"You were supposed to turn right back there!" Gimli yelled angrily as Aragorn searched the horizon to get his bearings. He put his head to the ground to listen. He heard a slight rumbling. Then it started to get louder and louder.

Aragorn jumped up and shouted, "THE BLACK RIDERS ARE COMING! GET IN THE VAN! " (as if a van would actually protect them from black riders) Everyone jumped back into the van and Aragorn pulled out his sword. Suddenly a huge 18-wheeler went by and the rumbling quieted and slowly stopped. Frodo appeared suddenly beside Aragorn, as he slipped off his ring.

"Good going, genius. I thought I was going to finally die, and be rid of all of you, and all it was, was a stupid semi!" Frodo said. And then, spying Aragorn's drawn sword: "You don't even deserve that sword."

Aragorn, hearing Frodo's mean comment, held his sword close. "No! Not my Baby! You take that back! My sword needs me! He loves me!" By now Aragorn was close to tears. Frodo rolled his little hobbity eyes. All this time on the road was driving Aragorn and his sword closer and closer together, and no one was really sure what to think of it. No man should be so close to an inanimate object. It's just not healthy.

"It's okay Swordy. Don't listen to mean Frodo. Something just crawled up his butt and died, that's all. He didn't mean it." Aragorn said, cradling his "Swordy". He put his sword away and climbed back into the driver's seat. He started the van and pulled back onto the interstate.

Merry and Pippin started playing a game that involved a pencil, a block of ice, and a bum that they had picked up somewhere along the line (they eventually named the bum Gollum, but that is irrelevant to the story (or is it?)). Gimli just sat there, farting every time they hit a bump (he had beans for lunch the previous day). Boromir, well, he was another story. He fell asleep and was drooling all over himself like a baby. It was pretty funny at first, but then it just got plain disgusting. To pass time Aragorn would swerve every now and then to make Boromir's head swing back and forth.

Frodo was very angry at Sam because Sam had eaten all of Frodo's traveling snacks. And of course hobbits need to eat. They got so hungry, in fact, that they ended up slaughtering Bill the Pony and eating him. Now don't get them wrong, they loved Bill the Pony. But hobbitses is hobbitses, and hobbitses needs food. This, of course is how they had made room for Gollum, and it was part of the reason they picked him up (if they get hungry again, well, I guess they'll resort to Cannibalism?)

Anyway, they drove uneventfully for several hours when suddenly Boromir woke up with a start.

"Don't eat me!" He shouted. Then he looked around, realized he was in his brown van with the fan on the front, traveling down the interstate. He looked around at everyone and noticed Bill the Pony's absence. "W-w- where's Bill?" He asked.

"We ate him," Merry answered. "He was rather delicious!"

"WHAT!? You ate Bill the Pony!? But-I had a dream about him!"

"Well he's gone now, silly!" Pippin said.

"I had a dream that I was him and-I was being eaten by hobbits! Hey!"

"I guess you can see into the past," Aragorn said rather sarcastically.\

*Hmmmmmm.* thought Boromir *I CAN see into the past. I must be.A PSYCIC! YAY! I AM A PSYCIC! I AM A PSYCIC!* Boromir started dancing to the song in his mind. Everyone just regarded him as "touched" and let him be. They pressed yet onward.

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THANX to all who replied! I'm glad people actually enjoyed my insane rambling!