A/N: Special thanks to Ragemoon, sammy-mackie, Harry2, Cordelia-lolly, and buffspike. It means so much to me that you've stuck with me and keep coming back to this story. Thank you SO much!

Godfather – Chapter Six

"Larry." He looked at me, squinting. I sighed. Looks like I drank too much from him. I looked at the vamps on the floor. "Take 'im to my crypt."

One of the blokes looked up. "Um..."

"What?" I growled.

He ducked his head down in submission. "I was just...well..."

"Spit it out," I snapped, irritated.

"We don't know where you live."

I rolled my eyes. "How long have you been a vampire mate?"

He looked up causiouly. "Um...just over three years," he said nervously.

I walked through the group up to him. "What's your name?"

"Ralph."

"Stand up Ralph."

He did and I looked him over. He was about 6'1, he had light brown hair cut short, black jeans and a dark brown button up cotton shirt, an old black leather jacket and pair of black shoes that had seen better days. His cloths were tight and it wasn't hard to see that he had muscles. Looks like he went to a gym a lot before he got turned.

"You've been a vampire for three years did you say, Ralph?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I looked at him for a second. Then I punched him in the face, knocking him down to the floor.

Him looked up at me, eyes filled with fear. "Three years," I said softly. "Three bloody years, and you don't even know how to track someone by scent."

"I do!" He protested.

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT???!!!!!" I roared. "IDIOT!!!!!!!!!"

I began beating him mercilessly. All my pent up anger and frustration that had been building up over the last few years came pouring out of me. I just exploded. And as I hit Ralph, and as him screams and cries of terror and pain tore from his throat, I want's in Sunnydale anymore.

Suddenly I'm a child and the school bullies are beating me up.

Then I'm crying at my father's funeral, and my mother is at my side, weeping.

I'm fourteen and I'm going on my first date. I greet her and she kisses me, and suddenly all the children from school come running around the corner with eggs and rotten fruit. I find out later that the children had begged the girl to kiss me, so they could taunt me. A cruel joke. That was my first kiss. I cry myself to sleep that night, and many nights after.

I'm nineteen years old, and my big brother has been murdered in an alley.

I'm twenty-seven and Celidy has just told me that I'm beneath her.

I'm forty-two and Angelus, in his jealousy of mine and Dru's relationship, and is torturing me because of it. We were best friends before this. I feel so betrayed. I cry and he laughs at me, and I curse myself for my weakness.

I'm fifty-one and Darla is dripping holy water on me. She's screaming that it's fault. If I hadn't killed the gypsy mans' family, her Childe wouldn't have a soul.

I'm sixty-three and Darla has left me and Dru to fend for ourselves. She's gone to America to rejoin her Sire, my great great gransire, The Master. Dru blames me.

I'm seventy-nine and I walk in on Dru in the middle of her having sex with a ghojik demon. She laughs at my pain. I just stand there.

I'm eighty-five and Dru is torturing a woman in front of me. A human woman. I developed feelings for her, and this is my punishment. She's begging me to save her. I can't.

The images speed up. Flashes of my life, human and vampire, so fast that I can't even see them, but I FEEL them. Pain, humiliation, fear...

Suddenly they slow down and I see Buffy. Everything she's ever put me through, the good and the bad. Then I'm in that damn alley and she's beating me.

Then the images stop. And I'm beating Ralph. I stop and look at him. He's lying there in a pool of his own blood. I can see broken bones. He's whimpering. Barley conscious. What have I done?

A/N: Hey, sorry I took so long updating. I hope everyone likes this chapter. I feel I should explain my reasons for doing it. Spike comes across as being a confident, arrogant bastard for most part, but every now and then you see he's insecure about a lot of things. I think he hides a lot from emotions that he might not be able to handle, and I think for the past few decades he's repressed them. I just kind of get the feeling that for most part, he lives in denial.

This relationship with Buffy would, from what I know of Spike, have a lot of psychological impacts. Having him lose it like this would also signify a lot of different issues that would make an impact when he's forced to adopt his godson William. (Don't worry, he will soon)