Eyes dart over the words of the letter again and again, and each time the same parts catch his attention…

…He rarely lets you outside with out him doesn't he?…

…I don't blame you for the situation I'm in; I blame myself, for it is my fault that we are how we are now. All the mistakes I have made throughout my past have finally added up and now I'm left with nothing, and that's probably more then I deserve. Death is probably all I deserve…

…He wants me to leave. I know because he approached me early one morning and told me to go, he doesn't care where I go he just wants me to leave you alone; he's worried about you, you know?…

…However, I doubt I'll ever have the chance with out causing strife between you and the others. That's something I don't want to do, cause you more pain…

…Who knows, maybe the pain of my past mistakes will finally give me the ability to take my own life and then maybe you'll be happy, living during a time when you can barely remember my existence…

…Bryan's hoping you don't, that you never do. I guess my presence sets him on edge; he's probably worried that history will repeat its self again if I got to close to you again. I cant blame him for thinking like that and I hope you don't…

…I'm going now, where? I don't know… for how long? Well nothing is certain…

…Maybe I'll come back, maybe I'll actually get to talk to you instead of hiding behind written words or maybe I'll just realise that we weren't supposed to be and find it within in myself to take my own life… the world doesn't need people like me… you don't need someone like me…

…Bryans POV…

I don't move, I don't breath, I just sit hear reading this again and again until I don't even have to look at the letter to visualise the words in my mind. I finally advert my eyes from the surprisingly neat writing sighing in defeat as I look around the dark room. It's night now, has been for some time as I have been sitting here for sometime. I look out the window the words …Bryan's hoping you don't, that you never do…He wants me to leave… he doesn't care where I go he just wants me to leave you alone; he's worried about you… come to mind filling me with guilt; is this my fault?

The moon shines brightly in through the bedroom window, its light flowing freely onto the bed and I sit on the edge watching as it shimmers off Tala's tear stained cheeks; he's been crying. I look away from his face as the guilt grows causing a pain in my chest that I haven't felt before; he's been crying all afternoon and hasn't even tried to hide his pain. I quietly and slowly fold up the letter before placing it on the bedside table where he had left it.

Spencer had found it in the mail around noon, I was out at the time only to come home to hear from Ian that Tala had stormed off and locked himself in his room. At the time I hadn't understood what the problem was; it wasn't unusual for Tala to do that. However, what did catch my attention was the worried look on both Ian's and Spencers faces… that's when Spencer had told me about the letter…

I look back over Tala's face, my hand moving to wipe away the fresh tears that slipped out from beneath his closed eyelids… I had gone directly to his room after Spencer informed me that our leader had started crying after reading the letter. I nocked on the door but he didn't want me to come in, however the door wasn't locked so I entered anyway. It was then that he hit me.

He didn't hit me hard and since it wasn't hard enough to nock me to the ground it was obvious it was mainly out of frustration and helplessness. However, it made me take a few steps back before looking up at him as he stood there shaking slight while staring at me with uncertain piecing blue eyes. Why? That was all he could say over and over again until he collapsed on the floor. I had walked over and knelt beside him, embraced him despite his attempts to push me away and he soon gave in to just crying into my shoulder.

I picked him up and put him on the bed, he apologised for hitting me but I told him it was I who should be apologising. Do you think he would really… he had asked me and it took me awhile to realise he what he was talking about as I hadn't read the letter yet, honestly I thought Kai could take his own life; he was capable of anything. However, I just shook my head, not wanting to upset him anymore than he already was. He wanted to know what the others thought of him now and I told him that they are just worried like I am… he just nodded and lay down still crying silently until he cried himself to sleep… I look away from him as he sleeps on all I had wanted to do was protect him from being hurt, I had witnessed it the first time and berated myself for letting it happen again; but now it seems that by trying to protect him I have just caused him more pain. I can't win.

I get up off the bed and walk to the window, scanning the snow covered grounds for any signs of Hiwatari, but he hasn't shown up yet; would he show up? I look away from the tranquil scene and back to Tala knowing he's blaming himself even though Kai had instructed him not to. My mind wanders back to the letter, and I wonder how Kai could send a letter like that and then just disappear… no return address, no confirmation that the next time we see him wont be on the news as a suicide statistic. I shake my head, he says he loves Tala, he says he doesn't want to cause him anymore pain, he says he wants to make things up to him; to be here for him… well where is he now?