he had made a fool out of himself enough times already today! What more did she want?!

"Yes?" he enquired weakly, while desperately wishing for the ground to swallow him up. Maybe this was all a horrible dream? Maybe the whole entire thing was just a by product of his disgustingly active imagination? Maybe

Bah. Who was he fooling?

"What makes you think Naruto-kun likes you more?" the blonde girl asked sweetly, with a hint of suspicion to her voice.

"Yeh…!" Sakura added, her sudden and unexpected comradeship with her sworn rival overlooked. "Naruto-kun hasn't even said anything! What gives you the right to answer for him?"

And lo behold – what could possibly be more unexpected? Two teenage girls arguing with our number one rookie, sex on legs, Uchiha Sasuke extraordinaire…? Or was it the fact that the conflict was over a clumsy, ramen obsessed blonde moron who didn't seem capable of shutting up?

Maybe the world was coming to an end.

"Because…" Sasuke cringed inwardly. He idly wondered whether it was possible to alter his initial plan, without seeming too suspicious…

Three sets of eyes looked at him inquisitively.

"Because…" the Uchiha suppressed the intense urge to fidget on the spot… The looks he received were starting to make him feel more than a little uncomfortable… Didn't they know that it was rude to stare?! And where the heck was Naruto when you needed him?! This was the perfect time for the bumbling idiot to shout something completely unrelated and totally obscure!

"Because…"

After repeating the word 'because' for the third consecutive time, the dark-haired boy had the dignity to look slightly sheepish – almost apologetic even… And if Naruto had any sense of perception at all, he would've noticed that Sasuke's eyes seemed a little more expressive than usual…

As if he were desperately pleading for forgiveness…

The Uchiha took a deep breath to calm his nerves, before closing his eyes. He was already half way to hell, so what harm would it cause if he went all the way…? And who knows? Maybe there was a god out there who cared, and maybe, just maybe his plan might somehow, someway work out in the end…

He had a feeling that this was definitely going to end up one of those 'special' and 'unforgettable' days – even if it strayed more towards the 'unpleasant' and 'repulsive' side of the line… And now, to top it all off, the unspeakable words were finally going to become spoken…

"Because Naruto-chan's my boyfriend!!"

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Naruto blinked stupidly as the bold statement left the dark-haired boy's mouth. Did he…? Did he just hear right?? He opened his mouth as if to speak, then promptly shut it again, before blinking some more. Did Sasuke…? Did Sasuke say what he thought he just heard?! Uchiha Sasuke - the boy who adamantly refused to acknowledge him as a mere 'associate,' let alone friend, was now referring to him as a boyfriend?!

Just what the hell was going on now?!

"Is this true, Naruto-kun?" Sakura interrupted the blonde's reverie, her hands clasped together in an act of total desperation. Shimmering tear drops were already brimming in the corner of her green eyes, making them appear bigger and more dewy than usual. If possible, she looked even more upset than the time when Sasuke 'died' from Haku's needles.

The blonde stared at her blankly. "Er…"

"Are you really dating Sasuke?" the pink-haired girl's voice trembled, as she glanced back and forth between the 2 boys uncertainly. It was obvious that she wasn't going to believe the news unless she heard it from Naruto's own mouth… And if Naruto did confirm Sasuke's statement, it was obvious that she wasn't going to accept it either.

Such as were the way of the teenage girls.

"Err…"

To be honest, Naruto didn't know what to think. What was the dark-haired boy playing at anyway? Was it supposed to be some kind of joke?! And if it was, it wasn't a very funny one…!! It wasn't a very funny one at all!

But then again, that couldn't be it either, right? After all, it was a well known fact that the lone survivor of the Uchiha clan had absolutely no sense of humour… (And will probably never develop one either.) Naruto honestly doubted that the poor boy even knew what a joke was… Therefore, it would be technically impossible for Sasuke to carry out one, no matter how poorly it was executed…

In any case, funniness was a vital skill that required slow development over a long period of time - with good 'social' interaction input as a crucial factor… And Sasuke wasn't exactly what you would classify as friendly, or talkative, or...

Well, enough said really.

But then if it wasn't a joke, then what was it? The blonde frowned - he could immediately eliminate the possibility of the statement being true, because frankly, it was the Uchiha they were talking about!! After all – didn't the arrogant bastard once have a problem with the names 'Sasuke' and 'Naruto' put together in the same sentence?!

So if it wasn't a joke, and it wasn't true… Then why would the taller boy say 'it'?! Was there an underlying purpose/incentive that he hadn't comprehended or something?!

Girls… Sasuke… Girls… Naruto… Girls… Jealous… Naruto… Jealous… JEALOUS!!

'Gah, nooo!' the blonde screamed inwardly, as all the pieces finally fell into place. So that's why the Uchiha said all those ridiculous things! It all made sense now! Sasuke was obviously playing the girls at their own game, and trying to make them jealous as some twisted form of revenge!! Arghh just how the hell did he manage to get himself caught in the middle of such a warped game?! Manipulation of one's feelings was bad, right? And just who the hell was he supposed to help now?! Should he help the girls make Sasuke jealous, or help Sasuke make the girls jealous?!

Gah…! Everything was so damn confusing!

"Answer me Naruto-kun!" Sakura pleaded distraughtly, her voice on the verge of breaking down. The blonde paused hesitantly while his internal battle raged on. In any case, he had to admire the pink-haired girl's skills - he never knew that she could act! She actually looked so sincere that he had to keep constantly reminding himself that it was only a game!

Arghh – just who should he help?!

"Naruto-chan – tell her that we're together…"

The blonde suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at the dark-haired boy. He was definitely taking it a little too far now… Didn't he care about the rumours that were inevitably going to spread like wildfire through the village? Didn't he care about what the gossip would do to their reputations?

And two boys dating? Now that was just being silly!!

"No, Sasuke isn't my boyfriend!" Naruto answered firmly, with a small smug smile. Sasuke obviously hadn't thought his jealousy 'idea' through properly, and Sakura had always been nicer to him anyway! Might as well return the favour AND ruin the great Uchiha's plan!! Woohoo – it was like hitting two birds with one lousy stone! Wasn't life just great?!

But so immersed in his little inner dance of triumph, the blonde totally missed the soft sigh that spilled from Sasuke's lips, followed by an intense expression that could only be described as severe determination.

Poor Naruto - little did he know just how deep he had just dug his own hole.

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Kakashi grinned jovially as he waltzed back from the local bookshop, only to be struck down by a sudden desire to go see his favourite blonde-haired ex-student. Didn't he just return from his 2-month mission today? He squinted at his wrist, unsuccessfully finding his non-existent watch, only to remember that fact that he didn't own one in the first place…

'Oh well…' he thought happily. The sky wasn't dark yet, so it couldn't be that late… Anyway – Naruto will have definitely missed him loads (being the captivating person he was), so he might as well pop down to save the blonde some angst and trouble. And who knows – maybe the hyperactive ninja brought home some souvenirs!

Grinning enthusiastically at the thought of presents, the silver-haired man began to walk towards the direction of a certain Uchiha house.

And being the great teacher that he was, not once did the thought 'Naruto might be tired after an exhausting 2-month mission' cross his blissful mind…

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched in irritation, as he continued to watch a smug and self-satisfied Naruto dance around to an unknown beat. What was the moron doing anyway?! Was he stupid? Or just damn stupid?! Didn't he understand anything that was going on?!

"Sasuke," Ino tutted scathingly, as she wagged a finger at the scowling boy. "You shouldn't lie about things like this… After all, rumours might start to spread, and we don't want Naruto-kun's reputation to go down the drain…!"

Severe annoyance immediately developed into intense disbelief. Did he just hear right?! Ino was worried about Naruto's reputation?! The same girl that had stalked him for over a quarter of his entire lifetime, was now implying that he wasn't good enough for the blonde moron?!

Just what the fuck?!

"Yeah!" Sakura added, with a frown. "We all know that Naruto-kun isn't homosexual. And if even if he was bi, I don't think that he'd go for you… You're not his type after all…"

The dark-haired boy fumed inwardly, while his outer self glared. How would she know what the idiot's type was anyway?! And what did she mean that he wasn't his type?! He was everybody's type damn it, and had been for several years! He was Uchiha Sasuke – sex god extraordinaire, the subject of many girls (and boys) explicit sexual fantasies!

And if he ever wanted to seduce the moron, then he'd seduce the moron goddamn it! He'd definitely succeed - there were no 'ifs' and no 'maybes' about it!

After all, who could possibly resist his alluring charms?

"Uhm… Ano…"

Naruto spoke up after almost an entire minute of silence, which was actually a rather impressive accomplishment for the village's blabbermouth. Sasuke glared scathingly – just what totally idiotic and irrelevant nonsense was the baka going to contribute now?

"Ano…" to give him credit, the blonde did look adorably confused. Which, to reasons still unknown, almost made the Uchiha want to forgive the baka for sabotaging his earlier plan…

Almost.

"Yes, Naruto-kun?!"

The Uchiha suppressed the intense urge to gag all over the pink-haired girl's shoes. And to think that she used to act all sweet and sugary towards him like that! Was this how Naruto felt every time he watched their interactions?! Did he also feel the need to wretch and choke himself simultaneously?

Gah – maybe the blonde's sudden popularity wasn't so bad after all! After all, aside from the nauseating 'Naruto having sex' thoughts that came with it, the situation definitely had its perks and advantages!! Maybe now he could visit the village market without being stalked and groped at every other opportunity…

Maybe.

"Er… What you did say earlier, Sakura? That I wasn't what?"

The pink-haired girl looked completely stricken. "Did I upset you, Naruto-kun? I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to offend you!"

"No, no, no!" Naruto himself looked as if he were on the edge of a major panic attack - girls seemed to have that effect upon him. "I just… didn't… uhm… understand a word that you said… Something 'hom'? 'Homme'? 'Hon'?"

"You mean 'homosexual'?" Ino quipped with a sceptical look plastered over her face.

Sasuke sweatdropped… The idiot couldn't be that stupid, could he? It was impossible! No one… No one could be that stupid…!

"Yeh! What exactly does 'homosexual' mean?!"

Ok… So maybe he was that stupid.

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Kakashi grinned as he stood outside the Uchiha's front door. Good – the lights were still on… In fact, he could even hear voices! That meant that the two boys weren't asleep yet! The silver-haired man rubbed his hands together lecherously – and that meant more valuable time for him to spend with his lil precious Naruto-kun…! And maybe, if he was lucky, he could have the privilege of tucking the cute boys into bed!

Ah the joys of being a teacher!

Stretching a finger out to press the doorbell, a voice suddenly caught the copy nin's attention. Was that… Was that Sakura?! What was Sakura doing there?! Irrational anger unexpectedly consumed the older man – were the boys having a sleepover?! Why wasn't he (the 'cool' teacher) invited?! And lastly – why were girls there?! Just what the hell were they doing? They'd better not be -

Kakashi gasped in horror before barging through the door with an almighty crash! He should've realised this sooner! His students were growing up – no longer the cute and innocent children they used to be! And he still hadn't taught them about the birds and the bees! And being the lusty teenagers that they were, the three were probably doing… it… all wrong! And it was all his fault!

Gah just what kinda incompetent teacher was he?!

Whimpering a little in apprehension, the silver-haired man fervently prayed that he wasn't too late… Maybe there was still a chance that everything could be resolved! And if not… Well, he guessed he could point out their mistakes… After watching them in action of course…

And if that didn't help… Well, he supposed that it was possible for him to provide some one-on-one tutorials…

Ah… The responsibilities that came with being a teacher…

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Shocked beyond belief, Sasuke glared at the motionless body that sat within the shattered remains of his front door. Was that… Was that Kakashi-sensei?! …Just what the hell was his stupid teacher doing now?! And how the hell was he supposed to replace the damn door in the middle of the fricking night?!

"Eh? Sensei?"

"Sakura!" the older man suddenly yelled out maniacally, causing the worried girl to jump at least a metre into the air. The jounin immediately stood up, grabbing the pink-haired girl as he began the arduous task of inspecting her 'injuries.' "Are you ok? Are you wounded? Did the boys hurt you in their vicious game of copulation?"

Sakura blinked. "Ano…"

"Ino! What are you doing here?! Were you involved too?!"

"Er…"

"And you two!"

Both Sasuke and Naruto jumped up rigidly at the sound of their ex-sensei's voice.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Kakashi sounded extremely angry, which was actually a major accomplishment for the usually rather nonchalant ninja. "How could you do something like this? Especially you Sasuke! I'm very disappointed in you!"

Both boys looked apprehensive – never before had they seen such a serious side to their sensei. They both must've done something extremely wrong…

But just what was it?

"You both should know never to do something unless properly informed! What if something had gone wrong? Then what would you do?!"

"Ano… Kakashi-sensei…"

"Ino, Sakura – you two go home. I need to lecture these boys alone. Don't worry – I'll definitely punish them for what they've done to you…"

"But -"

"Go home now, Sakura!"

The pink-haired girl 'eeped' softly at the tone of the older man's voice, before quietly letting herself out through the broken door. A confused Ino followed shortly afterwards, but not before silently mouthing to Sasuke 'Naruto-kun's mine!'

The dark-haired boy glared.

"Now you two…" Kakashi frowned dangerously. "Would you please explain… just what the hell you were doing?!"

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Naruto sat quietly as he watched his ex-rival face his ex-teacher in a show-down battle of willpower and glares. He also noticed that his sensei seemed to be sporting a nasty black eye… He still didn't have a clue what was going on, but he knew that it must be important… After all, why else would Kakashi break down Sasuke's front door in order to yell at them?

And talking about doors, just when the hell were they going to replace it?

"We didn't do anything!" he heard Sasuke say defensively.

"Then why were the girls here?"

The blonde sighed. The argument was boring. And he was getting hungry. Didn't Sasuke say something about food? Hmm… He hoped that they were having ramen… Those 2 months without ramen were almost unbearable! He was never going to accept such a long term assignment again!

Hmm… Miso…Pork… Beef… Hmm…

"So you weren't having a massive non-consensual orgy?"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

Naruto frowned. He had obviously just missed a rather large chuck of the confrontation. Oh well – he probably didn't miss much… But just what was an 'orgy'? And why was everyone using such strange words today?

And talking about strange words, he still didn't know what 'homosexual' meant…

"Hmm… Well even if you weren't having sex, I still think its time to teach you about the birds and the bees…"

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! And why is it that the only time you're ever serious, is when the situation involves sex?!"

"Now, now Sasuke-kun…" Kakashi soothed the evidently irate boy. It was amazing how easily the jounin reverted between the extremes of fury and indifference. "Sex is a very important aspect of a person's life. And it's ok – I know it embarrassing, but is natural! And you don't have to feel self-conscious around me... I'll even provide some one-on-one demonstrations to help you 'brush up' on your skills…"

"Stop being such a disgusting pervert!" the Uchiha yelled, his face bright red. Naruto wasn't entirely sure whether the unnatural flush was due to mortification or anger…

Maybe it was both.

"It'll be free of charge…"

That's when the blonde decided to butt in.

"Kaka-sensei?" he asked, eyebrows scrunched adorably in confusion. "We already know about the birds and the bees… So there's no point in teaching us because we'll just waste time…"

"Oh?" a silver-eyebrow rose in interest. "And just who exactly taught you?"

"Iruka-sensei did!" Naruto beamed obliviously – it was remarkable how he could totally misunderstand the concept when the word 'sex' had been used over 3 times.

'Kakashi-sensei sure was weird – why was he asking about birds and bees now? Good ol'Iruka sensei taught those topics over 10 years ago!' he thought proudly. And although the topic on birds was rather boring, he secretly thought that the bees were kinda cool… It was amazing how they could make such sweet honey in those coney… thingys… And go 'buzz buzz buzz' all the time! Didn't they ever get tired?!

So consumed in his thoughts of buzzing and beehives, the blonde completely missed the sigh of exasperated disbelief that emitted from the dark-haired boy.

"Really…" the jounin almost seemed to be purring – which was a frightening scene in itself. "So have you practiced any of the… things that Iruka-sensei taught you?"

Naruto frowned, perplexed. Iruka-sensei must've missed out this section by accident… "No… How exactly do you practice?"

"Well, let me show you…" Kakashi murmured, in a rather husky voice. Slowly and sensually, the silver-haired man slid off his seat, before advancing predatorily towards the blonde with an unnatural glint in his eye…

Naruto gulped nervously – just what had he gotten himself into now?

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Sasuke's eyes bulged out of his head as he took in the scene that was playing out before him. His ex-sensei was… sashaying provocatively towards his ex-teammate, while licking his lips hungrily…?!

Just… What the… WHAT THE FUCK?!

Grabbing a random object in impulse, which just happened to be an old family paperweight, the Uchiha took aim and pitched. And being the perfect ninja that he was, his perfect aim struck perfectly on target.

The silver-haired man flew crashing across the floor.

"Owww!"

The dark-haired boy sighed a little disappointedly. You'd figure that an experienced jounin and former member of the elite ANBU team would've possessed incomparable reflexes and lightning speed reactions…

Well… You figured wrong.

"What did you do that for?!" the silver-haired man whined, as a huge bump began to form rapidly upon his forehead. Combine that to the black eye Kakashi gracefully displayed (Tsunade-sama sure had a strong arm), the poor man looked as if he were a victim of a hit and run accident.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" the raven-haired boy yelled furiously, as he clenched his fists tightly against his sides. He knew that it was irrational for him to feel so damn pissed off, but goddamn it! The situation was just too fucking wrong!

"I was gonna teach him about the birds and the bees…"

"By SHOWING him?!" Sasuke shouted incredulously, his eyes wide open in disbelief. Sometimes, he wondered whether the older man actually lived on the same planet as the rest of humanity… "You're supposed to be bloody a teacher!"

Every damn moron in the educational authorities, even the pathetically incompetent ones, should know that teacher-student relationships were prohibited! He could get sent to bloody jail!! Oh shit, his teacher was a paedophile! Oh shit… Just how many times in the past had they been 'training' alone?! Had he been in danger all this time without even realising it?!

Trembling a little in fear and anxiety, the dark-haired boy frantically scanned all his earlier memories spent with the erratic man, and focussed on recalling any 'awkward' or 'touchy' moments that may have occurred… He breathed a small sigh of relief when he ended up with none.

… Ok, ok, so maybe the label 'paedophile' was a little harsh… After all, Naruto was 'officially' legal of age, but everyone knew that he possessed the mentality of a retarded child… And that meant… That meant that the perverted man was a mind-paedo – the type that corrupted innocence and destroyed naivety for the sake of it!

Gaahhh! That was even worse!

"Well… Do you want to teach him instead?" Kakashi enquired innocently, as if one of his MALE students sexually contacting another fellow MALE student (who just happened to be a fierce ex-rival) was the most natural thing in the world.

The Uchiha almost choked at the idea. "WHAT THE HELL?!" he spluttered incoherently, face bright red from embarrassment. What was his stupid teacher trying to imply? That he wanted to teach the baka? That he wanted to kiss him, to kiss those pink soft lips, to taste the idiot thoroughly inside and out… That he wanted to touch the moron… To caress him where he shouldn't, to show him everything that felt good… To have him writhing under him, skin shimmering with sweat, panting for breath, begging for-

"ARGHHH!" Sasuke screamed hysterically at his own inner thoughts. Bad Sasuke! Bad, bad, BAD Sasuke! Just what the hell was wrong with him?!

Just what the hell was wrong with his mind?!

"So does that mean I can teach him?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly, unperturbed by the dark-haired boy's sudden bout of insanity.

The Uchiha answered by grabbing another random object – this time a sharp letter opener, and aiming it towards the direction of his ex-sensei's forehead.

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

15 minutes of hysterical screaming later, a glum Naruto was found escorting his sensei out of the Uchiha house by the broken front door. The blonde sighed heavily - he just hoped Sasuke was going to be ok… After randomly freaking out for no apparent reason, the dark-haired boy seemed to be trapped in the midst of a mental breakdown while muttering something about his messed up mind… It was a shame really, because he was actually starting to enjoy his ex-rival's company… And now, he was going to be all alone again…

Gah, what a bummer.

"Hey, Naruto-chan…"

Blue eyes glared suspiciously at the jounin. Just why was everyone calling him Naruto-kun, and Naruto-chan today? Was it some kinda of welcome-back joke?

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Uhm… But Sasuke…"

"It's probably best if you left him alone for a bit… He just needs some time to calm down…"

The blonde frowned. He didn't really want to leave the dark-haired boy alone, but then again, what Kaka-sensei said actually did make sense (for once)… It would probably do more good if he left for a little while, right? Anyway, he was really hungry, and since he couldn't cook, and Sasuke didn't even seem capable of coherent speech, maybe he should go and get some takeout to save them both the trouble…

Mind finally made up, Naruto's face split into a big grin. "Yosh! I'll can get some ramen for Sasuke while we're at it!"

What he didn't realise was that him, plus Kakashi, plus isolation equalled an opportunity for perversion.

And that wasn't very good at all…

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Sasuke rubbed his throbbing head wearily, as he searched the streets of Konoha in vain. Gah, just how hard could it be to find one blonde-haired idiot dressed in a bright orange suit?! He should've never have let them go off alone! Gah, he was so damn stupid! If only he hadn't gotten so irate at his teacher's foolish actions…

But the mere thought of that man even thinking about touching the blonde was enough to make his blood boil…!!

And now his entire mission was at risk… What if the baka unexpectedly meets a girl? After all - wasn't the moon supposed to somehow increase his sexual drive? So what happens if the blonde can't control himself?! And damn it - it wasn't as if he could count on Kakashi to stop the idiot – that old perverted fool would probably try to film the entire encounter!

That is, if he didn't try to get in on the action himself!

Arghh, if the Hokage ever found out about this occurrence… Gah – he didn't even want to think about the consequences…

And now the two were alone! Who knows what the fuck they could get up to?! Considering the fact that one was an idiot, and the other was a very open-minded pervert… Kyaa the possibilities were too horrendous!

Clenching his fists in frustration, the dark-haired boy continued his frantic search. He just hoped that Kakashi didn't get the sudden bright idea to continue Naruto's 'lessons…'

The jounin would never dream of taking advantage of a hopeless imbecile…

Would he?

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

"Hmm… Kaka-sensei… Do you think Sasuke would prefer miso ramen, or pork ramen?"

They were currently standing outside the infamous Ichiraku's, where Naruto had spent many of his 16 years of life.

"Uhm… Sasuke doesn't like ramen."

"That's true…" Naruto murmured, deep in thought. "Hey, do you think that new sushi place near Shikamaru's house is still open?"

"That's on the other side of the village…"

"Yeh… I know…" the blonde nodded, before smiling softly. "But I don't want Sasuke to sleep hungry… And he's being so nice to me, letting me stay and everything…"

He sighed inaudibly – he just hoped that he wasn't getting on the Uchiha's nerves… (Especially after ruining his plan to make the girls' jealous.) It must be infuriating for the dark-haired boy to share his living space with another, when he had practically lived alone all his life… And to generously take him in after the whole apartment fiasco, without even complaining…

Maybe Sasuke wasn't as heartless as he made out to be.

"Yosh!" the silver-haired man grinned. "Let's go! I'll walk you!!"

"But -"

"No buts!" Kakashi teased, before winking suggestively. "After all, this means that I get to spend more time with my favourite student…!"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched suspiciously. Something seemed fishy…

Little did he know just how right he was.

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

"So, Naruto-chan… How was your mission anyway?"

The two were about half way to the new sushi parlour. The blonde just hoped that the place wasn't closed yet… Although, considering the way his luck was going that day, he wouldn't be too surprised if the door closed right on the arrival of his face…

"Uhm… It was so boring…" Naruto waved his arms around angrily as he walked. "I can't believe that old hag! Sending me on a pointless 2 month mission! She told me to spy on these cool outlaws that supposedly had a base nearby, but all there was nothing there apart from some stupid squirrels! Gah – 2 months without ramen! I thought I was going crazy... I kept seeing it everywhere… And I was so -"

"So did you get me a souvenir?" Kakashi interrupted enthusiastically. He loved presents! In his opinion, it was the only good thing about long-term assignments!

The blonde glared spitefully at his sensei. "And just what was I supposed to get you? Some squirrel poo?"

"So you didn't get me anything…" the jounin half stated, half confirmed.

Naruto stopped walking and crossed his arms angrily. Why oh why was he cursed with such a moronic teacher?!

"I know!" the silver-haired man grinned predatorily, as he advanced towards the confused blonde. "Presents don't have to be real objects, right?"

A huge sense of déjà vu gripped Naruto, as he unconsciously edged away from his sensei until his back was flat up against a cold wall. Why did everyone feel the need to get too close for comfort today…?! "Uhm… So…?"

"So that means that you can still give me a present…" the jounin whispered seductively, as his arms slammed down either side of the smaller boy, effectively trapping and shocking the blonde into a semi-frozen state.

Naruto swallowed heavily. Just what the hell was Kakashi doing? And why… Why was his heart beating so damn quickly? He wasn't that scared… So his heart shouldn't be racing that fast…

"I don't… I don't have…."

"Shh…"

Blue eyes flickered in shock, as he felt the silver-haired man's fingers slowly caress his lips. The blonde stifled a moan as his lips parted automatically – just why was he feeling so hot? And why couldn't he seem to breathe properly…?

"All I want…" the copy nin murmured softly, his face close enough that Naruto could feel his warm breath tickle his flushed cheek. "All I want… is one kiss…"

Blue eyes widened incredulously, as Kakashi suddenly pulled off his mask and locked the blonde firmly within a possessive embrace. His last thoughts before his sensei kissed him hot and hard upon the mouth, was that the silver-haired man was actually quite good looking underneath the face cover ...

He didn't see Sasuke glare from the shadows.

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Gomen for the slightly late post - uni stuff is so damn tedious!! Too many forms... (drowns)

Well... I never really had an opinion of KakaNaru... But it WAS fun to write... lol. But don't worry - I still prefer SasuNaru, and this basically introduces the 'jealous and possessive Sasuke' I'm so fond of!! :o)

And I hope I managed to get Kakashi in character... I had someone comment that he was OOC - and I'm getting paranoid now! So if he is ooc, I'm sorry! I just see him as this carefree kinda guy outside of battle, hence his apparent stupidness!

Anyways - review? Onegai! (smiles sweetly)

P.s. Thanks esp to Michiyo-chan, Kyuubi-kun, asad (ur 'fastest way to become Hokage' idea cracked me up!) and LQ for your wonderful comments!!