Chapter 3 – Harry's Return
The look on Sirius' face was grim and filled Ginny with dread. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak. Harry was alive, she knew that much, whatever else was wrong she was prepared to deal with. Sirius tried to speak several times before he could get actually words out.
"He's alive," he pronounced.
"I know that," said Ginny, "but how is he? How bad?"
Sirius grimaced. "Very bad… Very, very bad." Despite his best efforts to remain strong, he felt his eyes began to mist up.
"Can I see him?" Ginny asked. "Please let me see him…"
"The doctors are still working on him, but as soon as possible, I promise you will get to see him."
"How long?" Ginny demanded. "I need to see him."
"Tomorrow at the latest," Sirius answered. "Ginny, just be prepared. If we'd waited another day, we probably would have lost him. I can't thank you enough for the work you did to find him…"
"I didn't do it for you…." Ginny answered sharply.
"I know you didn't. I know you have feelings for him."
"I love him," Ginny objected.
Sirius nodded. "I believe you do… Harry is going to need you I think, and it's going to be hard going for both of you. I can't imagine how he's going to deal with this… or how you're going to deal him. If ever you need my help, you only have to ask…" He started to break down again.
Ginny put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Tell me, Sirius, what happened? I need to know…"
"His hand, Ginny. It's gone. Instead of just killing him they maimed him and left him to live."
Ginny slumped into the wall. "How could they do such a thing?" Her throat seized up and she felt suddenly as if there were no air in the room. Her knees became weak and she clutched at the wall to keep from falling. Slowly she sank to the floor until she reached a sitting position and remained there with her head resting on her knees.
The significance of Sirius' words slowly began to take effect. How would Harry cope? How did anyone deal with such a loss? Harry was so young, and with his whole life ahead of him. To be crippled in such away would most likely seem to him a fate worse than death…
Several hours passed before Madame Pomfrey emerged from the doors of the Hospital Wing. Ginny had curled up into a ball on the floor, and Sirius sat dozing with his back against the wall. "Mr. Black," she said, bending down to shake him awake. "You can see him now…"
Sirius shook the sleep out of his head and slowly rose to his feet. Ginny snapped instantly awake. "How is he?" Ginny demanded.
"Hard to say," Madame Pomfrey said solemnly. "Most of the physical damage has been healed… all of it that could be anyway. As for the rest…who can say? Only time will tell us that." She held the door open for Sirius, but when Ginny attempted to follow she objected. "Miss Weasley, I'm sorry, but only family is allowed. Mr. Potter won't be allowed to see friends until he is much stronger."
Sirius turned and gave Madame Pomfrey his most withering look. "I am Harry's godfather," he said flatly but with a razor sharp voice. Madame Pomfrey visibly wilted. "As far as I am concerned, Ginny Weasley is family and under no circumstances is she to be prohibited from seeing him – day or night." He leaned in closer. "And if she isn't there when Harry wakes, I'm going to hold you personally responsible." Madame Pomfrey only nodded and allowed Ginny to pass.
Harry's room was made up of pristine white walls, with a bed covered in the whitest of linens. Only the odor of medicines and potions from a small stand in the corner grounded the scene in reality and marred the sensation of being in a cloud. In the bed lay the figure they knew was Harry, but it was hard to tell there was actually a person there for the mass of bandages. Ginny choked back a sob at the sight of his pale face, just barely visible. She felt that lack of air feeling again. Sirius escorted her to the only chair in the room and began to pace nervously.
Ginny went to classes only because she was required and spent every free moment available at Harry's side. On the third day Harry moaned into wakefulness. The sound of his voice brought Ginny out of the half-sleeping state she was in and onto her feet. Carefully, afraid to touch him she went to his side and called his name. Harry blinked several times before becoming fully aware. Ginny stared into his emerald green eyes for the first time since the end of the previous term at Hogwarts and could only smile in joy and relief that he was finally back.
"Am I dead?" Harry asked in a dry and cracking voice.
Ginny shook her head. "No, Harry. You're very much alive and you have no idea how happy I am to see you again."
Harry managed a weak smile. "I missed you," he said.
Ginny felt her heart melt and slip down to her knees. She wanted to hug him, but was afraid it would cause him pain. Gingerly, she leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. It was the first time she had ever actually kissed him although the thought had crossed her mind many times. It was not a moment of passion but of genuine tenderness, coming from a deep well of emotion finally made tangible. Whatever it might have lacked to an outside observer, Ginny thought to herself, to her it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened.
Harry tried to move but was unable to do so. His arms were heavily bandaged along with his torso and every other perceivable part in addition to being tucked so securely into the bed that even the slightest bit of movement was impossible. Despite this, Harry struggled and Ginny tried to calm him. "It's Ok, Harry," she said soothingly.
"Why can't I move?" he asked in a panic.
"You've been badly hurt and you're very weak. You need time to recover your strength…"
Harry relaxed back into the bed with a look of frustration on his face. Ginny combed the hair out of his face, and this seemed to relax him. She told him about all of the little things she had done during the summer, and of classes. As she casually mentioned Ron, Harry went pale and slack.
"What's wrong, Harry? Are you in pain? Should I call Madame Pomfrey?"
Harry shook his head. "Ron," he said bitterly. "Hermione, your father…"
Ginny gave him a puzzled expression. "What about them?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "I failed them…"
Ginny shook her head furiously "No, Harry. You didn't fail them. You've never failed anyone. Ever…"
"I tried to save them… Draco tricked me… I failed them. I failed you. I'm sorry."
Ginny was still shaking her head. "No, Harry. They wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. How can you think that you failed them?"
Harry couldn't understand how Ginny could be so dense, and was becoming frustrated. "But they're not here… They're dead and it's my fault…"
It was Ginny's turn to be confused. "But they're not dead… Ron and Hermione will be here to see you as soon as Madame Pomfrey will allow you to have visitors." She blushed. "Sirius made Madame Pomfrey count me as family. I'd have been here anyway though. It would take a lot more than the school Medi-Witch to keep me away."
Harry still looked pale. "But Malfoy told me that the port key was a trap, that they had all died…"
Ginny kissed him on the forehead again. "It wasn't true, Harry. Now don't think about it anymore. You're here, and you're safe, and everyone is OK."
Harry began to relax. Ginny continued on talking to him about small insignificant things, until his breathing once again became even, and she knew that he had returned to sleep. Ginny relaxed into her chair and dozed off peacefully. She awoke sometime later to find Sirius had arrived. She shared with him the news of Harry's awakening and the confusion over Ron and Hermione. Sirius was happy, but frowned on hearing the news regarding Malfoy.
Madame Pomfrey entered the room with a bowl of porridge. "It is time to waken Mr. Potter," she said. "He'll very likely be disoriented and fuzzy. I know how long you've both been waiting, but please give him a chance to regain his awareness before swarming him with attention."
"He's already been awake once," Ginny said, "but only for a few minutes."
Madame Pomfrey glared at her. "You really should have called for me, Miss Weasley." Ginny averted her eyes. "Mr. Potter still requires a great deal of care… medical care. It will take a great effort for him to become accustomed to the new reality of his injuries. For the time being however, I would appreciate that as little attention be devoted to it as possible."
Ginny nodded understandingly. "Madame Pomfrey, I know Harry isn't really ready for visitors, but I really think Ron and Hermione should be allowed to visit, at least for a few minutes. Harry thinks they're dead and I think it would be a good thing for him to see that they're actually alive."
Madame Pomfrey nodded thoughtfully. "I think a short visit would be ok." She then returned to business and gently shook Harry awake. "Mr. Potter, how are you feeling?" she asked.
Harry struggled into consciousness. "I can't move," he answered groggily.
Madame Pomfrey nodded. "For you own good," she replied. "You've been through a horrible ordeal, and you need time to heal. I brought you something to eat. I'm sure you must be very hungry." She brought a spoonful of porridge to Harry's mouth, which he met with a look of disgust; clearly porridge was not his idea of 'food'. After the second spoonful, Madame Pomfrey's attempts to feed him became futile.
"Why do I have to eat this rubbish?" Harry asked obstinately. "At least let me feed myself. I can, you know."
"No, Mr. Potter, you cannot," Madame Pomfrey countered strongly. "Now relax and eat, otherwise you'll starve."
Harry still refused. Ginny cleared her throat. "Ma'am, let me try." Madame Pomfrey, frustrated, consented and handed the spoon and bowl over to Ginny. Ginny brought the spoon to Harry's mouth, but Harry refused to allow it
Harry looked at Ginny with emerald eyes that melted her heart. "Please, Ginny," he pleaded, "let me feed myself."
Ginny had to tap hidden reserves of strength to keep a straight face and refrain from crying. "I'm sorry, Harry, but you just can't. Please eat, Harry. You have to regain your strength."
Reluctantly, Harry opened his mouth and swallowed the porridge. Ginny continued to feed him until the entire bowl was gone. Madame Pomfrey stood watching the entire time, but her expression changed. She took the empty bowl from Ginny, and smiled kindly at her. "I'll be back in a bit to check on him, please call me if he requires attention."
The next day, after classes had ended, Hermione and Ron stepped silently into Harry's room. Ginny was reading to him from 'Ivanhoe' as he lay staring blankly at the ceiling.
"You're alive!"
"Of course," Ron replied, "You didn't think you could get rid of us that easily, did you?"
Hermione brought out the sheathed Sword of Gryffindor. "I've been keeping this for you," she said.
Harry stared at it intently, the fire in his eyes flaring at first, and then, just as abruptly, fading to almost nothing. "I can't use it anymore," he said. Hermione put the sword down on the bedside table, but Harry continued to stare straight ahead as fractured memories of his time in the dungeons came back to him. "My hand…"
"It's ok, Harry," Ginny said soothingly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're going to be ok."
"No more Quidditch," Harry muttered.
"You don't know that, Harry," Hermione objected. "There may be a way, and besides, there are lots of other things you will be able to do…"
"What?" Harry challenged her. "What am I going to be able to do that's going to make up for this?"
Hermione blanched, but Ginny filled in for her. "It's going to take time, Harry. You have to get your strength back, and then you can worry about the rest."
"But just think, Harry," offered Ron, "no more potions…"
Even that didn't to cheer Harry much. He furrowed his head back into his pillow, closed his eyes and refused to speak anymore. Hermione suggested it would be best if she and Ron left, wished him well, and promised to visit again soon. Ginny took up her book and resumed the story where she had left off.
The following days were full of frustration and anguish for Harry as he first began to experience the day-to-day implications of his loss. Even the simplest tasks had become monuments of difficulty: Eating was a messy chore; legible writing all but impossible. Contemplating other basic tasks such as dressing one's self promised an entire new world of difficulties.
"We'll fashion you a prosthetic that will make some tasks easier," Madame Pomfrey explained. "They can be made to look and feel almost like the real thing."
"Why can't you just grow a new one for me, like the bones in my arm during second year?" asked Harry.
"It's not the same thing," the nurse answered. "If I had the pieces here, I could reattach them, but humans just can't regenerate lost limbs – even with magic."
"So this is it then… forever?" Harry asked.
Sadly, Madame Pomfrey nodded in the affirmative.
Harry twitched into awareness from a restless sleep. There, in front of him, Peter Pettigrew loomed as an immense shadow, silhouetted by the light of the moon. It was a shape he knew from half-forgotten nightmares, one that needed no introduction. "Hello, Harry, fancy meeting you here…"
"Wormtail!" Harry stuttered, scooting himself up in the bed.
"Don't worry, Harry. I'm not going to hurt you. I don't have to."
"You did this to me!" Harry said, holding up his right arm.
"That's right, Harry. I did that to you, and you want to know the beautiful part? We're even now…"
"What do you mean even? I had nothing to do with what Voldemort did to you."
"No, fool…the life debt. You saved my life and now I've saved yours. We're even now."
"You call this even?" Harry asked in total disbelief. "I ought to kill you…"
"And how will you do that?" Wormtail mocked him. "Tried any magic lately? Face it, Harry. You're a Squib now… a cripple. The only thing that prevents me from killing you is the knowledge that you are going to suffer far more watching helplessly as the Master rises to victory, and one by one kills everyone you care about and destroys everything dear to you… just like he did your dear Headmaster."
Harry picked up his wand with his left hand and held it clumsily. Wormtail laughed at him.
"Harry? What's going on?" It was Ginny.
"Ginny Weasley," Pettigrew hissed, turning to face the newcomer. "You've grown up … nicely. Too bad I have to kill you now."
Ginny's wand flashed to the ready. "I don't know who you are, but you don't know me very well if you think I'm going to stand here and let you kill me…" She drew back, as if to cast, but hesitated.
Wormtail, however, did not hesitate, and cast a bolt of force at Ginny. The impact of it didn't hit her directly, but instead winged her, causing to spin around and eventually spill onto the ground. Pettigrew closed, preparing another spell. Still on the floor, Ginny cast a Disarming charm in his direction, and while he ducked, used the opportunity to regain her feet.
Realizing that, despite his appearance, she was facing a formidable opponent, Ginny dove for cover behind a hospital bed. Pettigrew's levitated the bed out of the way leaving her exposed and in the open. Her assailant followed up with an Expelliarmus, that caught Ginny square in the torso and threw her against the wall.
As soon as Pettigrew threatened to kill Ginny, and turned his attention to her, Harry sat up, and put his feet unsteadily onto the floor. Slowly he stood up, and the room spun unsteadily around him. It was the first time he had been on his feet since being introduced to Lord Voldemort's dungeons. Lying in bed, he had been sure that he could just get up and walk. On his feet, he found the reality to be far different and simply standing became a chore.
Through force of will, Harry pulled himself to the doorway to find Pettigrew approaching a fallen Ginny. "Everbero!" Harry cast. His aim was off, however and the spell went wild. There was a tremendous crash as the blue bolt of energy struck the ancient stone wall, shattering two nearby windows. Wormtail spun around and cast a Disarming charm at Harry. Completely unable to dodge, Harry impacted against the wall and slumped into darkness.
Ginny watched in terror as Harry fell but seized the chance to regain her feet. Desperately, she looked for cover but found none, and decided to hold her ground. She conjured up the strongest magical shield she knew, and readied a curse while bracing for the onslaught she knew was coming.
"Too bad Harry had to go and ruin things," Pettigrew gloated. "I would have preferred if he could have watched you die…"
The doors to hospital wing suddenly burst open. Professors Flitwick, Sprout and McGonagall accompanied by Madame Pomfrey entered the room with wands drawn. Pettigrew started to back away.
"If you so much as flinch," Professor Flitwick said as gravely as his high pitched voice would allow. "I'll blast you into last year..."
Peter Pettigrew looked down at the diminutive figure challenging him, ignoring the others then started to laugh., raising his wand as he did so. Professor Flitwick unhesitatingly cast a succession of spells. The intruder flew against the far wall, impacting with a thud, and crumpling to a heap on the stone floor. Madame Pomfrey rushed to Harry's side, while the others rushed to Ginny's side.
Harry awoke late the next morning and lay staring at the ceiling, lost in thought, until lunchtime, when Ginny came to visit. He found himself completely unable to meet Ginny's eye. Ginny's best efforts could not coax any more than one-word responses. Hampered by time because she had to return to class, Ginny reluctantly left determined to solve the problem when she returned at the end of the day.
"Talk to me, Harry," she said on her return. Harry however, made no effort to speak. Ginny sat beside him and held his hand. "I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me what's bothering you…"
Harry sighed, started to speak, but then stopped. Ginny gave his hand a gentle squeeze in encouragement. Harry sighed again, but then finally spoke. "I'm useless," he stated flatly. "Wormtail could have killed you last night, and I couldn't stop him."
"You're hurt, Harry. You're not even supposed to be walking, let alone doing magic… You're only human, you know."
"I'm supposed to be a bloody Champion. Some champion though – I can't carry a sword or cast a spell… lives depend on me, and I'm a bloody cripple."
"The fate of the world does not rest on your shoulders alone, Harry."
"Maybe it does. I'm the 'Chosen One'."
"Someone else will carry on the fight, the world survived for a long time before you got here, Harry, and it will be here long after you are gone."
"But it's MY job, and I can't do it. I can't even protect you…. I can barely even feed myself."
"It doesn't matter, Harry… I'm here for you. We can work through anything together."
"How are we going to work through this?" Harry asked, holding up the stump where his had once was. "I'm a wizard who can't cast a spell…"
"You can, Harry – you did… You heard the professors – it was your Thunderclap that brought them to investigate. Without that, Pettigrew might easily have killed me. You did save me, Harry."
"It was just luck. I might just have easily have hit you. You don't have to protect me, you've done it in the past and now it's my turn to protect you. Don't deny me that right…"
Harry sighed again. "I don't have much choice, do I?"
Ron and Hermione sat at the foot of the bed looking at each other with silly expressions. Harry was peevish and annoyed at their behavior. It had been more than a year since they had become a couple and he still didn't know which way he disliked seeing them the most – fighting or in these silly, affectionate moods. It wasn't as if they were going to ask his opinion on the matter anyway.
There was a knock at the open door, and all heads turned to see, the surprisingly tall and imposing figure of Walpole standing there. "Hello, Mr. Potter," he said formally. "It's good to see you again. I can't begin to tell you how worried we all were, when we heard the news of your capture, and how relieved we were to here of your return."
Walpole limped slowly into the room and accepted the chair offered to him by Ron. "These are your Confidants, I take it?"
"Yes, sir," Harry answered.
"Wonderful," Walpole replied. "No need to ask anyone to excuse themselves then… There are certain questions that have to be asked…."
Harry simply nodded.
"Seeing your current state, it would not be presumptuous to say that your time in the custody of the Dark Lord was less than pleasant. One would also assume that he went to great efforts to acquire certain information from you…"
Harry became grim. "I didn't tell him anything."
"Nothing?" Walpole asked with raised eyebrows.
"Nothing," Harry answered flatly.
"You did well by keeping the sword out of the enemy's hands. You are to be commended for that. In no time, I'm sure, you'll be on your feet and leading the fight once again."
"How exactly am I going to do that, Sir?" Harry asked. "My sword carrying days are over."
"Rubbish!" exclaimed Walpole, "We'll conjure you up a fake one, or use an adhesive charm if we have to and glue the sword in place."
"How am I supposed to fight like that?" Harry demanded, becoming irate.
"It isn't your fighting that's important, Mr. Potter, it's you're presence. No one doubts your tenacity or your willingness to single-handedly face You-Know-Who himself, but this isn't a fight for one wizard, no matter how brave he might be. You are a symbol, and as long as Harry Potter, 'The Boy Who Lived', bearer of the sword of Gryffindor, is willing to stand and fight, others will stand with him."
"I can't fight without a hand," Harry snapped.
"Harry might be a symbol, but he's also a man," Ginny objected. "You can't expect him to simply be a prop or a figurehead…"
"I can and do expect just that of him," Walpole said coldly. "There is more at stake here than a young man's pride and ego. Harry has a destiny and a responsibility to fulfill. I understand that he has been seriously injured and that his loss is traumatic, but the fight continues and his place is at the head of it."
"He's right," Hermione said. "You fought bravely, and I owe my life to you, but you just can't quit, Harry. If you have to continue on as a figure head, then that's just what you have to do. Ron and I will be here for you. We'll do the real work behind the scenes while you play the part…"
"That's right, mate," Ron agreed. "Whatever needs to be done, we'll do."
"You call yourself my friends and you can honestly expect me to go through with this?" Harry asked angrily. "How can you know me and honestly believe that I would be part of such a thing?"
"It's your destiny, Harry" replied Hermione. "You don't really have a choice…"
Ginny exploded on to her feet. "Listen here, Hermione Granger. You have no business coming in here and preaching about destiny to Harry. The only reason you're even here is because Harry faced his destiny to save your life. He faced Voldemort for you, because you were hurt and he was afraid you'd die otherwise. The least you can do is show a bit of gratitude."
"Foolishly risking his life was not facing his destiny…"
Ginny slowly went across the room to Hermione. Her face became redder with every step. Staring Hermione squarely in the eye, she tried several times to speak, but choked on her words. When no words came, instead she slapped Hermione's face with all the strength she could muster. Hermione staggered from shock as much as the force, unable to believe what had happened. The imprint of Ginny's hand remained emblazoned on the side of her face.
"Out!" Ginny screamed, pointing at the door. "All of you! Leave now!"
Walpole looked indignant, but rose to his feet. "This isn't over, Mr. Potter. I will permit you some time to reconsider, but I will be back."
Ron, who had also been in shock, finally spoke as if suddenly wakened. "Ginny! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? We're just trying to talk some sense into Harry. He has a job to do, and quite frankly, he hasn't been doing it all that well."
Ginny turned on her brother hand raised and ready to strike. Ron stood his ground.
"Wait!" Harry demanded. All eyes turned to face him. "I have the perfect solution to all of this." He reached over to the bed table with his good hand and picked up the sword. "If I've done such a bloody awful job, and you're so ready to help, why settle for being behind the scenes? Here, take the sword, you carry it and the burden that goes with it." He held the sword out to Ron. "If you think you can do a better job, then by all means, do it."
Ron looked around, unsure of what action to take. Hermione gave him a small nod and he reached out his hand to grasp the sword. It was heavier than he expected, and almost fell as Harry let go of it. With the blade firmly in his grip, Ron went to stand by Hermione.
"This simply will not do," Walpole scowled. "You cannot simply pass this burden on. It still belongs to you…You will hear from me again, Mr. Potter." He turned and walked as purposefully out of the room as his limp would allow. Ron and Hermione followed after him.
Harry was sleeping soundly when Professor McGonagall entered the room with a large black dog beside her. "I've brought a visitor for the both of you," she said politely. "When you're visitor wishes to leave, please have me summoned and I will see that he is escorted safely out." She closed the door as she left.
The black dog grew in stature, and changed in feature until it was no longer a dog at all, but rather, Sirius Black. "Hello, Ginny," he said with a grin. When Ginny did not smile back, his expression changed to one of concern. "What's happened?"
Ginny explained to him the events of the afternoon and the past week. Sirius frowned. "They're really serious about this? Who do they think they are?"
"I'm not going to allow it," Ginny said gravely.
"How are you going to stop them?" Sirius asked. "The Order isn't going to give up easily."
Ginny hesitated before she spoke. "I'm going to take him away… into hiding. You're the only one I've told about this. I haven't even told Harry yet."
"I understand your motivation," Sirius said. "But where will you go? When Harry turns up missing, a lot of people are going to be looking for him."
"I don't know where we'll go yet. Where isn't important, just so long as they don't find Harry…"
Sirius' brow furrowed with concern. "I know a place you can use… a cottage in the Highlands. I use it myself occasionally. It is very remote, very out of the way."
"It sounds wonderful," Ginny said. "We won't be putting you out will we?"
Sirius shook his head. "I'm as concerned about Harry as you are. I would do it myself if I could. Are you sure you want to do this? The Order probably won't be the only one's looking for Harry. It could be very dangerous. There's also the issue of you and Harry finishing school, and your parents. They are definitely not going to approve of their daughter running away."
"If things keep going the way they are, no one is going to finish school. My family will just have to cope. Harry is the most important thing to me."
Sirius nodded. "If I was a responsible adult, I wouldn't do this, but since when have I ever been responsible? For Harry's sake, keep him safe – keep yourself safe. I'll check in on you as often as possible." He fished around in his pockets and pulled out a Port Key, handing it to Ginny. "Don't leave until after I'm gone, morning would probably be best."
Ginny took it gratefully and nodded. "There's one other thing, Sirius," Ginny said softly. "I want to use a Fidelius charm…"
"Good idea," Sirius agreed.
"I want you to be our Secret-Keeper," Ginny added.
Sirius looked as if he had been physically struck. "Me?" he asked.
"Yes, you…" Ginny insisted. "You're the only one who takes me seriously, and the only one I can trust."
Sirius sat down. "Years ago, James asked me to do the same thing, and I refused. Everything that's happened since was a result of my refusing. If only I had accepted, everything would be different… I would have rather died than lose James and Lily, but my best effort to protect them was the cause of their death. I can't be trusted with this, Ginny. I'm a failure."
"You are not a failure!" Ginny insisted. "You acted in good faith. You were betrayed, and that isn't your fault. You would have died before you would have given away Harry's parents – you know that as well as I do. What you couldn't do for them, you can do for Harry. Keep his secret, and keep him safe…"
Sirius remained silent for a while, and then stood. "I'll do it," he said. "I'll meet you at the cottage tomorrow, and we'll cast the charm.
Ginny smiled at him. "Thank you."
