Chapter…threethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethreethree…..!

And, introducing…

OOC Kenshin!

OOC Kamatari! (the carcass of whom…)

OOC Yumi!

OOC Sojiro!

OOC Chou!

OOC Misao, the schizophrenic itachi!

OOC Shishio-dono…. Ok, maybe not that OOC…
Kagura's guest appearance!

Insanity! (Hear, hear!)

Egotistic Talking Walrus Plushies!

Annoying spoiler lists that have no plot whatsoever! …Ehe, Sessha will continue the story now…de gozaru yo…

OK, after absolutely nothing happened in the last chapter, I will make more pitiful attempts to give you an author to laugh at, but doing so while moving the story along at its own, stagnant pace…

Suddenly, Sojiro heard a howling. "SAITO! IS THAT YOU AGAIN?"

Saito: hehe… gomen…

Crispy-.-"

Suddenly, Sojiro heard a howling… of wind, this time! (n.n")

Sojiro: As I expected… it was you, Kagura!

Kagura: (sweeps Sojiro and Wendell up in a tornado) Hahahaha! You will never be free of Naraku!

Sojiro: Who is this… Naraku dude…?

Crispy: sigh… Let's just cut to the chase, minna-san…

(Sojiro and Wendell are whirled around in the tornado, in dire distress and peril…)

Sojiro: WHEEEEEEEEEE! n.n

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: Tornado sickness! Tornado sickness! Such utter nonsense!

Kagura: I'd better be paid good for this…

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: AIIIIEE! BAD GRAMMARS! WE HATES IT, WE DOES!

Gollum: (suddenly in the tornado) AAUGH, my precious…! They COPIES us, they do!

Sojiro: AAAK, scary guy, scary guy! (mumbling) Even Saizuchi isn't that obsessed looking…

Kagura: Crispy, you freeloader, get over here! Where's my cash! You promised to give me cash and pastry dough (Sojiro's eyes lit up…) if I was in this stupid play, anyways! Where's my dough! (A/N: That is one of the very rare puns I make that actually makes sense…)

Crispy: Uhmnn…. hehe…do you take… uh… (rooting through her pockets) uhm… Pringles..?

Kagura: Hmmn, "Pringles…" what are these… salty yellow cholesterol-loaded things…?

Crispy: (beginning to see a way out of this…) Well, uh, you eat a couple, and are forever immune to Naraku's control! n.n"

Kagura: Free, you say… I'll do it! (A/N: After this fic, Kagura returned to the Warring States Period, and was insanely close to world domination after she vanquished Naraku. The only person that stood in her way was Sesshoumaru-Sama, who later killed everyone and became "Lord Fluffy-Sama," which I believe is more than a little redundant. All the good guys died somehow except for Kagome, (ran back to her own time in fear) Shippou and Rin, (too kawaii to kill! n.n) and Miroku and Sango, because they are such a cute couple that even an evil person like Crispy-san wouldn't try to kill them off… Plus Sango is awesome! n.n This series of events also called, "Crispy's cataclysmic doomsday-style downfall of the Inuyasha Universe." Call it what you will, I guess…)

(Tornado ends abruptly, Soji-kun and Wendell fall to the ground.)

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: WOW, that had to be like, a 2 foot drop.

Sojiro: I… I don't think we're in Kyoto anymore……

Schizophrenic Misao #1: How right you are! You're in the land of the Itachi! I'm Misao! And I'm the Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu!

Schizophrenic Misao #2: No, I'm the Okashira! And I'm Misao!

Schizophrenic Misao #3: You guys are all wrong! Just ask Aoshi-sama, he can always tell who I am, the most beautiful of all you imposters!

Schizophrenic Misao #4: Well, I'm sexier!

Schizophrenic Misao #5: I can throw more kunai!

Schizophrenic Misao #6: I have a bigger chest!

Schizophrenic Misao #7: You do not!

Schizophrenic Misao #8: This is confusing me…

Sojiro: I don't know if I should be surprised, scared, or asking you where the Hell the land of Itachi is…

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: Psst. Number 6 is mine. Mine.

Sojiro: Orororo…

Schizophrenic Misao #4: …HEY, you sound just like Kenda when you say that!

Sojiro: …Kenda…?

(pink—er, FUCHSIA bubble appears, and drifts across screen. Spongebob and Patrick run after it, when it pops in a flash of laundry-scented light.) (A/N: If you still don't know who Kenda is… I'm worried about you... -.-)

Sojiro: GAA! IT'S THE CROSS-DRESSING BATTOUSAI!

Kenda: …

Schizophrenic Misao #7: Kenda is the ruler of the Land of the Itachi, but spends most of his-(cough) her time in the Land of the Tanuki, instead…

Schizophrenic Misao #2: Heartless baka.

Schizophrenic Misao #6: It's all because of you, Schizophrenic Misao-imposter #9! You're so ugly, it's gotta be you that's keeping my Aoshi-sama away, as well!

Schizophrenic Misao #9: Did I have to be mentioned…! I wanted to keep out of this!

Schizophrenic Misao #3: It's because of him! (points to Sojiro's party) Look! Isn't he so adorable!

Schizophrenic Misao #94 (Yes, #94) GLOMP HIM!

(All Schizophrenic Misaos run to Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™ and begin worshipping him…)

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: Well, what can I say? The girls love me! I told you, Sojiro—Flippers are sexy!

Sojiro: Ororo… (backs away nervously)

Kenda: Don't forget about Sessha, de gozaru ne! (A/N: I'm always just guessing at the verb forms of "gozaru"… I know no Japanese… like, at all……)

Sojiro: The Land of the Itachi kind of scares me… (Kenda: You're telling me…?) I want to return, but not to Kyoto… VEGAS, BABY!

Kenda: Oro…

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: I don't mind it here all that much…

Schizophrenic Misao #1-764: I, the non-imposter Makimachi Misao, wish it to be known that Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™ must remain here with us Itachi!

Schizophrenic Misao #376: (A philosopher) It would serve the greater good.

Sojiro: NO! Wendell is my friend!

Kenda: If Sessha could get a word in edgewise—

Schizophrenic Misaos: MINE!
Sojiro: MINE!

Kenda: It's useless, de gozaru de…

Schizophrenic Misaos: MIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEE!

Sojiro: Mine.

Kenda: insparra! Sessha is svensk!

Sojiro: Ororororo…

Schizophrenic Misao #542: Himura speaks Swedish…? Even Crispy-kun had to use a translator for that…

Crispy: Proves Battousai is Scandinavian. Case in point. Moving on.

Kenda: Now that I (coughcough) finally have your attention…

Schizophrenic Misao #81: Not me! I have ADD!

Kenda: umm, great. Now, Sojiro-dono, if you want to get to Vegas…

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: You

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: Have to

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: Follow the

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: path of

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: Neutral-toned Berber carpet material!

Sojiro: Uh-huh.

Kenda: Yaaargh……. Sessha's blood pressure… skyrocketing…

Sojiro: Uh-huh. n.n

Kenda: Oh, by the way, you killed some transvestite when you fell.

Sojiro: Aren't we all transvestites in this dumb play…? Why I swear I heard Crispy-san—did you just say I fell on somebody!

Crispy: This is exactly why I didn't let Iwanbo play Oro-thy.

Audience: Oro…thy?

Crispy: …

Kenda: Yeah, you hit that witch over there, Honjou Kamatari, the witch of the Pastry Dough!

Crispy: Soji-kun helped me think of the name.

Audience: Ah.

Sojiro: (smiles) hehe… oro, I mean, Kamatari-kun! Are you all right?

Kenda: S/he died.

Sojiro: NOO!

Schizophrenic Misaos: YAAAAAY!
Sojiro: Will we ever agree on anything…?

Schizophrenic Misaos: Doubt it.

Kenda: Now, before Sessha is forgotten again…! Sojiro, you must follow the path of the Neutral-toned Berber carpet material, if your dreams of reaching Vegas are ever to be achieved.

Schizophrenic Misaos: (in the middle of a song) Ding, Dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch, the tranny man!

Sojiro: Ororo…

Kenda: Imagine having to live with this…

Sojiro: Ouch.
Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: I wouldn't mind so much…

Sojiro: So… Kenda-san, what should I do now?

Kenda: Oro… song coming up… but first… here! Take this needlessly expensive, but uber shiny and cool footwear! (Hands Sojiro Uber-Shiny Magic Tabi.)

Sojiro: Oooh, shiny.

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: How come I don't get shiny blue tabi…?

Kenda: Because of budget cuts and author laziness.

Schizophrenic Misao #4: Wendell-sama, you appear to lack feet.

Sojiro: How can tabi be shiny…? They're just socks… are they not?

Kenda: Ummn, sure.

Schizophrenic Misao #8: ahem. Follow the path of the Neutral-toned Berber carpet material. Follow the path of the follow the path of the Neutral-toned Berber carpet material. Follow, follow, follow, follow the path of the Neutral-toned Berber carpet material!

Sojiro: Ummn, sure.

Kenda: STOP COPYING SESSHA!

Sojiro: Fine. Hmmph. C'mon, Wendell.

Kenda: WAIT! I almost forgot to ruin the adventure aspect for you by giving away all the information, as all annoying goodie-goodie characters like Sessha always must! Firstly, as Kenda, the witch of the North, I am the only good and non-Juppongatana witch in all the land of Oro. Kamatari-dono's dead carcass over yonder, of whom I pilfered the Uber-Shiny Magic Tabi, (Sojiro: Grave robber…) is a Big, Mean, Really Really Bad Witch, the witch of the East, more commonly known as the Land of the Pastries, or the Land of the Kitsune. (shudder) Sessha tries to avoid bokkenage by Kaoru-dono by rarely visiting there, de gozaru! However, to the land of the East, and to the South, are cruel, Nastily Evil, Wicked, and Otherwise Not Good witches. They can appear anywhere anytime. In fact, Sessha—

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Wow, you really couldn't see that coming.

Sojiro: Oh, hi there, Yumi-san!—er, I mean…… AAK! Evil!

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Quiet, Kiddo! Wait for your cues! This could be my big break! Or, uh, back to the script! (menacing voice) Who killed my cross-dressing brother…! Who killed the Witch of the Pastry Dough?

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: Ooh! OOH! Pick me! ME! (Dang, she's hot!)

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: (Ignoring Wendell) …Well? Anyone?

Sojiro: I didn't mean to kill her! For real, this time!

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Any other time, I'd reward you handsomely, but today, I am being paid a truckload to bring dramatic light to this desolate waste. Oh, WOE IS ME!

Sojiro: …

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Still not talking, eh? Time for empty death threats. I'll kill all of you if you don't give me those Uber-Shiny Magic Tabi. There. Done. Hey, CHOU! Your turn!

Chou the Witch of the South with Matching Accent: Grumble, grumble… why I ever came into this play, I don't know… I'm wearin' a FRIGGIN' SKIRT!

Enishi sitting in the audience laughing his ass off: Photo-ops! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If only Sano were in this…. Mufufufufufufu……

Anji is cracking up backstage. Chou had to borrow some of Kamatari's… chest pads to "fill into" the dress he had to wear. Not to mention, he still had, as Himura-san so accurately quoted it in Volume 10, "Hair of Insane Broom." Needless to say, for the Juppongatana not forced to be in the play, they were breaking open the ol' Sake stash and watching the play go by in flying colors. Imagine a drunken Saizuchi, running around backstage like a headless parrot… it actually made some people happy to be acting. Some, like Yumi, would gloat almost unceasingly about her own skill. As Shishio-sama himself once said… "Some have absolute confidence in their own abilities…" Anyways, going on…

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Chou, Witch of the South! Relieve this child of the Uber-Shiny Magic Tabi! I WANT THEM REALLY FUCKING BADLY!

Chou the Witch of the South with Matching Accent: yeesh. touchy.

Yumi the Night Witch of Not-Goodness: Never mind that! Now that I have made my empty death threat, I shall mysteriously burst into flames and vanish. Shishio-sama! Now!

(A flare of fire spurts up out of nowhere. Yumi vanishes, and Chou is left to walk out in a slump.)

Shishio: Mufufufufufufufu……

Sojiro: HI, SHISHIO-SAN!

Shishio: (gone)

Sojiro: Yumi-san…?

Yumi: (gone)

Sojiro: Ah, well, might at least get going. Wendell! Hey, Wendell!

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: WHAT…!

Sojiro: Time to go! I hear they have good pastries in Vegas!

Wendell the Talking Walrus Plushie™: I'm in.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I meant to make this chapter longer, up till the "Straw and Bandages Dude," but wanted to post this today, so… Gomen, and I'll update whenever. Review! Kudasai? By the way, no offense to any fans of any of the characters portrayed a certain way in this story—I know that the "Schizophrenic Misao" thing got old really fast. Another thing—thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are my motivation to create this thing, and generally add randomness into my life. Arigato! n.n

-Crispy-san