Title: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Dragon Balls
Here's another chappy for you all...SPOILERS in this one, too...heck, the entire fanfic'll be pretty much all spoilers from now on...
I finished chappy4 this afternoon, but no more will be coming for a while, as it's Spring Break and I'm off to visit my dad in Indy. Maybe I'll write some on Monday.
Disclaimer: Look, you stupid lawyers, if I owned DragonBall, Piccolo would still be alive, Pan and Giru would get together, and Trunks would be a permanent resident of my closet. Good thing I don't own it, huh?
On the last GT…a Dragon Ball was discovered in a small village on a remote planet, but the villagers had much bigger concerns than to part with a Dragon Ball. The evil Zoonama was threatening to destroy their entire community unless the villagers handed over one of their young women to be his bride. Rather than face total destruction, the villagers agreed to meet the monster's wicked demand. However, the betrothed wasn't a woman at all, but a powerful warrior carefully disguised to look like the ultimate bride-to-be. The plan: to infiltrate Zoonama's lair and cut off his quake-producing whiskers. Wedding bells ring today on DragonBall GT.
Whisker Power
Trunks stood, bedecked in a colorful wedding gown and veil, attempting to hide behind his bouquet. Zoonama leaned over said balcony. "Come closer, my sweet Laine," he rumbled. "Stop being so shy."
"It's…just that I hardly know you," Trunks' voice was unnaturally high.
"Don't be afraid, silly," Zoonama reassured "her", "I just want to see your pretty face!"
Trunks backed away. Goku, Pan, Doma, Giru, and Mist crouched behind a bush, watching fearfully. "This could get ugly," Goku pointed out.
"You mean, uglier," Mist whispered, glancing at Zoonama.
"Something's different about you," Zoonama continued, "but I can't put my finger on it."
"I-it must be the wedding dress," Trunks stuttered.
Zoonama peered around Trunks' figure, from one side to the other, while Trunks kept turning away. "Perhaps you're right," Zoonama conceded, "it's your veil." He rested his arms on the balcony. "Why not take it off?"
Great, Trunks thought, what am I going to do now? I'm sunk!
Pan and Mist hid behind a cardboard cutout of two potted bushes and a cactus. They moved it up to right behind Trunks. "Come on!" Pan hissed. "You're too stiff! Be creative for goodness sake!"
"Remember what's riding on this performance!" Mist whispered as well. "Use your feminine wiles! Trust me, you've got it, so flaunt it!"
"I'm trying!" Trunks hissed back.
"What's that, Laine?" Zoonama asked, having overheard Trunks' last statement.
"I'm dying to remove my veil," Trunks corrected himself, "but…it's not proper till we're alone!" He held his bouquet to the side of his face coquettishly.
Pan and Mist fell over in shock, knocking over the cardboard cutout. Goku and Doma hauled them back behind the real bush.
"That was a close call," Doma breathed. "Trunks really came through with that one."
"I dunno, it seems like he's skating on thin ice to me," Pan whispered.
"Hey! Before the ice breaks, what do ya say we attack Zoonama?" Goku suggested.
"ARE YOU NUTS!" Pan hissed. "HE COULD USE A VOLCANO TO TORCH THIS WHOLE VILLAGE! Let's use our heads!"
"Um…guys?" Mist trembled, "c-c-could you get this thing off my back?" She was lying prone on the floor, shaking in fear, as Giru sat on her shoulders.
Pan and Goku anime fell. "You only just noticed?"
"How cute," Zoonama said, breaking up the argument. "What a refined young lady."
"Oh! Why thank you!" Trunks smiled.
"Come, Laine," Zoonama said, "let's go find some privacy. I know a place where you can let your hair down." He picked Trunks up and cradled him in his hand as he leapt down from the balcony.
"Where are we going, Zoonama?" Trunks asked, dreading the answer.
"Where else?" Zoonama asked. "To my little love nest!"
Mist snickered. Trunks moaned in despair. Zoonama carried him out of the village. Pan, Goku, and Doma leapt down from the balcony (Mist used the stairs). "All right! Everything is going according to my plan!" Pan declared. "Now, let's go! We can't lose sight of them!"
Zoonama plodded along, Trunks in hand. "You smell good," he complimented his "bride".
"Oh, you! Please!" Trunks laughed. He was beginning to get the hang of this. Suddenly, Zoonama's whisker began to caress his face.
"Your skin is so soft," Zoonama complimented further.
It is? I never noticed, Trunks thought. Must be all that powder stuff those girls put on. However, the intruding whisker was annoying, so he slapped it away.
Zoonama stopped. "Laine, don't ever touch my whiskers. Do you want me to cause a volcano to erupt and destroy your village?"
This deception was giving Trunks the ability to think on his feet. "But I was only trying to protect you!" he said smoothly. "A mosquito landed on your whisker and was about to bite!"
"I see. Sorry about that, you sweet little thing," he smiled. Trunks grimaced, then laughed modestly.
Zoonama left the path, and informed Trunks, "We're almost there."
"Almost where?" Trunks asked nervously as they walked through the bushes.
They emerged into a clearing, dotted with puddles. "To a place where no one will ever bother us again," Zoonama answered. "It's my little secret."
Trunks looked at the swampy clearing. "Oh, it's…uh…nice…"
"This isn't it, silly!" Zoonama chastised him. "Now, take a deep breath!" He then leapt up in the air and into the puddle. They swam through a deep tunnel, Trunks struggling to stay conscious.
Up above, Pan, head camouflaged with leaves, poked her head out of the bushes. "That's strange," she mused. "It's like they just disappeared!"
"But we can't lose them," Doma stated the obvious. "That would put Trunks in great danger.
"Must find Trunks! Giru!" Giru chirped from his perch on Goku's back. Mist twitched.
"Hey, no sweat, Doma, we're fine!" Goku reassured his companion. "I can track down anyone anywhere!"
In the water, Zoonama kept swimming. Trunks was still struggling. It felt like an iron band was tightening around his skull. I hope this makeup's waterproof…he thought. Suddenly, Zoonama emerged in an underground cavern. He shook himself off like a dog. "We're here," he informed his unconscious bride.
Trunks opened his eyes, and looked around at the cave. "Gosh, Zoonama," he said. "It's…uh…it's so you!" Zoonama laughed.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Goku sniffed at the edges of a puddle, wincing as a drop fell on his nose.
Mist stared at him in disbelief. "What are you, a dog?"
"Nope! A monkey," Goku replied.
"That's weird!" Pan said in exasperation. "There are puddles, but it hasn't rained. What's up with that?"
"Goku! Pan! Over here!" Doma called. He pointed at a pink flower floating in the water. "Look! This flower…Isn't that one that Laine picked out for Trunks' disguise?"
"I think you're right," Pan mused. "But would they have dove in?"
"You know, I've seen something like this before," Mist said. "There was this underground network of caves, but it was all underwater. The entrance to the cave looked like a puddle. The only problem was, the caves had been carved out by underground lava flows. Zoonama probably uses a volcano as his hideout, and accesses it through these tunnels!" she deduced, looking quite proud of herself.
"I'm gonna find out!" Goku declared, tossing his clothing aside.
Pan, Mist, and Doma looked, and had mixed reactions. Doma averted his eyes modestly, Mist collapsed onto the ground, eyes spiraling in shock, and Pan screamed at her grandfather. "Jeez! Put some clothes on, Grandpa, you're gross!" she berated, tossing Goku's clothes back at him. "Who do you think you are, parading around like that!" she screamed, as Giru ran around in circles, doing what could only be described as spazzing out. "BE QUIET!" Pan yelled, toe making forceful contact with Giru, knocking him into a tree. He landed, unconscious, next to Mist.
Mist's eyes stopped spinning. She rubbed them. "Is he decent?" She looked around, and saw Giru. "Yeep!" she squeaked, leaping up into the tree, clinging to the bottom branch in robot-induced terror.
Goku tied his clothes around his head, and dove into the puddle. Doma turned to Pan. "I'm not trying to be nosy, Pan, but is Goku really your grandfather?"
"Yes, unfortunately." Pan crossed her arms.
"Strange," Doma mused. "Here we start small, grow big, and then shrivel."
Goku's head broke the surface of the water. "Mist was right. There's a tunnel down there. It looks like it leads to some caverns. I bet that's where Zoonama took Trunks!"
Inside Zoonama's lair, said amphibian was looking through a row of dresses. "Laine, my dear, you really should slip into something more comfortable."
"Oh…ah…could you pick something out for me?" Trunks asked.
"I'd be happy to," Zoonama answered.
Trunks backed away, intending to explore a little. He walked over to a fissure in the cavern wall, losing his veil on the way. He peered inside, and was confronted with a pool of boiling magma. "Oh, great. Lava," he moaned. "That means we're inside a volcano!" He wiped sweat from his chin, smudging his lipstick.
"Laine!" Zoonama called. Trunks turned around quickly, causing his wig to fall off. "I have the perfect dress for you, my sweet!"
"Thank you!" Trunks said, walking towards the dress, purple hair showing for all the world to see. "How pretty! I love it!"
Zoonama noticed. He looked from Trunks, to the wig, and back to Trunks. "You there! You're not my Laine, are you?"
Trunks felt his hair nervously. "…not good…" He took a fighting stance as Zoonama advanced.
"How dare you!" Zoonama growled. "No one tricks Zoonama and lives!" He paused. "But you! You're a different story! I can forgive you because you're sooo cute!" Trunks' eyes bugged out in shock. Zoonama picked him up. "I love short hair on young women! And your physique! How athletic! What's your name, sweetheart?"
"Me? Uh…I'm Trunksette!"
"Trunksette, you are the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Zoonama declared.
Trunks sighed inwardly. Man, this guy REALLY needs to get out more…
Outside the caverns, Goku, Pan, Doma, and Mist (who'd been coaxed down from the tree) swam through the caves.
Zoonama put his arm around Trunks. "Lovely, isn't it," he said, indicating a large feast on the table. "Don't be shy. This is our wedding banquet! Dig in, sweety!"
Trunks smirked. This is my chance! It's now or never, he thought as he pulled out the mysterious alcoholic beverage the woman had given him. He poured it into a large glass. "But first, a toast to our newfound love!" He held up the glass. "Here's to a long and happy and healthy life together!"
"Oh, how sweet," Zoonama said. "You go ahead, I'm not thirsty." Trunks gulped. Zoonama continued, "Don't let me stop you, Trunksette. Bottoms up!"
"But sweetie, it's our wedding day! You have to!" he protested.
"…no, I don't," Zoonama argued.
"But it's part of the celebration! Just one?" he wheedled.
Zoonama growled. "If you want it, you drink it!"
Trunks tried not to panic. Think of something, Trunks… "Eeeyah!" he cried, giving a passable imitation of a feminine shriek of disgust. Zoonama turned to see what he was pointing at, and, while his attention was diverted, Trunks emptied the cup over a plate of rice balls. "Oh, he's gone. It was an ugly old bat. Let's not let him ruin our dinner." He held up the platter. "Zoonama! Try these! They're really delicious!"
Zoonama looked at the food. It did look good. "Are you going to feed me?"
"Yes!" Trunks put the laced rice balls on a spoon and put them into Zoonama's mouth. As if this guy needed to be any fatter…
"Mmm! Those are yummy!" Zoonama exclaimed.
"There's plenty where that came from! Here! Have some more!" Trunks picked up the entire platter and shoved it into Zoonama's face. "Just tell me when you've had enough!"
Zoonama turned red. "I've had enough, Trunksette, I've had enough!" he tried to say through the food.
A ways away, Goku's head broke the surface of the water, quickly followed by Doma and Pan. Goku hopped out and put his clothes back on. "Let's go find Trunks!" he declared.
"Wait a moment," Doma called him back. "Where's Mist?"
"Oh, crap," Pan moaned, diving back in, followed by Giru. She looked around, trying to find their fifth companion.
"Giru!" the robot said, echoing through the water. "Mist located!" he said, pointing at the unconscious girl, floating by the tunnel roof. He and Pan took hold of her arms and pulled her to the surface.
"Is she okay?" Goku asked.
"What's it look like!" Pan demanded, pointing to Mist's unconscious form. She immediately began to rhythmically press Mist's ribs, muttering, "You idiot, why didn't you tell us you couldn't hold your breath that long!"
"It's not working!" Doma again exercised his gift for stating the obvious.
Pan thought fast. "Quick, Grandpa, give her mouth-to-mouth!"
Goku nodded. He bent over Mist, took a deep breath, and covered her mouth with his, exhaling as hard as he could.
Mist's eyes opened. As soon as the stars, waves, and UFOs cleared from her vision, she looked straight into the too-close-for-comfort face of Goku. "Yeeek!" she squeaked. "Rapist! Taking advantage of a girl while she's unconscious!"
"What are you talking about? I just saved your life! Besides, I'm married!"
Mist blinked. "…o-kay, you'll have to tell me the story behind that one, too."
"Sssh!" Pan held a finger to her lips. "There's a light over that way…I bet that's where Zoonama and Trunks are!" She led the others down the tunnel. After a while, they heard a thump! and a falsetto "Oh, I'm sorry, did I give you too much, honey?"
"Well, yes, but it was good," Zoonama rumbled, with a burp.
Mist's eyes widened, her mind obviously in the gutter.
"Trunksette!" Zoonamaa demanded. "I want more now!"
Mist snickered.
"But they're gone," Trunks protested. "You just ate them all!"
Mist blinked. "Ye gods!" she whispered.
"No! No, I want more! That's not fair!" Thumping sounds were heard. "I'll cause an earthquake if you don't give me more!"
"Feel like a woman, Trunks?" Mist hissed from behind a pile of knickknacks, surprised to see Trunks still in the wedding dress.
"How's it going?" Pan inquired.
"Bad!" Trunks replied. "I spiked his food and he's going crazy! Back off!"
"Huh? Who's there?" Zoonama asked, peering over Trunks' shoulder.
Doma, Pan, Goku, Mist, and Giru gasped.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Zoonama hiccupped. "I don't know who you are, but I won't let you ruin my time with Trunksette!" he growled.
"Oh, they'd never do that!" Trunks tried to salvage the situation. "These are my good friends, Zoonama! They just wanted to meet y-"
"GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Zoonama demanded, a very violent drunk, as he swatted Trunks into a pile of boxes.
"They need a marriage counselor," Mist muttered.
"Mist, now's not the time for wisecracks!" Goku admonished. "The potion was supposed to relax him, but now he's going ballistic!"
Trunks struggled to stand up, but he hurt all over from the impact. Giru flew in front of him. "Get back! Stay away!" he cried. Mist stared at him. That robot…was it risking its existence…for Trunks? But robots didn't care about anything! What was with that little ball of scrap metal?
"Come to Zoonama," Zoonama taunted as he advanced on the hiding five, pulling Mist out of her thoughts.
"Gladly, wife-stealer!" Pan shouted.
"W-wife-stealer!" Zoonama growled, advancing on her. "How dare you!" He slammed his tail down on the table. Goku flew in at the last second and carried her to safety.
"Thanks, Grandpa."
Goku put her down. "Hey, ugly," he challenged. "You seem to be pretty good at beating up little girls! Why don't you try me, instead?"
"Grr…you'll make a fine snack!" Zoonama shouted as he advanced on Goku. Suddenly, Zoonama stopped, and fell backward with an anticlimactic thud. He lay on his back, laughing to himself occasionally.
"Boy, he's really out of it," Goku commented.
"Good! Now I can finally ditch the dress!" Trunks said happily, pulling on his usual shirt. "You know, I think he really cared," he mused, staring at Zoonama's prone form. "He's a strange one, all right."
"Hey," Mist said, nudging Trunks with her elbow, "what exactly was going on when we came in?"
Trunks raised his eyebrows. "I was feeding him spiked rice balls."
"…that's it?"
"Yup."
"But he was practically begging for more!"
"What can I say? He really liked the rice balls."
"…oh." Mist had been hoping for blackmail material. "Oh, well."
Trunks shook his head at the sheer guttermindedness of his companion. "I don't want to know what you thought was going on."
Pan was ignoring the little exchange. "Well, it's now or never, Doma."
Doma nodded, and carefully ascended the living mountain of fat that was Zoonama. He held the scissors poised over the whiskers of the creature. "Zoonama," he intoned. "You have turned our joy into sorrow, our day into night. Never again will you steal our peace." A glimmer of light danced along the scissors' edge.
"Stop being so darn dramatic and get on with it!" Mist urged. "He might wake up soon! Just cut the darn whisker!"
"I'm getting to that!" Doma glared, closing the scissors with a click. The whisker came off smoothly, the foot-long stump twisting into a curlicue. Mist tried not to laugh. "My duty is only half done." He re-positioned himself. "Now, for the other half. This is for the children!" He reached over, but Zoonama twitched, then sneezed, launching Doma across the cavern.
"Trunksette?" Zoonama stared at him. "You don't look right. You look like a…"
"A man?" Trunks nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, we just weren't meant to be."
"What!" Zoonama screamed. "But I loved you! I would've given you anything!" He glared. "Decievers…I'll kill you all!" The magma level began to rise. "How 'bout a quake for starters?" He tried to grab his whiskers. "Shake, shake, shake!" He paused. "What the…?" he picked up a random mirror and inspected himself, noting the stump of his left whisker. "Aaaah! My whisker! It's gone!" He growled. "You can't stop me! I still have one! I'll shake this planet until it falls apart!"
"This is bad!" Trunks used his Phrase of the Day™ once again as the room began to vibrate.
"I'll shake until the walls come tumbling down and your brains come out like scrambled eggs!" he ranted. "Ooly-wooly-wooly! Ooly-wooly-wooly-wooly-wooly!" he repeated, oscillating across the room.
Suddenly, it stopped. Goku, Pan, Doma, Giru, Trunks, and Mist crashed to the floor. "It's not working anymore!" Pan noted.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Zoonama kept shaking his whisker, but the room stayed perfectly still.
"Great spirits!" Doma exclaimed. "Has his power truly gone?"
Zoonama looked down, seeing double. "So, reinforcements have arrived? Well, it doesn't matter! I'm bringing the house down, babies! You're all going to die!"
"Why did it stop working?" Trunks wondered.
Pan thought. "I've got it!" she cried triumphantly. "Zoonama doesn't have the power to cause earthquakes, only the power to predict them!" She smirked in triumph. "He just shakes his whiskers when he know's a quake is going to start, and stops when the quake stops! But now he's too tipsy to realize the quake is over!"
Doma shook his head. "For years we have been living in fear, too paralyzed with dread to stand up for ourselves and realize the truth in front of us!"
Zoonama stopped. "Uh…why aren't you terrified?" he asked nervously.
The five stared at him. "Trunksette wasn't the only one who was faking it, was she?" Goku demanded.
"It's no use, Zoonama, we know the truth!" Pan shouted.
"If you don't stop talking nonsense, I'll make a volcano erupt right now!" Zoonama threatened, unable to hide a note of panic in his voice.
Trunks sighed. "You…Will…" He flew up to Zoonama's shoulder too quick for the eye to see, "…not." With the last word, he thwacked Zoonama on the head, causing him to fall over.
"That does it!" Zoonama screamed. "Now I'll make a volcano erupt for sure!"
"Go ahead," Pan smirked.
Zoonama felt panic. Trunks glared, pointing at him. On his shoulder, Giru did the same. Mist tried not to laugh at the robot's mimicry. "You've taken it too far, Zoonama, you've hurt people!" Trunks accused.
Zoonama looked sheepishly over his shoulder. "So, you really do know, don't you."
Pan and Doma nodded. "Mm-hm."
"Then…it really is…over," Zoonama murmured.
"Mm-hm," Goku and Mist nodded.
Zoonama began to bawl. "I'm sorry! Don't hurt me, please, I beg of you! I never meant any harm, truly, I only meant it as a joke!" His whisker began to vibrate.
"Stealing my fiancée was no joke!" Doma growled.
Pan noticed the whisker. "Stop shaking," she laughed, "you're not fooling anyone!"
"Huh?" Zoonama stopped crying for a moment. "I'm not doing that! That only happens when a real quake is about to hit, I swear! You have to believe me! I'm telling you! This one is going to be huge!"
Pan shook her head. "Nope, not buying it!"
Mist frowned. "But what'd be the point of lying now that we know his secret? I think he's telling the truth, guys."
Giru confirmed this. "Danger! Biiiig shake! Giru!"
"We're all going to die if we stay down here!" Zoonama moaned. "I've been sensing a lot of quakes lately, but they were just babies! This is the mother of all quakes!"
"Holy crap!" Mist screamed as the room vibrated, the most violent shake yet. "We gotta get out! I'm too young to die! OW!" she screamed again as a crack opened in the wall and scalding steam gushed out.
"It's erupting!" Goku shouted.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Mist yelled. "I'm outta here!" She dashed away, dodging vents, trying to get to the exit. Goku, Pan, Trunks, Doma, Giru, and Zoonama followed, the latter moaning about how he didn't want to die. They all dove into the water, racing the lava as they tried to get out.
Goku stopped. Once everyone had passed him, he turned to face the oncoming magma. Ka…me…ha…me…he thought, as a ball of light glowed in his hands. "HAAA!" he screamed, blasting the ki wave directly at the oncoming lava. This shot him into Zoonama, who shot into the others, and they all went zooming through the tunnel, and flew out of the water, through the air, landing on the ground. Mist rubbed her backside, wondering how on earth Goku, Pan, and Trunks had managed to land on their feet.
"Just made it," Trunks breathed.
"I wouldn't celebrate just yet!" Mist pointed at the volcano they had just escaped, as the lava burst from it in streams.
"The village is going to be wiped out!" Pan shouted. "We have to do something!"
"It's too late!" Trunks shouted as the lava flowed down, wiping out several trees in his way.
"Maybe not," Goku replied, a determined look on his face. He flew up into the air, going towards the volcano.
Mist stared at him. "Holy crap."
"He can fly?" Doma asked in wonderment.
"Can he teach me how to do that?" Mist asked.
"If we get out of here alive, I'll teach you myself," Pan said.
Up in the air, Goku inspected the volcano. "All righty, then. Now that she's let off some pressure, I can try and stop the bleeding. Maybe I can seal off the wound," he mused. "Ka…me…ha…me…HA!" He sent the Kamehameha at the top of the volcano. Seconds passed…then it hit. The entire mountain vibrated with the impact. The entire group was blown backwards. When the smoke cleared…
"Holy crap," Mist said again. "He blew it up. He blew up the freaking mountain."
"How can this be?" Doma wondered.
"Whoa, man, I really overdid it this time!" Goku sighed. He turned around. "Whoops! My bad!" he apologized embarrassedly.
Pan, Trunks, Doma, and Mist slammed into the ground in an anime fall.
A while later…
"Here," Laine said, handing Pan the Dragon Ball. "This is for your bravery and prowess. It was beyond all expectation."
"Thank you, Laine!" Pan said, flattered.
"Thank you," Laine responded. "You've helped us more than you know."
"The four of you made the impossible happen," Doma elaborated. "None of us had dreamed that Zoonama would one day join our village."
"He's actually quite gentle once you get to know him," Laine laughed. "We have a feeling he'll fit in just fine."
"Just don't give him anything to drink!" Goku advised.
"Yes, that is good advice," Doma smiled. "We will follow it, and pray that your people find peace as well."
"Thanks, Doma," Goku grinned.
Suddenly, the Dragon Ball began to glow. It levitated off of Pan's hand, and began to float away. "Umm…" Mist tugged on Trunks' shirt, "is it supposed to do that?"
"Ack!" the other three shouted as the ball floated away and into the hand of a villager. Said villager looked at it and grinned. His appearance changed, as he turned into a blue-skinned alien in a tight red suit. He floated up, and a rather mushroom-like ship appeared. "Thanks for the Dragon Ball, suckers!" he shouted, as he disappeared, and the ship flew off.
Goku, Trunks, and Pan glared up at him. "Give that back, it's ours!" Pan screamed as the ship vanished.
"Oh, great, it's them," Mist sighed. "But why do they want the Dragon Ball?"
Who is this mysterious alien who confiscated the Dragon Ball? And what does Mist know about them? Stay tuned for scenes from the next GT.
Next time on GT…It's a race through space as Goku, Trunks, Pan, and Mist try to recover the stolen Dragon Ball. But winning the game on the criminals' home field may be difficult as a complex network of caves turns into a deadly house of horrors. The jaws of doom are closing in on the next DragonBall GT.
