Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation...shifty eyes...really I don't...
A/N: Hey I'm listening to Metallica! Best band in CANADA!! Lol can you guess where I live lol. Aww you guys are so sweet. I am sorry this posting took so long but I went to a party Saturday and then on Sunday I got really depressed cuz of sum social problems. I hope you can forgive me GOMEN!!!! Anyway, just so you know I am asking another lovely question at the end of this chappy too.
I would like to dedicate this chappy to my lovely friend Scottishfae. She has helped me through my worse times lately and means so much to me. This is for you luv.
Gravitation
Disease of the mind
Nightmares
I can taste his lips burning mysoft lips and I pull away. I look into his eyes sharply and whisper pleadingly.
"Shuichi don't hate me. I...I don't love you. I love...someone else." I expect him to hit me. Push me; kick me anything but what he does. He lightly places his hand on my cheek and his melodious voice fills my ears.
"I knew it Hiro..." His smile is large and full his lips pink and soft. His eyes once more glittering and he adds "That's why I kissed you...If I hadn't you would have been stuck on me for the rest of your life." I gasp as I realize he knew. I didn't think I was that obvious but I guess I was. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him against my chest. We meet in a loud thud and he wraps his tiny arms around my waist.
"Oh...Shuichi...I don't know...what's...wrong with me..." He pulls away and looks in to my eyes determined. His voice is course and I suspect he is trying to sound grown up.
"Haven't you realized?" He pulls out of my arms slowly and turning around whispers dreamily "You are in love with someone much like my Yuki..."
I begin to gag and leaning over cough loudly as I snicker. "You can't be serious I hate Yuki..." He turns around and with floods of water pouring down his face he yells.
"You hate Yuki?" I drop down on the ground and begin to laugh uncontrollably. He looks like the old Shuichi. Fountains of tears pouring down his cheeks as he complains about me steeling his favorite toy or something. I hold my stomach out of fear of it exploding. I look up at him and smiling softly say
"I don't HATE him but I do dislike him...He treats you so bad...one moment he likes you the other he doesn't want to see you. No one should be treated like that. He wants you to invite him places he wants to be your third hip but when you want to be with him he gets angry. He doesn't trust you, you look at one other guy and he screams and insults you. Do you think this does not hurt me to see him do this? I want to knock him out but...you will be pained if he is hurt so I will pretend that he does not bother me...for you." I feel him grab onto me and he is crying. He is sobbing
I rest my hand on his head and whisper "you can't help whom you love..." Suddenly my heart burns and I realize how much I have truly hated being alone. How much I have craved someone and now that I know its not Shuichi. I am worried I will never find them.
I go home shortly after this. The taxi picked me up and I was at home in my bed it didn't take me long until I found myself asleep. I dream tonight a horrible dream.
I'm standing in a black ocean its tar and I try to keep it from touching me. I move and it spreads moves an inch away. I am suddenly clean an invisible wall around me keeping me from the tar. I look to my left...its K. He's drowning slowly into the darkened ocean. On my right is Shuichi. He is slowly being sucked under but he doesn't seem to notice. Then it starts. This black substance starts to slowly poor into my space. The bottoms of my shoes are in it and I am worried that I will drown. I look to K and he is still gasping.
Shuichi...Shuichi is...sinking he's almost gone but he doesn't seem to notice. I can't decide should I save Shuichi or K. I make my decision and reach for Shuichi...He is the one I care more about K is merely a friend, not even. I jump into the goop and swim to Shuichi. I swallow a mouthful an irony taste in my mouth. I sputter and look at my hands...its blood...I stair at it my horrified gaze reflecting in the blood. I grab Shuichi's hand after almost losing him and then...his hand slips. He's gone. I turn back around after letting him go and see K is still there. Still grasping to life.
I go to move then suddenly.
I am in a field. The cool breeze blowing in my hair. There is daisies and tall grass. They look like waves blowing in the wind. I take in the sweet smell of summer and relax. This is beautiful. I look out over the hills. The sun shines brightly and the sky is blue. I close my eyes and fall back. I land in the soft grass and turn on to my stomach. I see birds flying in the sky and I can here the sound of something moving in the brush. I sit up and look for the sound. Suddenly there is a kid, he has short blonde hair, its frizzy and bristly. His eyes are a deep summer blue and his smile brightens up my beating cold heart. His small hands carrying flowers. He reaches me and slowly pushes them toward my hands. I look into his eyes and see something warm he begins to talk small lips present.
"Roro-Kun play..." He is happy and smiles politely. I hold the flower to my nose and I begin to cry. I don't know why but this boy makes me sad. I look happily at him and begin to talk.
"Who are..." Blood it splatters me. His small body twist and falls. Shot in the head blood drips from the flowers and me and I lean down to touch him. I get close to his body and suddenly his skeletal hand splattered with blood grabs my wrist and whips his head up angrily. I scream as I fall back and he yells.
"NO! RORO-KUN NO TOUCH! YOUR NOT ALOUD I HATE YOU HATE YOU, YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU SHOULD SUFFER DIE RORO-KUN! DIE!
I pull away and crawl away from him. I stumble and find myself on my elbows. My eyes are wide as he stairs at me. His flesh fall's and flutters to the ground. I can see the muscle tensing his ligaments on fire. Blood dripping down his body. Sweat pasting even his eyelids. Savage hunger to kill me. Have it done with. Spill my sanity into a pit of chaos. He thrashed for that instant. He screamed at me as tears and blood filled his eyes.
"DIE RORO! DIE!" He carelessly stands up; his legs breaking bone letting his with stand is painful. His bones are now splintering, cracking, could this be hunger in his eyes, his hunger for my death.
I don't want this. Stop it I shout in my head. STOP IT! He steps forward and I can here the wet sound of his muscles slipping against bone...then...the tare of flesh. I scream and catch his dying body. I hold tight as he thrashes.
"Let go! DIE! Roro!"
"Klistelle..." My voice falters "I'm not leaving you."
I suddenly see the dream fly through my mind. Shuichi drowning me trying to save him and then both him and K drowning. I can't help but wonder...if I had chosen k what would have happened.
I am suddenly back in the tar. The goop has just started to fill into my space. I look at K then at Shuichi...it's the same thing. I go to save Shuichi but...think it over. I turn back around and jump toward K I swim hard and fast. I swallow the blood and once again stop to stair at it on my hands. I jump back in and reach K I grasp his hand tightly and to my surprise he holds on tightly, I pull him up and suddenly we are falling, falling onto...a floor. I look down and we are saved and I jump as I feel him jump into my arms happy to be alive. I look behind me and there is Shuichi...with. I Am happy he is alive and then realize...If I had chosen K in the first place...there deaths wouldn't have happened.
I wake up panting and sweating. The blankets are pulled tightly around me and...there are tears on my pillow, in my eyes. I disentangle myself from the blankets. I sit up, feet on the cold floor. I'm looking out my window, out into the night sky.
An idea pops into my head and I look back in my mind at K. Those eyes. Right there, ...Flash quick and steady him and I. On a carpet I believe...a hotel. We're kissing? It feel's so right though and it taste so good, but just as it happens the flash is gone. I don't know where it's coming from but I am sure it is just my imagination. I couldn't have done something so dishonorable.
K is my manager; not some love crazed teenage fan. For a split second I play with that idea and for some odd reason...I am intrigued. The idea of him doing anything for me. In those tight white wash jeans all our fans wear those small shirts that show every muscle. I almost drool at this idea but hold back. I have to pull myself together in order to fully understand what just happened.
Then it hits me...pull my self-together? What am I saying. It's clear as day...its right there...but it can't be true. I grab my head its pounding how true it is. The looks, the feeling, the touches, the pains, he's the one I crave. I need K, I want K and I can't admit it. No it can't be true. I hate him...I hate him. I walk to the window and as I touch the glass. I hear my phone. I turn slowly around and reach for it. I don't want to talk but...what if its Shuichi. I pick up the phone and my throat tightens. I can hear the liquid voice. Its touching me in places I haven't felt before.
"Hiroshi? Are you there." I stair at the wall and choke out
"K..." I'm hot I can't feel my fingers around the phone.
"I know this is odd but...I wanted to call...and apologize. I don't know what I did...but. I'm sorry...are you ok? Please forgive me Hiroshi?" I can't speak but sputter out.
"Call...me Hiro...K..." There is a slight pause and I blush because of what I said
"O...k...Hiro are you ok?" I fall, my knees give out and I'm on the floor. The phone is still against my ear and he sound's worried. "Hiro what happened are you hurt?" I still can't speak and I hear faintly the sound of him drop the phone and foot steps, a door slams. I drop the phone onto the cradle and stay on the floor. I stair at the wall as my breathing slows down. My heart bursting from my chest.
He causes these things in my body and I can't help but hyperventilate. I hear my door swing open but don't look over...I know who it is. I feel to arms on my shoulders and suddenly K is in front of me.
"Hiroshi what is wrong..." I look up his eyes are sparkling and I drown in there depth.
"I...told...you...to...call...me...Hiro..." He meets my eyes with a raw power. A power that when it is used against me causes my insides to melt.
"Fine then Hiro can you please tell me what is wrong with you." I'm still staring at his burning eyes and I realize how warm his hands are on my cheeks.
"It's...you..." He goes to pull his hands away...I think I have insulted him. I can't take this and grab his hand I pull his right hand back to my cheek and rest my left hand on it. He look's confused and stairs hard at me.
"What do you mean. I'm the problem?" He sounds so hurt and I can't help him. Unless...
Author POV
He's never done this before. He ran all the way hear he bust the door down, and he held him and now...he's being insulted. What could Hiro mean...He's the problem? He can't run because Hiro's eyes are so pleading but he can't stay or he may regret what he does.
Review ResponsesSesaru: Yes you figured me out I am a robot, don't shun me please lol. Its ok the best of us have split personalities . Thankyou for the lovely complement I think it was good to. I don't have a beta the thing is I finish most my chappy's the night I post so I don't have time to get it beta'd. Im sorry it makes you want to cry Im stupid. Haha Im sure it is there. SEE YA . OOHHHH Im 16 too. Sure you didn't make it up. Droolllss you have male personalities, we should be introduced. WOW the US I live in CANADA. haha
Grimy Grunhilda Grunt: hehe yes he is and I am glad you like it. I do I do I feel terrible about it. Please excuse it I spelled it wrong in this chappy too. Im fairly stupid so spelling is hard for me. You added me? I wonder I don't member you adding me.
LittelMissYaoi: Yes you did you are very smart. I think it is so cool you are from Scotland and I do enjoy talking to you. G2G byes.
Eitriarch: Don't worry sometimes Our minds play tricks on us and we don't use our better judgment. I am updating I am lol. WOW that was a mouthful. That hurt my brain someone likes someone and that someone...(holds head in pain) sooooo confusing. Yeah I know what you mean though. HAHA really lol that's cool hahaha. I feel really bad it is taking me so long to update lately. HAHA I think you should send them numerous emails too lol. Well g2g see ya.
Lady Insomnia: Yes I feel bad for both them to I am really rather cruel. Aww I didn't think anyone would say anything about Yuki lol. Yes lets hope him and K do. Hiro tats sounds like an interesting pairing I shall check them out. I actually think when I get some time I will email you. I luv peeps from other parts of the world. Please email me though first cuz my comp is screwed and won't allow me to see other peeps emails on fanfiction. Ill talk to you soon see ya.
Guren: Yes it is ok. You can't always get things right ne? aww you almost cried becuz of my story. I hope it wasn't becuz of my grammar. Im updating. Hahaha yes you have read it as soon as it was posted hahah your so cute. Hahahahaha.
A/N: hehe hey people lol. I really would like you guys to tell me anything you guys can I would really like to know what you guys are into. Music and such, That was my chappy though wasn't it interesting. I am sorry I don't have a beta I feel terrible that you guess are so annoyed by my stupidity. Anyway with out further ado here is the Q. The prize for getting this Q right is you can give me any couple and I will slowly stick a lil romance in the story for them...ANYONE...even a hetero couple. see you.
A.T.D
Q: What do you think the meaning of the "Tar" in the dream is and why wasn't Shuichi reacting to it? (Be warned this question is hard to answer and I am going to choose the peeps who get the closest answer. So feel free to tell me what ever you think)
