Bwhaha. I got no reviews last chapter. I think everyone thinks this fic is dead. o.O;
Anyway, I really have no clue how they are going to find that damn spork. I've got some kind of fuzzy...thought I guess, but I dunno. Whatever. Enough of my babbling, on with the chapter.
The entire group stood around chatting and babbling about things that make no sense at all. Except one person was missing.
"Has anyone seen Loku? WHERE THE HELL IS LOKU?! OH GOD NO! WHERE'S LOKU!? OH GOD OH GOD! SHE'S PROBABLY DEAD SOMEWHERE! WHY?! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEEEE?!?!" sobbed Evien as she collapsed on the ground.
"Erm...I'm right here," grunted Loku as she limped over to join Evien.
"Oh. Why are you limping?" asked Evien.
"I sprained my damn ankle yesterday," Loku replied.
"OMG! How'd you do that?" questioned Mimi.
"Well, you see, I was minding my own business playing in the snow when suddenly a group of KILLER RAMEN NOODLES attacked from OUT OF NO WHERE. There was BLOOD and GUTS and OTHER GROSS SHIT all around! RABID LEPRACHAUNS FLEEEEW FROM OUT OF THE SKY AND DROPPED GIANT ANVILS MADE OF DOOKY AND FOUR LEAF CLOVERS!! I WANT NONE OF YOUR DOOKY CLOVERS YOU LEPRACHAUN FUCKS! And...and...what was I talking about again?"
All was silent as the group stared and stared and stared at Loku. Except for Evien, who was cracking up laughing.
"Erm...riiiight Loku. Now really, tell us what happened," said Harry.
"YOU SHUT UP YOU DIRTY BASTARD. Erm, yeah. I was swinging in the snow at my friend's house (thinking it was a more effective way of catching snowflakes) and the swing was really low to the ground and my foot got caught on the ground and dragged forward and yeah," finished Loku.
"So...when are we gonna try looking for the Golden Spork? We kind of got off track after the Christmas Party and your chapters were just kind of...random and stuff," Hermy said.
"I dunno...ROOOON!" Loku screeched as she threw herself at the now Hermione-less redhead.
Hermione pulled out a crowbar and began trying to pry Loku off of Ron. "HOMEWRECKING BITCH! GET OFF!"
Loku broke away from Ron (not because of that damned crowbar) and proceeded to glomp Hermione.
"I'm confused. When did Loku like Ron?" asked Harry.
"Hmm. I dunno. Evien?" Ginny also questioned, turning to Evien for answers.
"This all happened between chapters 15 and 16. Me and Loku suddenly got all crazy about Ron. Now we're always drawing lovesick pictures of him on the YIM Doodle thing..." rambled Evien.
"But why do you guys hate meeeeee?" wailed Harry.
"...Because you're just a bitch," Evien replied.
The others just sat around munching on popcorn, entertained by the fight scene in front of them. Loku was violently strangling Hermione, and Ron (of course with his short attention span) skipped around in circles chanting, "Follow the butterflies! Wheee!" while frantically trying to catch the butterflies fluttering above.
A conviently placed TV suddenly turned itself on and a random guy wearing a rainbow suit began speaking. "Are you STILL trying to find that accursed Golden Spork? Are you out of ideas for chapters and just stalling with random shit?"
At this point, Loku had stopped pummeling Hermione long enough to listen to the TV intently. Mimi had also taken notice to the man in the TV, and crept so close that her face was pressed up against the screen.
"Heehee, are you gay?" she giggled.
"Erm...uh...THEN GO ON OVER AND VISIT THE MAGICAL ALL KNOWING PORK MASTER!" said the little rainbowy guy in the TV hurriedly.
"I guess we should go and visit this "Magical All Knowing Pork Master" guy," stated Harry.
"HUHDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Loku huh-duhed at Harry for a very, very long time. So long that she went cross-eyed and drool spilled from her mouth.
Evien ran by clutching Ron's totally sexy Weasley sweater that Mrs. Weasley knits every Christmas. "WHEEEE!"
Loku's jaw dropped and she was soon in hot persuit of Evien. "GIMMIE THE SWEATER!"
The butterflies had long since flown away, so to entertain himself, Ron did a funky little tap dance and many random bystanders formed around him and threw money into a little hat that had appeared from no where. Many of them were chanting, "YEAH! STREET PERFORMER!"
"So Loku, what else are you gonna write for this chapter?" asked Dr. Hobo in a surprisingly civil manner.
"WHATEVER I WANT FEEL LIKE I WANT TO! GOSH!" Loku yelled back, mimicing Napolean Dynamite.
GIR was doing his awesome little GIR Dance and watching the Scary Monkey Show while sucking on one o those popsicle stick thingys.
"KYUKI YOU FAT LARD! GET OVER HERE AND EAT YOUR HAM!" Loku shouted at Kyuki, still mimicing Napolean Dynamite.
"HOW ABOUT NO!" Kyuki shouted back.
"...BUT MY LIPS HURT REALLY BAD!" Loku whined back, still mimicing Napolean Dynamite.
"That made no sense," remarked Harry. Evien swiftly ran by and knocked him over the head with a can of Lima Beans.
Meanwhile, Scotty (who for some reason once again randomly appeared in this story) was intently reading that book Dr. Hobo wrote about how to find the Golden Spork.
"You know, we could have found out about that lord hammy pork guy in this book the whole time..." she said, skimming a section about that Magical All-Knowing Pork Master.
"Really?" Loku said, peering over Scotty's shoulder at the book. Loku snatched the book out of Scotty's hands and held it up triumphantly.
"TO THE MAGICAL ALL-KNOWING PORK MASTER WE GO!" she declared. "Huzzah, Huzzah!" cheered everyone.
"BREAKFAST SQUIDS ROCK!" screeched some random fuckoff kid as he ran by. The government promptly shot him. "We got 'em, Sir," said one of the government men into a walkie-talkie.
"Say that reminds me, what ever happened to the random fuckoff monkey that raped you in the 4th chapter?" Evien asked Loku as they began their journey to that Pork-Guy.
"Hmm. I really don't know..." replied Loku.
Meanwhile....
A llama off in Evien's kingdom, Llamtartia, sat solemly in a grassy field. When suddenly, out of no where, THAT RANDOM FUCKOFF MONKEY CAME UP AND RAPED IT!
Back with the group...
"Oh. So thats what happened to it," Evien said calmly. She suddenly realized what had happened and ran off back toward her kingdom screaming, "THAT MONKEY IS GOING TO DIE!"
I know it was short, but I'm lazy and I just want to get this damn story over with. ; It's becoming more of a burden than actually FUN to write. I suspect it will be over within a few chapters. Anyway, I was thinking of making it like, a trilogy. Like, there would be a sequal to this and it would be called "Harry Potter and the Quest for the Silver Foon" and then the sequal to that would be "Harry Potter and the Quest for the Bronze Knife" or something. oo Anyway, just review and make me happy. If you do I'll give you a donut! xP
