Title: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls

Author's Note: I'm writing this at 12:45 AM, due to the fact that I can't sleep. Probably not the smartest thing to do, as I have school tomorrow, but what the heck, it's fanfic. Besides, this is one of my favorite episodes…is a sucker for cross-dressing purple-haired bishonen (coughYUKIcough)

By the way, as this story will be following the plot of the TV series from now on, it contains spoilers galore. Just so you know…

You guys reviewed! I love you! hands out Kibito Kai plushies to all

Anasso: Thank you!

Flesi Kamez: Thanks! Yeah, we learned the word "scheisse" by accident…someone mispronounced "schiesse" and the teacher told us what it meant, so my friends and I have a habit of screaming "SCHEISSE!" whenever we drop our books or something. One of my friends in German III told me that "mist" means "crap", and thus screams "MIST!" instead of "SCHEISSE!". It's sad…I've been taking German for nine years now, and I'm still in German II…sweatdrops But thanks for the review:D

Kakoratt 101: Nope, the name "Lady LeBeau" is an X-Men reference…I've got a thing for Gambit, you see…U

DISCLAIMER: I've been forgetting this! DragonBall is the creation of Toriyama-sensei, and I have no clue who wrote GT…Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Douglas Adams—I just ripped off the title. So stop following me around, stupid lawyers!

On the last episode of DragonBall GT...Goku, Pan, and Trunks have finally convinced Mist, a galactic hitchhiker with a split personality, to join their crew and help them on their hunt for the Black Star Dragon Balls. After Goku stealthily retrieved the four-star ball from a band of pirates, he, Trunks, Pan, and their new friend Mist continue their Dragon Ball hunt. Where will it lead them next? Find out on today's DragonBall GT.

Title: Trunks, the Bride

Pan and Mist sat on the floor of the control room, playing Go Fish again. Goku and Trunks sat in the seats in front of them, Goku snacking, Trunks watching the game while keeping an eye on the ship's course.

"You never get tired of this, do you?" Mist groaned. "You win again."

"Nope! This is my favorite game ever!" Pan grinned. "Want to play again?"

"No, thanks," replied Mist, standing up and stretching.

"Aww, come on!" Pan pouted. "I'm sure you'll win this time!"

"I doubt it," Mist laughed. "Soo…" she leaned over Trunks' chair, "where's our next Dragon Ball?"

"Some planet in the Kasshin system," Trunks replied. "You been there before?"

"Nope," Mist replied. "From what I've heard, they don't do any space travel, so I have no clue what they look like. They keep to themselves."

"Speaking of the Dragon Ball…" Pan interjected, "where'd Giru get to?"

The ship's passengers fell silent. They heard a crunching noise, almost inaudible over the hum of the engines. As one, they looked down to see Giru, happily munching a control panel. Mist shuddered, Trunks sighed, Goku kept eating, and Pan clenched her fists, a furious look on her face. "Giiiiiiru," she growled, looking as though she were about to explode.

Giru stared up at the angry teenager. "…giru?" it chirped meekly.

Thirty seconds later, the little robot was tied up and dangling from the ceiling. "Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru!" it sobbed. "Not fair! Not fair!"

"Muahahahaha!" Pan laughed, surveying her handiwork. "Now, you stay there for a while and think about what you did."

"Giru! Giru! Giru! Trunks! Help! Giru!" Giru pleaded.

"Maybe we should think of a different punishment," Trunks suggested. "This seems a bit harsh to me."

"Not for eating a control panel!" Pan insisted. "It's practically mutiny!"

"You know," Mist suggested, "on that pirate ship, the penalty for mutiny was keelhaul…"

"K-k-k-keelhaul!" Giru gasped. "Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru! Giru!" it cried in a panic.

"Great idea, Mist," Pan grinned evilly.

"You know, Trunks is right. This is rather harsh," Goku commented. "Why don't you just feed him until he's full? That always works for me when I'm hungry."

"Would you mind!" Pan screamed. "I'm trying to discipline him!" She gestured toward Giru with the hand that held the scissors. "Besides, what do you intend to feed him? Navigation equipment? Landing gear? Why not our life support system? Ack!" she cried as the scissors left her hands and disappeared into Giru.

"Sorry, Pan," Giru apologized, "it was too delicious to resist."

She crossed her arms, glaring. "Try that again, and you're headed for the scrap pile," she said flatly.

Trunks sighed. "One thing's for certain: we need to find an energy supply for Giru. If we want any peace of mind around here, that is."

"We need new scissors, too," Pan commented.

"Hey, look!" Goku said, pointing out the window. "There it is!"

The four peered out at it.

"Planets are just so beautiful," Pan sighed.

"Yeah," Trunks agreed, "especially the ones with Dragon Balls!"

"I dunno," Mist shrugged. "After a while, planets all start to look the same."

"Where's your sense of wonder?" Pan demanded.

"Right where I left it behind," Mist answered. Pan stuck her tongue out.

"Giru! Giru! Dragon Ball detected! Ahead 10,200 kilometers! Giru, Giru! Confirmed! Dragon Ball ahead 10,200 kilometers!"

Trunks ran this information by the computer. "Yup," he said, "that'd put us right on the surface. There's no doubt about it: that beauty is definitely holding a Dragon Ball."

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The five passengers exited the ship, happily stretching as they breathed in the fresh air. The landscape was reminiscent of some places in England: all rolling green hills with little vegetation other than grass and some shrubs here and there. The five began to walk.

And walk.

And walk some more.

"My feet hurt," Mist complained. "How far away is this Dragon Ball, anyway?"

"Not far now," Trunks assured her, checking the radar. "It looks to me like it's somewhere in this village up ahead."

"Oh, how peaceful," Pan sighed. On a second glance, however, she scratched her chin. "It's a little too peaceful."

"Yeah," Trunks agreed, "there's not a soul around."

"Well, we won't find out why unless we go down there," Mist said matter-of-factly, beginning her descent.

"Dragon Ball straight ahead! Dragon Ball straight ahead!" Giru informed them. "Forward 100 meters!"

They entered the village, walking between the houses. "Is this the right direction, Giru?" Trunks asked the robot, who'd taken refuge on his shoulder.

"Affirmative! Dragon Ball near! 10 meters ahead! Giru!"

As they kept walking, they encountered a large crowd gathered around the biggest house. "I wonder what they're doing," Pan thought aloud. They approached the crowd. Trunks stood on tiptoe, trying to see over the heads of the native inhabitants, while Goku, Pan, and Mist opted to weave through the crowd. They made their way to the center, and saw a sad-looking girl with pointed ears sitting at a table.

"Hey! How's it going?" Trunks greeted a man in the crowd.

"Huh?" The entire crowd turned to look at him.

"'Scuse us, but is everything okay here?" he asked.

"No," the villager said gravely. "Zoonama has come."

"Zoonama?" Goku looked puzzled. "Who is Zoonama?"

"Dragon Ball discovered!" Giru interrupted. "Dragon Ball in hair! Dragon Ball in hair! Giru! Giru!" He pointed at the seated girl, whose braided ponytail ended wrapped around a Dragon Ball.

"Ah!" the three residents of Earth gasped, running through the crowd, leaving Mist behind, wondering at their enthusiasm.

"Yep! That's a Dragon Ball!" Pan said happily.

Trunks reached into his pocket. "We have the four-star ball…which one do they have?"

"One, two three, four, five, six," Goku counted. "It's the six-star ball!" he and his two fellow Saiyans chorused.

"I'll never understand how they do that," Mist muttered.

"Enough," commanded a serious-looking man with the same design on his cheek and pointed ears as the woman with the strange hair ornamentation. "Who are you, and why do you trespass in our village?"

"You'll have to forgive us…really…" Trunks explained, slightly sheepish. "It's just that that ball is ours, and we need it." He met the skeptical stares of the villagers. "Oh, boy…what I mean to say is, your ball can save the lives of millions of our people. If it's not too much trouble, do you think we can have it?"

"You endanger yourselves by being here," the man said. "We have no idea when Zoonama will return. We can't worry about your people—we have our own problems."

"Doma!" the woman admonished him. "In our hardship, let's not forget others' needs."

"Yes, Laine," the man said, obviously wrapped around her little finger.

"This is the second time you guys have talked about Zoonama," Mist said. "Who on earth is he?"

"Yes!" Pan said happily. "Maybe there's a way we can help you!"

"We made a rude entrance," Trunks said diplomatically. "We'd like to make it up to you, if you'll let us."

Doma, Laine, and the old man who was standing near them looked at each other. After a quick cut, they had decided to talk it over over a meal. As with all the times Goku ate, he amazed the villagers by the sheer amount he consumed.

"Zoonama…" the old man began. "That name strikes fear in our hearts. He has been the scourge of this village for some time now. He is an evil god, a monster who can cause the earth to tremble just by shaking his whiskers! There is no light in his heart, only darkness. We have tried to appease him by offering our greatest treasures: our freshest nuts, our most golden grain, but he is no longer interested in treasure. Nothing satisfies him anymore. Now…he wants our women."

"He wants your what!" the four travelers chorused. Mist raised her eyebrows. Now she was doing it!

Suddenly, Giru spoke up. "Immense power detected! Danger approaching! Danger approaching!"

"He's coming!" a villager outside yelled.

"Doma…" Laine trembled, burying her face in his shirt.

"Danger approaching! Danger approaching! Not safe! Not safe! Giru! Giru! Giru!" he repeated, running in circles.

Pan tripped him, sending him flying, as the four stared out the window. "We heard you already! You are so annoying!"

A huge monstrosity walked though the village. It looked like a cross between a giant ugly teddy bear and an eel. He laughed.

"That's Zoonama?" Mist said in disgust.

Before anyone could reply, Zoonama spoke. "Well, my peasants, have you decided on a bride for me yet?" he asked, voice deep and slightly grating, exactly what you'd expect from a giant amphibian.

"Eww…" Mist stuck her tongue out. "This ugly monster wants to marry one of your girls? That's sick!"

"No kidding," Trunks replied. "No one would consent to that, would they?"

They turned as one to look at the old man, who lowered his gaze. "I'm afraid we don't have any choice in the matter. My daughter Laine is to be his bride."

"What?" Trunks exclaimed. "You can't turn her over to a monster like that! That's like making a sacrifice of her!" He seemed really worked up about it.

Outside, Zoonama began to dance happily. "Oh, I'm finally entering the hallowed state of matrimony," he said gleefully. "Do this! Do that! Do this! Do that!" he acted, clapping his hands. "Hold me! Kiss me! Now scratch my back and rub my feet! Oh, yes, lovely marriage!"

Trunks, Pan, Goku, and Mist stared at him in disgust. "What an outdated idea of marriage," Mist said scornfully. "Typical man."

Trunks and Goku glared at her. "Hey!"

"Oh…sorry…present company excepted," Mist added, sweatdropping.

"That's better."

"Make me lunch! Make me dinner!" Zoonama continued. Suddenly, he sobered. "Where's my bri-ide?"

"No, Zoonama! We beg you!" a villager cried in desperation.

"Oh, I like it when people beg me," Zoonama grinned. "But…" his whiskers began to vibrate, "only a bride can stop the quake…"

The earth shook, causing dishes to crash and food to spill. The house was in disarray within seconds. The four visitors quickly lost their balance. Mist let out an ear-piercing wail that temporarily deafened all in the immediate vicinity.

"Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh, it's an earthquake! We're gonna diiiiiiiie!"

"Shut up!" Pan, Trunks, and Goku shouted at her.

"Eeep…" Mist whimpered, curling up into a ball.

"Oooh, I love to shake things up!" Zoonama cried gleefully. "How about a picture of the groom?" He began to dance. "Shake it, baby! Shake it! Yeah!"

Mist, who had poked her face above the windowsill just in time to see Zoonama attempt to strut his stuff, fell to the floor, rubbing her eyes. "It buuuurns…" she moaned. "Does anyone have something I can wash my eyes out with? That thing can't dance to save its life!"

"This defies all logic!" Trunks cried from the floor. "How can he cause an earthquake by doing that?"

"His attraction to human girls makes no sense either!" Mist said shakily. "Aren't there any pretty lady monsters around here?"

"So where's my bride-to-be?" Zoonama demanded. "If she doesn't show in one minute, I'll erupt a volcano and torch this place!"

Laine struggled to her feet, and tried to make her way over to Zoonama, who had raised his arms. "So be it! Let the magma flow! Blow your stack! Let it go! Go! Go!"

"ZOONAMA!" Laine shouted.

Zoonama turned around, a goofy grin on his face. "So," he said, "you want to be the wife of the great Zoonama and join me in my love nest and watch me shake the world with my massive power? Is that it?"

" 'Love nest'!" Mist shuddered. "That's a scary concept, especially coming from him…"

"I don't want to think about it," Pan replied.

"No, I do not!" Laine shouted. "But if you will stop the quake and save my people, I…I'd be willing to give it a try."

"She's giving her consent!" Pan shouted.

"What!" Trunks gasped.

"Jeez, I didn't think anyone really talked like that," Mist said in disbelief. "What a drama queen!"

"Hey!" Pan shouted, annoyed. "I think she's being very brave! Would you rather marry that thing?"

"…no thanks…" Mist sweatdropped.

"Then shut up!"

"Laine!" Doma shouted. "No!"

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Zoonama inspected Laine closely, grinning slightly lecherously.

"Laine! No!" Doma cried, fighting to get free of the villagers restraining him.

"Try to bear with it, Doma!" one argued. "Many lives are at stake!"

"Trunks, we've got to do something!" Pan cried.

"I won't let her do it! I can't!" Doma fought to get to Laine with all his strength. He paused when he heard Zoonama speak.

"Yes! You really are cute, aren't you?" He grinned. "You pass the test." He inspected her clothes with distaste. "You clothing, however, is another story. Ixnay on the old rags, baby. Get yourself a decent wedding dress, and I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow." He walked away, calling over his shoulder, "Until tomorrow, my sweet!"

Laine fainted.

A bit later, Trunks, Pan and Mist stood over Laine, who lay on a bed. (Goku was off trying to pilfer food from the kitchen.)

"Don't worry, Laine!" Pan declared. "We'll beat Zoonama for you!" Then, she remembered the Dragon Ball. "Say…if we beat Zoonama, can we have that ball so we can help our people?"

"Young lady, if you beat Zoonama, you can have whatever you'd like," the old man said. "But is such a feat possible?"

"Oh, we may seem young," Pan said happily, "but Trunks and Goku have lots of experience. They do this sort of thing all the time at home! In fact, they're actually the two strongest men on our planet! Right, Trunks?"

"…they are?" Mist raised an eyebrow.

"Well…there's my dad…and my good friends Gohan and Goten…but I guess I'm somewhere in the top five…" Trunks looked really embarrassed. "Of course, there's Piccolo, too…"

Pan elbowed him in the gut. "Will you be quiet! I'm trying to build you up, so just play along!" Loudly, she declared, "Well, folks, I guess it's settled, then! Of course, there aren't really any other options! The four of us will stand up and fight Zoonama for you!"

"Thank you," Laine said gratefully.

"Four!" Mist hissed to Pan. "I thought I told you: I'm no good at heroism! I turn tail and run as soon as I see something scary!"

"Don't worry!" Pan whisered back. "You'll get used to it!"

Mist sighed. "Greeeeat…"

"I will fight, too," Doma declared. "He may be strong, but my love for you is stronger still. I cannot live without you, Laine…"

"Aww!" Pan cried. Mist slapped her forehead in despair at the sheer drama of the people on this planet.

"Now that's the kind of courage our tribe needs!" Laine's father declared.

Goku walked into the room, holding a plate full of some sort of pastry.

"We'll fight him together," Trunks declared. "It may get rough; Zoonama has dangerous powers."

"He sure does," Goku chimed in, "but what he's doing is wrong, and that gives us the advantage!"

A middle-aged woman thwacked Goku on the head and confiscated the plate. "You bad boy! Didn't I tell you this food was for Laine?"

The occupants of the village stared in disbelief at the petty larceny of the hero. After looking sad for a moment, Goku's expression turned serious. "Well, I guess it's time to get serious." He began to practice punching and kicking the air.

"Well, Doma," Trunks said, "if you're okay about working together, let's get down to business."

"But…this guy can cause freaking earthquakes!" Mist cried. "I'm not a suicidal teen, thank you very much! How on earth are we going to beat him?"

"I already have a plan," Pan winked. "But we'll need a wedding dress if you have one…"

"You three are insane," Mist muttered.

Laine got up and led them to it. "Gosh," Pan said admiringly, "that is beautiful, Laine! On our planet, brides usually wear white, but I like this better!"

"Thank you," Laine replied. "Doma and I were to be wed next week…"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Pan cheered. "That's one dream that's definitely going to come true!"

"Thanks, Pan," Doma said. "You give us hope."

"But wait," Goku wondered. "What are you going to do with Laine's wedding dress?"

"I'm glad you asked," Pan laughed, smiling innocently.

A few minutes later…

"ARE YOU CRAZY!"

"Hold still, Grandpa!"

"Forget it!" Goku shouted, as Pan tried to wrestle him into the dress. "I am NOT dressing up like a girl! I tried that before, and it didn't work!"

Large sweatdrops appeared on the heads of Trunks and Mist, who were watching the proceedings.

"What? Right! Liar! When?" Pan asked, between shoves.

"When I was a kid!" Goku explained.

"He did?" Mist asked. Trunks shrugged. Mist made a mental note to get Goku to tell that particular story.

"That's great! You have experience!" Mist said happily as she finally got Goku into the dress. "It has to be you 'cause you're the strongest! It's perfect! Zoonama thinks you're Laine and takes you to his lair, and when he lets his guard down, you use these on him!" She pulled a cloth off of an enormous pair of scissors. "Ta-da!"

Goku, Trunks, and even Giru winced in shock and sympathetic pain. Mist began to laugh hysterically. "Wow, Pan, when it comes to incapacitating bad guys, you sure don't mess around!"

"It's a little severe, isn't it?" Trunks asked, an absolutely priceless look of horror on his face. Mist laughed even harder.

"I get it…" Goku mused. "The scissors are for cutting off his whiskers, right?"

"Yup! No more whiskers means no more earthquakes!"

"Ohh…they're for his whiskers...eheheh…" Mist laughed nervously.

"What else would they be for?"

"…never mind…" Trunks and Mist chorused.

"It might work," Goku said, "but this disguise won't. I look absolutely ridiculous!"

Pan studied him in the mirror. "Hmm…you're right. You look like a total idiot, Grandpa."

"Hey! I never said I looked like an idiot! That's harsh!"

"It's not you, it's the dress," Pan said thoughtfully. "We need someone taller." They looked at each other.

Mist suddenly noticed that Trunks was no longer standing next to her. He was tiptoeing towards the door.

"Oh, Tru-unks!" Pan and Goku chorused. Trunks screamed.

A few minutes later, Trunks was sitting miserably in a chair, dressed as one of the prettiest brides you ever saw. Goku and Mist were laughing their heads off. Trunks looked about to cry.

"Hey, don't take it so hard, you actually look pretty good!" Goku laughed.

"Yeah, the skirt matches your hair! That's a nice touch!" Pan added. Mist was laughing too hard to say anything. Trunks wanted to die. If only my father could see me now...

"We just need to jazz up your hair a little bit, add some make-up, and you'll be the cutest pretend bride in the whole village!" Pan giggled.

"What! Forget it!" Trunks protested.

"Make up your mind! Do you want to save the Earth or not?" Pan demanded.

"I…guess…"

They set to work. Mist pinned back Trunks' bangs, while Pan and Laine applied the make-up. Trunks was frozen stiff in horror, dreading the moment when their task was completed.

That moment came all too soon. Pan applied the final touches of lipstick, and Laine set a black wig on his head. "Take a look at the new you!" Pan declared happily, turning him towards the mirror.

Trunks came very close to fainting. Lipstick, blush, and mascara had all been overused. We won't describe the full horror/delight of seeing Trunks in drag. Just imagine it…unless, of course, you've seen this episode, in which case you've witnessed it with your own eyes, and we don't need to describe it. So there's no point.

Ahem. Moving on. Mist was enjoying herself tremendously. "Heheheh…heeheehee…oh my gosh…you're so cute! Hey, now I think I know why they call them the Dragon Balls…"

"Shut up."

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The next morning…

"Why me…?" Trunks moaned, fully bedecked with a veil and bouquet.

"…because you're the only one the dress fits?" Mist answered.

"It was a rhetorical question," Trunks retorted.

"Oh. Sorry."

"I hate that you have to do this, Trunks," Laine said, approaching. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, hey, no biggie," Trunks replied, smiling. The things I do for Dragon Balls...

"You're so pretty when you smile!" Mist teased. "Zoonama's one lucky guy!"

"I thought I told you to shut up."

"Ready to go, Trunks?" Doma asked, scissors strapped to his back.

"Be careful, Doma," Laine cautioned him. "If I lose you, I've lost everything."

Mist sighed. It's a freaking planet of drama queens...

The middle-aged woman who had confiscated Trunks' food handed a pitcher to Pan. "Here, make sure Trunks gives this to Zoonama. Trust me, it will be easy to cut off his whiskers if he drinks this!" She winked.

"Oh, thank you very much!" Pan smiled.

"Hey," Goku said, "can I try some of that?"

"Absolutely not! Strong drink's not for children!" the woman scolded.

"But I eat Chichi's food all the time…"

"Prepare yourself, Trunks," Pan declared, "you're going to have to give the performance of a lifetime! If Zoonama finds out you're not Laine, it's all over."

"Oh, that won't happen," Trunks tried out, his voice unnaturally high. "I really am Laine, silly girl!"

Mist sighed. "It sounds like someone kicked you in the Dragon Balls. Try to talk softer and more gently. And smile as much as you can!"

"Like this?" Trunks asked.

"Better. Now get out there and knock him dead!" Mist cheered.

Pan called. "You can do it!"

"Trunks!" Doma called from the balcony. "It's Zoonama! He's here!"

Zoonama entered the village, looking almost comical in a bow tie. He skipped along, humming the wedding march to himself. "Da dum da dum, da dum da dum…" he sang, snapping his fingers. When he reached the main house, he bent over, peering onto the porch. "All right, come on out, my sweet!"

"Trunks! That's your cue!" Pan hissed. "Break a leg!" she whispered.

Trunks ran out the door, immediately tripping on his long skirt.

"I didn't mean literally!"

"We're screwed," Mist muttered.

"Oh, La-aine, dear! It's Zoonama! Where are you?" Zoonama quickly lost patience. "GET OUT HERE, OR I"LL LEVEL THIS WHOLE PLACE WITH A QUAKE AND LEVEL THE REMAINS WITH LAVA! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"I'm up he-ere, Zoonama," Trunks called as sweetly as he could. Mist had to choke down giggles. "You big ugly tub of lard," he muttered as he brushed himself off and adjusted his veil.

"Did I just hear you whispering, Laine?" Zoonama asked, poking his head above the balcony. "Keeping secrets from the groom, eh?"

"Oh, no," Trunks assured him with just a touch of sarcasm, "I would never dream of hiding anything from you!"

"Hmm…" Zoonama studied Trunks. "There's something different about you today. I can't put my finger on it…I think it's your voice."

"Trunks!" Pan hissed from behind a bush that was inexplicably growing on a second-floor balcony. "Your acting stinks! You have to be more demure!" Trunks' eyes went wide, but he quickly composed himself.

Zoonama noticed. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," Trunks crooned in false falsetto, "I just caught a bit of a cold last night, is all."

"What a relief," Zoonama said happily. "I wouldn't want my bride to change a bit. Now come closer, and let's have a look at your beautiful face."

"Uh-oh…" Mist muttered.

"Wedding veils are nice," Zoonama continued, "but let me sneak a little peek at you."

Trunks summed up the thoughts of all present: If he lifts off this veil, it's all over!

One of the Earth's most eligible bachelors puts it all on the line to save two planets. Can Trunks pass the test, or is the operation to disarm Zoonama about to come to a screeching halt? Stay tuned for scenes from the next DragonBall GT.

In Zoonama's lair, the happy groom is beside himself. But when reinforcements arrive, Trunks' cover is blown, and the covert operation is blown into an all-out war. And when the forces of nature get out of control, both bad and good have only one thing in mind: survival. Don't miss the next DragonBall GT.

end of episode

Wow…that took me over four hours…it's five AM now, about when I usually get up…oh, well, off to school! Maybe I can nap on the bus…