Chapter Six: Casualty of War

"Mr. Bonden. Mr. Bonden!"

Barrett whipped his head around to face the captain. "Yes, sir?"

"Take the cotton out of your ears, man," Aubrey said gruffly. "Set a course for south south-west."

"Aye, sir," Barrett replied. "South south-west. Sorry, sir."

It was a quiet dogwatch, approaching midnight. Aubrey and Bonden were the only two at the helm. Mr. Hollom was fore with the rest of the men on duty, keeping watch. Aubrey rose from behind his table covered with a map of the East African coast and stood behind his coxswain as he turned the wheel. "Is their something bothering you, Barrett?"

"No, sir," he said quicklya little too quickly. "Right as rain, sir."

"Then why in blazes have you been so bloody preoccupied since we left Bombay?" A sudden realization hit the captain. He had seen that look on many a sailor's face before and probably looked that way himself on occasion, whilst pining for his beloved Sophie. "Don't tell me you've gone and fallen in love with some local girl?"

Beads of perspiration broke out on Bonden's brow as he turned from the captain and focused his wavering attention on the compass. "Oh, no, nothing like that sir."

Aubrey got the distinct impression he was being lied to. It chafed, but he wasn't about to order the man to reveal the truth about a personal matter. "Whatever this 'nothing' is, Bonden, it best not interfere with your duties. Do I make myself clear?"

Bonden nodded smartly. "Yes, sir."

After his watch, Barrett went to meet India in the supply room near sick-bay as he had promised, but she wasn't there yet. The memory of the passion they had shared in Devi's temple made him hope she'd never show herself again. Sometimes he wished he'd never laid eyes on 'Will' Sheppard in the first place. There had been other girls, passionate nights, and tearful goodbyes, but nothing like the present ache that was tearing his heart in two.

India arrived a moment later and greeted him with a kiss which he only half-heartedly returned. She ignored the slight and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest. Barrett tried to will his arms to stay at his sides, but they rebelled and embraced her luscious body, but only briefly.

India withdrew, her eyes filled with worry. "What's wrong?"

"We've got to stop this, India," Barrett said gently, but firmly. "The captain's beginning to ask questions."

"About me?" she asked with alarm.

"No," Barrett replied, once again aggravated by her death-grip on her identity as a boy. "He knows something's eating me up inside. If we keep meeting like this, were bound to get caught." Barrett almost told her about his conversation with Dr. Maturin, but that had happened months ago. It would only upset her to know that he had kept it from her.

India looked up at him with those lovely greenish-brown eyes. "You don't want me anymore?"

Barrett was silent for several minutes before he answered. Of course he wanted her. His desire for her consumed his every waking moment and invaded his dreams. It would destroy them both if he couldn't find the strength to resist her. "Not like this," he managed to whisper. "If you would just tell the captain the truth"

"I told you why I can't do that!" she said. "I thought you understood. I love you, but being a sailor is all I know."

"If you really loved me, you'd" Barrett stopped himself, but India completed the sentence for him:

"Act like a proper woman?" India shook her head and spread her arms wide. "This is who you fell in love with." Tears began rolling down her cheeks. "And now you want to change me into something I'm not. I love you the way you are; why can't you do the same for me?"

Barrett touched her cheek, regretting his words, but knew they had to be said. India pulled away from him and went below deck.

The sound of a sailor crying himself to sleep was a common enough sound, so no one took notice of Will Sheppard's tears. How could Barrett be so cruel? Perhaps now that he had bedded her he was no longer interested. He was just using her posing as a boy as an excuse to be rid of her. Good girls didn't let a man take his pleasure until they were married. He was punishing her for her weakness, but there were worse punishments for a woman of loose morals, she thought as she drifted off to sleep…

India awoke to a wave of nausea. It must be four o'clock. She climbed out of her hammock, careful not to disturb Nagle who was sleeping just inches from her. She crawled underneath the swinging hammocks and just made it above deck before she vomited over the side of the ship. She wiped her mouth with a shaking hand, immediately feeling better. The nausea might have abated, but a feeling of impending doom soon replaced it.

India had been relieved when she started bleeding a bit about a week after she and Barrett had made love, but it was only a little blood, not the regular moon flow she was accustomed to. And then she started feeling sick to her stomach early in the morningevery morning. As if that weren't enough, India felt dizzy and irritable most of the time. She hadn't been around many women in her life, but she recalled one woman, the wife of an officer who had served with her father on the HMS, Intrepid. She had had the exact same symptoms when she had gotten pregnant.

Part of her wanted to tell Barrett, but what if she was wrong? Would he even care now that he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her anymore? She would hide it as long as she could, then she would go to the captain herself and concoct some story about a strange man she met on shore leave. She would keep Barrett's name out of it completely. The worst Captain Aubrey could do to her was ship her back to England. India would figure out what to do next when she got there.

"Been vomiting again, Mr. Sheppard?"

"Nothing to speak of, sir," the young sailor replied. "Breakfast was especially dreadful this morning."

Sheppard turned from Dr. Maturin and began inventorying the surgical instruments and bandages. Stephen shook his head. How long could he wait before he forced an examination and revealed the girl's identity? She had been vomiting almost daily for the past week and she was losing weight. It had been a month since shore leave in Bombay. Theoretically, there could be a hundred reasons why Miss Sheppard was ill, but Stephen knew in his gut her 'illness' was an early sign of pregnancy.

Stephen unlocked the cupboard where he kept the laudanum and pulled out a tin of his favorite biscuits. "Here, nibble on these when you're feeling queasy, they'll help settle your stomach."

Sheppard reluctantly took the tin from him. "I can't"

"Please, Will. You're wasting away." Stephen grinned. "If you fall ill, I'll be left with Higgins."

She laughed and opened the tin, gratefully biting into one of the sweet digestives. "Thank you, Doctor."

Over the next month and a half, Barrett treated 'Mr.' Sheppard just like any of his other crewmates, hoping that India would come to her senses. India locked the pain of his rejection inside her, while doing her best to hide her pregnancywhich meant starving herself. She ate just enough to keep up with her duties and not a morsel more. The child growing inside her would not be starved though, and fed on what little reserves her body had.

During meals, Barrett gave her stern looks to compel her to eat, but India turned from him, no longer caring what happened to her or her child.

Next to rats, cabin boys were the lowest form of life on a sailing ship, but even these humble creatures had their time-honored traditions. It was customary for the newest boy to climb to the top of the mizzenmast and down again, hopefully without getting caught; though a boy who came out of it with a few stripes on his back was well thought of indeedamong cabin boys, that is.

"Go on then, Sunny," ordered the most senior cabin boy, Joseph Mercer.

Sunny glanced at the men in line for their dinner ration of grog, then his fearful eyes traveled up the mizzenmast. Sundeep 'Sunny' Turner was the son of an English sailor and an Indian woman. The captain had agreed to take the boy on in Bombay at the behest of his mother who had seven other mouths to feed.

"You ain't afraid a' heights, are ya?" teased James Donal.

The trembling Sunny shook his head and started climbing the rope ladder. He almost made it to the crow's nest when he looked down and froze. Then he began to wail pitifully for his mother. The other boys scattered and made it below deck before the men nearby realized Sundeep was stuck. It wasn't long before a gaggle of sailors encircle the mizzenmast.

Barrett was at his post, unable to join the throng. "Someone should go up after him."

"Boy got hisself up there, he can get hisself down," Slade replied.

"The Lord helps those what helps themselves," Joe Plaice added.

"Come down from there, boy!" The Master-at-arms demanded. "I'll whip your hide raw when I get me hands on ya!"

"Well, Master Allen, if that doesn't get him down, nothing will," Doctor Maturin said sarcastically as he pushed himself to the front of the crowd, with Higgins and Sheppard in tow. "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not have to put the boy back together again if he falls." With a loud harrumph, the doctor shooed some of the spectators away and would have started climbing if he hadn't been pulled back by India.

"T'isn't right for you to climb up there, Doctor," she said. "I'll fetch him."

Maturin started to protest, but the rest of the crew nodded in agreement. Stephen turned and caught Barrett's eye. Barrett looked as if he was about to say something, then looked down. With a sigh, Maturin moved back and allowed the girl access to the ladder.

Sheppard reached Sunny in a matter of seconds and was able to calm him enough to convince him to climb onto her back with his arms wrapped around her neck. The boy was small and ill-fed, so was easy enough for India to bear. She descended the ladder as quickly as she could with her burden. The boy must have looked down again because he began to scream in terror. Instead of clinging to her, he started to kick and squirm, trying to get a hold of the rigging. India tried to quiet him again, but the boy's fear got the best of him.

Sunny's hands couldn't find a hold and he fell, but was deftly caught by Mr. Higgins. India wasn't so lucky. When the boy slipped, she had tried to grab hold of him and lost her footing. She fell ten feet onto the deck; her crewmates were too busy congratulating Higgins on his catch to catch her. It was a wee painful, but it wasn't the first time she had fallen from aloft. India was still in one piece and able to stand on her own. She waved away the helpful gestures of her crewmates. "I'm all right, thanks."

From the helm, Barrett called, "Will, are you all right, lad?"

She gazed at Barrett, touched to see the caring and concern in his eyes. "I'm fine, really."

"Even still, have the doctor look you over," said the captain, who had just joined the crowd. "I once knew a sailor who fell from aloft, but didn't know he had broken three ribs until one of them punctured his lung."

"Quite right, Will," said the doctor. "I'll have a look at you below."

India's mind raced as she wondered how she could possibly escape an examination, when a sharp, stabbing pain spread through her stomach, causing her to double over. She bit the insides of her mouth so she wouldn't cry out, but the men crowded around her with concern. Barrett even left the wheel to Mr. Wilde without leave and rushed to her side.

"What's the matter?" he asked, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"It's nothing Barrett" Another painful stab stopped her protests, then a gush of blood escaped from between her legs and ran down her thighs.

The captain and her crewmates looked on in horror, as Barrett hollered for the doctor in a near-panic.

"Mr. Bonden, help this man below." Barrett stared at Captain Aubrey and opened his mouth to speak.

Before Barrett could reveal the truth, India declared: "I'm not a man." Barrett caught her eye, but she looked passed him at Aubrey. "You'll find out soon enough, Captain, so you may as well hear it from my own lips. I'm a woman."

Aubrey's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You're a what?"

To be continued…