Cintamani

A dream is just a dream. Right?

Part One: Fanelia

Chapter Five: Suspicions

She took her suspicions to Balgus, though she was extremely nervous of explaining the grounds she had founded most of them.

"If what you say is true, then Fanelia is in danger." He said this calmly, attention on the breakfast that was set out before him. Her own meal sat half-finished at his side. He wasn't questioning her reasons; it seemed he had already accepted her words as truth. She didn't ask him why, she didn't want to hear anymore about 'destiny' or Escaflowne or the Mystic Moon. She was Kanzaki Hitomi, and that was all.

She leaned against the frame of the window, her arms crossed as she stared out where the distant horizon was aglow with pink and aquamarine and trails of amber. How many times had she watched the sun rise over Fanelia? Thirty-six, thirty-seven times? All she knew was that it wasn't enough.

And it still wasn't home.

"We'll stall them," she said finally, "And while I listen to their arguments and seem to sway in my answer, we should be secretly gathering forces and preparing for the worst." She turned from the dawn suddenly, stepping away from the window to place her hands flat on the table. "What of this Basram? What relations do we have with them?"

"A friendly trade alliance has been in place for hundreds of years," he answered simply.

She reflected on that for several minutes, staring at her hands as they contrasted nicely with the smooth, polished wood. "We should contact them, shouldn't we," she asked, finally looking across at him. "This concerns them gravely, doesn't it?" For a second shame flashed through her at just how much uncertainty had filtered into her voice. It was one thing to feel something, it was another to openly display it where everyone could see it for the weakness that it was. But Balgus carried on, addressing her question and not the way it had been presented to him.

"True, and they will send us aid if we ask for it."

"Do we need it?" Her voice was much more steady this time. She was a King, asking her Advisor for advice, this was not unheard of.

"Perhaps. Zaibach is an advanced country efficient in the art of war. If Zaibach has its sights set on invasion maybe we should send messengers to Asturia and Freid as well."

"Asturia and Freid? Do you think Zaibach is looking that far?" She flopped back into her seat in a manner more suited to the teenager she was back on Earth. Raising her hand she pushed distractedly at the honey gold locks that fell into her eyes.

He calmly took another bite of his meal. "If they are looking at all, then it is very possible."

"Then we should warn anybody that might be touched by this," she decided, nodding firmly to herself. At the same time an awed voice in her head was saying, We are sitting here, calmly discussing the possibilities of actual war...

"Daedalus to our East is not our friend," he remarked, presenting the information without allowing his voice to lean either way with what he thought about it.

There was an easy answer to that. "We should warn them anyway; this is not a game of favourites."

"You think like a samurai, My King."

She smiled at the compliment.

Until he playfully added, "But you certainly don't fight like one."

"Oh! Shut up! We can't all be perfect like you. Besides, I'm trying!" she mock-sighed.

"That you are, and doing splendidly well for someone just beginning."

"That's not what you said yesterday," she grumbled, folding her arms under breasts in a perfect imitation of teenage angst. She even slumped down in her chair some, though she wasn't sure if the action wasn't wasted on his non-Earthlike point of view. Now that she thought of it, she was only half acting.

Balgus chuckled deep in his chest, placing his fork down and pushing his empty plate away. "You're not getting out of today's practice, Hitomi."

"Humph." It seemed 'The Sulk' was universal.


It was several hours later that Hitomi found herself in the same dining room, staring out the same window. Morning had come and gone, and now the sky was bright with the balmy promise of summer. Again. She wondered idly if it ever rained in Fanelia. Then she decided that she wished it would.

It had only been a little over a month, but she felt so different from who she was before. Her mind and hope of returning home were dangerously close to being consumed by familiarity. This world was becoming familiar to her, and there was no way she could stop it. The faces of those she loved, her mother, her brother, her closest friends, they were all becoming so distant and slightly unreal. Memories and emotions once sharp with constant handling, were becoming dull and insubstantial in the wake of new attachments and stresses on her life.

In her true heart, she was beginning to mourn her loss.

Hitomi pressed one hand to the sun-warmed glass and sighed dejectedly. She had no family she could return to here, no close friends to confide in. Sure, Balgus was her friend, but she really couldn't take her intimate fears to him and lay them out bare. They had more of a teacher-student relationship, and so there were boundaries that couldn't be crossed. Of course, he always let her know that the door was open to her should she need it, but as any modern teenager who had spent her fair share of years in a public school, there was still that boundary of discipline and respect that she could not cross in her own mind.

Romi was the same, in the sense that she could never get the servant to respond well to her outside of their societal roles, no matter how impossible it was for Hitomi to accept said roles. And she was so mothering---Hitomi didn't need a mother now.

She needed a friend.

There were no friends to be had here. The castle had its servants, but most of them were isolated from her, and the ones she did come across always responded with the utmost respect, or worse: veiled fear. After all, it wasn't as if she didn't hear the few whispers that sometimes drifted through the halls. Words about curses, and witches, and dragons. And her, always her.

She was a princess in a tower. That's exactly how she felt. She could see the world through her window, but she couldn't be a part of it. No one could reach her, and most of them were content to have it that way. She wasn't a real person after all, she was just an idea. To be discussed and criticized, and picked apart when she seemed to fail in anything, great or small. And somewhere, to someone, she was a path. A way to power. She wasn't naïve enough to not realize that.

Listen to me, she smiled weakly, resting her forehead gently against the glass, thinking like that. It's not as if some prince is going to come storming into the castle to save me from my dismal existence. I'm not even a princess; I'm not being held prisoner in that sense. It's my own sense of responsibility that holds me here. And the fact that I...really don't have anywhere else to go.

She observed absently the tiny black dots in the city far below the palace, and was yet again reminded of busy little ants scurrying to and fro. Do they know that I exist, that I have real thoughts and feelings? Or am I just a vessel to be filled with their expectations of me? If their lives run smoothly will they forget that I am here? If things somehow get messed up, will they curse my name? Why can't I stop thinking these thoughts?

I miss Yukari. And Amano-sempai. And Kaa-san above all. But I can't go back now, even if I knew the way. Maybe someday, but right now I'm needed here. I don't understand it really, but it's true. I have to see how this story plays out, even until the end. And not just because of the whispers, or because Balgus says I play a part in it. But because of these people that don't even believe in me. Not the real me, in any case. I can't turn my back on them...Though it may mean turning my back on myself.

Maybe...maybe I am cursed.

Loneliness was a curse, wasn't it?


The Lady Celena's bedchamber was usually quiet. It often had the same respectfully hushed ambiance as a temple, which was no surprise considering those that spent any amount of time in the room were almost worshipful in their protectiveness of her. Be it Dilandau in the nearly uncharacteristic way he cared for his sister, or the Slayers who marveled at the one person who managed to calm their beloved General down to something that almost resembled peace. Or the beast-man, Jajuka, who practically considered the girl to be his own daughter. People were quiet when they came to her room, and not just in the aural sense.

So it really was no surprise that Dilandau was stomping about, his boots sharply cracking on the tiled-floor in a way that very nearly stabbed viciously into that atmospheric silence. Not only was he pacing, but he was ranting, too. Jajuka sighed inwardly, knowing that if he could just get the Dragonslayer to sit down long enough to actually pay attention to his sister that he would quiet. But the problem remained that Dilandau flat refused to allow himself to calm down.

"And you say there is still no news from Miguel?" Miguel. Oh how his palms faintly itched for contact with his stupid face! In all his keyed-up impatience, the General was absolutely certain this was All. His. Fault. And that Chesta! "What the hell is taking so long?!"

Jajuka immediately set about doing what it seemed he was destined to do in life. Placate Dilandau. "These things take time, Dilandau-sama. Politics is a game that must be played carefully. Where every step must be measured."

"I know this," Dilandau cut him off bitterly, stalking to the window and glaring out. A bird flitted past and his eyes narrowed, his fist clenching at his side as it brushed against the cold sheath of his sword. He needed to kill something, and soon. "But I also know, the longer you spend on any one campaign in a war, the greater your chances of failure. And," he spun around sharply, "We Cannot Fail!"

"The Dragon King is still but a young boy," Jajuka tried to soothe, "Miguel will succeed."

The General sighed. "I don't doubt my Slayers, it is just...something feels off about all this." A long, familiar silence seemed to fill the room as Dilandau's eyes at last fell onto Celena's tranquil face. He visibly slumped on his feet, the tension seeming to literally drain from him into the very ground. Jajuka instantly relaxed, realizing that the storm was finally winding down to its end.

Dilandau moved to the other side of his sister's bed, tucking a stray wisp of blonde hair behind her ear. "I hate waiting," he whispered.

TBC...

Okay, another short chapter, I know, but this was the best place to end it. Also, I wanted to get this chapter out just to let you know I am still writing on this story. And will be.

Reviewer Response

dreamingofflyingaway: thank you so very much, and I really appreciated the comment about Hitomi's character/personality, because that is my main purpose with this fic. Well, that and some yummy H/D scenarios. . and hey, your vocabulary is just fine! I mean, I don't think anybody has ever called my writing 'riveting' before! I thank you muchly!!!

Divine Discontent: ::nodnodnod:: :-D oh yes, H/D, with a side-order of H/F is very lovely! And, er...I guess this wouldn't be the definition of 'soon', would it? I am so sorry. I'm going to try to do better next chapter, promise.

Feathers of Snow: Honeypot: Hiya! ::waves:: You're very close with what you said about Escaflowne! Very close, but I hope I can surprise you with a few details! oh, but that will be MUCH later in the story! ::rubs her hands together and grins evilly:: Anyway, thanks for reviewing again!

NeverEndingQuest: I DID begin reading two D/C stories, but I never quite finished them...Not exactly sure why that pairing rubs me so wrong. Then again, I've never understood why people so completely hate Allen, too. I mean, I get the disliking him part, but he has good qualities, and potential. But some people just foam at the mouth with the very mention of his name. but then again, I react the same way to the Miaka/Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi) pairing...::twitches:: Not to offend anybody if you do like them together, but gods, THAT to me is a horrible pairing. I think I would take a thousand D/C fics to having to read one of THOSE any day! ehehe, well! I hope my version of Celena doesn't grate on your nerves too much. She's a little different here than in most portrayals, so maybe we'll both get lucky??

Macky: Thanks so much! And you hate me, don't you...? I'll do better next time, I swear!

Random Minion: MWA! LOVE THE NAME! I hope you have time to come back and read the rest! Sweet dreams! .

Ferai: Thanks! And I'm glad you felt that the jumps were clear, because I was stressing a little bit wondering if it would come out right. Still wish I had some way to just transcribe my thoughts onto paper and skip that little detail of actually writing things out. But I like to write (usually), so it's okay! Thanks for reviewing!

Anthius: here's more, damn it! hehe, hope you like it!

Rae chan1: H/D! ::happily joins in the squeeing:: ;-D

Song-Bird141: ::blushes:: thanks so much! I'm kinda the same way---I don't review often, but when I do it's because I absolutely have to. When someone's writing just demands praise. And yeah, there are a lot people out there writing who have no talent. I'm not sure I can claim that I'm talented, either, but I can say that I am trying. And I am doing something that I enjoy. That makes all the difference. Thanks for reviewing! I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations, too!

DragonFly: Ah, where exactly IS Escaflowne while all this is going on? Very good question. One that I will be answering in upcoming chapters! Thank you much! I am very happy that you like the story so far! Blessed Be and a Merry Meet to you as well!

Koriina: Yes, there will be many, many chapters. I have approximately thirty chapters plotted already. And that is just a tentative number. And I think you used the one word I like best in relation to one of my fics: 'original'. Though, heh, 'good' is always a joy to read, too. Thanks so much!

Koriina: Don't be sorry, it makes me happy that you are that excited about reading the next chapter! I hope you like this one just as much.

Koriina: Hi again! Yeah, I am usually not too concerned with politics, but I do like plots where everybody seems to have motives of their own. But the politics are really such an important part of this story that I couldn't just gloss over them. Later the politics gets all mixed up in betrayal (already showing, huh?), and war. And poor Hitomi is going to remain right in the middle of it. So sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! And thanks for reviewing!

Anthius: Oi!!! Next chapter is here! :-P

Me: This story is not 'Juxtaposition'. Why does everybody keep reviewing for my Inuyasha stories on this fic? Guys, I read all my reviews, so I'm not gonna overlook yours or something. But agreed, I do need to work some more on 'Juxtaposition'. Now I just need to get motivated...

tamuril telrunye: Thanks so much! Hope you like this one, too!

Anonymous: Mou, this story is also not 'It Changes Everything'. I DO read all my reviews, even for my Inuyasha fics (maybe especially for?). And um, actually, I have updated ICE recently, and am also working on the next chapter. But I do work full-time, and have a social life, so I don't always get to write as much as I'd like. And I'd put up a note like you suggested, but has decided to ban those types of chapters, and have been removing some stories that have them. Not all, but I don't really wanna take a chance with my story. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, even if it was for the wrong story!

TearsoftheInnocents: Yes, I am one of those evil authors that always ends a chapter right when you don't want them to! Mwahahaha! J/k! (or not, depending on how you look at it!) So sorry for the lateness of this update, but I hope you like it just the same! Danke!

beginner150: here is the update, and thank you! But it's really only going to be a little bit of a triangle, not anything terribly dramatic...cuz believe me, the D/H stuff is going to be plenty dramatic on its own. Or would that be traumatic? I guess that all depends---on if you're Hitomi! ;-D

Thanks everybody that reviewed! We're about half-way through this cycle of the story! Next up! New characters! New plots! And fraternizing with the enemy! Joy! See ya!