A/N- Thank you very, very, very much to all those who reviewed my first story.
Cathy Smith-Fulton- You were my first ever reviewer! I immediately went and read all of your Harry Potter work and I must say I thought it was very funny! I hope you continue to write fanfiction and I also hope that you get to read this chapter. Thanks for the encouragement! (
wOLF8- I totally agree with you. I don't think the American cousin or exchange program or constant Hogwarts parties are very original. That's why I love parodies. It gives you the chance to make fun of them! If I ever write a serious story I will keep the beach ball suggestion in mind. Thanks for reviewing! (
NaughtyTautology- I am a huge fan of your work! I read the new chapter of your Harry Potter/ Big brother parody every day. When I saw you had sent me a review I was amazed! I will take your advice and not leave out slash, but it will probably not get very graphic. Thank you for your wonderful compliments! (
Alice Dodgson- Thanks for all the compliments. They were very encouraging for a first time writer such as me. In answer to your question yes I am going to continue. I really hope you enjoy this chapter! (
Evelle- Thank you for taking up your valuable time to review. I love parodies to, which is why I decided that my first attempt at a piece of fanfiction would be a parody. I hope you find this chapter as funny as the last one. (
To all who reviewed- Thank you very much for encouraging me! If you did review and I have not mentioned you it is not because I don't appreciate the fact that you've taken up valuble time to help me write my next chapter! It's because I haven't got your review by the time I've finished writing chapter 2! If I've missed you out you will be acknowledged in chapter 3.
Sorry for the length of the author notes, I'll do less next time (Probably). Also I may not update on a regular basis, but I will try to.
Disclaimer- I do not own any characters or anything else you recognize. Please don't sue me, I have four goldfish and some stick insects to feed!
Chapter 2- The new 'improved' order
Harry quietly tiptoed downstairs. This was easy for him, because over the summer he had also taught himself to dance better than the dancers in the Russian ballet and was now as graceful as a swan. As he walked down the stairs he saw a group of seven people, all with their wands alight, looking at him. There was Mad-eye moody, Professor Lupin, Sirius, Tonks, Fred, George and a mysterious woman Harry had never met before. However, as Harry looked more closely, he realized that everyone seemed to look different except for Moody and the woman who Harry had never met.
Lupin seemed to look about ten or fifteen years younger and no longer had grey steaks in his hair, though so people will feel sorry for him he is still wearing shabby robes. Sirius no longer looked thin and wasted, or like he had ever spent any time in Azkaban. He now seemed to have a permanently happy look on his face that Harry could tell was real. Tonks no longer had pink or purple or orange or fluorescent yellow hair. She now had long black hair and warm black eyes and looked like a younger, female version of Sirius. Fred and George were dressed in their dragon skin jackets, along with identical T-shirts and trousers which probably cost more Harry's Firebolt did. They also had enough gold necklaces, bracelets and rings to gold leaf the Taj Mahal.
Harry wondered briefly why Mad-eye had not changed, then turned his attention to the other woman. She was of a perfect height and weight, with long/short, straight/wavy/curly, blond/brown/black/red hair and icy blue/baby blue/emerald green/amber brown/chocolate brown/ebony black eyes. Harry recognized her description from one of the many books he had read over the summer. She was an American by the name of Henrietta Josephine Carmelita Esmé Marietta D'Answick or, as she was more commonly known, Adult Mary Sue. Harry remembered the book saying she was a relative of Merlin, Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hupplepuff and Albus Dumbledore and that she had also invented thousands of spells and potions, including the Wolfsbane potion.
Harry was just remembering all this when Moody spoke. "Stop dawdling and hurry up boy, we haven't got all day!" "I'm sorry I'm taking so long, professor, but I was just wondering why everyone seems to have changed and why Sirius has been allowed out of Grimmauld place and several other things I won't voice because nobody except me will care what the answer is." said Harry, who was running out of breath because of the lack of places to pause.
"Well Harry" said Lupin pleasantly (as that is the only way it seems that he is able to say anything) "Sirius is out of the house because he has been given a full pardon. Everyone of course is very forgiving so everyone now respects him again. I look about twenty years younger because as I'm a werewolf I age slower than everyone else, and for some reason I've decided not to take aging potion anymore. It also means it will seem more respectable and less really, really strange for me to have a relationship with Hermione or Tonks or Ginny or whoever comes to mind first."
"I look all happy and well fed because I have all the things I need in live at the moment and I just know it will stay that way forever (possibly)" said Sirius, beaming at Harry.
"I don't have cool spiked hair anymore because I've always looked up to Sirius and he's my idol, despite never seeing him for more than half of my life. I want to be just like him, even though he's been convicted of murder and spent 12 years in Azkaban. So I've made myself look like a female version of him." said Tonks before tripping over something for the reader's amusement.
"Our business has been booming" said Fred. "So we decided to go and blow all of our money on expensive clothing. We should have thought about buying a house or something instead, but now it means we can stay with all of you at Grimmauld place again, so we can provide some comic relief!"
"We'll also be going with you to stay at Hogwarts for no apparent reason!" added George excitedly.
"Okay," said Harry, a little confused. "But if everyone else is feeling and looking better why haven't you changed Professor Moody?"
Moody replied "Not that it's really any of your business but I don't really have enough fans out there for JK to bother changing my character." At this Moody broke down into uncontrollable sobs and disappeared, not to return until later in the story.
"He did get a bit touchier over the summer as no one is talking to him very much anymore" said Lupin pleasantly. "He just can't accept that the book where he was important has come and gone. Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to your new muggle studies teacher, Professor D'Answick."
"But I don't do muggle studies!" argued Harry. "For the purposes of this book, you do," said professor Lupin pleasantly. "I expect you Ron and Hermione to be welcoming to her." Harry noticed that Lupin, Sirius and the twins had not taken their eyes off Professor D'Answick for some time. Scowling, he grabbed Sirius' arm and dragged him upstairs to help him pack. When they came down again they found Lupin writing something with Tonks' help and the twins boasting to Mary S- Professor D'Answick. While Sirius rushed of to tell her about the Marauders antics at school, Harry went to see what Lupin was writing. It was a letter to the Dursleys telling them where Harry had gone.
"What's the point in wasting good parchment?" he asked Lupin. "I go to the same place every year."
Lupin considered this, then cleaned the parchment and shoved it back into the pocket of his shabby robes. He then gathered everyone together and they apparated to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.
